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Allegiances: Mentioned Cats
Leader:
Firestar - Handsome ginger tom with emerald eyes. Former kittypet. Mates with Sandstorm.
Deputy:
Longtail - Silverish-yellow tabby tom with yellow-green eyes and a long tail. Pals with Mousetrap.
Warriors:
Sandstorm - Beige molly with an average build and green eyes. Adopted into the Clans by Redtail and Runningwind. Mates with Firestar. Our POV today.
Mousetrap - Short brown molly with mouse-like features. Former BloodClan scout. Pals with Longtail.
Willowpelt - Slender yet well-toned pale silver molly with sky-blue eyes. Mother of Graystripe and Darkstripe. Sister of Redtail and Spottedleaf.
Dustpelt - Dark tabby tom. Squirrelpaw's mentor. Friends with Sandstorm. Mates with Ferncloud.
Ferncloud - Gray molly with speckled fur and leafy-green eyes. Mates with Dustpelt. Ashpaw's older sister.
Graystripe - Dark gray tom with a black line jutting from his back and several vague inkblot elements. Willowpelt's son. Best friends with Firestar, but not relevant here.
Apprentices:
Squirrelpaw - Short, stout ginger molly with a bushy tail and a white right forepaw. Firestar and Sandstorm's daughter. Apprenticed to Dustpelt.
Leafpaw - Lanky pale brown molly. Firestar and Sandstorm's daughter. Constantly swapping mentors and lacking ambition. Always with Squirrelpaw.
Ashpaw - Pale gray tom with deep blue eyes, specks of dark gray markings around his eyes and back, and several stripes of golden fur near his running from the back of his head. A bit of a problem after his mother passed. Constantly swapping mentors. Ferncloud's younger brother.
Non-Clan Cats:
Hattie - Small blackish-brown cat with icy-blue eyes and a white right forepaw, now limp. Formerly the "Scourge of BloodClan"; no longer a threat. Now owned by Firestar's old Twolegs. Only partially relevant here.
The Fallen:
Redtail - Tortoiseshell trans tom with a prominent red tail. Mates with Runningwind. Sandstorm's adopted dad. Deputy prior to his murder.
Runningwind - Muscular light-brown tabby tom with a narrow face. Mates with Redtail. Sandstorm's adopted pops. Warrior prior to his murder.
Spottedleaf - Small tortoiseshell molly with a distinct herbal scent. Redtail and Willowpelt's younger sister. Medic prior to her murder.
Darkstripe - Dark gray tom with prominent black stripes and yellow eyes. Willowpelt's oldest son. Treacherous and not to be trusted.
Tigerclaw - Muscular dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes. Former deputy of ThunderClan and former leader of ShadowClan. Brought to ThunderClan and abandoned by his father. A murderer not to be trusted.
***
It's been rough the past few sunrises.
For a good thing out of the way, BloodClan has mostly been rehabilitated. I have no idea what Firestar's old Twolegs are doing, but it's clearly something good. A few former members even decided to give their thanks before leaving, and some others decided to stay behind and train as fully-fledged warriors.
Sure, it's a bit hard to fully trust them after... oh I don't know, trying to completely overthrow our lives and take over our home. Buuut, a lot of them were just scared, starving cats with nowhere else to go and no one else to follow. We've got enough warriors to keep an eye on them, and they're pulling their weight around here.
Bad news? Everything else.
The Clans are a mess. ShadowClan is just barely putting itself back together and needs a lot of resources to do so. RiverClan and WindClan are doing relatively alright, but their members are still recovering from all of their injuries. Prey is starting to run a bit thin, too, with leaf-bare still being one of the worst times for every Clan to keep themselves fed. I haven't been getting enough sleep just trying to catch enough for us as one of our better hunters.
Then there's us at ThunderClan. Sure, our numbers are bigger, but our numbers aren't exactly fully trained nor familiar with their new environment, and that leads to diminishing returns in fresh kill, especially combined with the aforementioned leaf-bare. Parts of the camp still need to be adjusted with all the changes lately (thanks for getting on that, Dustpelt). Then there's Ashpaw... I don't think he's completely over his mother. And then there's--
"EXCUSE ME?" a voice from across the clearing exclaimed.
Oh boy... Well, things just have a way of piling on.
Standing her ground is a short brown molly with a sleek, wiry build, a long, pointed tail, and a noticeably pronounced snout. That is Mousetrap, ex-BloodClan scout, currently deciding on staying here with us. Our current deputy, Longtail, was the one who brought her over in the first place, and she's been getting used to all the changes (you know, sharing food with one another, care for the sick being guaranteed, the works). If you didn't know any better, you could say the two of them were in love. I do, though. They aren't.
She isn't accompanied by him today, though. Apparently, that honor goes to--
"...Squirrelpaw, drop it. This isn't worth it."
...My kits. Both of them.
The one you just heard "whispering" is Leafpaw. Lanky for her age and thin like the weakest sticks from a tree, she's pale brown with a white chest and paws. She's been mostly disinterested in a lot of things, ever since she first opened her eyes. This attitude of hers is pitiful, and one I wish to help her break out some day, but it tends to keep her out of trouble, unlike...
Squirrelpaw, standing right next to Leafpaw with a prideful yet curious look in her eyes and an air of confidence in her posture. Short and stout, her reddish fur practically shimmers in the light, almost masking a... familiar white paw on her right foreleg. Her bushy tail makes her unmistakable from her peers. Honestly, her bugging someone like this is... something typically in-line with her.
Leafpaw was the one who actually noticed me approaching, silently and frantically nudging her sister to get her to notice, but to no avail.
"What?" Squirrelpaw retorts, "I'm just asking if--"
"Hey there," I try butting in, physically putting myself between Squirrelpaw and Mousetrap, "I see you've met my daughters, Squirrelpaw and Leafpaw."
"Oh?" Mousetrap exclaims, looking between me and them. "They're yours, Miss Sandstorm?"
I don't blame her for the reaction. You take a mostly brown tabby and a fully ginger molly, both with distinctly exaggerated proportions, and compare them to me: a distinctly average molly with fur the color of sand. You'd be suspicious too.
It's not like you can really trace any of their features back to anyone from my side of the family tree.
"Yep!" I say aloud. "Trust me, I would know. You can tell they mostly take after their father. Oh, and for future reference, just 'Sandstorm' is fine enou--"
"Mom!" Squirrelpaw exclaims, shoving herself back into the conversation, "We were in the middle of something! I was trying to ask her if she took the bones of rotten prey and shoved them down misbehaving kits' throats, like this!"
Squirrelpaw finds a rock lying on the ground and picks it up with her paw, throwing it behind her and pretending to have swallowed it down. She then proceeds to throw herself to the ground, squirming to overtly show that she is "choking" on "bones" before collapsing and pretending to faint. Leafpaw is looking extremely uncomfortable about the whole affair, and Mousetrap just looks... blank.
...This looks bad.
"Ha. Ha ha..." I meekly laugh off. "You know apprentices, always saying the WILDEST things. I mean, I don't really know where she got THAT from, but I'm sure it's nothingtoreallyworryaboutImeanyouknowshewasjustmadeanapprenticeandisitgettinghotouthereoris--"
As I keep rambling on, my words slurring together into an incomprehensible mess, I turn to Mousetrap and her blank expression, still thinking that I am never going to have a good second impression on one of our newest recruits. And then, she starts... trying to hold back laughter?
And then it came. Her tail starts flicking wildly and uncontrollably, and her throat vocalizes a lot more distinct, gurgly noises, trying to belt out her amusement by trying and failing to mimic laughter.
"Oi, you kits know how to crack a gal up," Mousetrap says, her voice wavering and clearly struggling to contain itself. "I'm not really one for youngins, but that one right there, I appreciate her enthusiasm. They're neat kits, Miss Sandstorm."
"Oh, uh, thanks," I respond, "I mean, I can't really credit myself for whatever these two get up to. I suppose they're just naturally charismatic on their own. Something they get from their father, I guess. And again, just 'Sandstorm' is fi--"
"Is it true, though?" Squirrelpaw exclaims, popping out from where her "corpse" once laid. Mousetrap has to take a step back, startled.
"...Oh. You're being serious. You're not... pulling my leg here."
Squirrelpaw just keeps staring at Mousetrap with wide-eyed excitement, clearly expecting an answer. Leafpaw looks at the both of them in utter horror that her sister is asking this. I look at the three of them in utter confusion as to what I have stumbled upon. I'm pretty sure a few others around camp are staring at us, wondering what in the world is going on.
"Well, umm... no?" Mousetrap's voice fully stops sounding like it's attempting to laugh and is instead stoic, regretful even. "Listen, a lot of us from BloodClan, we aren't as bad as our reputation would want us to be. Sure, there were monsters among our ranks, but that isn't everyone. Some of us just... wanted a way to be looked after.
"But hey," Mousetrap's voice lightens up again to her (presumably, I don't know her all that well yet) usual cocky self, "Just be glad it's me you got and not someone like Fury. That gal's a real piece of work if I've ever met one. ...Not that you'd really know any of those guys to the point of a name's basis, but y'know."
Once she's done, the air becomes a bit still. Everyone just awkwardly stares at each other before Mousetrap breaks the silence once more.
"...Well, I guess I should be going. Continuing my tour of the place, and all. See you three around... I guess."
Aaand she's gone. Not sure how she manages to get away that fast, but she's just gone. Maybe my mind is starting to slow from exhaustion, but I must reiterate, she's just... gone.
And that just leaves me and my kits. I just have to let out a disheartened sigh, purely out of instinct. Any sense of confidence Squirrelpaw had has immediately left her body, leaving her feeling guilty.
Squirrelpaw and I walked out of the main clearing and into a more secluded part of camp. The apprentice just looked dejected, thinking she's in trouble. Getting Leafpaw away was tough work, as she insisted on staying, but she eventually relented after some time.
"Listen, I'm not... mad," I say, trying to be reaffirming, "but what made you think that asking that was an appropriate thing to ask?"
Squirrelpaw's expression didn't change, barely moving to make eye contact.
"I'm... I... I'm sorry," the apprentice let out, "I just- I just wanted to know."
"It's alright. You're young and curious, no one can fault you for that. It's just... there are some things that you shouldn't be saying to people. Where did you even hear such a rumor?"
"...Ashpaw," Squirrelpaw said softly, her head turned to the side.
...Of course. Of cooouurrse it's Ashpaw, resident problem kit. Honestly, I'm surprised he's even as well as he is. Ferncloud practically having to become a second mother to him when she was barely a warrior, it's surprising he isn't any worse. Still I feel like I should ask about this later.
"He made it sound so cool, too!" Squirrelpaw continues. "Like, he made her sound super scary and it makes sense because she came from BloodClan and--"
"And you believed it to be true?"
"I... I didn't... I... I dunno. But I wanted to know if it was. I thought I could ask her."
I sigh again, but it's softer.
"Listen," I say, "I can't be too upset. It's natural you want to learn. But, just because someone comes from someplace faraway doesn't mean things like that are true. You could end up... hurting someone. Pushing someone away."
"...Mom?" Squirrelpaw would say with hesitation. "Did you push anyone away?"
"...Some people. Some deserved it. Some didn't. I... almost pushed away your father because I believed... horrible things about him. But I stopped... and... well, now we have you. Do you... understand what I'm trying to say?"
"...Find someone who won't leave you?" Squirrelpaw said with confident innocence in her eyes.
"I... that's not..."
I struggle to find the words to get through to her. Meanwhile, Squirrelpaw just looks at me with confusion.
I'm not good with my words. Not a lot of the time. I'd like to believe my actions speak for themselves. But, when you aren't around for a while, you start realizing that there are some things only words are good for. When you're not around, you realize the people you care about will start taking lessons and words and tender moments from everyone else, and sometimes words are all that you can use to reach out.
"Y-Y'know what?" I say, trying to find something else to do. "Let's drop this for now. Maybe some other time. For now, you wanna go bother Ashpaw?"
My daughter looks at me in bewilderment before shifting into a smug demeanor. "Oh-ho-ho, you bet! His mouse-brain is gonna be bothered."
My daughter rushes out into camp and screams at the top of her lungs.
"HEAR THAT, ASHPAW? YOUR FLUFFY MOUSE-BRAIN IS GONNA BE BOTHERED!"
Squirrelpaw, as usual, rushes out into the vast camp, sun shining down upon her as she scrambles to find Ashpaw.
I trail right behind her, tired and strained. I'm not sure if I can reach out to her. And even if I could, I'm not sure if she would listen.
***
That conversation hadn't left my mind by the time sundown had arrived, and I still don't know what exactly I should have said. I suppose I just felt... feelings I couldn't quite place. Was it guilt for not being in my daughters' lives more? Or was it me seeing myself in one of them.
I think everyone except Squirrelpaw could see how out of it I was for the remainder of the day. Most of all--
"Hey, Sandstorm," a familiar, soothing voice made its way to me from behind, "Are you doing alright?"
I turn to face the voice and see a well-toned tom just about my size, his bright orange coat almost resembling flames in the wind. His emerald green eyes stared softly, giving a look of concern.
The light of my life, one I had once tried to deny. Current leader of ThunderClan. Firestar.
"Oh! Hey, Firestar," I say, slightly startled. "Sorry, I'm just... I'm fine. It's just been a..."
My voice trails off, and it doesn't come back. I look to the distance, not because of anything unique or useful, but because of my own lack of focus. Naturally, this would raise concern for Firestar. It's his nature to care.
"Hey, I can tell you aren't doing so hot. The day's almost over. Is it alright if we head in for the night?"
"I'd... yeah..."
StarClan knows I need a bit of rest. Our noses press against each other and we make our way to the leader's den, secluded from everyone else.
The leader's den normally isn't used to house multiple cats. Many leaders are often too busy running the Clan to find a partner, and those who aren't tend to outlive them by a long margin.
Not Firestar, though. At least not now. Not today. Not tonight.
Accommodations were made rather recently, giving the place two piles of bedding stationed close to each other. I take a look at one pile and curl up, tucking my legs into myself to get comfortable. It's a nice place to sleep, or at least relax until that time comes.
"Sorry I haven't been around today," Firestar started up, "I've been busy. But- but good news! I think BloodClan won't be a threat anymore. Hattie and I have been talking, and she says that 95% of the cats there have found good homes! Not... sure how many cats BloodClan had, but that's gotta be a lot! Most of them won't be fighting for food and shelter anymore, and the ones who fight for blood, well, there's gonna be a lot less of them now! So, if the stragglers ever try to be a threat, we've got what it takes to deal with them. Win-win, right?"
There's just something naturally charming about Firestar. Perhaps it's his heart for everything and everyone, looking to find the good buried in every soul. Perhaps it's his utter devotion to the people he cares about, willing to do anything to make sure everyone is alright, even at the cost of his own safety. Perhaps it's the endearing way he smoothly yet effortlessly speeds through his words when speaking, his imperfect mixture of Twoleg and Clan terminology, or his strange, casual way of speaking that signals his efficient leadership despite his lack of experience.
You'd have to be a fool to hate the guy.
"Anyway, how're you holding up?" the tom continues, "Anything happen when I was gone? You... taking time for yourself?"
"Oh, uhhh, for a given definition of 'time for myself', I guess," I respond. "I actually spent most of the day with Squirrelpaw and Leafpaw! First time we were together since they were apprenticed."
"Ah! That's nice. Sorry I couldn't join you guys, but may--"
"It... mostly happened because Squirrelpaw picked up a rumor that Mousetrap fed kits rotten bones or something."
Firestar's warm expression turned to one of... well... I'm not entirely sure it's possible for him to stop being "warm", but his face conveyed a sense of flat confusion. A dry "what" was all he could muster up.
"Apparently she got it from Ashpaw. I'm not even sure where he got it from. His sister and mentor don't have a clue, and his friends haven't heard of this before."
"Aye, I get it," Firestar replies. "I mean, the tom's got a wild imagination to him. But, if he's using it to make rumors against one of the newcomers... I'll see what I can do."
"Thanks... I-I guess..."
I feel my head drifting, turning to face away from Firestar and onto the ground. The tom leans in closer with his warm, dorky gaze, confused.
"Hey, you're trailing off again," he says. "You know you can talk to me if anything's wrong, right?"
"I... I know," I say, dreary. "It's just... I fear for Squirrelpaw's future. Leafpaw too, don't get me wrong, I do want to find something for her to latch onto. But... it's mostly Squirrelpaw I'm worried about.
"I-I know I'm not... all that great with domestic life. But now that the two of them have already grown so much, I feel like I take my eyes off Squirrelpaw for one second and suddenly she's marching towards a dark path with the wrong crowd. I feel... I feel she's going to make the same mistakes I did, and I feel like I failed her as a mother."
My ears are the first thing that detects Firestar changing his position, moving over to his bedding and pushing it over. Before my eyes can properly react, his nest is almost beside mine, his neck looking like it's bowing down while his head is turned to face up towards me.
"Need a hug, Sandy? Or maybe just someone willing to listen?"
"Sandy". There's something so strangely intimate about being called that, about being called a nickname like that. A sign that rank and status doesn't mean anything anymore. Just the cat in front of you, and everything you two have built up together. We've called each other nicknames for moons, and it never fails to give that fluttering feeling inside each time.
"...Both would be nice."
Upon hearing the words, he pulls his nest of moss and fern right next to mine, wrapping his forelegs around my own back. Just him being around... it sparks up a warmth no one can ever truly explain. I'm a fool for having denied it so long ago.
"...Thanks for that, Flame," I replied softly, pushing my neck against his own to feel his warmth even more. Hearing his own nickname, I guess he wanted to hold on just a little tighter. It takes a moment for us to separate.
"No problem," he responded, finally unwrapping himself from my body. "I... feel partially to blame, too. I-I know things have been hectic with TigerClan and BloodClan and all that, and I know that everyone is counting on me until the day I die, but I also know I'm not in my kits' life enough, and I want to make it right somehow."
Of course he does. He cares so much about everyone, wishing everyone could thrive and live together in perfect harmony. Of course he doesn't want our daughters treading down this path. And I... I...
...There's been something I've been meaning to say to him for a long time, ever since we first got together. No, before that, ever since I first looked at him with kindness in my eyes instead of vitriol. I wanted to tell him now.
"Ummm... hey. Could I... admit something to you? Something I've been holding close for a long time?" I say, just loud enough that only he and I could hear. "It's... kinda long, and I don't think I'm great with my words, but I think I owe you an explanation for... everything."
"Whatever you'd like, Sandy. The sun ain't completely down yet, so I think we've still got time before we knock ourselves out."
"...Thank you. I'll... try to make it quick."
I fall back into place, and so does my Firestar, comfortable in the safety of the den and the softness of our nests. I take a deep breath before starting to explain.
"To start... I'm... not a Clanborn cat. Everyone from the other Clans thinks I'm Redtail's and Runningwind's, but--"
"Wait, Redtail and Runningwind?" Firestar interrupted. "How does that work? Aren't they both toms?"
"Oh, trust me. They both are. But my dad, Redtail, everyone thought he was a molly when he was born. Him being a tom was a discovery he found out for himself later on in life."
Dad died before he could meet Firestar. I think his spirit only got to meet Firestar after the latter became leader, and despite how connected we are to our ancestors in StarClan, everyone says that Dad only showed up for the lives ceremony and disappeared afterwards, and no one knows why. Besides, StarClan cats are thought of to have greater control over how they present themselves. It's always kind of strange. Things you know for a fact your entire life are things some people would have no clue about. A sense of bitterness always comes up when talking about him and Pops.
It takes a moment for my words to register in Firestar, but upon realizing, he seemed satisfied with the answer, plopping back down and listening intently.
"Anyway, everyone thinks they had me, but everyone in ThunderClan knows Redtail is barren. Aunt Willowpelt always told me that Dad and Pops tried a lot when they were young warriors. They really did. It was something Dad was willing to bear.
"...Believe it or not, it was actually Aunt Spottedleaf who found me."
Firestar's ears perked up in familiarity when he heard her name. The two of them always had a strange relationship, with Firestar unsubtly crushing on her when he was an apprentice, and wanting practically nothing to do with him outside of what was necessary because of that. But from what I've gathered, I think the two of them grew to become good friends during his time here, even if Aunt Spottedleaf spent most of it as StarClan's messenger. Apparently, they even formed some kind of... pact? As long as both of them are alright, as long as it gives her some closure, then I think their friendship is great. For as long as I've known her, she looked like she could use a good friend to cheer her up.
"Apparently she used to be a lot more adventurous back when she was a warrior apprentice. A lot more spunky and energetic, too. She sometimes disappeared for entire sunrises, only showing back up with a batch of prey on her back and a mouse in her mouth.
"I was too young to remember anything, but I guess she wanted to recapture that youthful spirit of hers. So she disappeared for an entire moon. Maybe two. No one was really sure. It wasn't the first time she disappeared for an extended period of time. But when she came back, she wasn't alone. She brought me.
"Naturally, everyone was confused. They said I smelt of death, or a strange mixture between ThunderClan and a scent not belonging to a Clan entirely. Aunt Spottedleaf explained that she found me far away, feeding off of a queen that was too weak to survive on her own. She said the queen wanted me to live no matter what, so Aunt Spottedleaf ran back to ThunderClan as swiftly as possible, carrying me in her mouth almost like a mother would.
"...She never said anything about what happened to that queen, but after she returned, she was always... sad. I think her being unable to help that stranger changed something in her, and from then on, Aunt Spottedleaf never seemed to leave the medicine den ever again. Either that, or it was because her mentor died when she was away. Either way, I don't think she was ever the same.
"Now, that aside, Aunt Willowpelt was already producing milk because she was pregnant at the time, so at least I was able to stay strong before I could start eating proper food. Would you believe me if I said I just barely missed feeding at the same time as Graystripe? But, I'd be lying if I said I considered Aunt WIllowpelt my mother. I appreciate everything she's done for me, I really do, but with her complicated history with her own kits, she never really filled that same role as a mother for me.
"Besides, she already knew two cats who did want to be parents. Two wonderful dads I... didn't... want to lose for the world..."
Mentioning them again... my throat felt tight. Firestar leaned in close again, sensing me choking on my own words again.
"So... that's how I got here. Now, believe me, the Clans were a lot less friendly to outsiders when I was a kit, they always kind of fluctuated. But everyone bought into Dad being the one to carry me into the world, and my Pops being the one responsible. Of course, a few people were skeptical about Dad being deputy, considering how he never retired for even a few moons to handle his 'pregnancy', but everyone just moved on to bigger and brighter futures.
"Now, now, I made all of that sound all fine and everything, but again, I'd be lying if I said it was perfect. My kin are a mess. Dad was the deputy of ThunderClan, and everyone had to look up to him for help. Pops was a senior warrior, and always had a bad habit of never making time for rest. Aunt Spottedleaf, despite finding me in the first place, always seemed vaguely uncomfortable around me, and she was always busy healing everyone else as the sole medic. Even Aunt Willowpelt, she always seemed preoccupied with my cousins, raising one and trying to reconnect with the other, and even when she wasn't with her kits, there was always something she was needed for.
"As you could probably infer, things got... real busy right after I stopped needing to feed on milk. Suddenly, whatever good memories I had were replaced with 'Not now's or 'Maybe later's. I barely got to spend time with my kin anymore.
"After that, I... kind of fell in with the wrong crowd. ThunderClan's disgrace, Tigerclaw. He... he said he knew what it was like to be abandoned. I was part of his 'friend group', I suppose. Darkstripe, Longtail, and Dustpelt--Dustpaw back then--were there too. But, everyone who wasn't my kin always gave me weird looks, never really seeing me as a proper equal back then. Don't get me wrong, Longtail and Dustpelt changed for the better now, they're great friends. But then there's Tigerclaw, and with everything he has done, trying to establish his own 'TigerClan', attempting to exterminate half-Clan warriors, being so obviously hateful towards you, I think it's no wonder why he and Darkstripe didn't like me all that much.
"Back then I... I didn't want to be othered anymore. I wanted to prove myself, prove that I was a loyal ThunderClan warrior. So I grew angry. Angry at everyone. My dads watched me grow to be angry at the world I arrived from. It might've been the last thing Dad ever saw me become. And looking back, I... I realize I had sided with Dad's own MURDERER. Ha. Ha ha... Like, what a load of fox-dung I am!
"And- And then you came along. You had half the Clan falling for you just for showing up, thinking you're some prophesied hero, which you WERE, apparently. I worked to become a warrior my entire life up until that point, and I got it on the same day as some kittypet younger than me who stumbled into camp. And so I... I took my frustration out on you. Moons of it. And you had every right to be angry with me and mock me in that same way, and yet you didn't. A-And now look at us! There's no excuse for how I treated you back then, and even after all this time, even after falling in love together, fighting through the thick and thin, even having kits together, I still feel guilty! I'm sorry. I'm just so, so sorry. For everything."
By the time I'm done talking, my voice has practically run dry. My breath started to waver. My head pointed down, either in shame or just because of gravity's effects on a tired, tired molly. The shuffling of moss is all I hear before that soft, comforting voice returns with a proposition.
"Need another hug?"
I silently nod. Suddenly, I feel his forelegs wrapped around my body once more. I get my own paws out and I hug him right back. Our heads are placed in such a way that they feel they are pressed against each other.
"Sandy," my Flame exclaimed, "half of the nights you spend here, you apologize for things that have long since passed. You've changed tremendously. You... you helped me change, too. I will always forgive you for what happened when we were younger."
These words he said, they're ones he has said again and again. They have never proven themselves to be untrue. And yet my guilt never ceases.
"I... I'm still scared for Squirrelpaw," I say, my voice strained by this point. "I can't... I wonder... I don't think that I did enough. What if she meets someone and pushes them away? What if she... what if she goes too far and... What if..."
"It's okay. It's... okay," the tom says in response, trying to bring my attention to his words. "From what you said, she isn't trying to be malicious or anything. But, I'll be here from here on out, and if anything does happen, if she starts slipping away, we can try to steer her back on the right track. People can change for the better, I mean, just look at you. If you can, she can."
"Ha. Ha. Thank you, Flame."
"No problem, Sandy."
We look out of the den and into the world at the exact same time, seeing that the sun had just finished setting and night had arrived.
Exhausted, the two of us pull our nests closer together, to the point of them practically combining, and we feel our bodies intertwined with each other. We close our eyes, and--
*CRASH*
Right outside the leader's den, riiight before we were going to sleep. Immediately startled, the two of us get right back up. Firestar gestures for me to stay inside, claws out, and sneaks out.
...A few moments later, he's somehow lifting his ginger daughter nearly half the size of his body by the scruff of her neck. Leafpaw also casually walked into the den with her father. Gently plopping Squirrelpaw in the den, he makes his way back to his nest and turns to face them. I loosen up my own body before doing the same.
"Hey, Squirrelpaw. Hey, Leafpaw. Your mother told me you had quite the experience today. You girls... need something?"
The four of us just stare at each other, with one party clearly expecting an answer from the other. Leafpaw nudges her sister, trying to get her to do anything other than stare blankly, before sighing to herself and speaking up on her own.
"Squirrelpaw couldn't sleep," Leafpaw exclaimed, breaking the silence. "That meant I couldn't sleep either."
Leafpaw nudges Squirrelpaw again, and that seems to have broken her out of... something.
"Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!" our ginger daughter spoke. "I... um... wanted to make up what I said earlier by catching a mouse so you don't have to hunt as much, but I got distracted and heard you two talking. So I... um... stayed here."
"Oh! Um... hoooww much of that did you hear?" I replied.
"The whole thing," Leafpaw answered. "All of it. If it means anything, Squirrelpaw feels even worse about earlier now."
Firestar and I turn our attention solely on Squirrelpaw, and you can tell that she isn't her usual energetic self. Both of us immediately try comforting her, realize the other was about to speak, and internally struggle on which of us should talk, only to be interrupted by Squirrelpaw.
"Don't worry! I'm gonna make it up to you! I'm gonna catch, like, an adder or something! I'll--"
"Woah, woah, woah!" Firestar exclaims, "Calm down. It's alright. You don't need to do that. You... you're okay. Besides, you two really shouldn't be sneaking out at night, and you two shouldn't be hunting adders of all things. We- We don't want anything happening to you two."
Aaand Squirrelpaw looks dejected again, because she can't hunt something that will probably kill her just to make up for a dumb rumor. Leafpaw and I look at each other, relieved for the same reason.
Squirrelpaw and Leafpaw look at each other before looking back at Firestar and I. Saying their "good nights", they turn back to the den's entrance so they can head back to their own nests in the apprentices' den. But before they could make it far.
"Hey," I speak up, halting them in the process, "since you two are here, maybe tonight we could, I dunno, sleep together as kin. Spend the night here. It'll be the first time in a long time."
Everyone seems receptive to the idea. Fortunately, the nests are a decent enough size, so space was hardly an issue.
Firestar and I curled up together, with our kits in-between the two of us. Squirrelpaw seemed a lot less moody now, and near-instantly dropped into slumber. Leafpaw, almost sensing Squirrelpaw's tiredness, followed suit. Firestar--my Flame--gazed into my eyes as I did to him, and we nod, lovingly seeing each other's mutual beauty. He fell into slumber before me.
I know I'm not perfect. I've been... overthinking a lot of things. My presence in my daughters' lives is constantly up and down with the everchanging world. But, for now, I think I can sleep well. I could do better. Everyone could do better. I think we can learn to be better together.
And so, I close my eyes and drift into my own dreams. And I feel warmer than I've ever been my entire life.