Work Text:
Medium: Television
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis/Battlestar Galactica
Subject: McShep
Title: True Love's Gay Kiss
Warnings: TOTAL AND COMPLETE CRACK. IT'S A TRUE CRACK MONSTER.
Notes: It's 
mik100's bday and we were trying to figure out what she would enjoy most and we came up with this. The general public should be aware that between Pippa and I we have seen maybe six episodes of SGA. But all of BSG! Hopefully that counts for something. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM! We hope it's as wonderful and exciting and perfect as you! ♥
1. Jonas Brothers - When You Look Me In the Eyes (AKA MCSHEP IS A BEAUTIFUL THING)
"Dearest, darlingest, most effervesent Rodskies, your eyes are so beautiful. I could drown in their beauty and never give a care!" Sheppard held his beloved close, wrapping his strong manful hands around his lover.
Rodney looked up. "Oh, John," he sighed. "Do you really mean it?"
"Of course," Sheppard replied, resting his cheek on the top of Rodney's head. "I love you most ardently."
Even though their moments had become a staple in the mess hall, everyone turned to bask in the shining glow of true love emenating from Sheppard and Rodney.
(Well, everyone except Carson, who tried steadfastly not to vomit into his noodles.)
2. Louis Garrel & Grégoire Leprince-Ringuet - J'ai Cru Entendre (AKA LOVE IS PAIN)
"What is that? What's happening?"
"It's another ship!"
"This is the Battlestar Galactica, requesting contact."
Elizabeth picked up the wireless. "This is Elizabeth Weir! Do you promise not to nuke us?"
"....Yes?"
"YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO LAND!"
-
The crew of the Battlestar Galactica mingled easily. Some people were a bit friendlier than others. A lot more friendly.
After a few hours, Rodney rounded a corner to find one of the crew members - Samuel T Anders, he would find out later - pressed up against his boyfriend. HIS BOYFRIEND. He stopped short and watched Sheppard smile up at the guy, saying something to make him laugh.
"John," Rodney whispered, as his heart shattered.
At that precise moment, they both looked up and saw him. Sheppard smiled happily, but Rodney only felt the pain of his betrayal.
"SLUT!" he sobbed, tears cascading down his cheeks. Rodney turned and ran back to his lab, slamming the door behind him. He slid down the wall, wailing and vowing to never love again.
3. Amy Adams & James Marsters - True Love's Kiss (AKA MAKEOVERS ALWAYS WORK)
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
Anders crossed his magnificent arms. "Didn't realise you were taken, bra. I'm sorry."
Sheppard buried his face in his arms. "How can I get him back? I've tried everything - I gave him balloons! I even wrote him this poem:
O! Like a winter's song,
How I miss your schlong!
I burn for you in the night,
Your beauty is always a welcome sight!
Rodskies - how I miss your musk
Don't make me wait till dusk -"
"Ok, we get it," Lee interrupted. "We need to try something new. Something no-one has ever done before." He turned Anders, who nodded.
"MAKEOVER TIME!" they said in unison.*
-
Lesson #1: Seduction.
"You want to show off your arms," Anders told him. He flexed.
Lesson #2: Romance.
"Dropping your towel is an art form," Lee advised. "ARTFULLY. JUST ENOUGH TO - NO, NOT THE WHOLE PACKAGE. WHAT PART OF 'ENTICE' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! HE'LL NEVER SHARE TRUE LOVE'S KISS WITH YOU IF YOU DON'T ENTICE HIM. LET'S GO AGAIN."
Lesson #3: Dressing to impress
"I look retarded," Sheppard said, examining himself in the mirror.
Anders and Lee had found an extra set of fatigues for him. Though he didn't fill it out quite as magnificently as Anders, he looked ... adequate.
"It's time for the final test," Lee announced. "Starbuck!"
"What?"
"Would you frak this man?"
"Isn't he -"
"Just answer the question."
"Just because I would, doesn't mean I frakking will."
"You're ready," Anders said sagely.
4. Ray J - Sexy Can I (AKA ~*THE SEDUCTION*~)
The mess hall was sadder, it seemed to Sheppard, without the presence of true love in it. He sighed, and looked down. The skin tight flight suit was Athena's and it chafed in all the wrong the places.
"Lieutenant Colonel! Are you ready?" Hoshi stage-whispered.
He nodded back. He stood just outside the mess hall, peering in. Rodney was eating alone, at their usual table. Sheppard's heart clenched.
Before he could berate himself again, the mess hall suddenly pounded with music. "Sexy, can I" was his cue and Sheppard strutted in, not at all awkward in his combat boots.
Rodney hadn't turned to see what was happening, too focused on drowning his sorrows in the tub of ice cream in front of him. But he suddenly felt a touch across his shoulders, and he turned to Sheppard, who was biting his lip seductively.
Sheppard dropped onto Rodney's lap and kissed him, quickly, before he could be pushed away and then got off him. He thrust and shook his hips to the music, right in front of his beloved Rodney.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Ronon yelled. "WHITE BOY GOT RHYTHM!" And the mess hall exploded with laughter.
Hoshi quickly cut the music. Sheppard dropped to one knee, breathing hard with exertion and nervousness.
"Please, Rodney, forgive me. I will never forgive myself for hurting you, but I can't live without you. The world is darker without your smile. Without your dulcet tones, music has no meaning. When I -"
"Shhhhhhhhh," Rodney interrupted, pressing a finger to Sheppard's lips. His eyes were bright, and he smiled tremulously, that smile that Sheppard had missed so fiercely in their time apart. "I forgive you, John. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Oh, Rodskies!" John cried, engulfing his lover in his (perfectly adequate) arms. "There's nothing to forgive, as long as we're together again!"
They looked into each other's eyes and knew that nothing would ever come between them ever again. They pressed their lips together, sharing True Love's Kiss and once again, the mess hall was permeated with a halo of love.
(Lee and Anders high-fived.)
5. A R Rahman - Jai Ho (AKA EVERYBODY DANCE NOW)
Inspired by the dazzling example of true love, the citizens of Atlantis and the crew of the Battlestar Galactica showed their absolute glee in the only way they could.
They danced!
Like this:
And all was right in the world.
*This is important to your learnings.