Chapter Text
“Hey, Claire! Did you hear? The school’s got a new janitor!”
‘Twas the morning of a miserable Tuesday. Claire closed her locker and turned to Engel, who had a simple smile. She nodded. “Yup. It’s the only thing that everyone’s talking about.”
“Haha, I guess so. Still, it’s kinda shocking, right?”
“Yeah. It’s only been a day, and they already got a replacement.”
“Hopefully he’ll be as good as the old janitor. I really liked him,” Engel said with a fond smile.
“Eh. He was alright,” Claire said with a more neutral expression. “I still don’t remember his name.”
“...Is it wrong to say that I also don’t remember his name?” Engel said.
Claire chuckled. “Yeah, probably. I mean, you’ve been here longer than me.” The two began to walk to their next class, one Miss Thavel.
“True, true. Hopefully we’ll learn the name of this new janitor soon.”
“Hopefully,” Claire lied. She really didn’t want to meet the new janitor. There was a chance he was like Miss Circle or Miss Thavel.
They arrived at Miss Thavel’s class. Claire and Engel sat with Bubble as they usually did and the day went on from there. The next class was with Miss Emily, this history teacher, then Math with the infamous Miss Circle, a lunch break, then music with Mister Demi and finally, Chemistry with the great Miss Bloomie.
The day was normal (as far as it can be). There was really nothing that happened. Claire sat down in class, listened to what the teachers said and took notes. Occasionally she’d sneak in a few snicker-worthy comments to Bubble and Engel.
In the back of Claire’s mind though, she was still thinking about the new janitor. Who was he? Not many people were actually talking about him. In fact, it was sort of an afterthought.
But even still, not once had Claire seen the new face.
In fact, no one had seen him at all yet.
To which Claire was sort of grateful for. For some reason, she had a bad feeling about the mysterious janitor who everyone was talking about. She didn’t know why but it was there.
Once she gathered her things, she headed to the exit of the school as with all the other students who didn’t have a club to go to.
Engel and Bubble were in the Tennis Club and so she had already said goodbyes to them. As she left the school and headed to the sidewalk, she suddenly had an ominous feeling that she forgot something.
Claire opened her bag and searched it, only to realize... She forgot her chemistry textbook. Goddamnit.
She headed back inside and went to the last class she was in, which was Miss Bloomie’s. Claire really liked Miss Bloomie and she had a feeling that Miss Bloomie liked her as well. This was a good chance to talk about some of the homework that Claire was struggling with.
As she walked through the hall, she saw someone mopping the floors. It was a tall man in a suit, something out of the 1930s or 1950s. As for his head, he had unkempt hair that was long, sort of like Abbie’s hair though a bit more... EVIL. It had an EVIL vibe. Claire couldn’t really describe why, but it just looked EVIL.
She couldn’t see his face at all. His back was turned against her. But because of his mopping, Claire immediately knew who he was.
She wanted to avoid him. Or her. Or them. But alas, they were right in the middle of the hall that Miss Bloomie’s class was in.
So, Claire sucked it up and went right past him. Normally janitors and students didn’t interact. In fact, students usually treated janitors like nothing. That’s what Claire did with the last janitor and hopefully it would be the same with this janitor.
She walked past and the janitor didn’t acknowledge her. Thank god.
But then the janitor started whistling.
It was a song that Claire knew all too well. She related to it very much, after all.
When she heard the song, she stupidly stopped walking.
And that’s when the janitor saw her.
He, in a weird accent that could only be described as cartoonishly EVIL, asked, “You know that song, little girl?”
Forcefully, Claire turned around and looked at the man. He had a DEVIOUS smile on him, and somehow his eyes were even more DEVIOUS.
She responded, nervously and quietly, “Yes.”
“What was that, little girl? I can’t hear you!” He said the last part in a bit of a sing-song voice.
“Yes,” she said in a louder yet still nervous voice.
And then her fears came true. The janitor walked over to her with his DEVIOUS smile and spoke. “Ah. Are you a fan of the Living Tombstone?” He was very tall, almost as tall as Miss Circle. He leaned down at a 90 degree pose just to be at Claire’s height.
“Y-Yes,” she said, intimidated.
“You have good taste! What’s ya favorite song?”
“...Basics in B-Behavior?”
“Which one?”
“Huh?”
“There’s two versions, stupid girl, blue and red. Which one ya like?”
“Blue.”
The janitor frowned. “Basic, stupid girl, of course you’d like that version.”
What? “Y-You like the red one?”
His smile became DEVIOUS yet again. “No, I hate the song haha.”
“Oh.” Then why was he humming it earlier??
“You see, my favorite Living Tombstone song is A Teacher’s Sorrow because it is cool,” he said as if it was the coolest thing ever.
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay. I-I gotta go.”
“Hmm, where ya heading, girl?”
“To a class.”
“Oh, cool! Lemme escort ya, it’s dangerous in these halls!”
Before Claire could decline, she witnessed the janitor fold his paper self into a car. She was stunned into silence at the sight because normally if someone did that, they’d be in excruciating and unfathomable pain as their body parts were in positions in ways inconceivable normally. Legs over arms, head at the lower belly, hands on elbow, it was a contorted sight that Claire could imagine being painful beyond comprehension.
He wasn’t screaming in pain. He was completely normal, actually. He had folded himself into something else. He was no longer a tall janitor. He was a car. He was a janitormobile.
“Get in loser, we’re going to class.” His head said somewhere in the car. “Where ya heading?”
Claire got on and nervously pointed at Miss Bloomie’s class.
“Oh, well shit, we could’ve just walked.”
Claire tried to get off the janitormobile but the janitormobile drove on to the class which was like a two second drive.
The janitor unfolded himself and with the swagger of an Italian fascist, he opened the door for Claire.
“Thank you,” she quietly said.
“It’s what I do,” the janitor cryptically said with an EVIL smile. “Who’s class is this, anyway?”
“It would be mine,” hissed out Claire’s favorite teacher. Miss Bloomie looked up at the tall janitor who was barely fitting through the door frame. “Hello, Claire,” she said sweetly. “Why bringssss you to my classsssroom?”
“Hi, Miss Bloomie! I just forgot my textbook, that’s all!”
“Ahh, good catch, my dear. I wassss wondering why there wassss a random textbook on your dessssk,” Miss Bloomie said. “Go on, take it.”
Claire hurried to take her textbook and put it in her bag.
“Hello, I am Missss Bloomie, the scienssssce teacher. You musssst be the new janitor, right? What’ssss your name?”
But the janitor didn’t respond. Claire looked back at him in the doorway. His eyes and smile were no longer DEVIOUS and EVIL. He just stared down with a blank stare at Miss Bloomie.
Claire and Miss Bloomie stared up at the janitor.
He stared down.
He opened his mouth.
And then he laughed.
He laughed really hard.
He laughed so hard that Miss Bloomie and Claire jumped.
He was literally choking on his laughter. In the middle of his laughter, he pointed at Miss Bloomie and he just kept on laughing really hard. “HAhahahahhahahahahah! Why are you so SHORT? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHhahHA-”
Miss Bloomie and Claire just stared at the laughing man, unable to process the fact that the large man was laughing at the short lady that was Miss Bloomie.
His laughter died down, but he was still giggling. “Sorry, haha, sorry, oh you’re hilarious, ya know that?”
Miss Bloomie just stared at the janitor and in a confused, blank tone, she merely thanked, “Thankssss?”
And then the janitor erupted into laughter yet again. “HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA YOU’RE SO SHORT HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA-”
Claire decided it was a good time to leave. This janitor creeped her out. He was weird. Too weird for her liking. “Bye, Miss Bloomie,” she yelled over the janitor’s loud ruckus of guffaws to which Miss Bloomie gave a small wave as she kept on staring at the laughing janitor.
Then the janitor noticed Claire leaving the class, to which he abruptly stopped laughing at the poor shorty short teacher. “Oh, leaving already, little girl?”
She nodded, hoping he wouldn’t follow her.
“Lemme escort ya out, these halls are very dangerous!” he said cryptically, a DEVIOUS grin forming on his face. He folded in front of a still mentally processing Miss Bloomie back into his janitormobile form, to which Claire, reluctantly, got on.
The janitormobile drove through the halls as Claire stayed silent, hoping that she would get out faster. She did have to admit, the janitormobile was pretty fast and within a minute, they got to the exit.
Claire got off and the janitor unfolded back into his regular, tall self. She mumbled, “Thanks.”
“No problem, little girl- Actually, what is your name?”
“...Claire.”
“Claire?”
“Claire.”
“Like Eclair?
“No? Just Claire.”
“Okay, well, Claire! I’m ya new janitor!” His DEVIOUS smile became a little warmer somehow. It was weird.
“...What’s your name?” Claire asked, wondering why she was asking.
“Hmmmmmm... My name? It’s Mister Steak to ya.” His DEVIOUS smile became really warm. “Well, see ya later! Hopefully we’ll meet again!” He began to wave Claire off as she exited the school and got to the sidewalk.
“And remember!” He shouted out as Claire continued to walk. She turned around, wondering what Mister Steak would say. “Read the TAGS always!”
“What was that?”
He didn’t hear that. Mister Steak was already back inside the school, leaving Claire confused, which she supposed was the norm now. But still, she thought Mister Steak wasn’t as bad as she thought he would be. Just weird.
Hopefully, Claire wouldn’t interact with the janitor too much still. There was something about him, something about his weirdness that still made Claire weary.
She didn’t know what, and she didn’t want to find out. That’s all she could hope for.