Chapter Text
"Oppa." The fan sat opposite to him.
"Yes?" Lee Know asked, signing her album and posters.
"Could you... Be a little nicer to the members sometimes?"
His pen paused for a second before he continued signing.
"I know you like to tease them and stuff, but it's not always funny. It gets really hard to defend you sometimes."
Minho looked up from the table and raised his eyebrows, "Ah, is that so? I'll keep it in mind, thank you."
"Yes, please do." She grabbed her merch.
"Is that all you wanted to say?" Minho looked up at her as she got up from the seat, "Nothing else you wanted to talk about?"
The fan shook her head, "Nope, nothing else."
"Ah, okay okay, well take care then!" Minho waved her off as the next fan came to sit in front of him.
"Thank you guys for coming!" Bang Chan said as the members clasped hands and bowed on the stage.
"We had a great time meeting you guys! Thank you for always loving and supporting us!" Felix cheered and clapped.
"And another thing we wanted to let you guys know..." Their leader began.
"Ah, he's starting again." Minho said before he could stop himself. "Just pretend to listen to him."
Small giggles and laughter was heard from the fans and members before Chan continued with his speech, "We'll be releasing some new stuff pretty soon-"
The fans cheered.
"-Yes," Chan laughed, "So make sure to give all your love to it! We have some exciting things coming soon!"
With that, the fan sign ended.
Minho lay on his bed, the tiredness in his body indicating it was far too late in the night.
He thought about his schedule for the next day, filled with the usual vocal sessions, dance practices and photoshoots.
He grabbed his phone, deciding to scroll on it instead.
The posts and reels from the app engulfed his brain as he looked into the new happenings around the world.
"Stray Kids latest fansign event!" A fan had posted, along with pictures of herself and the members from far away.
He dug further down the thread, and recognized some of the fans he had met earlier in the day.
Yet one caught his eye.
"Could you be a little nicer to the members?" Her words rang in Minho's head.
He thought he'd been over this already. The hate he had faced last time had nearly sent him on a hiatus.
***
"Minho, I need to discuss something with you." His manager's usually soft voice was stern today.
"Yes?"
"You've been getting a lot of hate everywhere. People think you're rude and mean, because of the way you behave with the members. I know that's just the way you are, but it's only a matter of time before that hate turns into bullying accusations, and you know what happens after that..."
Minho's stomach had dropped.
Yes, he knew that he often got hate for being the way he was.
But bullying accusations?
It almost always resulted in idols going on a hiatus, or worse... Leaving the group.
He didn't bully the members. He was sure he didn't.
But that's not what the fans thought apparently.
"What should I do?" He asked his manager, desperate.
He didn't want to go on a hiatus. He didn't want to be separated.
"Just... Tone it down for a while. Don't say the things you usually say. Don't attack others or make fun of them that much."
"But that's not me!" Minho looked at the man, bewildered at his words.
How could he just stop being himself?
Did he really have to mask himself to be accepted within the group?
Did he have to stop being himself just to fit in other people's perceptions?
"I'm sorry, but it's the only way." The manager sighed. "You know what happened with Hyunjin, I don't want it to happen again... And the consequences this time might be worse..."
Minho nodded bitterly, looking away.
Of course.
The consequences would be worse this time.
Because at that time people knew Hyunjin was not a bully.
But now?
Maybe that's all they see him as, a bully.
It wasn't long before he started growing resentful of the fans.
Every time a joke was on his tongue, he would catch it before it slipped out.
Every time he thought of making a comment, he would remind himself.
You can't do all that just yet. These people think you're a bully.
And he didn't know what was worse.
Not being himself, or not having any of the other members know what was going on.
He could tell them, of course. Or at the very least he could tell Bang Chan.
But why worry them with things that were taking place because of his own actions?
Everyone already had a lot on their plate, not to mention the hate which other members sometimes got too.
No, he didn't want to burden them.
It was eating him alive.
Acting the way he was "supposed" to, being the picture perfect idol for his fans who knows how to sing and dance, and is kind and polite and yet hot when they want him to be.
But that's just what he'd signed up for a very long time ago.
He hated the cheering of his fans, the ones who screamed harder now that he was not a "bully".
It took a long time to get over that.
It had almost been what? 6-8 months? That he'd gone through his whole ordeal.
***
And now...
Hearing that girl's voice in his mind.
"It just gets hard to defend you sometimes..."
He didn't need defending. Why didn't anyone understand that?
He was perfectly fine the way he was right now, and he was not a bully.
His members knew that.
Didn't they?
They knew he was joking most of the time, that's why they laughed along.
Didn't they?
"It's not always funny."
But they did find it funny... Right?
It was just the way he was...
He pushed away the phone and buried his head in his pillow.
His chest felt tight.
Did their feelings actually get hurt when Minho played around with them?
He found himself going over the whole day, thinking about all the comments he may have made here and there.
But every single time, Seungmin had given a small smile.
Or Han had punched him back whining.
Or Changbin had shouted "Yah, hyung!"
"Ah, he's starting again. Just pretend to listen." He had said in front of everyone.
The members had laughed.
Chan had laughed.
Even the people in the crowd had laughed.
The members did actually find him funny didn't they?
Or were they just laughing for the sake of it, and he had actually hurt their feelings?
But they would tell him if he hurt their feelings... Right?
His brain went into a spiral, overanalyzing every situation in which he made fun of the others.
Chan did laugh, but the smile hadn't reached his eyes.
Or the other day when Minho had looked at Han's aegyo and made fun of him.
Han had pretended to be hurt.
But what if it wasn't pretend? What if it actually hurt him?
He used to play around with Seungmin a lot, but the younger had always smiled or chuckled.
What if Seungmin was doing that just because he had to?
What if the younger wasn't actually able to express his feelings, how Minho may have hurt him?
Did he really hurt other people's feelings by being himself?
He didn't want to hurt the members, that's the last thing he wanted to do.
But...
"Could you be nicer to them? It's not always funny."
It's not the first time he was hearing such things.
Even the comments under their post contained things like this.
"Lee Know should really take a hint sometimes."
"Does he really think he's being funny doing all this? All I can see is the members laughing because they have no choice but to."
"I love him, but sometimes he really can be hurtful. I don't know how the members take this."
The comments bore into his head as he stared into his phone.
He didn't want to hurt anyone, let alone the members.
He went over the clips other people had posted, and the comments under them.
"Look at Han's face... He's almost crying :( Why does Lee Know do this??"
"Gosh how long are they gonna let him make fun of them like that? It's obviously tiring for the others too, just look at Hyunjin."
"You guys don't understand him. That's just the way he jokes."
He was hurting them, wasn't he?
They just didn't want to say it on his face.
Why?
If he had known, he would have stopped immediately.
He wouldn't have said those things if he had known their impact.
But nobody told him.
How could he be so stupid?
How had he not seen how they laughed just because they had to?
They obviously didn't find him funny or want him to continue his teasing.
His vision blurred.
It was all his fault.
He was hurting the members without knowing it, and they didn't want to tell him either.
The fan wasn't wrong
It wasn't always funny.
What if he really was a bully?