Work Text:
The apartment was…peaceful.
Which was already suspicious.
Toji knew silence in his home meant one of two things:
1. Something expensive had broken.
2. His wife was planning something.
He walked into the living room.
And froze.
There she was.
Mamaguro.
In the middle of the room.
On top of a gigantic blue pregnancy exercise ball.
Boing.
She bounced.
Boing.
She bounced again.
Hands on her belly. Completely serious expression. Like this was some sacred ritual passed down for generations.
Toji stared.
“…What,” he finally said slowly, “are you doing.”
Another bounce.
“It helps the baby.”
Bounce.
“And my back.”
Bounce.
“And my mood.”
Bounce.
And then she smiled at him sweetly.
“Wanna try?”
Toji immediately turned around.
“No.”
Boing.
He kept walking.
BOING.
He stopped.
His eye twitched.
That sound.
Again.
BOING.
The entire floorboards vibrated.
“Stop.”
Bounce.
“You’re shaking the house.”
Bounce.
“You’re gonna wake the neighbors.”
Bounce.
“You’re gonna wake me and I’m awake.”
Bounce.
She tilted her head innocently.
“It’s healthy.”
Toji inhaled slowly.
Very slowly.
He lasted exactly eight more seconds.
Then he walked to the storage cabinet.
Opened it.
Grabbed a knife.
Mamaguro stopped bouncing.
“…Toji?”
He walked back.
Calm.
Too calm.
She narrowed her eyes.
“Why do you have that.”
He crouched beside the ball.
Looked at it.
Looked at her.
She gasped.
“Toji don—”
POP
The ball exploded like a gunshot.
Mamaguro dropped exactly three centimeters onto the floor and sat there in stunned silence.
The echo faded.
Absolute quiet.
Toji exhaled in peace for the first time all afternoon.
“…Better.”
She blinked.
Once.
Twice.
Her lip trembled.
“You…”
Toji immediately sensed danger.
He stepped back.
“You popped my emotional support ball.”
He stepped further back.
“You popped my pregnancy exercise therapy.”
He reached the hallway.
“You popped the baby’s seat.”
He turned the corner.
She pointed at him dramatically.
“YOU POPPED OUR CHILD’S FIRST FRIEND.”
Toji shut the bedroom door.
BANG BANG BANG
She waddled after him.
“OPEN THE DOOR.”
“No.”
“TOJI.”
“No.”
“You’re buying me TWO.”
“No.”
“THREE.”
“No.”
“AND ICE CREAM.”
Pause.
“…what flavor.”
“ALL.”
Long silence.
Door slowly opens.
Toji sighs.
“…Get your coat.”
Instant smile.
She wins again.