Work Text:
“speak up… i know you hate me”
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It wasn’t supposed to end this way. Jisung had expected resistance, something loud enough to prove it mattered.
Instead, Chenle agreed. He always agreed to space, to time, to whatever Jisung thought he needed. And the gentleness of it all felt worse than a fight ever could.
Jisung tries to remember when it started to feel fragile. the beginning, maybe. when everything was too easy and had fit in just right.
Chenle fit into his life like the last missing piece of something that Jisung hadn’t realized was incomplete. Like the space beside him had been waiting, patiently, quietly… for someone exactly like him.
He showed up at times Jisung didn’t even know he needed anyone, filling silences without overwhelming them, standing close without crowding him. He was just… there.
Jisung remembers when they first met, Donghyuck had begged him to go watch Mark play basketball because the older didn’t want to be alone and Jisung being the pushover he was, agreed.
He remembers the moment their eyes met all because the basketball rolled off and landed by his feet. He remembers the feeling of the ball in his hands and the apologetic smile on Chenle’s face as he handed the ball over.
The lingering brush of their fingers, the redness of Chenle’s face, the sight of sweat dripping from his hair and onto his already soaked grey t-shirt.
At the time, Jisung thought it was just a small gesture, shrugging off the fact that the ball landed next to him.
But the way Chenle looked at him made the gesture feel way bigger than it was supposed to be.
It caught Jisung off guard and made something inside of him warm up as he saw Chenle jogging back to the court.
Donghyuck was the first to notice the shift in Jisung’s expression, noting how he went from looking bored to suddenly interested in just a matter of a few seconds.
“You should ask him out” Donghyuck tells Jisung as if it was the simplest thing to do in the entire world.
Jisung’s eyes widen as he shakes his head “what-“ he starts to say, a small blush creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks.
Donghyuck just grins and leans back into his seat. “Don’t act so shocked sungie, I’ve known you for years and you don’t lean forward for just anyone” he say in a matter of fact tone.
“I wasn’t leaning” Jisung mutters as he looks down at the ground.
“Yeah and i’m not dating Mark, come on ji… you can’t lie to me” Donghyuck says with the same grin.
Jisung shakes his head as his attention soon drifts back to the court, scanning the way Chenle threw his head back while laughing at something Mark had said.
It was unfair honestly, to look like that while smiling.
“I don’t even know him” Jisung admits as he looks towards Donghyuck.
“Then fix that” Donghyuck says as if it was the easiest thing to do. “He’s always noticed you”
This made Jisung freeze. “What- no he hasn’t” He stammers out.
“He’s looked over here three times” Donghyuck says simply as he stands up and stretches.
Jisung stood frozen for a few seconds as his eyes trailed over to Chenle once more, this time making direct eye contact with him.
Chenle gives Jisung a cocky but kind grin before waving at him.
Jisung felt his stomach do a flip as he slowly stands up and waves back at Chenle.
“Still think you shouldn’t ask him out?” Donghyuck mutters as he claps a hand onto Jisung’s shoulder before walking towards Mark.
Jisung stood there for a few minutes, maybe it was his brain playing tricks on him, or maybe he was suddenly a changed person.
All Jisung knew was that he was happy and even welcomed to the thought of someone new entering his life.
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Jisung didn’t immediately ask Chenle out that day, it felt too soon… too fresh of an interaction with each other for him to be so bold.
So he let it fester for a few days.
Neither of them expect it to happen just three days later, and yet it did.
Jisung stood in line at the campus café, half asleep and music drowning out the loud noises from the machines when he soon feels someone bump into his left side.
“Sorry - Oh.”
Jisung mutters as he notices Chenle, taking in the way he looked, messy hair glistening with either sweat or water, a basketball hooked under his arm, his bag slung over his shoulder.
“Donghyuck’s friend right?” Chenle asks when he makes eye contact with Jisung, a grin on his lips.
Jisung nods his head slowly, “yeah, you’re Mark’s friend from the gym” he mutters and pulls his headphones fully off, letting them pool around his neck.
“Didn’t expect to see you here… thought the court was a one time experience” Chenle says in a joking manner.
Jisung shakes his head as he looks back towards the line ahead of him. “guess the universe decided otherwise” he mutters in a nonchalant tone.
“Hopefully it continues” Chenle says as a small laugh leaves his lips and he looks towards Jisung once more.
Jisung doesn’t respond and instead moves ahead in the line, his heart doing backflips as he tries to calm his nerves from Chenle’s comments.
“So you want the universe to help you stalk me?” Jisung suddenly shoots back.
“Stalk? noooo” Chenle says dragging out the word as he starts to dribble his basketball on the floor. “that’s a lot of cockiness you got to think that” he adds playfully.
Jisung just shrugs his shoulders as he steps to the register and pays for his drink after ordering it, stepping to the side. “Had to shoot my shot somehow”
Chenle follows behind after paying for his own drink. “are you flirting with me..?” Chenle asks with a smirk on his lips.
Jisung’s eyes widen “what- no” he quickly says, his cheek burning red as he tries to retract his statement.
Chenle doesn’t let him off the hook. “No?” he repeats, stepping closer, not invading, just enough that Jisung can feel the warmth from him.
“Because that sounded suspiciously like flirting.”
“It wasn’t,” Jisung mutters, staring very hard at the pastry display like it holds the secrets of the universe.
Chenle hums thoughtfully. “So you accidentally told me you were shooting your shot?”
Jisung exhales sharply. “You’re reading into it.”
“I’m really not,” Chenle says, grin widening “You said it very confidently too.”
“I did not.”
“You did.”
Their drinks are called at the same time.
Chenle grabs his drink and turns towards Jisung with the same cocky grin “see you next time…” he trails off, not knowing the other’s name.
“Jisung… the names Jisung”
Chenle nods and starts walking backwards towards the entrance of the coffee shop. “Jisung… I like that name” he says and turns around, exiting the building.
Jisung stands there for a few seconds, his face still bright red as he holds his coffee order in his hand. “of course you do…” he murmurs with a head shake.
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The second time they bumped into each other, You would’ve thought it was planned.
Jisung stands the moment his chemistry professor dismisses class, slinging his bag over his shoulder and collecting his phone off the desk.
Chenle notices Jisung and steps towards him, the same smirk he had at the coffee shop on his lips again. “didn’t know we had the same class.” he tells Jisung.
Jisung looks up from his phone and notices Chenle, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “you again?”
“Don’t act like you’re not happy to see me” Chenle says smugly.
“I can see why you’re friends with Mark and Donghyuck.” Jisung says with a head shake as he starts to walk out of the classroom.
Chenle follows behind, watching the way Jisung just disregarded him so easily. “I take that as a compliment”
“You shouldn’t-“ Jisung says as he stops in his tracks and looks at Chenle for the first time that day.
Chenle nearly bumps into Jisung when he suddenly stops in his tracks.
“Shouldn’t what?”
“You shouldn’t take everything as a compliment-“ Jisung says and pauses for a bit before finishing his sentence. “It’ll boost your ego”
Chenle feels his smirk slowly turn into a soft smile, the edge of his lips not as sharp as before. “Who says it isn’t already boosted” he shoots back.
“I’m just trying to help you” Jisung mutters.
They stand in the middle of the hallway, students flowing around them like water around rocks. For a second it feels like they’re the only ones there.
Chenle shifts the bag on his shoulder. “That’s cute”
Jisung freezes and looks at Chenle once more. “Cute..?”
“You care about me.”
Jisung rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t- nevermind” he mutters.
Chenle lets out a laugh and turns his head when he hears his name being called, noticing a few friends waiting for him.
Jisung looks over Chenle’s shoulder and sees a few guys waiting. “I guess that’s your calling”
Chenle hums softly. “I guess so… see you next time Jisung.” he says and turns around, jogging over to his group of friends.
Jisung huffs out a laugh of disbelief as he watches Chenle walk away. “See you later” he mutters and turns around, walking in the opposite direction to his next class.
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The third and final moment is the breaking point of Jisung’s stance on his ‘relationship’ (is that what you call it??) with Chenle.
The rain patters against the window lightly as Jisung walks down the stairs to head back to his dorm, a hum leaving his lips as he pulls his hood up.
The rain soon starts to pour down hard and relentlessly, the campus emptying out fast from students and professors alike trying to get home before the weather worsens.
Jisung lets out a huff as he looks around, noticing the last umbrella in the free donation bin for moments just like these.
“Thank god” Jisung mutters as he jogs over to the bin and starts to grab for the umbrella, noticing someone else’s hand, the warmth of them somehow familiar.
Jisung looks up and notices Chenle, a sigh leaving his lips. “Wow the universe wants me to suffer no matter the weather”
Chenle lets out a laugh as he looks at Jisung. “Come on I’m not that insufferable” he says and motions to the umbrella.
“Guess we have to fight to see who wins the last umbrella”
Jisung shakes his head and looks at the umbrella for a few seconds before opening his mouth to talk. “we can just share” he says way too fast to take back.
Chenle’s eyes light up as he grins. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me” he says teasingly and takes the umbrella, opening it up.
“Shut up.” Jisung mutters as he grab the umbrella from Chenle and holds it above them as best as he could.
Their height difference making it slightly hard for them both to be covered up but neither complained as they started walking together.
Chenle stops in his tracks when they stop at the intersection that separates them. “keep the umbrella” he says and starts to move away from it.
“What-“ Jisung starts to say, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looks at Chenle.
“My place is closer, I can just run before the rain gets worse” Chenle says simply as he looks back at Jisung.
Jisung nods his head slowly as he tightens his hold on the umbrella handle. “well… don’t slip while running” He says with a small almost unnoticeable grin.
Chenle lets out a laugh and shakes his head. “I’ll text you when I get home so you know I didn’t slip” he says and turns around, starting to walk away.
Jisung smiles and soon looks at Chenle’s walking form before calling out to him. “Wait- I don’t even have your number !” he calls out.
“Check your pocket !” Chenle calls back out as he soon starts to run home.
Jisung frowns a bit as he looks down at his jacket and slips his hand into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper, a few digits scrawled onto it.
A small smile forms on Jisung’s lips as he slips the paper back into his pocket and starts walking towards his dorm.
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Jisung looks down at Chenle’s phone number, then back to his own phone before typing it in, a nervous sigh leaving his lips.
“Hey, Just making sure you got home safe”
Jisung sends the message before he can stop himself from being too coward to send it at all, biting his bottom lip as he watches the messsge go from sent to delivered.
Bubbles pop up on Jisung’s screen before disappearing and then popping back up again, a message soon replacing the bubbles.
“Almost slipped going up the stairs but other than that, we made it home safe 🤍”
Jisung smiles softly as he sits down on his bed and types on his phone once more.
“I could’ve walked you home”
Jisung stares at the text, debating on deleting it before shaking his head and letting it stay delivered.
Chenle on the other hand has a grin on his lips as he sits against his wall, his fingers gliding over his keyboard fast.
“We just met, don’t you think that’s moving a bit too fast?”
Jisung shakes his head as he reads the text in Chenle’s teasing tone.
“You wouldn’t have complained either way”
“Touché”
Jisung smiles down at his phone, warmth pooling low into his chest, not loud but also not overwhelming.
They fall into an easy rhythm after that.
Favorite classes.
Worst Professors.
Chenle complaining about 6am practice.
Jisung pretending not to care about how early Chenle had to wake up.
At some point, The teasing just softens and the replies get longer, slower, more intentional.
Until finally.
“I have practice in the morning, I’m gonna have to sleep if I want to survive it.”
Jisung stares at the message for a second longer than necessary.
He types, deletes, and then types again.
“don’t slip tomorrow either.”
The response is almost immediate.
“aww you care about me”
Jisung lets out a huffed laugh before shaking his head.
“Go to sleep Chenle.”
“Goodnight Jisung.”
Jisung stares at the message, swallowing lightly as he replies back.
“Goodnight Chenle.”
The screen goes quiet after that.
But Jisung doesn’t put his phone down right away after the conversation.
He stares at the conversation and the contact name on top for a few seconds.
This doesn’t feel like banter anymore, It feels more starting than anything else.
And that thought is both exciting and yet terrifying.
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It starts with a text two days later.
“practice ended early, you busy?”
Jisung looks towards his chemistry homework strewn across his desk before focusing on the message.
He types back before he can overthink.
“depends.”
Three dots appear immediately.
“what if I told you that I know a restaurant with the best pork belly that you’ll ever have”
Jisung rolls his eyes.
“that’s a bold claim.”
“so come fact check it.”
And somehow that’s how Jisung ends up walking beside Chenle twenty minutes later, hands tucked into his hoodie pocket, pretending this is casual.
It feels casual.
Too casual.
Chenle doesn’t make it awkward, in fact he makes it more comfortable.
He doesn’t act like this moment is monumental.
He just walks beside Jisung like they’ve done it a million times before, nudging his shoulder with Jisung’s when the younger drifts off too far towards the curb.
The restaurant is small. Warm. and slightly too loud.
But Jisung doesn’t complain as the two of them squeeze into a booth across from each other.
Jisung expects nerves and stiffness.
Instead, Chenle doesn’t make it awkward, he makes it even more comfortable the moment he leans over and steals a piece of pork belly off of Jisung’s plate.
Jisung kicks his leg lightly under the table.
“You said I had to prove you wrong.” Chenle says mid chew.
“That doesn’t mean steal my evidence”
Chenle just grins and continues to eat.
They talk easily, both about nothing and everything important.
Chenle admits that he almost got kicked off the basketball team because of his grades.
Jisung admits that he pretends to hate others for his safety.
Chenle laughs at that.
“I know.” He says.
Jisung’s eyes narrow, “You don’t know me.”
Chenle shrugs as he takes a sip from his glass. “I’m starting to.”
The words don’t feel heavy.
They feel true.
When they leave, it’s darker outside than either of them realized.
The walk back is slower and quieter.
Not awkward, just softer.
Their hands brush once, then again.
By the third time, Jisung doesn’t pull away, instead he leans more into the touch.
Chenle’s fingers shift slightly, testing the waters.
The moment he realizes that Jisung doesn’t move away, he moves closer.
Chenle intertwines their hands together, Simple and Natural.
Like it was always meant to be there.
Neither of them comment on it, they just continue to walk.
And for the first time, it doesn’t feel awkward.
It feels intentional.
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It’s late.
Not romantic late. Just tired late.
Chenle is sitting cross legged on Jisung’s bedroom floor, his head secured by the younger thighs as he stares at the same passage with no motivation to actually read past it.
Jisung was sat on his bed, one hand holding his phone as he scrolled through it while his other hand massaged Chenle’s scalp.
“You’ve been on the same page for twenty minutes” He murmurs.
“I’m annotating it.”
“You’re staring at it.”
“It’s a long paragraph.”
“It’s 5 sentences long.”
Chenle sighs as he looks up at Jisung with a pout on his lips. “okay mr. intellect”
Jisung snorts lightly.
There’s an easy quiet after that, Comfortable.
Chenle eventually gives up, pushing his books to the side before climbing into Jisung’s lap, a dramatic sigh leaving his lips.
“You’re distracting.” He mutters.
“I’m literally existing.” Jisung mutters back.
“Exactly.”
Jisung shakes his head as he lays back into his bed, his head hitting the pillows as he pulls Chenle down onto him, his hand immediately going back to massaging his scalp.
“You’re already blaming me for your grades?” Jisung mutters.
Chenle looks up and shrugs, a smug smile on his lips. “I need someone to hold responsible.”
“I guess i’ll take the blame this time” Jisung mutters back with a head shake.
Silence envelopes them after that, Jisung’s hands still in Chenle’s hair, the sound of their combined breathing being the only sound.
Chenle swallows softly as he looks back up at Jisung’s face once more, studying it like his textbook on the floor.
“I love you.”
No buildup, No grand Pause.
Just there, in comfortable silence.
Jisung freezes for a split second, his eyes meeting Chenle’s.
Not because he didn’t feel it coming.
But because the confirmation was louder than he expected.
Louder and more real.
Chenle’s expression doesn’t change. He doesn’t look nervous or hesitant as if he wants to take it back.
He looks even more sure in this moment.
Jisung swallows.
“…You can’t just say that so casually.” Jisung whispers.
Chenle tilts his head. “Why not?”
“Because.” Jisung exhales shakily. “Because it’s not casual.”
Chenle shifts closer to Jisung until their foreheads touch.
“I know.”
There’s no pressure in his voice. No expectation.
Just truth.
Jisung searches his face for hesitation but doesn’t find any.
And suddenly all the intrusive thoughts in Jisung’s mind disappear.
Instead, something warmer and steadier appears.
“I love you too.” Jisung says quietly.
Not accidentally or flustering.
Just truth.
Chenle’s smile is softer than the usual smug grin he has on.
“Took you long enough, thought I imagined saying those words.”
Jisung huffs a small laugh. “You didn’t.”
And for a moment, everything feels aligned.
Like loving each other is the easiest thing in the world.
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The second time they say ‘I love you’, Jisung is the one who initiates it.
They’re walking back to Chenle’s apartment from a party.
It wasn’t dramatic or boundary crossing, but someone was a little too friendly with Chenle.
Jisung didn’t like how it made his chest tighten.
The rain from earlier slowly starts to get heavier as they continue to walk in silence.
Jisung doesn’t know what to say, now that they’re alone.
Chenle nudges his shoulder. “You got quieter earlier.”
“I was- I’m fine.”
“You were sulking.”
“I don’t sulk.”
Chenle laughs softly.
Jisung stops in his tracks.
Chenle stops right behind him, confused.
“You okay?”
Jisung hesitates merely for a second.
Then he turns around to face Chenle, the roughness of his palms cupping his face.
“I love you.” Jisung says.
It’s not possessive, but more grounding.
Chenle blinks slowly. “I know.”
“I’m serious Chenle.”
“I know.” Chenle repeats, softer now. “I love you too”
And Jisung realizes he didn’t say it out of jealousy.
He said it because the fear of losing Chenle, even hypothetically, scared him.
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It doesn’t happen all at once, nor was there a defining moment.
It was just small things, things that Chenle noticed but couldn’t find a reason behind.
Jisung started to pull his hand away, not abruptly, just a second earlier than usual.
He says “I love you” back but it’s not as instant as he used to.
He still shows up and laughs, doesn’t miss a study date, a chance to see Chenle practicing, or any of his games.
But there’s something quieter behind Jisung’s eyes.
The thoughts aren’t loud at first, but they do feel reasonable.
You’re getting too comfortable.
What if this is just for Chenle’s convenience?
What if you’re forcing something that isn’t meant to last?
What if he wakes up one day and realizes he’s never loved you?
Jisung tells himself he’s just thinking realistically, that he should be mature and prepare for the worst.
Because that’s what everyone does, right?
They consider the outcomes, they don’t let themselves get blindsided.
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It’s a cool winter day on campus, classes had gotten cut short and practice of any sports or clubs were cancelled for the day.
Chenle sat on the floor of his living room next to Jisung, it’s quiet but comfortable around them as they focus on their own devices just in each other’s presence.
Jisung sets his phone down and stares at Chenle for a few seconds, he’s thought about this moment so many times and her it still feels suffocating to go through.
“Chenle…” Jisung says, the pitch in his voice going slightly higher when nervous.
Chenle notices the pitch and tone, immediately setting his phone down as he looks towards Jisung.
Jisung stares at Chenle again, his chest tightening slightly as he struggles to take deep breaths, his hand gripping his pants leg.
“I-“
Jisung starts to say, tilting his head back to stop himself from letting any tears fall down, his breaths slowly calming and more regulated.
“Ji…” Chenle says and sets his hand on top of Jisung’s, a frown of confusion etched onto his lips.
Jisung finally looks towards Chenle and sighs. “I think we need space…” he whispers.
Chenle freezes for a split second, his hand still on top of Jisung’s as the words replay in his head.
“Did I do something?” Chenle immediately asks.
“No.”
It’s the truth, and that’s what makes it unbearable.
“Then why?”
Jisung feels his jaw clench slightly as he looks at Chenle once more.
He could say nevermind, could come up with an excuse about being tired, or even kiss Chenle to change the subject.
But he doesn’t.
“I don’t know.” Jisung admits quietly.
This is worse than anger, worse than accusation, worse than betrayal.
Chenle’s hand flexes against Jisung’s. “you don’t know or you don’t want to say?”
Jisung doesn’t know what to say and just stares at Chenle, he’s unsure of what to do or even think.
It’s like he wants Chenle to be the one to figure it out, to decide what they should do.
And that’s what Chenle does.
If Jisung needs space, he wasn’t going to argue about it.
If Jisung wants to focus on himself more, he wasn’t going to deny the opportunity.
“Okay… If that’s what you need” Chenle says carefully.
There’s no drama, no raised voices, just calm and quiet acceptance.
And Jisung feels even more hurt during this.
Because a part of him wanted a fight, wanted resistance.
Instead, he got understanding.
He nods once more.
The words feel final yet distant.
Chenle grabs Jisung’s hand and lightly squeezes it.
“I still love you.” he says.
It’s not tactic or manipulation, just the honest truth.
Jisung’s throat tightens as his eyes water once more.
“I love you too…” He whispers.
Chenle doesn’t say a word as he leans into Jisung and wraps his arms around him.
Jisung lets out a shaky breath as he closes his eyes and hugs Chenle back, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.
The two of them sit there in silence, just embracing each other until they felt like it was appropriate to move away.
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The morning after feels different, Jisung lays in his bed for a few extra minutes as he’s suddenly hit with the conversation last night.
A sigh leaves his lips as he pushes it to the back of his mind, his legs shaking as he reluctantly gets out of bed and starts to get dressed for the day.
The air feels still… as if time had suddenly just froze. Jisung doesn’t know what to think of it as he paces through his classes for the day.
He immediately notices the absence of Chenle’s presence and voice in their shared chemistry class.
The sudden silence of his drumming fingers on any surface, the non stop talking whenever anyone would listen, and worst of all, the corny jokes he would crack when the professor was too distracted to care.
Jisung tells himself that this was needed, that of course he would miss the moments because it’s only been a day, that he would get used to the silence and loneliness to follow.
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The morning after hits completely different for Chenle, the conversation didn’t feel real, maybe it’s why he instinctively reached next to him for Jisung, hoping the younger was next to him.
Chenle was never the type to relish in negativity but the absent feeling of Jisung had hit him hard as he stares at the ceiling for a few more seconds.
The day feels like it drags on longer than it usually does, when it comes time for their shared class, Chenle immediately thinks back to their conversation again.
Maybe it was the empath in him but he doesn’t sit in his usual spot next to Jisung, as if an invisible force was telling him to give Jisung space in all aspects.
And Chenle does just that, he sits with his other friends in class, works with them on the assignment rather than with Jisung, and worst of all cracks jokes only he would crack with the other.
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A week is enough for the silence to stop feeling shocking.
If anything, it feels intentional.
Jisung keeps expecting it to get easier.
But it doesn’t.
He’s gotten good at pretending that nothing has changed.
He answers questions in class and laughs when it’s appropriate.
But chemistry is still the worst.
Jisung doesn’t look for Chenle anymore, doesn’t wait for him to sit in his usual spot anymore.
He tells himself that this is progress.
But the thoughts linger even more in his head when he notices Chenle laughing at someone else’s jokes.
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A week is enough for Chenle to understand that this isn’t temporary.
The first few days, he half expected a message.
Not dramatic.
Just a small one.
Something like “hey”.
When it didn’t come, Chenle realized it never would.
The silence now engulfs him more deliberately.
And Chenle teaches himself to adjust.
He laughs when people talk to him, lean into conversations more than he normally would, says yes when friends ask him to sit with them instead.
He tells himself that this is what giving space looks like.
Chemistry is still the hardest.
He walks and feels Jisung before seeing him.
There’s an awareness there that didn’t exist before.
A carefulness.
For half a second, muscle memory pulls him towards the seat next to Jisung.
Instead, He doesn’t follow it.
He turns around and sits somewhere else.
It feels like separating himself with pillows on the same bed as Jisung.
He talks more than usual today, cracking jokes and letting himself be more loud.
Part of him knows that Jisung can hear him.
He doesn’t look over.
Not once.
Because if he did, he might hesitate.
And hesitation might look like hope.
When someone says something genuinely funny, Chenle laughs without thinking.
Full and bright, like he always has.
Out of the corner of his eye, He notices movement.
Notices the way Jisung stiffens just slightly.
Chenle feels it like static.
The sound of his own laughter suddenly feels wrong in his chest.
Not because he shouldn’t laugh, but because he’s not with Jisung.
Because he’s used to leaning into Jisung, used to hearing the younger add more to the joke to the point he can’t laugh but cry instead.
Used to punching him in the arm as a way of expressing his joy.
Now the side between them holds it instead.
Chenle swallows the tail end of his laugh and focuses back on his assignment.
He doesn’t stop being friendly, doesn’t dim himself.
But something in him quiets down.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
A month is long enough for the silence to feel normal.
That’s what scares Jisung.
There’s no more dramatic ache, no sharp sting when he walks into chemistry.
Just a hollow space that used to be filled.
He doesn’t look for Chenle anymore.
But his body still registers him.
The scrape of a chair, The cadence of his voice across the room, The rhythm of his fingers drumming on the table.
He notices it without meaning to.
That’s the problem.
It’s subtle things now.
The way Chenle doesn’t glance over anymore, The way he’s fully settled into a different seat, The way his laugh doesn’t falter.
Jisung tells himself that this is proof that the break was the right idea.
Because if Chenle can adjust, then so can he.
But the intrusive thoughts took shape.
They’re no longer loud and panicked.
Just soft and precise.
You left before you could be left.
You don’t know how to stay when something feels permanent.
You confuse fear with instinct.
He replays the day sometimes.
The hesitation in his voice, the way he framed it like something responsible.
He hates that memory now.
Because the fear didn’t go away, it just lost its distraction.
Late at night he scrolls through photos, just to remember what it felt like to lean into someone without flinching.
He doesn’t cry, he just stares at the ceiling and realizes the quiet devastation.
He doesn’t just miss the relationship.
He misses Chenle, specifically.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
For Chenle, a month changes the texture of things.
The hurt isn’t constant anymore.
It comes in flashes.
A song playing in a café, A joke that would’ve landed better with one specific person, The empty space beside him when he instinctively turns to comment on something.
He’s adjusted on the surface.
New seat, New Routine, Different after class conversations.
He doesn’t look for Jisung anymore, it felt too much like measuring distance.
He focused forward.
But he still knows where Jisung is in any room.
It’s involuntary.
He notices when Jisung is quieter, notices when he lingers after class as if he might say something.
Chenle doesn’t make it easier.
He doesn’t avoid him, he just doesn’t bridge the gap.
Because this wasn’t his decision.
And he refuses to undo something that Jisung chose to do out of fear.
That’s the part he understands now.
It wasn’t a lack of love, It was fear.
Chenle could see it even then, that’s why he didn’t fight harder.
Chenle debates on texting Jisung, the younger’s contact still pinned in his phone.
Could text something harmless.
“Did you finish the assignment?”
“Did you eat?”
“Are you sleeping okay?”
Instead, Chenle decides it’s not worth it.
If Jisung wants to come back, he’ll have to walk across the room.
Chenle won’t drag him there.
But the honest thought does still linger in his head.
“If he calls… I’ll answer.”
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
April arrives softly.
The weather shifts just enough to feel like something new should be starting.
Instead, everything feels suspended.
Jisung’s quieter now, not on purpose, it just happens.
Conversations feel heavier, laughter feels delayed.
The regret isn’t loud, it’s cumulative and builds in moments.
When he sees Chenle answer someone else’s call immediately.
When he hears his name spoke from across the room and it’s not meant for him.
When he realizes he hasn’t heard Chenle say “Jisung” in over two months.
That one sits with him.
He used to hear his name come from Chenle everyday, but now it feels foreign.
He starts to replay memories more often.
Not just the good ones, the arguments too.
The night he panicked and pulled away, The way Chenle stayed calm.
The way he said “I’m not going anywhere” and Jisung left anyway.
The intrusive thoughts are different now.
Less chaotic, More honest.
You didn’t leave because it was broken.
You left because you were scared it would break.
That realization doesn’t free him, it traps him.
Because now he knows.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
April feels steadier on the outside.
Chenle’s sleeping better, laughing normally, functioning.
He’s not counting days anymore.
This feels like growth.
But there are hairline cracks.
Chenle notices Jisung shrinking into himself.
Not dramatically, Just less bright.
Chenle catches himself almost stepping in more than once.
Almost asking if he’s okay, Almost sliding into the old seat just to see what would happen.
But he doesn’t.
Because he understands something now.
Jisung didn’t leave because he stopped caring, he left because caring felt dangerous.
Chenle won’t chase someone who’s afraid.
He’ll be here if Jisung comes back, but he won’t drag the younger towards him.
That restraint costs him more than he lets on.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
It’s nothing dramatic, just a typical April day in chemistry class.
At least that’s what both Jisung and Chenle think until the professor announces a group project.
He wouldn’t partner them together right… i mean it’s obvious that they don’t talk…?
Oh how they were both very wrong with that very thought.
Jisung and Chenle end up paired together and suddenly the room gets strangely quiet in their heads.
They sit across from each other, not too far and not too close.
There’s stiffness at first, polite and transactional as if they’re strangers.
At one point of the two discussing the project, Jisung accidentally drops his pen.
He could’ve reached over the moment it fell from his hands to grab it, but it rolled right where Chenle’s foot was.
Chenle picks it up and immediately hands it over, their fingers brush lightly against each others.
It’s both nothing and everything.
The contact is brief and electric, too quick for it to be romantic or dramatic.
But brief enough to be familiar.
Jisung’s breath catches before he can stop it.
Chenle notices it automatically, but pretends he doesn’t.
They finish the assignment in class, no secret confessions or tension is spilled.
Just quiet cooperation.
But that night, neither of them can sleep.
Because for the first time since the break, they both relish in what it was like to sit across from each other.
And it didn’t feel wrong, it felt safe.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
When Jisung is finally able to force himself to sleep, Chenle seems to not be able to do the same thing.
He continuously replays the pen moment, the hitched breath coming from Jisung, the light graze of their fingers.
It’s what helps Chenle realize that he’s not over Jisung, and never was.
He turns on his side and stares at the wall.
If Jisung wanted to fix this, he would have said something today.
But he didn’t.
And so Chenle folds the hope back down carefully.
Tucks it away once again.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
As May rolls around, Jisung can feel the shift in the air.
As if a force itself just wrecked through.
He can’t un-feel the safety of sitting across from Chenle.
The fear doesn’t disappear, but it also no longer bigger than the love they once shared.
The realization terrifies Jisung more than anything.
Because now if he stays silent, he will soon realize that it’s not fear controlling him anymore… but pride instead.
He starts to notice how tired he feels.
How much louder the intrusive thoughts have become without Chenle grounding him.
How much effort it takes to continue acting like he’s unbothered.
But then the middle of May happens.
A bad grade.
A sharp comment from someone who didn’t mean it and yet it still hit.
His headphones dying as he walked home.
His whole outfit suddenly drenched from a car splashing water onto him.
Everything stacking.
Everything small but relentless.
And suddenly the truth is undeniable.
The break didn’t make him stronger, It just made him lonelier.
By 1:27am, the pride is gone.
And all there is now…
Is need and desperation.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
Chenle senses something shifting before the call even comes.
He notices how quiet Jisung had been lately.
Looking like he’s about to say something but something in him forbids him to.
There’s a tension there that wasn’t present just a few months ago.
Chenle feels it, but doesn’t act on it.
He can’t act on it.
The same night, He goes to bed thinking about the pen incident again.
About the almost that could’ve happened.
He falls asleep telling himself that it doesn’t matter.
His phone lights up at 1:27am.
Jisung’s name fills up his screen.
And Chenle is answering the phone before the second ring can finish.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
Jisung doesn’t remember picking up his phone.
He just remembers staring at the ceiling for too long.
The day had been stupid in all the ways it can build up without exploding. A bad grade. A comment that lingered longer than it should have. His headphones dying. And getting splashed by a car.
Small things, but they stacked.
And somewhere between trying to breathe and failing to, he realizes he doesn’t want or need space.
He needs and wants Chenle.
Specifically.
His thumb hovers over the call button for a full ten seconds.
If he doesn’t call now, he won’t at all.
He presses it before he can think again.
It rings once, twice -
“hello?”
Chenle’s voice is thick with sleep, but steady.
No confusion or irritation.
Just there.
That almost undoes Jisung.
He tries to speak, but it comes out wrong.
A broken inhale, a shaky exhale. Something dangerously close to a sob that Jisung bites down on too late.
There’s a silence on the other end, but it isn’t empty.
Chenle is listening.
“Jisung…” He says softly, fully awake now. “Talk to me.”
And that’s it.
That’s what breaks Jisung.
His composure completely shattered.
“I-“ Jisung says as he tries to speak, the words hurting the back of his throat.
“I don’t know why i’m calling…” Jisung manages to get out.
“Today was just-“ He tries to continue, pressing a palm against his mouth as tears flowed down his face, squeezing them shut.
Chenle doesn’t rush him.
Doesn’t ask “why now?”, Doesn’t say “I told you so” or “I knew you’d come back”.
He just stays calm and grounded. “It’s okay, you don’t have to properly explain anything”
Jisung removes his hand from his mouth, letting out a shaky breath.
“I thought I could handle it” Jisung admits quietly. “The space, I thought it would make everything quieter and easier…”
Chenle hums softly, not agreement just acknowledgment.
“And?” Chenle asks softly.
“It didn’t.” Jisung whispers.
The words hang between them.
Honest and bare.
Ont the other end, Chenle shifts slightly.
The sound of his now rumpled sheets, moving.
“I’m glad you called.” He says.
No hesitation or edge, Just hard truth.
Jisung swallows harshly, “You answered…”
“You always call when you really need something.” Chenle whispers.
There’s no accusation in it, just familiarity.
That almost makes it worse.
“I didn’t want to…” Jisung confesses. “I mean- I did… I just-“
“You didn’t want to need me.” Chenle finishes softly.
Silence.
Because that’s exactly what it is.
Jisung exhales softly, “I don’t know how to do this.” he admits.
Chenle’s voice stays steady. “You don’t have to figure it out tonight”
There’s a long pause.
The kind that feels like standing at the edge of a cliff.
Chenle speaks once again, testing the waters.
“Let’s talk tomorrow”
Jisung stills.
“In person.” Chenle adds.
And that’s when it happens.
The steadiness of the conversation fractures slightly on the last word.
Not desperation, just vulnerability.
Because initiating to meet means hoping.
And hoping means risking being turned away like last time.
Jisung hears it.
The tiny crack.
And something in his chest aches.
“Okay.” He says immediately, No hesitation this time. “We can meet.”
Another quiet exhale on the other end.
Relief disguised as calm.
“Tomorrow.” Chenle repeats softly.
“Tomorrow.” Jisung quietly confirms.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
They don’t immediately say goodnight.
They just stay in the phone for a few extra minutes.
Breathing.
And for the first time in a long time.
The silence doesn’t feel intentional.
It feels shared.
Between two lost souls finding each other again.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
Jisung almost turns around twice on the walk to Chenle’s apartment.
The air feels heavier than it should. Late spring warmth pressing against his skin, making everything feel too close.
He rehearses the sentences in his head.
“I’m sorry”
“I was scared”
“I don’t want this anymore”
None of them feel right.
By the time he reaches Chenle’s building, his pulse is loud in his ears.
He texts: “I’m here.”
The reply comes immediately.
“Come up.”
Of course it does.
Chenle opens the door before Jisung has time to knock.
For a second, they just stand there.
Nearly three months of distance sitting in this space between them.
Chenle looks the same, maybe a little thinner, maybe a little more guarded.
Jisung suddenly feels 23 again just like he was when they first met.
Awkward and unsure of where to put his hands.
“Hi” Chenle says, breaking the silence.
His voice is calm and controlled.
“Hey…” Jisung responds with, his response feeling absurdly normal.
Jisung steps inside the apartment.
The place is familiar, too familiar.
His eyes automatically register the small things, the hoodie thrown over the back of a chair, the water bottle sat on the desk, and the window cracked open slightly.
He used to exist here without thinking, but now he feels like a guest.
They both sit, no touching.
A careful distance apart on the edge of Chenle’s bed.
For a moment, neither speaks.
The tension isn’t angry… it’s cautious.
Like they’re both afraid of saying the wrong thing and shattering whatever fragile thing brought them here.
Chenle breaks first.
“You okay?”
The same question he’s been wanting to ask for nearly three months.
Jisung exhales softly.
“No.” he admits.
Honesty lands softer than defensiveness ever did.
Chenle nods his head.
“Okay.”
No judgment, Just acceptance.
Silence stretches between them once again.
Jisung stares at his hands.
“I thought the break would make it easier” He finally says. “I thought if I stepped back, the fear would… calm down”
Chenle doesn’t interrupt.
“It didn’t.” Jisung continues. “It just got louder. And I didn’t have you to make it quieter.”
That’s the first real crack in the room.
Chenle’s composure wavers, just slightly.
“You didn’t have to do it alone” He says softly.
“I know.” Jisung admits.
And that’s the problem.
Jisung looks up then, really looks at Chenle.
“I left before you could” he says. The words taste like a confession. “You weren’t going anywhere, I just - I didn’t know how to believe that.”
There it is, The truth.
The tensions sifts, Not gone. But Thinner.
Chenle’s shoulders relax just a little.
“I wasn’t.” he says quietly. “Going anywhere.”
The steadiness is still there, but it’s warmer now.
Jisung swallows. “I know that now.”
A pause, then smaller.
“I don’t want that distance anymore”
The air changes, it’s subtle.
Like something unclenches.
Chenle studies Jisung carefully. Not suspicious, just making sure.
“You’re not just saying that because you had a bad day?” Chenle asks.
The question isn’t sharp, it’s protective.
Jisung shakes his head immediately. “No, I had two bad months.”
That does it, that’s what breaks the tension.
Chenle lets out a breath he’s been holding for months.
His hand moves on its own.
He reaches out, slowly.
Gives Jisung enough time to pull away.
Jisung doesn’t.
Their fingers touch first… then lace.
It’s almost embarrassingly gentle.
The relief is immediate and overwhelming.
Jisung’s shoulders drop like he’s been carrying something invisible.
Chenle’s thumb brushes over his knuckles like muscle memory never left.
“You don’t have to run.” Chenle murmurs.
And this time, Jisung doesn’t argue.
He leans forward instead.
When they finally hug, It isn’t dramatic.
It’s quiet.
Long.
And certain.
The kind where both of them exhale at the same time.
The kind that feels like coming back into a room you didn’t realize you missed.
Softness settles where tension used to sit, and relief replaces pride.
And for the first time since February.
Neither of them feel like they’re standing on opposite sides of something.
They’re just…
There.
Together.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
They don’t separate right away.
The hug shifts slowly into something softer. less desperate, more certain.
Jisung’s hands relax against Chenle’s back, Chenle’s chin rests lightly against Jisung’s shoulder.
Neither of them is holding on like they’re afraid anymore.
They’re just… there.
When they finally pull back, it’s not to create distance.
Their knees still touch. Their fingers remain loosely threaded together.
Chenle’s thumb moves first. A small, absent circle over Jisung’s knuckles.
Muscle Memory.
Jisung watches it for a second, then looks up.
There’s no tension in Chenle’s face anymore, no guarded edge.
Just warmth, and something steady.
“You don’t have to run.” Chenle says quietly.
Not as a warning or a condition, but as a reminder instead.
Jisung shakes his head.
“I don’t want to.”
The words don’t feel like a declaration.
They feel like a decision.
Chenle studies him for a moment longer, not searching for doubt, just making sure the fear isn’t louder than the certainty.
It isn’t.
So he leans in… slowly.
And Jisung meets him halfway.
Their mouths meet in something soft and familiar. Not urgent, Not reclaiming.
Just… Right.
Like slipping back into a rhythm that was made just for them.
When they part, they don’t say anything.
Foreheads resting together, Breathing syncing without effort.
The two months don’t disappear.
They just stop standing between them.
Chenle squeezes his hand once, and Jisung squeezes back.
Outside, the late afternoon light shifts through the window. The word continues in its own usual rhythm.
Inside, nothing feels uncertain anymore.
No label is spoken, no promise is demanded.
But neither of them move away.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
The second try is softer.
Jisung makes an effort to speak before the silence swallows him whole. When thoughts creep in, the quiet and self sabotaging ones, he tells Chenle instead of letting them fester.
“I feel weird” he admits one night.
“Okay.” Chenle says gently. “Tell me.”
And Jisung does.
Chenle listens without trying to solve anything. He doesn’t rush reassurance. He just stays.
They are careful.
Careful with tone. Careful with distance. Careful with how long a pause lasts before someone fills it.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
“You’ve been quiet” Chenle says one afternoon, thumb brushing over Jisung’s knuckles.
“I’m not pulling away” Jisung answers too quickly.
Chenle nods as he looks at Jisung. “I didn’t say you were.”
But the air shifts anyways.
Disagreements turn into long, measured conversations. They choose words thoughtfully, they apologize faster.
It feels healthier.
It also feels like they’re both holding something so fragile that it’ll break in an instant.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
By June, the panic from the past few months is gone. Jisung doesn’t spiral the same way. He doesn’t talk about breaking up when things feel slightly off.
He stays.
He tries.
He tries so hard.
Sometimes when Chenle says “I love you”, Jisung pauses for half a breath before saying it back.
It isn’t doubt.
It’s weight.
Chenle notices.
But he pretends that he doesn’t.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
One night in July, they like awake side by side in Chenle’s bed.
The window is cracked open. Summer air drifts in. The world outside hums faintly.
“Are you happy?” Chenle asks.
Jisung turns his head on the pillow. “Yeah. Of course.”
It’s honest.
But not complete.
Chenle stares at the ceiling after Jisung’s breathing evens out. He realizes something that hurts in a quiet, undeniable way.
Jisung isn’t running anymore.
But he isn’t resting anymore.
Instead, He’s staying like it’s a decision he has to keep making.
Like love is something he has to actively hold in place.
And Chenle doesn’t want to be something Jisung has to convince himself to keep.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
It happens on an ordinary afternoon.
No argument, no raised voices.
They’re sitting close enough that their knees touch. Jisung’s hand rests loosely near Chenle’s but neither reaches.
Chenle speaks first.
“You know I love you right?”
Jisung looks over and nods. “Of course I do.”
Chenle lets out a breath. “So know that the feeling does not change at all no matter what i’m about to say” he adds.
“Chenle-“ Jisung starts to say.
Chenle shakes his head as he squeezes Jisung’s hand. “I need to get this off my chest.” he says.
“I don’t want us to keep trying like we’re proving something to others… to us”
Jisung goes still.
“We’re not proving anything-“
Chenle’s expression is gentle. Almost apologetic.
“We are.”
Silence settles between them.
Not sharp, Just heavy.
“I don’t want you to stay just because you’re stronger now” Chenle continues. “Or because you don’t want to repeat what happened before. I want you to stay because it feels easy.”
“It does feel easy” Jisung says quickly.
Chenle’s voice softens.
“It feels careful.”
The word hangs there.
Careful.
Measured.
Monitored.
Jisung’s fingers tighten on his sleeves. “I’m not going to run.”
“I know.” Chenle says. and he does. “But you’re still afraid of staying.”
That’s the part that neither of them can deny.
The room feels quiet.
“I love you” Chenle says, steady.
Jisung’s throat tightens.
“That’s why I don’t want to do this in a way that makes you feel like you’re constantly fighting yourself to be here”
Jisung swallows. “So what happens now?”
Chenle exhales softly.
“I think we stop forcing it.”
Not stop loving, Not stop caring.
Just stop forcing.
Jisung nods, bright but not frantic.
There’s no bargaining this time. No panic. Just a slow understanding settling into place.
“I don’t regret trying again.” Chenle says.
“Me neither.” Jisung replies, voice thin.
They needed to know.
𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆♡ 𐙚⋆°🦢｡⋆
They stand.
There’s a pause, a small fragile space where either of them could change their mind.
Chenle steps forward first and pulls Jisung into a hug.
It’s warm, familiar, and devastating in its normalcy.
Jisung presses his face into Chenle’s shoulder and breathes in like he’s memorizing something.
“I’m not angry.” Chele murmurs.
“I know.”
“And I don’t think we failed.”
Jisung nods against him.
When they pull apart, they don’t rush the distance.
Chenle walks him to the door.
The hallway outside looks painfully ordinary.
Jisung lingers for half a second.
Chenle doesn’t tell him to stay.
Jisung doesn’t ask.
“Bye.” Jisung says.
Not goodbye.
Just bye.
Chenle nods once. “Yeah.”
The door closes softly.
Not loud.
Not Final.
Just closed.