Chapter Text
Huntress had been very forgiving and flexible after Jake’s death. She didn’t know how to talk about it. It felt safer and easier not to. She would mess it all up. Instead, she relented on some things. Finn could stay as long as he wanted. She wouldn’t tell him to go in the morning or after a day. She would initiate physicality more. A few hugs and kisses didn’t cost much. But she couldn’t ask him how he was feeling. Firstly, it felt unnecessary. Clearly he felt bad. She didn’t need to ask to know that. Sure it might be nice to ask anyway but she was not nice. This was a kindness, she told herself, to not ask. To not make him have to get hurt from her lack of niceties.
Huntress left Finn sleeping in her bed after she awoke. His sleep was so restless, it seemed the right thing to do. Maybe the routine of waking and taking on tasks would be healthier? She didn’t know. After her own loss, she followed a strict routine. Was that the right decision? Her heart raced at the thought. This was not a path she wanted to go down. She tensed and ran away. Better to act than think.
She quickly and calmly foraged for breakfast. Fruits, nuts, eggs. Gifts from nature, if you know what you’re looking at. With the bacon she had at home, a balanced meal. She thought of a breakfast she’d seen once on a failed date with Finn. Piles of pancakes or waffles – she wasn’t sure which – with whipped cream and fruits, some sort of diced vegetables with a shining fried egg on top, sausages on every plate. And every table at the diner full. All the smiling candy people wiping chocolate sauce off their mouths, drinking cute cups topped with more whipped cream, crowding in to the friendly space. It was overwhelming. Before Finn could even ask about a table she had disappeared. She agreed to try it, but it was still too much. He told her all about the seasoned bacon and the sausage and egg bowls. She lit up at the idea but the reality was too much about the company and less about the food. But the people seemed happy. She didn’t have pancakes. No whipped cream. Nothing that makes people happy.
Damnit, she thought to herself. Not again. Every time I think about that idiot I have all these unnecessary thoughts. Why should I want to make him happy with some silly breakfast? This is fine. I need to hurry up and get back to normal. I need my space again.
Back Huntress went to her home and its guest. He wasn’t out of bed yet. Good. Maybe she could sneak out before he got up. She turned on her small stove and sliced the bacon off the slab, tossing them in to a pan. She cracked eggs with a magical wave of her hand into a bowl. The nuts she cracked with her own strength. She made the small table simply, with each item in a plain wooden bowl. Just as she thought, it was much more plain than the diner. She set her jaw, attempting to both exorcise the thought and accept that her table was better in its own way. Huntress was so focused on eliminating all her unnecessary thoughts that she didn’t notice Finn enter the kitchen.
“You got breakfast? Thanks babe.” The words sounded positive but Finn’s face betrayed them. He looked haggard, as he had for weeks. He had given up on trimming his hair or beard and the lack of sleep left him with enormous bags under his eyes. His usually sparkling blue eyes went from a shining brook to a dark sea. It stung to see what was once a proud beast become so damaged. It was as though he had been hunted. Someone so magnificent shouldn’t be defeated and hung on a wall like an easy hunt.
But Huntress said none of this. She only nodded a response to his question.
Finn walked to the table but did not sit. He stared hesitantly at the bowls. “Thanks for letting me stay this week.”
Once again, all she did was nod.
He reached for her hand. They looked each other in the eye. Her usual cat-like stare, unflinching through his sad gaze.
“I know you don’t want me to stay forever.” he spoke.
Oh no, she thought. He wants to talk. I can’t do this. Not now. Not like this. I can’t do this.
“But can I stay in your heart? I don’t have to stay here. We can live separately. You can have all the space you want. But can I have something? Please, baby?” Finn grabbed her other hand and pulled it in for a kiss. “Can we get married?”
There was none of the joy or love that such a phrase should have in it. And it evoked none of that in her. She pulled her hand back with the same amount of desperation as his ask had. He collapsed to his knees. Huntress had a rare pained expression on her face. His was tortured. Agonized. He let out the tears he had been trying not to show her and threw his arms around her.
“Huntress please! I have nobody now! Can’t we be a family? I won’t even ask for anything! It doesn’t need to change us!” he bargained.
Finn looked to her like a trapped animal now. No longer a mighty bear but a frightened rabbit. Without her bidding, her hand hovered over him as if to comfort him and let him out of that trap. But she could not let it touch him. Her heart raced. Her eyes stung. Before she could crumple, she disappeared.
Deep in the forest, far from where she could be found, Huntress emerged. She fell to the ground in a rush, coughing and gasping as though she had just emerged from the depths of the ocean. Panic washed over her as she shook and hissed.
Why did he have to act like that? Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to look so pathetic and miserable? And why, why, why did she want to help him? A trapped animal is as good as gone. A rabbit cannot become a bear, even if they were one once. Why should she, not just a hunter but the Huntress let some sad animal of a man affect her so? She dragged herself up and to her meditating position and stayed there for some unknowable amount of time. It could have been hours, it could have been days. Trees do not measure time and she needed to be a tree now, not a plant woman with relationship trouble.
When she returned home he had left. The breakfast was long gone. His things were gone. They both fucked that one up. It couldn’t be helped. A hunter can’t let a trapped animal out. And an animal that wants to be in the trap can’t be helped. The trap might break one day though. Maybe then, Huntress hopes, she’ll know how to deal with this.