Chapter Text
Adam hunched over his desk scribbling frantically on a piece of paper. It was a comedy script he needed ready by 2/26, which happened to be tomorrow. Every now and then he stopped to think and tap his pen on the side of the table. It was so hard to just sit and think. It wasn’t writer’s block today though. He glanced over to the corner between his desk and bed. The pile of unopened mail taunted them. Addressed from 6 months ago up to just yesterday. All unopened. God, he really shouldn’t be thinking about this again. They stayed closed for a reason. He shouldn’t, he couldn’t think about him again. Ben. And that night. Why did he have to be so irresistible?
He tried to push the memories out of that sunburnt summer in Providence, to no avail. A perfect 75 degrees with the sun shining through the clouds. The cool breeze of that perfect night, the blurry sounds of drinks clinking and people chattering against the backdrop of the moonlit sky. He still remembered(of course he did) the first sight of Ben that caught his eye, and the way his fluffy brown hair fell over his face that made his heart flutter. The bravery that tasted like gin in the back of his throat that compelled him to make a move.
Closing his eyes didn’t help to block out the images flying across his mind. Their hands brushed as they watched the waves crashing over the city skyline. Fingers interlocked, the contact leaving his hand buzzing with electricity. His whole body tingled just thinking about it. They walked and talked for hours until the city had turned quiet. The only noise left was the precious notes of Ben’s laugh that Adam couldn’t help but chase after. They danced across the grass of an empty park, tripping over each other and giggling like schoolchildren. The snapshot of Ben’s face, his blue eyes reflecting the moonlight as he looked slightly up at him was etched in Adam’s mind forever. They leaned in, lips touching and igniting a fire deep in his heart. Ben’s hands moved to cup the sides of his face, pulling him closer and guiding him by the crook of his neck. Their lips parted as they shared a breath to revel in the moment. Adam leaned back in, finding himself magnetised to the way Ben’s lips fit against his and mesmerised by the way their tongues moved in time. He tasted like strawberries and cheap wine. Adam was addicted. He could only recall Ben whispering something in his ear, in a low voice that left him in a trance before being pulled into an apartment.
He woke up in a room he didn’t recognise, amongst messy sheets with a weight on his bare chest. It was Ben’s head, resting motionless as he slept. Adam realised his hand was still combed through Ben’s hair. He stirred, blinking his blue eyes groggily at Adam, leaving him stunlocked. He pressed a kiss lightly into his curls and let himself be enveloped by his smell.
“Stay here with me”
“For how long?”
“Just- don’t go” Ben’s voice broke. “...Please” he whispered, barely audible. The offer was almost too hard to say no to. The sun had risen just above the skyline, letting golden light stream in through the windows. It must nearly be midday. He fought the urge to spit out the yes that was sitting on the tip of his tongue, to reach out and kiss the helpless look off Ben’s face. He had to go back home to New York. He had to get back to his job. Back home to his family who were expecting him to bring a girl with them to dinner. This dream girl they’d talk about him getting, who he’d meet at a coffee shop and fall in love with despite the 25 years of never getting a girlfriend. All those nights he spent praying for that girl to show up and fix who he was. Fix all the feelings and guilt that were layered between all the friendships he’d broken off for the same reason. The guys from track or theatre he’d spend too long staring at. It was all just a dream before, out of reach. He imagined his parent’s faces if he came home with Ben. Would they be angry or just disappointed? Their prize perfect boy had a fatal flaw. Would they kick them out? Would they disown him? Would they ever speak to him again? He choked on the lump forming in his throat.
“Atleast stay for coffee” Ben interjected. He batted his eyes up full of longing. Okay. Just a few more hours for coffee. How could he resist that. Ben scribbled on the back of their receipt from last night, pressing it into Adam’s hand. It read his address and a date set six months from now. The 26th of February.
The memory faded as the last ray of sunset left Adam’s window. He still wouldn’t open the letters. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but add each new one to the pile, a constant reminder of the life he couldn’t have.