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Oh Haewon knew from a young age she wasn’t into men. It wasn’t something she was ashamed of, though she didn’t go around flaunting it to people either. By middle school, she’d grown a reputation for being standoffish, and begun being viewed by the guys around her as a challenge. Who could get Haewon’s attention first? It annoyed her, but for the most part, she offered kind rejections in private. When Jeff Sadecki, one of the most ‘popular’ boys in school, demanded she’d go with him to their 8th grade prom, in front of nearly their entire grade, she felt genuine disgust. It was humiliating. Who does this guy think he is? She was so angry, she ended up calling him repulsive to his face before she could stop herself. That finally got everyone to leave her alone. He began dating Jackie Taylor during their freshman year of high school anyways, which was truly fine for her. She’d known Jackie for a while and they were both on their school’s soccer team. She believed the girl could do better, but it wasn’t any of her business. They were friendly, but not close. Haewon wasn’t very close to anyone.
There was another girl on the team, Seol Yoona. She was the backup goalkeeper and a bit nonchalant. Just like Haewon, she mainly seemed to keep to herself, save for another girl on the team, Natalie Scatorccio. Apparently, they lived in the same trailer park and had formed a close bond. Yoona was always nice to Haewon when they spoke; they had the same dry humor and would often give each other tips during practice.
One day, Yoona seemed more distant than usual. Haewon waited until practice was over and the other girls had already cleared from the locker room, then worked up the courage to ask Yoona if she was alright. To her surprise, the other girl immediately confessed she’d grown a crush on her. Haewon was taken aback, yet agreed a few days later to begin dating Yoona in secret. Yoona was a beautiful girl, so Haewon had no real reason to reject her. Honestly, she was happy to have someone else to connect with. She was even more surprised at how easily Yoona had admitted her feelings. It was the early 90s in a small town; being openly queer was such a frightening concept for her. It left a deep impression on her.
Yoona was Haewon’s first real relationship; everything they did together gave her butterflies. Their first kiss happened while watching Home Alone 2 in the back of a near empty theatre. It was soft and sweet, their lips barely brushing against each other before they erupted into quiet giggles and playfully shushing the other. It gave the girls a rush they’d never felt before; a mixture of exhilaration, slight fear of being caught, and a budding love for each other. During practices, Yoona would always find a reason to subtly touch Haewon. Whether it’d be their shoulders lightly brushing, fixing the girl’s hair after drills, or their fingers touching while exchanging a water bottle. After each game, Yoona would beeline straight to Haewon for a celebratory hug. It sometimes felt as though the taller girl doted on her every move. Haewon became a bit nervous that their teammates would catch on, but they didn’t really seem to take notice. She was glad.
Unfortunately, their beautifully kept secret dwindled as rapidly as it’d begun. Yoona was almost always hanging out with Natalie and guys Haewon didn’t even know the names of. They’d skip school to drink or smoke nearly every day. The other girls would gossip and make up rumors about the two of them, then look at Haewon as if she was crazy for hanging out with them. She couldn’t take it anymore; she decided to end things with Yoona and quit the team.
Jackie argued with her to stay, saying she was the best striker they had and couldn’t afford for her to quit so close to the end of the season. She brushed it off; she didn’t care much about what Jackie thought. She didn’t care what any of the girls thought. She was just sick of feeling their judgmental eyes bore into her. Every pass not completed, every potential goal that was blocked, it all left her open to scrutiny that she didn’t appreciate. The Yellowjackets could go on without her.
It was ending things with Yoona that was the hardest thing she’d ever done.
For the first time, Haewon saw her girlfriend’s — no, her ex’s eyes brimming with tears. She was filled with a rare vulnerability that had never been seen before. Not when they lost a scrimmage, not when their teammates talked shit to her face, not even the night she blacked out drunk at a party and they had their first argument over Yoona making out with the captain of the guy’s baseball team. The sight of Yoona, a girl that basically towers over Haewon, damn near groveling at her feet as she tried to fight back tears, was too raw and intimate for Haewon. Listening to her plead and promise she would change, saying she’d never drink again, claiming that she wanted to be good for her lover…it was all too much. Haewon’s heart ached, but her mind was already made up. She distanced herself from Yoona and the rest of the team. It was awkward at first, but soon she felt the weight be lifted off her shoulders.
It all changed once junior year began. There was a new transfer to the school. A girl who was older than them, but thrown into their class because she moved from overseas. An awkward, beautiful girl with shoulder lengthed brown hair, plump pink lips, and the thickest Australian accent Haewon had ever heard. Lily Morrow. Haewon’s heart would skip a beat when Yoona would flirt with her, but seeing Lily for the first time sent her into a frenzy she wasn’t expecting.
The older girl almost immediately became popular among their peers, so much so that she was hardly ever alone. It didn’t help that she was extremely friendly and would chat for hours with anyone that approached her. Haewon longed to introduce herself, but could never find the right opportunity. She ended up watching Lily from a distance for the first month or so, waiting for an opening.
Finally, she was given one.