Work Text:
Martin remembers a gentle hand running through his hair.
Words from a voice he can no longer remember.
A car driving away that he would never see again.
And his mother's tears.
Martin still sometimes feels the pain in his legs from when he tried to follow the car.
How sore his throat was from screaming.
The cuts on his forearms when his legs gave way.
And the burn on his cheek when he went back home.
Martin would never talk about his mother's raised hand.
About the ringing in his ears from the slap.
The coldness and loneliness that filled him.
And the all-consuming despair and anger.
Martin ignored the pain from his mother's next words.
At the increasingly hatred-filled glances she gave him as he grew older.
The hands that no longer had any gentleness.
And the fog that always seemed to follow him.
Martin denied his racing heart when he saw Jon for the first time.
The longing thoughts when he was alone.
How he stuttered when Tim asked him about his crush.
And the tears he shed quietly when Jon's words reminded him too much of his mother.
Martin suppressed the fear that haunted him, even after he was no longer imprisoned.
Whenever he realised that he no longer had any privacy
when his nightmare became reality and attacked the archive.
And when he found a corpse inside the tunnel
Martin hoped that no one noticed that Jon's accusations and paranoia hurt him.
How he avoided Sasha because she felt wrong.
That he felt like he was losing everything.
And the burning anger inside him that he never dared to show.
Martin wanted to believe that Jon was innocent, even if no one else did.
That he was doing something good when he took over Jon's task.
That he could finally be useful by distracting Elias.
And that Jon and Tim would return after the unknown.
Martin forgot the feeling of grief he felt when he stood in front of the graves.
The comfort of familiar nights in the bar.
The warm feeling of a gentle touch.
And a life outside the lonely cold.
Martin loved the weeks of peace, even if it ended in an apocalypse.
The honest laughter, even if it happened surrounded by horror.
Finding familiar people, even if not all relationships were good.
And he loved Jon, even when Jon forced him to thrust a knife into his heart.