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Barely opening his eyes, the first thing Jongseob notices is the pounding in his head. Realizing it’s way too early to be up, he goes to turn over to go back to sleep, immediately freezing at the sight of the other boy laying right beside him. He begins to panic, not remembering why the boy would be cuddled next to him in bed, he tries not to wake the other as he practically runs to the bathroom. He turns the sink on, aggressively splashing water onto his face, while feeling his headache only getting worse by the minute. I could’ve sworn Jiung was taking the bed, he thinks to himself wondering how they got cozy in bed together, especially given the dynamic the duo has fallen into lately.
They’ve been in this awkward place the past few weeks. The members have noticed. Jiung has tried to break tensions in the practice room at times, ultimately failing. Keeho brings the noticeable shift to Theo, who simply tries to deflect the situation by responding, “Maybe they’re just changing, lets leave them be for now unless it gets worse,” knowing that he’s held the youngest in his arms as he’s cried to him about his feelings towards the boy. The two used to be inseparable. Debuting young together allowed them to find that aspect of childhood together. They stayed up late playing games, harassing the older members, goofing off… But the past few weeks, they’ve barely spoken. Jongseob faults himself. He knows he’s been pulling away due to his growing feelings over the other. He has been seeing the older as more than a friend for years now, but as they’ve grown older, the feelings have grown along with him. In denial that Shota could ever feel the same towards him, he removes himself. Logically, that’s how he is protecting his feelings, never wanting to face that rejection. He notices the looks Shota gives him, they’re not harsh either, he knows that. Shota however, gives him his space. He will never push. Jongseob loves that about Shota, but also wishes the other would bother him like he does the other members.
As he states at his reflection in the mirror, he can’t help but begin to worry. “Could I have said something,” he quietly says to himself. He combs out his hair, trying to find an excuse to not go back into the shared room. Almost like he’s trying to ignore the growing fear that he will have to confront this situation. While going to grab his tooth brush from his small toiletry bag sitting on the sink, he notices Shota’s Pikachu headband laying on the floor. He stares at the headband for a few seconds wondering how it ended up on the floor, until he drops his toothbrush onto the counter as the memories of the night before come rushing back all at once.
The staff had left for the night, cameras turned off. It's just the members, a few too many bottles of alcohol, and a strangely large variety of games. Their schedules have been busy lately as they prepare for the upcoming comeback, leaving the members to preplan that after filming this new content, they wanted to let loose.
Jongseob barely remembers how they all ended up sitting in a circle, even more so, he doesn’t remember how he ended up in the bathroom with Shota. He starts to recall all of them playing a game last night. 7 Minutes of Heaven he thinks is what Keeho said. He remembers one of the many empty bottles of Soju now in the middle of the six of them.
Keeho had explained the rules to the group. All the members are to sit in a circle, and take turns spinning the empty bottle. Whoever the bottle points at on your turn, you go into the bathroom that’s off of the kitchen, and spend 7 minutes doing whatever the pair pleases to do. The leader mentioned that this would be a great bonding experience, but the other members shared a knowing look between one another. It seems although they had a collective agreement of knowing the boys true intentions, even if he didn’t notice himself.
Theo had gone first. Spinning the bottle aggressively hard, making the others laugh almost too hard. To none of their surprises, the bottle had, of course, landed on Intak. The pair slowly walks to the bathroom, almost seeming like they’re making sure they were following the rules correctly. After getting a nod of approval from Keeho, the door locked. Everyone knew they were a thing. The members, staff, and even the fans have caught on, making it no surprise that they came back almost 10 minutes later with swollen lips and messy hair.
Shota had spun next, landing on Intak. Jongseob tries to hide the slight feeling of jealousy that boils inside him. He knows the two have gotten closer lately. He’s heard Keeho talk about how they’ve been coming back later at night, staying behind in the practice room. He is fully aware that this jealousy towards their friendship is pointless, he knows Intak is almost annoyingly obsessed with Theo, but he can’t help but miss being that person for Shota and can’t help but feel insecure about being replaced.
He tries to brush it off, but instead he reaches for the almost empty bottle next to him, and pours himself another shot and rejoins the conversation the others are currently having about who Jiung’s spin is going to land on. He can’t help but notice Keeho actively shifting closer, almost as if he’s trying to make a statement about who he wants Jiung’s spin to land on.
Intak and Shota rejoin the group just moments later, clearly in heavy discussion about some new choreo they plan on putting together for fun when they arrive back in Seoul.
Of course they’re making plans to hangout immediately after our break ends.
Theo, sitting next to Jongseob, notices the youngest staring off in the distance. Putting his hand on his shoulder, “Hey, you alright?” The question breaks Jongseob out of his head and he quickly nods his head in response.
The other members take their turns respectively. Jiung’s bottle lands on Keeho, and once again Jongseob can’t help but notice the smile that’s plastered all over the older’s face. Keeho spins, landing on Theo, who is actively making fun of Keeho for some reason he seems funny. Intak spins, landing on Theo. A collective groan comes from the group as the two of them dumbfoundingly skip back into the bathroom together.
Jongseob was last. He didn’t care who the bottle landed on, besides one person.
Shota.
Hands shaking, almost violently, he spins the bottle. It feels like the bottle is spinning in slow motion, probably due to the amount of alcohol he’s consumed or possibly due to the fear it’s going to land on exactly who he doesn’t want it to. As the bottle slows down, the room quickly goes quiet, before Keeho bursts out into laughter. Intak starts hitting Shota’s shoulder playfully, almost cheering him on? Jongseob is stunned as he looks down to see the top of the bottle pointing perfectly at Shota, he glances up and sees Shota already looking at him. You’ve got to be kidding, he thinks to himself, trying to hide the expression on his face, probably looking like he’s going to be sick. Why does he also look nervous? They stare at each other for what feels like hours before Intak is pulling Shota off the ground, while stumbling over and pushing him in the direction to the bathroom. As Keeho drags Jongseob in the same direction, he begins to wonder if this whole game seems purposeful, like they knew the bottle would land on the two of them. They hesitantly step into the bathroom, now feeling extremely small. They turn around and watch as Intak flashes them an annoying smirk, shutting the door loudly in their faces.
The two stood in silence for a while. The laughs from the other members growing increasingly louder as they almost seemed to forget the absence of the youngest members. Perhaps celebrating the position the two were pushed into. The tension was painful, both not knowing what to do or say. Jongseob wanted to leave. He has never wanted to leave a space so badly. He wanted to walk out and just go to bed.
Just a month ago, the two were staying up later than they knew they should be. Shota was deep in his insect phase, telling the younger about dozens of different types that he can still recall, even this drunk. But now, the two are standing there as if they don’t share years of memories together. He knows Shota is staring at him, he feels the other trying to read him, most likely noticing the discomfort Jongseob is not being subtle about. Deciding to break the silence, Jongseob says,
“I like your uh.. Pjs”
“My pjs?” Shota scoffs, “Are you serious Jongseob-ah?”
“Yeah.. they’re nice. Are they new?” Jongseob replies, as if he hasn’t been avoiding the boy for almost two weeks. “You’re unbelievable,” Shota states as he turns around and puts his hand on the door ready to leave.
Jongseob grabs his arm quickly. “Wait Shota..” he hesitates, “Please don’t go. Our time isn’t up yet.”
“Why should I stay?” the older questions, “You haven’t spoken to me in weeks,” now clearly annoyed.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Jongseob slurs. He tries to keep his words short, fully aware of how drunk he is, fearful he’s going to spill this heavy secret.
Jongseob can see the expression shift in Shota’s face to be more soft, as if he’s worried.
“Jongseob… I can tell something is wrong, what's going on?”
“It’s just.. I don’t know where we stand. I mean I think it’s quite obvious that I've had a stupid crush on you for a while now. Not stupid in the way that you’re stupid but in the way that I shouldn’t like you because we’re just friends. It sounds pathetic but I’ve liked you for a while and now that I know I like you I can’t help but think if you like me back. But again you probably don’t, and I don’t know what I was thinking! I mean I see all the edits of you and Intak hyung, you probably should get with someone like him you know? Someone who isn’t currently spilling his guts out and embarrassing himself but I can’t help it. It’s all coming out like word vomit because it’s been eating at me for weeks! Do you even know how much I think about you-”
His words are cut off by Shota grabbing his face and forcing eye contact with him. Did I just confess? He doesn’t know how long they stayed like that, but to Jongseob, the way Shota is looking at him, makes him feel feelings he’s never felt before.
Jongseob kisses him, immediately pulling away once realizing what he’s done
Shota is staring at him with the most unreadable expression on his face.
What the fuck did I just do?
Jongseob thinking he just officially ruined any bit of his relationship left with the other, goes to leave.
Shota grabs his arm and doesn’t hesitate to spin the younger one and smashes his lips onto his. They both pull away from each other, slightly acknowledging the look on their faces. Before Jongseob has any time to hesitate, he’s pushed against the cold tiled wall, Shota’s lips hot against his own. He tastes the alcohol on Shota, but the swipe of Shota’s tongue against his bottom lip breaks the thought immediately. He moans quietly, his mouth giving the taller an opening into his mouth.
Jongseob, never thinking it was possible that Shota could possibly share the same feelings as him, breaks away. “Are you sure this is okay?” he pants out. Without any regret in his eyes, Shota smiles at the younger, and pulls him back into a kiss letting his actions speak louder than any words could reassure.
The two share soft pecks with each other, as Jongseob slowly feels the burning sensation in his stomach starting to build. He runs his hands through Shota’s hair, the Pikachu headband the older wears all the time, falling off onto the bathroom floor. Shota chuckles into Jongseob’s mouth, feeling the headband falling off, his longer hair falling forward. The chuckles turned into a quiet groan at the slight pull of his hair, only fueling Jongseob to deepen the kiss more.
The feeling of not want, but need, continues to grow between the both of them. He isn’t sure if it’s the alcohol or the fact of finally kissing Shota, that gives him a boost of confidence as Jongseob removes his hands from Shota’s hair, and his hands now go under Shota’s pajama shirt. He is feeling every part of his body like he will never have this chance again. Everywhere he’s been craving to touch for years, is finally in his grasp and he is taking advantage of having the opportunity to finally touch his chest, his muscular back, his arms. He traces the abs he knows Shota has worked hard to get, getting more turned on by the feeling of his body.
Shota, clearly loving the touch, presses his body against the smaller. Jongseob starts to feel the friction between their hips, only fueling his desire for more. Jongseob continues to touch the other, hungry for every part of him. His hand wanders over to Shota’s hips to bring him even closer. Their bodies practically molding into each other’s, the friction between the two of them increasing causing the other to softly moan as Shota takes the opportunity to enter his mouth again. Their mouths, only getting more wet from their two tongues dancing around each other, easily sliding together as if they were made for one another.
Jongseob needs more as he continues to reach down, his smaller hand searching for what his drunken mind desperately wants. His hand slowly grazes it. “Fuck, he’s huge” is all he can think, and can’t help but feel his stomach tighten more at the thought. Shota's groans become louder at Jongseob's actions, the touch fueling him to wrap one arm around the other’s waist, causing his back to slightly arch off the wall. They continue this rhythm for what feels like hours. “You’re so beautiful Jongseob-ah,” Shota whispers as he moves to his neck, leaving a mix of open mouthed kisses and small faint marks along his collarbone. The door suddenly begins to pound as a teasing voice travels through it.
“What the hell are you two doing? It’s been like 15 minutes?”
Jiung is behind the door, absolutely laughing his ass off, and the sound of the other members laughing reaches back into the bathroom.
The two practically jump off each other beyond flustered as they completely forgot where they were. The other members separated by just the bathroom door. The feeling of intoxication, both completely gone in the moment. They stare at each other, wide-eyed waiting for the other to speak up. Jongseob finally, clearly stuttering “O-oh we are just talking, j-just a second Jiung.” “Hurry up, we’re going to play a new game,” they hear Jiung mumble as he walks away, clearly stumbling around due to the heavier steps.
The bathroom goes quiet. They silently glance at one another, noticing how ruined they both look. Shota, running his hands through his now messy hair, attempts to neaten it. He stares at Jongseob, who is also trying to smooth the wrinkles out of his clothing. He can’t help but notice the look on Jongseob’s face, who clearly is already in his head.
Did that really just happen? Is he going to regret this? Did he even like kissing me? Jongseob's thoughts are flying through his head. He blames the alcohol, knowing this wouldn’t have happened if they were sober. I should’ve let him walk out, he’s looking at me in pit-
Before being able to finish his thought, Shota for the second time tonight, is pressing his lips softly against his own.
Pulling back with a gentle smile on his face he softly whispers, “Let’s talk about this later, okay?” before unlocking and opening the bathroom door to leave. Jongseob, frozen in the middle of the bathroom, quickly looks in the mirror to smooth his hair out before following the other out, completely dazed by the other’s actions.
The night goes on as the members try to decide the next game to play. Intak and Jiung arguing between two games Jongseob has never heard of. He tries to ignore the smirk he keeps receiving from Theo, who clearly is aware something happened between the two youngest. He shoots Theo a quick look, mouthing that he will update the oldest later, which seems to satisfy him and allows him to back off. The members, not able to come to an agreement on a game, ultimately decide on karaoke, for the second time tonight.
Sitting on the couch, curled in a blanket, Jongseob is endearingly watching the older members sing and jump around. However, he can’t help but repeatedly glance over at Shota who’s sitting in the barstool seat that's been dragged over from the kitchen. He tries to redirect his attention to Theo and Keeho’s strangely erotic cover of Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande. Jongseob attempts to not laugh as Jiung shifts on the couch and Intak grabs a pillow to throw onto his lap as the duo wraps up this performance.
After all that took place today, Jongseob feels the tiredness start to hit. “Ya, I’m going to go to bed,” he announces to the room, Shota looking up from his phone. “Yeah, yeah alright, goodnight,” Intak says for the group as they quickly get back into discussion over what song to pick next.
He shuts the door behind him as he enters the shared room, immediately falling onto his stomach on the bed. He pulls out his phone to start the mindless doomscroll he plans on doing, turning his volume up as he hears bickering over the next song to cover coming from the living room. A few minutes go by before he hears the door creak open. Looking over his shoulder, expecting Theo, he instead sees Shota closing the door behind him.
Shota now looking at him, speaks up, “I thought this would be a good time we can talk,” most likely insinuating to the loud singing that’s picked back up as they’ve chosen to cover Miniskirt by AOA, “I don’t think they are going to bed anytime soon,” he slightly chuckles.
Jongseob nods in agreement, sitting up on the bed as Shota sits across from him. The two sit quietly for a few moments, clearly not knowing where to even start this conversation.
Breaking the silence, “I shouldn’t have avoided you. I’m sorry, it wasn’t fair of me,” Jongseob starts carefully. “How long have you been feeling like this? I wish I would’ve known,” Shota says interjecting before the younger could continue, “Intak noticed you avoiding me before I even caught it was just me. I just assumed you wanted space from everyone. I noticed he was trying to keep me busy, and that’s when I caught on, I was the only one you were avoiding.” Hearing Shota say that almost made Jongseob laugh at himself. The insecurity that Jongseob felt the past two weeks, was just due to his own actions. Of course Shota needed to talk to someone. I confided in Theo, there’s nothing wrong with that. The feeling of guilt quickly fills his mind as at the time, he didn’t think how strictly avoiding Shota would make him feel, selfishly only thinking about his own feelings.
“I’ve had feelings for you for years now,” he says quietly, avoiding eye contact, but being straight to the point. “You just mean so much to me Shota,” he starts to ramble, “I didn’t want to risk ruining our relationship.”
Shota immediately turns to face Jongseob, grabbing his hands, “But what if I were to tell you that I want this to work. I want to be with you. I want you Jongseob-ah.”
The confession makes Jongseob look up to the boy, making eye contact for the first time this whole conversation. He wants me? He wants to be with me?
“Do you think we can try? Try to be together?” For the first time tonight, Shota is the one who looks nervous. His round eyes staring softly at Jongseob with a mix of adoration and almost a sense of begging. Jongseob, stuck in his gaze, almost forgets to respond as he wants the other to stare at him like this forever. A smile grows so wide on his face as he launches himself, embracing the other as Shota falls backwards onto the bed. Jongseob’s face grows red at the change in position, but still replies, “Yes,” pausing for a second, “I want to try,” as he leans down to kiss Shota for the third time tonight.
They don’t know how long they softly exchange kisses with one another. These kisses are different from before. Shota takes control as he slowly deepens the kiss, but this time with love, like he’s in no rush. Jongseob softly licks Shota’s lips, immediately being let in by the older. He attempts to fight Shota for dominance, quickly failing, as he feels a large hand grab onto his waist pulling him closer.
Jongseob, pulling away, “Shota, you know in the bathroom,” slightly out of breath, almost losing his train of thought, “You’re the first person I’ve kissed.”
Shota, slightly taken aback, now smiles at the younger, as his gaze changes.
“So I’ll be the first and only person that gets to experience this,” Shota states as he flips the smaller to now be underneath him. Jongseob, amazed, but now feeling hot from being manhandled by Shota, turns red. Shota however, takes no time to smash his lips back onto Jongseob’s, causing him to quietly moan, reopening the entrance to start exploring his mouth again. Both wanting more, Jongseob’s hands are now exploring Shota’s body, creating small noises. In response, Shota slides his knee in between the smaller’s legs. Jongseob whines at the friction, the warmth in his stomach growing stronger compared to how he felt in the bathroom earlier.
Any thought either of them had of the four other members on the other side of the door has completely vanished, as Jongseob is tugging on Shota’s shirt, begging him to take it off. Shota breaks away from Jongseob, and pulls the pajama shirt Jongseob complimented earlier, over his head. Finally being able to admire his body, Jongseob wastes no time to reattach his lips to Shota’s and his hands search and find every crevice on his body. He wants to memorize every part of his body, touching him as if it’s his last time. His hands move to run all over the older’s back, as he slowly starts to move his hips against Shota’s knee wanting more friction. Jongseob can feel Shota smirk against his lips as the kiss is deepened, feeling the other apply more pressure exactly where he wants it. He knows Shota can feel the growing arousal, as he feels Shota’s hand start to palm him through his pants. Moaning at the unfamiliar touch, Jongseob feels the heat continuing to build in his stomach, desperately wanting more.
He removes his hands off the other’s back, and finds the waistband of Shota’s pajama pants. Traveling his hand lower, he tries to mimic the movements being done to him, onto the older, not entirely sure what to do. Shota moans against his lips, before he moves down to suck on Jongseob’s neck, also clearly wanting more. Shota’s length in his hands, feeling how large he is again, makes him whimper as the sensitive spot on his neck gets sucked. They continue to palm each other, silently agreeing to not move any further than these movements. As much as Jongseob craves to be touched more by the other, the thought scares him as it is his first time being touched this intimately. The other not going further makes Jongseob feel loved, and makes him understand that this isn’t going to be a one time occurrence.
They kiss as they continue to learn new parts of each other, what touches feel the best, familiarizing themselves with the sounds coming from one another. Moving back into a slower rhythm, “You know how long I’ve wanted to do this with you,” Shota says in between kisses. Before Jongseob can reply asking how long, genuinely wanting to know, the sound of Keeho practically screaming ET by Katy Perry in the background fills the room. How do they even have this much energy still?
The two pull apart, giggling at not just their leader, but at the moment they get to keep to themselves, knowing this is not the only time they will share memories like this. Shota, moving off of Jongseob, quickly grabs his shirt, before laying down beside the smaller, pulling him into his chest. Shota, placing quick, small pecks onto Jongseob’s cheek, causes him to smile. The last thing Jongseob remembers is the feeling of Shota’s fingers gliding up and down the side of his torso, before they fall into comfortable silence and drift off to sleep.
Jongseob picks up the headband off the floor, smiling at the memories he now gets to hold onto.
Shota likes me. He wants to be, no.. he is with me.
He walks back to the room, a smile beaming on his face. Shota, still asleep in the bed they shared together. He takes in the room, noticing Jiung on the floor. He starts to feel guilty about stealing the bed from the older, as he won it fair during their first round of Uno, until noticing he seems awfully comfortable holding Keeho next to him. Keeho, on top of Jiung's chest, makes the youngest smile to himself. Seems like I’m not the only one who confessed. He redirects his focus back towards the bed, remembering the intimate touches the two of them shared last night, his face gets warm.
He climbs back into bed, getting back under the covers, causing Shota to stir slightly at the familiar presence. Jongseob backs into the taller, wanting nothing but to be close to him. Shota, still sleeping, puts his arm back around the smaller one, pulling him closer into his chest. He smiles at the action, able to comfortably drift back to sleep.
“You have so much explaining to do Kim Jongseob,” Theo says as he barges into the room, violently shaking him awake. Jongseob, feeling the lack of warmth behind him, looks over to see Shota now gone and Theo at the edge of the bed glaring at him. “Ya, what time is it?”
“What time is it? Jongseob what the hell happened last night?” Theo starts, but doesn’t give any time for the boy to respond, “You were just upset over Shota last night, and as I’m getting ready to go to sleep, Keeho and Jiung come over freaking out saying the two of you were cuddled in bed?”
“Hyung,” Jongseob replies, starting to smile. “What?” Theo asks, “Why are you smiling?” slightly annoyed, but also relieved.
“I confessed,” Jongseob says, not knowing where to start the events of last night. Theo immediately falls onto the floor in relief whispering “finally” over and over to himself, before quickly adding, “He had a good response.. right?”
Jongseob rolled his eyes at the dramatic response, “Can you get up hyung? So I can tell you.” But Jongseob looks around the room and notices the lack of Keeho and Jiung as well. “Wait, where is everyone?”
“Well Shota came out of the room an hour ago, while the four of us were standing around the kitchen, saying he needed to talk to Keeho and Intak,” Theo starts. Hearing Intak’s name really makes him feel ridiculous for all the thoughts he’s had about the two for the past few weeks. He continues, “That’s when I knew something must’ve happened. When they went outside to talk, Jiung and I started coming up with theories, they only just came back in a few minutes ago. Keeho and Intak couldn’t hide the expression on their faces, so I immediately came in here to hear what you had to say.”
“Well,” Jongseob hesitates, “Did he look happy?” hoping the older isn’t regretting their actions last night. Theo runs his hand through his hair, sighing at his question.
“Jongseob, the second you walk out that door-” pausing abruptly, “Why don’t you just go out there yourself. You can just lock yourself in here and expect him to come in like some knight and shining armor.”
As if Keeho overheard them talking, he peeks his head into the room, “Jongseob, cameras will be here in 15 minutes, please be ready,” shutting the door behind him before even receiving a response. Jongseob gets out of bed and gets himself put together while Theo sits on the bed listening to his version of what happened between the two.
“You made out with him twice?!” Theo exclaims in absolute disbelief. Jongseob shushes the older, “Hyung, stop! What if he hears?”
“What if one of us were to have walked in here?” Theo shrieks looking down at the bed in shock, quickly standing up after comprehending what the youngest just told him. The two of them get ready to leave the room as Theo teases the other, “Did you at least do it right?” Jongseob gives him an eyeroll in response, seemingly ending the conversation.
The two go out into the living room, immediately catching the four sitting scattered around, discussing their schedules for today.
Jongseob is staring. He can’t keep his eyes off Shota the whole day, but all of his glances are reciprocated. There isn’t a single time today that he doubts where he and the other boy stand. In between takes, Shota gives him new handwarmers, making sure he’s staying warm. Jongseob gravitating to the other like he did for all those years. He can see Shota staring at him with nothing but adoration in his large eyes, making his heart flutter every time.
Later at night, he found Shota sitting outside as light snow starts to fall. Sitting down next to him, they sat together in silence for a while, no words needing to be exchanged.
Putting his hand on top of Jongseob’s, “We’ll figure this out,” Shota softly says while looking forward. Jongseob silently nods in response, smiling down at their hands.
The two know they have a lot to discuss in terms of their relationship. They didn’t discuss the busy schedules or the boundaries they need to implement in front of the cameras. The two have plenty of time to talk about those things. Jongseob rests his head on Shota’s shoulder. Even as the snow quietly falls, it doesn’t change the warmth the two feel.
One thing Jongseob knew for certain, wherever their relationship currently stood, he wasn’t going to run. He trusted the process. He trusted that the two of them would flourish in time, and that this was only the beginning of their new found relationship.