Work Text:
When you're near, I'm not myself. Constantly searching for a way out of this cage of agitation and anxiety that throws me off course, preventing the pieces of words stuck in my throat from breaking free just to say "Hi" to you. And the moment Terry gives me a push, or I take one clumsy step on my own, I curse as I fall into the embrace of your arms, too pale and deathly cold, but which have already become dear to me in the time spent with you. And my eyes open on their own, looking into yours, black as the deepest night that hides its children of horror, ready to grab and eat their victims alive, foolish and defenseless, like me. But I know you'll protect me from each of your monsters, because you're always near.
When you're near, I always bring you flowers, bright ones, all kinds, and only for you. Even if their life withers the moment your pale fingers touch them, each lost life is worth every gentle kiss of yours and the soft, sweet smile on your small lips that you give me when you accept my gifts. And I will unabashedly bring more, and more, and more, and more. Because I love your smiles, I never get enough of them, and I want to greet every day with them, because you're always near.
When you're near, I want to perform feats, everything possible and impossible, for you alone. You are a strong, smart, fearless ghost girl, unacquainted with fear, because since birth you yourself have sown that feeling in every person, instinctively wanting to scare them. But my heart rejoices so much and nearly bursts with happiness when you can be just as sweet and cheerful with me as any other girl your age. I understand that you trust me, that you loosen your grip, soften your "living" hair, which you're ready to tear apart anyone who dares to harm you or your loved ones. With you, everything is easy and simple for me, because you're always near.
When you're near, I am always honest; I entrust all my worries, problems, and tears completely to you. You know I couldn't trust my parents or friends the same way I trust you. They would never understand things the way I see them; they'd laugh at me or dismiss it, even if not out of malice, even if accidentally, but how could I ever trust them again like I trust you? You listen to me, you truly understand how much this means to me, and you continue to be my sole witness to the tears and thoughts that spin in my head like a terrifying carousel with completely broken controls, and the anxiety just pours from my mouth. But you'll fix it all, you'll tell me everything and explain how it really is, make me understand that it's not all so scary, that everything in this world can be solved, even the hardest things. I know you'll help me, because you're always near.
…I don't know what awaits us in the future, how things will turn out and what we'll become, what will happen to me, to you, to our friends? What will happen literally tomorrow morning if I don't see you at your desk, drawing a pentagram in your notebook? What will happen if I make a wrong move and it turns into a disaster that no eraser can wipe away? What if one day, without you, without my main reason for living, I get lost in this world, among the gray mass, or maybe even die, disappear?
But… that would never happen, right? I believe that everything will be fine, wonderful. We will live this life exactly as we noted in our childhood wishes, we will all become who we wanted to be in elementary school. I believe that if we are together, supporting each other in everything, we will achieve what no one else has been able to achieve, because we are children who are afraid of nothing, having survived so much unexpected and exciting together.
And I believe that in that moment, when we have achieved everything we wanted, you will be there with us too, because you're always near, Erma.