Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shinji really hated the summer.

That was the conclusion he made as he laid on the living room’s carpet one Saturday morning. It was only ten o’clock, and already the full wrath of the sun’s fury bore down on him. Rays of light filtered around and through old window blinds and pierced his eyes like tiny annoying spears. Even the mighty high tech AC unit that Misato was so proud of owning could not keep the elements at bay as an unexpected breakdown served as a brutal reminder that both technology and a repair technician’s schedule were fickle entities.

Squinting only offered the tiniest of relief. The glare was searing, painful and caused a huge glare on the television which rendered it useless. There was no longer any means to escape from the heat both mentally or physically and all he could do was accept his fate. Moving his body in a way that could far be described as graceful, a lethargic Shinji Ikari managed to summon enough strength to roll to his side which placed the offending sunbeam onto his back. It was a small victory but it was all his.

“What do you mean delay? Don’t you know who it is you’re talking to?!”

The angry voice of Misato Katsuragi drifted over him. She was supposed to be in the office taking care of some long overdue paperwork but now she was frantically pacing in the kitchen and looking to pick a fight with some poor operator.

“You can’t back out of our shopping trip now! How else are we going to get matching purses?”

Asuka added her own complaints to the aether. Her aggravation matched the major’s but differed in tone of pitch. She too was pacing.

“Are you looking to give some of the most important combat personnel in NERV heat stroke because that’s what you’re doing right now!”

“I can’t be the only one with the bag! Do you want me to look like an outcast because that’s what you’re doing right now!”

Angry stomps from the kitchen and hallway served as percussion to their symphony of irritation. The chorus was riddled with shouts, curses and the clacking of electronic devices, all of which made it impossible for Shinji to drown out. He wanted sleep and only got noise

“But we agreed on the date–”

“But you promised–”

The complaints merged into one angry entity. Shinji lamented how people were unable to remove their ears at will.

“FINE!”

Their tirade was over and after a few blissful seconds of silence, Misato announced her departure, and he expected Asuka to do the same. Finally he was free to close his eyes and hope he could sleep away the rest of this heatwave.

“Hey, wake up!”

The command was powerful, sharp and bolted him to a seated position. Shinji craned his head upwards and caught Asuka’s confident smirk. Together, they looked like an odd pair; her platinum choker, designer jeans and midriff shirt made her look like a model while his tanktop and shorts made him look like he just got out of bed.

Suddenly he realized just how undressed he was.

“Hey Asu–”

“Get changed. We’re going out.” And that was it, no greetings, no asking about his day, just an order that could not be ignored.

He didn’t know when and he didn't care how but somewhere between hearing Asuka’s voice and his third blink, he was already on his feet and on his way to his room.

“Make sure you wear something nice.”

There were many demands Asuka had sent his way in the past: food to be cooked, laundry to be cleaned and homework to tutor. They always revolved around something that he would do for her, an act of service. This was the first time she asked him to do something for himself and he was happy to obliged

His once bare closet was filled with clothes for every occasion. Gone were the days where he rotated a single casual look with his school uniform. Shinji was much more comfortable with taking pride in his appearance as well as spending money on himself and with Asuka’s fashion advice he turned into quite a snazzy dresser. 

A pair of black jeans was the first thing he changed into. The material and slimmer fit complimented his build and was not too aesthetically different from his uniform pants. For sake of the familiar he reached for his dark blue undershirt. With the base layers covered, all that was left was the overshirt. White was his favorite pick but he figured for such an occasion he should wear something more special but he didn’t know what. That’s when he remembered that Asuka was wearing a midriff shirt, a pink midriff shirt. He figured a powder blue button shirt would best compliment hers and felt good about the decision. All that was left was to strap on his watch and he was out the door. Asuka was still in the living room still smirking from before.

“Took you long enough–”  When she noticed his selection of clothes her smile remained but her eyes changed. Her strong gaze softened and melted into something gentler, something…hungrier. “Not bad Shinji, not bad.”

Compliments from Asuka were becoming more frequent but maintained their potency. Hearing the rather attractive redhead’s praise caused an unavoidable (but welcomed!) blush to form. “Did you want to eat something before we leave?”

The girl stretched her arms above her head and radiated frustrated energy. She looked like a caged animal just waiting to be freed.

“Food can wait. Let’s get the hell out of here!” Asuka nearly rammed her shoulder into the door and absorbed the hot summer air as if it was her last day on Earth. There was a joyous smile on her lips and seconds later Shinji had one too.

Shinji had no idea where the hell they were going. One by one the list of possible destinations dwindled as they passed by open shops, cafe venues and entertainment centers. All these places he had already visited. All of those times, he visited those places with her.

“Asuka…”

Her name escaped his mouth in an airy breath. Things had certainly changed between them. Ever since they spent one night together in that faraway hotel, he learned so much about the girl such as her deceased mother, her desire to be independent and how good she looked in a pair of polka dotted panties.

He blushed again. That was one image that lingered within his memory and made certain situations “harder” to deal with. Asuka did not make things easier on her end either. The amount of times she would “accidentally” touch him grew more frequent. A gentle caress of the arm at the dinner table, lightly resting her head on his shoulder while watching TV and sometimes, when the night was quiet, they would share a hug. The moments were intimate and left his heart yearning for more.

The return trip that they scheduled never happened. Last minute synch tests always found a way to wreck social plans and while they were comfortable around each other, they wouldn't dare showcase this new level of intimacy to their friends, their peers and least of all, their guardian.

The sounds of a roaring train grew louder by the second and before he realized it, Shinji found himself at the entrance of the train station near their apartment. Wherever Asuka wanted to go, it was certainly not within walking distance. Carefully, he watched her reach for her wallet and fish out her NERV ID card. Her hair covered her pretty face for only a split second before she brushed her bangs aside as if she was posing for a magazine cover. 

She was perfect.

Wait, that was not true. Shinji recalled the conversations they had about how the flawless image of Asuka was nothing but a facade. She told him about her lonely childhood, her strained relationship with her father and their shared connection through deceased mothers. All her faults, worries and pain were plastered over with a strong sense of duty, confidence and a desire to be the best. She wasn’t flawless but she was the perfect person for him to be around, faults and all.

Asuka caught his gaze within hers and his heart jumped. Her usual angry outbursts were becoming more scarce. His attention was welcomed, invited and judging by the way she grabbed two fistfulls of hair so that it bunched up and splayed over her shoulders just right, she found it alluring. 

“What are you waiting for? Hurry up.” Her NERV ID swiped across the ticketing console and it opened without deducting a single yen. 

“O-okay!” He blurted out before swiping his own card. 

They sat next to each other in the train, Asuka chose the window seat and looked out into the city while Shinji sat by the aisle and looked at her. Today was moving by in a confused haze. Nothing was shared about what they were going to do, where they were going and why. The doors closed and the train moved. The car lurched forward while they remained stationary in their seats. 

He couldn’t help but notice how it was an apt comparison to his relationship with his roommate. 

What were they? Kissing and half naked cuddling aside, their interactions had been routine. There was always an impulse inside to get closer to the girl, but finding the time and the courage was becoming more difficult by the day. Talking with Asuka became remarkably easy and he enjoyed the bliss of the mundane. However, that deep-seated desire to share and connect beyond the superficial gnawed at him.

It was so much easier back when they were stranded. The rush of desperate adrenaline spurned from drafting haphazard plans proved to be a powerful situational cocktail that lowered the emotional walls around his heart. Unfortunately, it was also a mixture that was hard to replicate and now his hesitancy had caused their current emotional standstill. He had no one but himself to blame.

There were too many distractions back at home, too many reminders of the people who they should be. It was easy to fall back to the old routines and pretend that what they shared was just a one time thing, but he continued to hope. For once, he wanted more from life. Unfortunately, he was also doing very little to work toward this goal. 

He watched familiar stores pass followed closely by his school pass. Soon the entire downtown shopping district faded into the distance. As the train moved on, he could feel the identity of the Third Child fade away, leaving behind only Shinji Ikari.

It was a good feeling.

It also felt like with each passing stop Asuka was inching closer toward him.

He first felt the brush of a pinky. Two stops later, the full side of her hand was next to his. Her hand covered his when they went underneath an overpass and when darkness enveloped the train, his hand had gripped hers firmly. A contented coo floated into his ear and he let out his own sigh of pleasure. When he felt Asuka squeeze his hand tighter he knew that she heard him.

Time was progressing slowly and peacefully, He did not normally ride the train for this long except when….

Oh….they were going there.

The train had left the tunnel and now Asuka was resting her head against his shoulder, looking completely unbothered by the increased contact. He sorely missed the sensation of her body pressed against his. 

“A-asuka.”

“You don’t mind do you?” her words were relaxed and even.

Shinji managed to stabilize his breathing but not his racing heart. “I don’t.” His answer was shaky but held firm.

“Good.” She had a small content smile while she closed her eyes. “Wake me up when we get to the outlet.”

His suspicion was right on the money. 

She smelled like fresh linens with a strong hint of strawberries. 

The train ride to the outlet was a long one indeed but still within NERV boundaries as she painstakingly showed him on a hastily drawn map weeks earlier.  He looked at the pretty sleeping face of the redhead who shared a seat with him, who shared her past with him and who he shared his past with. 

Maybe even, who he wished to share his future with. 

There was so much more left to say and yet the impulse to speak his deepest pain died in his throat. There were always chores that needed to be finished or some sort of pilot meeting just around the corner. All were convenient excuses to stop him from what he wanted to say. He just needed to dig deep and find the courage he had before but did not know how. 

With one final sigh, he fully took in her scent of fresh linens and strawberries. Shinji looked into the distance and hoped he could find his answers just as easily as Asuka found his hand. 

Asuka’s feet were hurting. Her decision to do some window shopping at the outlet turned into a day out with Shinji. After intentionally leaving the large store empty handed (there were plenty of things she liked but nothing she needed to buy) they later found themselves by the local arcade. It was an afternoon of fun, games and alone time with Shinji.

And she would not have had it any other way. 

Their stomachs were hungry and the night was young so they found a nearby cafe to rest. She insisted on visiting somewhere upscale for their meal but once Shinji, the Penny Pinching Prince Ikari, saw that this particular establishment had unlimited refills and a buy one get one free deal with drink special, his mind was all set. That kid would run past a giant angel if it meant he could go to a store that allowed him to save two-hundred yen on tofu. Their orders were placed; a small sushi set for him and a chicken club for her. The only thing left was play the waiting game.

“You sure you ordered enough food?”

Shinji nodded up and down in a small short burst which made him look like an oversized bobble head.  “I should be ok. I saw the photos outside.” He later gestured to the poster which highlighted the day’s specials in an eye-catching and informative way. Chalk up another win for the marketing team. 

“Oh yeah.”

“Yeah….”

The quick, breezy pace of the day slowed to a crawl and in that malaise, a thick layer of silence hung overhead. The moment was perfect in its simplicity.  Away from the streets of Tokyo-03, away from school and away from NERV. It was so easy to see herself as just another girl in just another cafe, with just another boy. She wanted to, she needed to believe in the illusion, but the truth nestled deep within her, curling her insides and radiating a deep ache that she carried since she was a child.

She was more than just another girl. She was special and he was special too. Not just to her, but to the rest of the world. Normalcy was forbidden, especially when she was holding onto the secret of her dead mother.

Her unfulfilled promise to talk breached her fronted cortex. She wanted to tell him more about the tragedy she locked in her heart, and she wanted to know more about the one he locked in his. They spoke in hints and vaguely gestured at outlines of what happened, but that was no longer enough. However, she was committed to not be the first person to make a move. Her pride protected her for this reason. Moving first leaves one vulnerable to be betrayed. Shinji was able to get things started back then. He could clearly do it one more time.

“Hey Shinji, What are you thinking about?” Her opening was bold and direct which caught his attention.

“Uhh,” The boy shifted side to side in his chair. “Lunch?”

“Lunch? You’re sitting alone with the prettiest girl in your life and all you can think of is lunch?”

“Did I say something wrong?” The poor boy could not read the room if the message was blasted on a neon sign. All he needed to do was— “I am getting hungry and you are the prettiest person I know.”

Oh, clever play, Shinji. Asuka had forgotten about how he was more willing to sling praise her way. “That may be besides the point but isn’t there something else on your mind? You gotta be thinking of something deeper as I know you’re more than just a cute face.”

He blushed, direct hit. She was well past the point of denial, and had to admit that she did find her roommate rather attractive. 

Within his eyes a sparkle held her attention. Eyes that shone so bright when he was with her. Sure, he was still the same quiet and shy person that she often (and still) poked fun at but the way he would look at her, all of her and only at her, caused her heart to skip a beat on more than one occasion.

The spark was lively and something she overlooked but now found it admirable, personal and only hers. Dark blue was a color that she was becoming more attached to. It reminded her of the plugsuit he wore when he saved her from the volcano. It reminded her of the color of his eyes that were so full of caring whenever he caught her staring her way, and it was also the color of his briefs back when they shared a bed together.

Now the blush became infectious and she felt her cheeks heat up. Shinji and his choice of intimate apparel did make certain moments alone a bit….slippier than most. Her shower sessions were becoming longer in order to “relieve” that extra tension. 

“Asuka, you ok?”

“Of course I am!” she blurted. 

Internally, she was feeling a whole slurry of sensations. She wanted to tell Shinji the truth about her upbringing but then doubt crept in. Wasn’t this the exact moment she was waiting for? A chance to be alone with Shinji and away from the likes of Misato, the idiot stooges and even Hikari. This was not the time to have her mind wander. If she could wrangle her thoughts in order to synchronize with her Eva in a three hour synch test then she could focus hard enough to share one sad story to a Japanese boy. 

“Say Shinji…” She took deep breaths and dove into her own memories. She remembered everything in spite of her best efforts. The echoes of her tiny feet hitting hospital tile. The big beam of light from her mother’s room bathing her then the calm stillness of a hanging body. In front of her mother’s grave, she swore to walk the path of self-reliance. She would grow up, be the best and prove to the world that she was exceptional. Her goals were being realized but in the process of claiming glory she encased her heart under the shield of her pride. 

She learned from Shinji how liberating talking was. How freeing it was and how just simply sharing the past could put you one step away from being controlled by it. She was the greatest Eva pilot to grace the earth, and she refused to be controlled by anything.

“...about my m–” She recalled the sobs from those around her. The fake words of sympathy at the funeral. The promise of self sufficiency made in front of her mom’s tombstone that drove her forward but also held the steering wheel to her own happiness. 

The words did not come out. 

But the food did.

Several plates and drinks populated their table. Aromas sweet and sour wafted through the air and served as reminders of the sensations that she was feeling at the present. Ghosts of the past were binding and strong but they could not last against the onslaught of negative sensations that a hungry stomach could wield.

“My meal! Yes, I was thinking about my meal!” 

Shinji blinked to show his mild concern before he started eating and Asuka followed his example. Each bite was delicious and she could feel her hunger disappear.

“So when did you get so good at arcade games?” Pangs of mild disappointment ran through the girl. This was a Shinji more focused on small talk and was looking to dodge the more serious topics. 

“You know how it goes, you study enough then you get bored. We had an arcade near the university so I would go there between classes. The machines weren’t in the best condition but the games were cheap. I wasn’t going to let some old machines built before I was born get the best of me.”

Shinji giggled which only highlighted his soft and delicate face. “You sound a lot like Kensuke–”

“Don’t you ever compare me to Kensuke.”

“The whole point is I totally understand having a competitive urge and using it to get better. My teacher did give me a lot of money to spend on extra things.” Her blue eyes widened every so slightly when hearing that last statement. He was sharing more details about himself. Was this the opening she needed? “I remember finding a hundred yen coin on the ground right next to an old game so I decided to give it a try….” The story ended as if he intended to hang a giant “to be continued” sign right at the end,

“And…

“I died instantly. That coin was wasted.” Absent-mindedly, he dipped one of his sushi rolls into a pool of soy sauce. 

There was a small chuckle. Shinji being bad at video games was to be expected. Him lamenting his loss of money was also par for the course. 

“Did you have fun?”

Shinji stopped his dipping. “Fun? What’s fun about being a loser?” There was no malice in his voice but she understood the sentiment. It was a feeling she understood all too well during her angrier days. Back when the desire to be the best was more of a blinding ethos rather than a benevolent motivator. 

The question proved to be more difficult to answer than one would think. The piece of sushi continued to be swirled inside the dark solution

“I guess. I did. It felt nice to do something other than chores and homework.”

A sharp clap emitted from the girl’s hands. “Bingo! Then that means your money wasn’t wasted. What did I tell you before? You should be–”

“I should be more comfortable with wanting things for myself.”

The faintest of smiles was on her face. She did not expect him to cut her off but she liked it. 

She glanced at the sushi, now completely stationary. “You not worried about your sushi getting too salty?”

There was a short gasp and a jolt from the boy. He quickly popped the piece in his mouth and instantly regretted the decision. Using all the observation and dexterity skills normally reserved for piloting, Asuka deftly ripped a piece of her sandwich and placed it on Shinji’s plate all before he finished drinking from the glass of water he reflexively reached for. The sudden gift was met with skepticism. His deadpan eyes met her wry smile for he knew this was a test.

The scrap of food quickly disappeared. He passed the test.

More stillness seeped into the air and ate at the edges of the façade of normalcy their lunch had erected. The desire to talk, to really talk would not so easily be placated with sandwiches and smiles. They clawed at her attention and demanded their release. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” He asked again. “Remember what I told you before. You can–”

“Yeah I remember. I can always talk to you if I have something on my mind and I don’t have to wait for your permission.” She bit back. There was more aggression in her tone but none of the bite.

“Did you want to tell me something?” 

Deeper and deeper her secrets inched their way outward. Asuka forced them way deeper into the void.

“The food is delicious!” 

They were alone but too exposed. There were too many eyes, too many ears and too many variables. She thought just being away from their regular lives would be enough to loosen her lips. She was very wrong. 

“Ok…” Hints of disappointment coated his eyes before they were plastered over with mundane comfort. Shinji expected more. He expected more from her. They were drifting back to where things were. Where things were safe; back to when she wasn’t smiling as much as she did now.

The train station was deserted during its later hours. Dinner did not mark the end of their outing as they found a few more activities to round out their day. It was rather remarkable with how little they bought. A new set of towels from the kitchen and a tacky refrigerator magnet were their only spoils. 

Asuka watched Shinji stretch his arms toward the sky, which was a remarkably casual gesture. She had been watching him a lot these past few days. She caught every smile, content sigh and every longing stare that he tried to hide from her.

“Whew, we did a lot didn’t we?”

She caught another one of his smiles. It was small, warm and just for her, like a tiny candlelight.  

“We did do a lot.” To which she tacked on a trailing thought. But not everything.

The roar of the train filled the quiet skies and its headlights illuminated the empty platform. Its presence was expected but to Asuka she found it foreboding. 

“Please step away from the yellow line. Please step away from the yellow line.” 

The calmly issued command was met with quiet compliance. The train came to a crawl. The doors opened. Shinji began to gather their possession and in just a few more steps they would take the train back to Tokyo-3.

Back to Misato’s apartment.
Back to their normal routine.
Back to being the Second Child and him being the Third.
Back to ignoring what she really wanted.

“Ready?”

She looked backwards. “....Yeah.” There was hesitation in her voice and he raised an eyebrow. Did he have lingering doubts as well?

Shinji was the first to move. She looked backwards and saw the exit and felt the call of freedom beckon her. Stubbornly, her pride turned her around and she locked eyes on the collar of Shinji’s shirt.

All it would take was one little yank and things would be better. That’s what happened before right? An impulsive pull was all that was needed for the good times to continue. There was so much of the town they could explore and so much more of their personal lives they could share. Just one little pull and she could add some more precious grains of sand to the hourglass of their date.

A date….

Was this a date? 

It certainly was an enjoyable social outing with a member of the opposite sex that she was physically attracted to and who was physically attracted to her. They even dressed up for the occasion! Were they dating? Could she bring herself to rely on someone else? Was Shinji even looking to date anyone, let alone her? Each accidental touch caused a small flutter in her stomach. Each memory of their kiss would cause her face to flush a deeper shade of red and each thought about a certain piece of dark blue garments would cause her to spend a few extra minutes alone in bed in order to calm such restless energy. She learned too much about him, shared too much about herself and they revealed much more together for them to just be friends. Yet, neither had even invited the discussion of dating or romance. 

All she needed was one tug and she would get everything she wanted.

But would it be right? Someone as tight-lipped as Shinji would not have told her so many details of his life if he was forced to do so. He felt safe near her and that’s why he talked and in doing so, she felt safe too. To pull Shinji back would be her yanking the truth out of him. The boy was too kind to deserve something like that. If she wanted more then then so be it. It wasn’t the first time the world ignored her wishes. Limply, she grabbed the air; a symbolic gesture of her inability to make her own wish come true. 

However that would not be the case. 

Shinji’s back remained as still as her own arm. The bright opening of the train was ignored.

“Please step away from the doors. Please step away from the doors.”

A mechanical hiss forced the opening closed and the rolling of wheels carried the train far away. Both pilots remained on the platform. Shinji looked back, with an embarrassed look on his face as if he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“Oops.”

In the space where her reply would normally be said came the stern voice of the station manager.

“All trains have departed for the evening. Please vacatate the station at your earliest convenience.” 

“Guess we’re stranded for the night.” Asuka could sense the apprehension radiating  from the boy. He had taken a huge chance on a personal hunch and had no idea if it was for better or worse. “What should we do?”

His small smile was still there, the tiny candle light kept burning. Asuka looked over the balcony and into the neonlit cityscape below them. Within the company of lights that illuminated urban life she found what she wanted; a small sign that said “vacancy.”

“It depends,” her voice was pleased and reassuring. “Did you bring your black card?”

Shinji’s smile shone brighter and the two made their way outside and deeper into the city.

In the darkness of the night Shinji allowed his hands to shake.

He still carried the insecurities from this morning and they only grew heavier as he spent more time with Asuka.

Today was perfect, and he found fear in the pristine. They were close and instead of today bringing them closer, it felt like they were just recovering lost ground. It was becoming fast apparent that intimacy worked on inertia rather than achievement. Accomplishments meant little if both parties stood still and in Misato’s apartment there was an uneasy stalemate. Valuable conversations of learning were met with the glacial frost of small talk and the tiny touches and glances they exchanged barely warmed those icy walls. 

Standing still on the station he let his baser impulses take over and those impulses glued his legs to the floor. Inside Asuka’s piercing sky blue eyes he saw a familiar glimmer of doubt. A glimmer he saw in his own eyes when he would look in the mirror. It was a hopeful glimmer. A belief that change could happen. A glimmer that he felt if ignored, would allow Asuka to slip away from him. He did not want to lose Asuka. That’s why he stayed still at the train station. That’s why he jumped into the volcano. He was not going to leave her and he knew she would not leave him.

Yet still, his hands shook. 

Asuka would not slip away but did she want to be closer? He was good enough for her but could he only be enjoyed from a distance? Did she have her fill and now he was destined to be near her but not next to her?

The deeper they walked into the city the more the questions grew. He started with the most obvious one.

“We’re going to the hotel aren’t we?”

“We are.” A small pang of excitement shot through him. “But first some supplies. You hungry?”

“I am.” For the second time of the day, Asuka’s hand found his and placed it in a gentle grasp. 

The shaking stopped.

“Hey dummy, why are you making me open this door while holding a bunch of bags!”

“Sorry!”

An old keycard was swiped over the sensor and the heavy wooden barrier moved to the side.

“We’re here.” Asuka gestured to the empty room that they received with only minimal pushback from a certain Chinese takeout eating hotel clerk. “Does that guy ever get a lunch break?”

“Who?”

Knowing that providing the necessary context was more effort that the train of thought warranted, she let that conversation starter derail itself. “Nevemind.”

Shinji’s was holding a treasure trove of snacks and quick meals courtesy of the nearby convenience store and was delicately arranging them on the wooden table. Potato chips, bottles of tea, sodas, and some steam buns emerged from his plastic bag; chosen and paid for by Asuka. Tonight’s dinner would be a feast assembled for maximum comfort and convenience where nutrition was sacrificed on the altar of taste. 

“Finally we got the good stuff. You get the strawberry cake?”

“Those were sold out by the time we arrived.”

“Damn, can’t win them all.” Asuka looked at the spread and found it mouthwatering. There was something about eating convenience food late at night that made the whole thing extra tasty. “Ready to dig in?”

Shinji reached into the plastic bag for a final time which confused the Second Child. By all accounts all their  purchases were unpacked. 

“Almost.” Right in front of them, Shinji placed two instant ramen cups and a smattering of complimentary condiments that he obtained from the store. “Can you prepare the coffee maker?

Asuka was stunned. She recalled the impetus which led her to share her cheap meals from college. Back then it was a choice made out of necessity when options were scarce. Was he craving noodles that badly?

“Let me guess, you want me to give these two cups spruced up with a little bit of Asuka magic.”

“Yes.” His words were laced with sincerity and eagerness.  “They tasted so good last time and I want more.” He wasn’t looking for an extra snack, he was looking forward to her cooking. There was a small twang in her heart upon the realization that she was able to do something for Shinji that he was legitimately excited about. 

“S-sure.” She stammered. It didn’t take long for Asuka to prep the water and set it to boil. Within that time frame she took in the decor of the hotel room. She saw the same drab wallpaper, the same drab furniture and ate on top of the same drab table. 

There was also one more familiar feature that was a carry over from their previous stay. A very intimate feature that Shinji only now caught sight of.

“Why is there only one bed?”

“Because I declined the room with two.” Her voice was also laced with sincerity and eagerness. 

Shinji looked back and forth between the bed and her with each cycle bringing his face with a deeper shade of red. 

“And where do I sleep?” His voice was whisper quiet and he was unable to meet her eyes. 

“W—” The words were ready to leave her throat but jammed upon departure. She would not let herself get in the way of a good thing. “With me.” It was Asuka’s turn for her face to heat up as well.

The water inside the coffee maker started to boil and the two pilots leapt at the opportunity to distract each other from their furious blushes.

“Food is ready!’ They yelled out together. 

Shinji jumped to his feet and approached the coffee maker and began pouring the water inside the noodle cups while Asuka assembled the ingredients for the mixture. As Shinji prepared their food, she could not help but stare at the one person who has been on her mind for the past few weeks. He was moving with a newfound sense of confidence. It was if he demanded happiness and a life not set on just existing. He wanted more from life and from himself, he had even put more effort into his appearance. She hated to admit it, but some way, somehow, Shinji Ikari had developed a sense of style and she was in full support of it.

If only the idiot would get to talking. She was growing tired of waiting and if he wasn’t going to give her what she wanted then she would have to take matters into her own hands. She would stay committed to her goal of not yanking the truth from Shinji and if force was off the menu then that meant she would need to find another way to overcome his secrecy.

A rough shape of a plan began to form by the time she was mixing her seasonings and spices. Its shape became more defined when she felt another blush set upon her, and when she was reminded of how uncomfortable it would be to fall asleep in her current clothes; was her idea fully realized.

Their meal had finished and Shinji had cleaned the table. The noodles, steam buns, snacks and drinks were all delicious in the most self indulgent way and since she was the one not paying for dinner (it was the fair thing to do) Asuka made sure to select all of her favorite brands and flavors. She called it the "privilege of the paying.” 

“Wow, it’s pretty late.” She caught the boy standing near the window and staring into the night sky while looking at his watch. The moon did an excellent job highlighting his features: crisp cobalt eyes that only looked at her, a slim physique that was stronger than it appeared and soft shaggy hair that she could not help but wonder what it would feel like to run her fingers through. 

Oh yes, this was the perfect time to put her plan into motion. “Ready for bed?”

“Almost…” Shinji was already assembling the pillows and sheets to prepare for his slumber and was about two seconds away from crawling underneath them before Asuka’s voice cut through. 

“Wait!”

“Wait?”

“Last time we were in this situation we spent hours tossing and turning in bed because of how uncomfortable things got.” Asuka’s blush only intensified. She knew what she wanted and with how Shinji’s face getting redder, he had a good guess on what was going to happen n ext. “Maybe this time we can start with being more…” God this was so hard to say out loud. It was much easier to justify the decision under duress of fatigue filled frustration, but now to actually make a request of this manner was beyond embarrassing. Still, she pushed on. “.....comfortable.”

If the temperature on his face grew any hotter then steam would be coming from his cheeks.

“You mean less of–” He gestured to his over shirt.

“Yes, less of that and more.”

Shinji choked on the very same thought and gasped for air. If Asuka wasn’t so flustered she would have enough capacity to laugh at the sight. 

“Are you sure?!”

“I know what I’m doing, dummy!” In the heat of the moment Asuka found time to breathe and some of her bearings returned to her. Suggesting to undress was the easy part. The next request was going to be much more difficult.

Asuka’s pilot training was kicking into high gear. This was by far her most daunting mission and she prepared herself accordingly: she took deep breaths, she imagined her obstacles as an enemy then visualized herself taking down said enemy with brutal efficiency. In her mind’s eye she yanked on the control yokes of her subconscious and dove right in.

Only to see Shinji’s doleful wide eyes that halted her in her tracks and broke her concentration.

Ideas stayed in her head and the words only came up as inaudible garbles. She wanted to break through. She wanted to win. She wanted to prove that she was the best so why freeze now? This was do or die, fight or freeze. To stop now would be to return to the void of the status quo after knowing how happy things could be and retreating was something Asuka would never do. Her anger brought some life into her frozen body but could only express itself by raising her fist slightly in the air and slamming it into the table.

“What’s wrong?” Shinji asked with genuine concern. 

“N-nothing. Just, give me a second ok!”

Was she really going to stop herself from feeling happiness?

Her eyes opened wider than they ever opened before and channeled the moonlight inward. For once she saw where she was. She wasn’t in her entry plug. She wasn’t in a big climatic showdown against an angel. She was in a simple hotel room with a simple boy; the very same boy she partially shared her heart with just a few weeks ago. She would not have to fight for her own happiness. Fighting meant there would be a winner and a loser. All she had to do was let herself be happy, and in the simplicity of that affirmation she found herself again.

Slowly but surely she rose from her chair and sat down at the edge of the bed. 

“I want to know more about you Shinji, just as much as you want to know about me.” There it was, blunt, honest and impactful. No more double speak. No more mixed messages. No time to hide in the ambiguity. Gingerly she patted a part of the bed next to her and Shinji immediately claimed the invitation.

“I would like that as well.” His words held strong but matched her apprehensive energy. 

“But you haven’t exactly been as forthcoming with that information as I would like.” She wasn’t hurling an insult. This was more of an opportunity for improvement.

“It’s hard, ok.” The distinct lack of a reflexive apology was a notable omission from their conversations. “You’re not the easiest one to get talking. I kept asking you if you were ok and you never told me this.”

His retort struck swift and true. The boy was arguing back and standing up for himself. The moment was both elucidating and intriguing. 

“Fair point, Ikari.” 

“So, you want to talk.”

“Yes.”

“Like we’re talking now.”

“No.”

“You’re not making sense.”

“And you’re not listening.” Asuka gripped the mattress in a vain effort to calm herself down. “I don’t want to just talk to you and have you talk to me. I want you to talk about you and for me to do the same.”

Shinji found her meaning and averted his gaze. “But its–” 

“Hard, I know but not dealing with all of this is harder. Can you do it?”

The question caused the Third Child to spin away from her as if physically slapped him. “Do we need to? Things are so pleasant now…” Shinji’s voice trailed off and sounded as distant as a shooting star. “I don’t want to lose this. I’m happy.”

Asuka was not going to let Shinji run away and closed the one-inch gap between them. Their thighs were touching but she didn’t mind.

Time to throw caution to the wind. “Well I want more!” The force of her voice snapped Shinji to attention and face her. “The only reason that we got this far is because we did talk about these things and I want us to do it again which is why I have a solution.” 

He audibly gulped. “S-solution.”

“We’re going to play a game.”

He gulped again. “A game?”

“Can you stop repeating what I say and just listen?”

The beginnings of an apology formed on his lips but he quickly closed them.

“The rules are simple. Every time one of us shares a detail about ourselves then the other person removes an article of clothing.”

Shinji nervously coughed into his hand. “You want us to strip?! Like in front of each other.”

She shrugged. “Didn’t we just do that before?”

He was right, they did. She remembered the tiny tremors in her fingers when she was removing her dress. This would be the same action but now the other would be watching. Just like a tightright rope walker performing on the floor as opposed to one-hundred feet in the air it would be the same action but now with an added element of danger. Her heartbeat was racing but she hid the signs. 

“This is different, Ok! Any questions?”

He placed his chin in the crook of his thumb and index finger to think. “What do you mean about ‘details’?”

That was a fair question. “Something personal about yourself and it’s gotta be meaningful. Don’t be sharing something boring to me like your history grades or the color of your shoelaces.”

Something else was on Shinji’s mind. The boy’s eyes shifted to the side and he coughed a second time, his face was still red. She knew the offer proposed would be more than enticing and just needed him to accept her terms. All that was left was to answer whatever dumb question he pitched her way then they would be started.

“Will I see polka dots again?”

There was a massive recoil she felt after he stopped talking. Of all the dumb, pointless, stupid and moronic questions out there, Shinji had to go and find the most perverted of the bunch. However, Asuka was a professional, an expert and more than ready. She leaned into the sensation, lowered her eyelids while giving a boy a very ample view of her cleavage.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Her voice was low and sultry. If she sounded any sexier then it would be powerful enough to destroy an angel.

Somehow Shinji was unphased. “You ok Asuka? All of a sudden you sound like you have a cold?”

If her words wouldn’t shake him than the pillow she shoved in his face sure did the trick.

“IDIOT!” Asuka loudly cleared her through and unleashed her opening gambit. “Red is my favorite color.” She would start with something inconsequential and obvious. A small move to test the waters.

Shinji remained still and looked clueless.

“We’re playing the game now!”

“O-oh. Right!”

Skitishly, Shinji examined what he was wearing to find the least impactful item to remove. He settled on his socks and pulled off the left one, exposing the foot.

“You have to do both!”

“Since when?”

“Since now. Clothes that come in pairs count as a single item. We’ll be here all night if we had it your way.”

There was a small grumble but he complied. The right sock joined the left one in the pile.

“Blue is my favorite color.”

Asuka smirked. “Really, I thought it would be purple, given you pilot Unit 01” The scowl that was shot her way showed that Shinji didn’t really appreciate her attempt at humor. “Ok fine, I’ll start getting naked like you want me to.”

She looked at her own sneaker clad feet and kicked them off with ease. 

Shinji saw she still had her socks on and sent one of his own glares her way. “You had a head start. That’s cheating.”

She shrugged casually. Getting him riled up never ceased to amuse her. “Not my fault you entered a game without seeing if things were fair. Always check your surroundings, Shinji. Didn’t I teach you–”

“Eucalyptus is my favorite scent.”

“You can’t go twice in one turn. Now you’re cheating!”

“You never said we had to take turns.”

Asuka could only grumble as she removed her own long white socks. Exploiting the logic loophole was fair play and it was her own fault for playing things fast and loose.

“Fine, you take this one, but no more double dipping. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

Curiosity struck. “You liked eucalyptus that much?”

“The first time I smelled it we were at the department store and then you wore it to bed I found it calming. I–” He only stammered briefly. “I like it because it helps me think of you.”

Asuka felt her body shiver and her lungs catch on fire. How was he able to say such corny things with a straight face? She allowed herself to enjoy the intense flush before going back on the offensive. If Shinji was going to get more personal with these factoids then she would have to escalate as well.

“I like watching you cook. You look so determined and reliable.”

He sheepishly accepted the compliment and there was a bashful flair added to the tiny movements his body was making. “Thanks.” This time he did not need to be reminded of what to do next. He gingerly removed his rather expensive watch and sat it down on the nightstand.

“I’m glad you convinced me to get this. I can’t explain it but it's like–”

“You feel confident wearing it.”

The interruption astonished Shinji. “How did you know I was going to say that?”

“That’s what fashion is meant to make you feel and from my point of view it's working.”

His eyes looked upwards, which was a telltale sign he was thinking. She grew to notice his tendency to have his head in the clouds. Probably looking at one of those ‘unfamiliar ceilings’. “But am I more confident?”

“Can you stop trying to undermine everything I tell you?”

His eyes moved from the ceiling and back to her. She liked it that way. “...ok.” His reply was deliberate, contemplative and slightly unsure. Slowly but surely he was taking her lessons to heart. He will do better next time.

Silence, looming oppressive silence filled the air. Asuka hated it. “It’s your turn to talk.”

“Uhhh…” The small pause did much to build up the suspense. She praised him for his cooking talents so what would he focus on about her? Would it be how pretty her face was or how amazing she was as a pilot? With polka dots on his mind, maybe he would talk about her perfect figure? “I like watching you walk.”

Shinji’s ability to defy expectations needed to be studied by the world’s top academics. “My walk?” 

“Your walk.” He wasn’t joking. “You walk so fast and charge ahead like you’re expecting the rest of the world to move out of your way–”

“And they do.”

“—And that’s why I like watching it. I feel like nothing can stop you.”

The compliment was unorthodox but rooted in truth. There was no retort, no probe for more answers, just a quiet acceptance. Asuka unclasped her choker and set it next to Shinji’s watch. They both shined brightly in the dark. With her feet and neck bare, the Second Child knew that the easy items had been discarded. If she was going to keep making moves they needed to count. Shinji made things personal so it was time to cut a little deeper.

“Remember when I talked about the Walls of Jericho? I wanted you to walk inside.”

Shinji quickly removed his outer power blue shirt and threw it aside. His mind was moving a mile a minute. “Inside your room. You wanted me to go inside your room?!”

“Is it so weird?” Casual energy deflected befuddled panic. “Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you right before our big mission?” The room’s AC wasn’t on but a chilling shiver washed through her body and she held her shoulders tight as to chase it away. “I felt alone in there.”

Shinji leaned closer, the scent of clean laundry was slightly comforting. “I had no idea that's what you wanted. I thought about it but then I got scared.”

“Scared of what? We spent almost a week moving, thinking and being one person. If you thought about wanting to walk inside then you were right. Do you how how badly I wanted to talk to you on the night before our big life or death mission? You messed up.”

“It’s not like you made it easy for me to believe that. Between the insults, the face flicking, the annoyed glances and kicking me across the room, it looked like you wanted to spend less time with me, not more!”

There was a warped sense of delight Asuka remembered having whenever she used to berate her copilot; however everything else was true. She was so determined in besting the Third Child that she did not give off the impression of someone who enjoyed his company. “Ok, good point. Next time, more talking, less kicking.”

Instinctively Shinji rubbed his spine and gave her his own smile. How did he manage to look so sultry and stupid at the same time?  

“How about more stripping?”

“Fine!” All she had left were her A-10 connectors, pants and shirt. None of them she was looking forward to giving up. She would have to get creative. “Turn around!” When his back facing her, Asuka slipped her arms into her shirt and around her back. With a simple flick of her thumb she was able to unhook the tiny straps of her bra and the supportive garment fell onto her lap. “Done.”

Shinji had faced her once again and could only gasp in surprise when he saw the piece of clothing be discarded. “You took your bra off!” Asuka was amazed with how he was able to say that entire sentence out loud without fainting. His near shouting just made everything feel more embarrassing. 

“That’s something girls do. We don’t want to sleep with a bra on. It’s uncomfortable.”

“Does that mean—”

“Last time I slept without a bra too. Just like tonight, just like every other night from now until forever.” 

She sensed a stuttering attack coming on. As cute as they were, the acts were starting to get redundant. She moved quickly to press her point.

“Your shirt.”

There was strong apprehensive energy coming from Shinji but he pushed through the awkwardness. His dark t-shirt peeled away and exposed his tank top and shoulders. Shinji’s arms were becoming more defined as there was some light muscles being built around them. Suddenly, she was looking forward to an opportunity to be held by him for a second time. 

“This feels embarrassing.” The tips of his ears were turning red.

“What’s the big deal? That’s literally the same thing you wear to bed.”

“You said that before and it still feels weird with you watching me.”

She was indeed watching him, more specifically watching his slightly muscular arms. Soon she would be cuddling against his torso and eagerly waited for her chance. Just two more pieces away and she would get to the good stuff. 

She was also two layers away from revealing the most traumatic moment in her life.

Those cuddles would be needed very soon.

The almost shirtless Shinji kept the troubled expression on his face. There was something deeply affecting him and he looked like he was going to get it off his chest. His eyes stared through her. His chest heaved to keep up with his elevated breathing. He looked serious. He looked manly. 

“I wish you could be nicer to me.”

The memories of how she poorly treated him came back to full force. Times she undermined him, or downplayed his achievements played out as clear as day. It was only recently did she begin to understand the boy and see the quiet strength he possessed under his shy exterior. If she wanted him to respect her more then she would need to do the same. 

“Fine, but only if you promise to actually tell me what you want so I can actually help you get it.”

Now the tables were turned. Shinji was aware of every missed signal, every dropped opportunity and the times she left alone. His cobalt blue eyes softened but his resolve did not falter.

“I promise.”

Shinji’s hands moved to the lower edges of his undershirt and pulled it overhead. The moon did a wonderful job highlighting the subtle changes his body was going through. He was still scrawny but changes were being made. 

He was working hard and he was working hard for her. 

Butterflies flapped in her stomach and her hands moved. She gripped her precious A-10 connectors, the ultimate symbol of her status as a pilot and unfasted them one by one. Now unrestrained, her luxurious red mane fell to her shoulders and she caught Shinji staring in awe. The clips were set aside as they were not needed. Tonight, she did not want to be the Second Child. Tonight, she would just be Asuka. 

“Beautiful.” 

Asuka relished in his attention then lightly traced her fingers over his arm. “You’re not looking too shabby yourself.”

“I uhh…been asking Touji for advice on what exercises I would need to do. I wanted to be better prepared for the next time we uh–” he coughed. “The next time we took our clothes off.”

“I like it. Make sure you don’t stop.”

This time Shinji was able to ignore his impulse to downplay the compliments as the boy physically covered his mouth to stop any form of apologetic comment from escaping. It was only after he took a moment to collect himself did he give himself permission to speak. “Thank you.” His words of gratitude had a long way to go to be as assertive as she wanted but had come an even longer way from where they were just minutes before.

Just one more major piece of clothing stood in their way of physical intimacy. The last momentous barrier to breach so her own personal walls of Jericho could come crashing down and hopefully his too.

“Shinji...” Her own voice trailed; soft, quiet and personal. “I know what I am ask is going to be beyond difficult and beyond reasonable so I want to let you know that you can refuse my request and I won’t be mad.”

She could see the muscles on his bare torso tense up. Calmly, she placed her hand on his shoulder to showcase her sincerity. Reacting to her touch, Shinji’s body began to relax ever so slightly.

“Can you tell me about the time your mother died.”

There was a hitch in his breathing and he gripped the bedsheets until his knuckles were white. His face was the canvas for emotions that trashed and clawed within the boundaries of his heart. Anguish, pain, loathing all danced into her vision and all clamored for her attention but also skirted away like wounded animals.

However it was his eyes that caused her heart to crack. Raw anguish and pain swelled and crashed causing tears to well up and fall under the sound of his tiny sobs. The same sort of eyes that she wanted but did not dare to have. However, in the storm she saw something else. The spark she always knew he had. His spark. It stood in defiance of the storm. He was terrified, but he would push on.

“I don’t remember. That’s what makes it difficult.” Asuka listened patiently to his story. Which was tragically sparse on details but inside the gaps of the unknown the questions festered.

“Do you remember anything about her?”

“Just a feeling she gave me. I don’t remember her smile; just what it should feel like and her face and voice are a complete mystery. There’s nothing I know about her and yet I can’t stop missing her.” His tears dried in the same way an open wound stopped bleeding. “Why do I want to mourn a memory I will never have?”

Absolutely nothing came to Asuka. No words, no sounds, and all she could conjure was mental static. How the hell was she floundering? Wasn’t she a child prodigy? Why can’t a genius like her with a college degree answer a sad question from a mopey teenager?

She didn’t have a vague lower case m memory that refused to be pinned down like air. For her, it was a capital M Memory. As in THE memory that locked, tied, pushed her on her lonely pilgrimage. She could never detach herself from what had happened and what made her. Forever, she was bound.

And in that moment she found her answer.

“I don’t know.”

Shinji was crestfallen. He looked to her for answers and she denied him of his catharsis. Finally she had found someone she wanted to help and she was powerless. It would have been too easy for her to lie and let her pride fabricate an answer on the spot but she knew the true wounds that such a path yielded. She would let the hurt in now so the healing could begin later.

“I don’t know what it's like to miss an idea. All I have is the specific and the specific haunts me. You wouldn’t know what it’s like.”

“Can you tell me?”

In just four words, Shinji had formed the key to the prison she locked herself in. These were the words she was dying to hear and were sweeter than any piece of empty praise she received in the classroom or entry plug. In this hotel room, alone, with Shinji, she was safe. He was safe. Everything she had planned for led to this moment. The door to her cell was wide open. Time for her to do what she did best and take a chance on herself.

“It started with a doll.”

She did not know where to start so she began with the first idea that came to her mind. The doll her mom carried in place of her. Where Shinji could only speak in generalities, Asuka conveyed details, deep, scarring details. On the day she found her mother hanging from the ceiling she remembered everything: the time of day, the meal she ate before, the color of her socks, the snip of the scissors used to cut her down and the crying, oh so much crying. Fake, performative tears done as a gesture of appeasement than understanding. Her family only saw grief and melancholy when their sad faces pivoted her way. No one saw the girl who missed her mother.

The ambiguity in Shinji's story had made her jealous as within it Shinji could find any answer he wished. While he pondered if his mom loved him she knew hers could be a monster.

That was the ultimate lesson she learned. She wasn’t special enough so mama replaced her. She wasn’t worthy enough so people looked past her. 

“I want to forget Shinji. I want to forget this so badly. Sometimes in my nightmares I see her face and glassy eyes. I don’t want to see mama like that. I just don’t want to see her at all but that’s impossible.”

Shinji listened and felt his knuckles tense under pressure. He was ill prepared to learn of the horrors she saw.

“I-I don’t know what to say.”

Asuka felt foolish for hoping for something different. This wouldn’t be like the movies where the romantic hero calmly listens to the plight of the beautiful heroine and says the one magic phrase that would magically fix everything. If she couldn’t do it then Shinji had a snowball’s chance in hell in pulling off such a miraculous feat. 

“And after the threats and invitations to die, do you want to know the worst part is?”

She started to sniffle and Shinji wrapped his arm around her. Their shoulders touched and she could feel his breath on her cheek. 

“What’s the worst part?”

She couldn’t take it anymore. If the stupid idiot Shinji could cry then she was entitled to. Scalding hot tears erupted from eyes too weary to hold them back. 

“I MISS HER SO MUCH!” Asuka let loose a howl of anguish that was ghastly yet cathartic. She cried for the mother she knew and lost and many other tragedies that she ignored piled by her feet. 

“God I must look pathetic,” she said while wiping her eyes dry and in her newfound clarity she saw Shinji. He looked back at her not with pity or fake sympathy but with real anguish and heartache. 

“No you don’t Asuka you’re far from pathetic. And you know what else?”

“What?”

“I still miss my mom!” More tears flowed from him which kickstarted a chain reaction of misery for Asuka started crying too. The redhead buried her face into Shinji’s shoulder which was a poor surface to absorb her tears but a wonderful place to nestle into.

“I miss the way she said my name! I miss how soft her hair is! I miss her kissing me goodnight! I just miss her Shinji. I miss her so damn much!”

The sound of his crying rang into her right ear and she felt her own shoulder grow moist as well.

“It’s ok Asuka. I’m here. I’m here for you.” Shinji could barely hold it together. 

“God, we look like a bunch of sad idiots,” she forced the words through her quivering mouth. 

“But we’re sad together.” Shinji garbled.

Each of their chins were resting on the other’s body. Their faces both turned outwards so that they could only hear and feel what the other was doing.

Asuka sniffled. “But we’re not a bunch of crying idiots—” There was a giggle from Shinji. “And if you tell anyone at school what you saw–”

“I’d be dead. I know.” The tears had softened and fatigue was setting in. Her body slumped against Shinji’s and his arms wrapped around her to give support.

“We’re pretty bad at this aren’t we?”

“I dunno, this feels really nice.”

“I’m not talking about this.” Her arms were resting comfortably on his shoulders. “The talking part. That’s what we suck at.”

“Oh yeah,” His voice turned sullen. “I really wish I knew what to say.” 

Asuka was tired, beyond tired. Their all day date, yes she was going to call it such, was already a taxing endeavor as they did a lot of walking around town. However the distance they traveled in the physical space paled in comparison to the distance covered in their emotional journeys. 

For the next few minutes the two stayed in each other's arms, both weighed down by their knowledge of the other. Shinji’s chest was pressed against hers and she found it more than pleasant and she demanded more.

“Shinji, please hold me.” The request was blunt and straight from the heart. 

He looked confused as if he was asked to do advanced calculus. “I am holding you.” A small flick of her finger to his forehead let him know that he was asking something stupid.

“Hold me for real.” When she saw that he was still wearing his bewildered expression she knew she had to be more blunt. “Hold me like you did at the train station.”

More of his arms enveloped her and enveloped her in a warm embrace. Oh how she missed this feeling. Shinji’s breathing, Shinji’s touch and his care. He held onto her like a precious jewel and all she could do, all that she wanted to do was melt into him. 

She had other cravings that needed to be satiated and were woefully being underserved. Fortunately, there was an easy fix.

Carefully the girl leaned over and spoke in a low sultry as if to kiss his ears with her steamy breath.

“We’re still playing the game.” Lightly she tapped the buckle of his belt and stood up while holding his hand to coax him to his feet.

“Right,” he let loose a nervous chuckle that sounded pleasant to hear. “I totally forgot we were still doing that.”

“Don’t you want to have a good night’s sleep? Take it from someone super smart, those jeans are not going to be comfortable for you to sleep in.”

Shinji’s smile was bashful and open. She began to see why Misato loved teasing him so much. “Well you are pretty and smart– I mean– You’re pretty smart.”

It was the most childish, rudimentary and sloppily put together compliment she ever heard yet it was winning her over more than any love letter she received. How could he keep fumbling his way into success?

“You should start getting ready for bed now. It would be very rude if you keep a girl like me waiting.” Asuka gave her best pouty face and she could have sworn she rocketed his heart rate by an additional ten beats.

Shinji’s hands rushed to undo his belt. Quick, jittery movements unfastened the strap and continued to work at this hurried pace to work on the button and the zipper. Slowing down would lead to hesitation and for Shinji at this time and for this person, hesitation was fate worse than death. He was so preoccupied that he did not notice how the German redhead was entranced by the sight. The jeans fell to the floor and it only took one glance for Asuka to feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

“Dark red briefs, great choice.”

Shinji stepped out of his pants and walked closer to her, looking embarrassed. The single article of clothing he was wearing was not too different from his previous set with the exception of the fit better complimenting his figure more and was of higher quality fabric. 

“I don't remember this color. Something tells me you had a hand in this.” 

Asuka’s Cheshire Cat smile was out in full force.”Maaaaaybe.”

During an extended stay in NERV where Asuka was left through her devices she decided to do an “audit” of some of Shinji’s more intimate apparel for “research purposes.” and was disgusted by her findings. Changed needed to be made. Dark red was a color she picked on a whim as she wanted to see how Shinji would look and judging by the current results, she made a good choice. 

“For some reason I could not find my old white ones and found these in their place.”

“That’s because they’re old and showing their age. If we’re going to be doing this more often then I refuse to look at those dorky pieces of underwear!”

Shinji rolled his eyes. 

“Ok ok, I’ll go next. Ready for the main event?”

She did not even wait for his nod before getting to work. 

There was a nervous eagerness in Asuka’s hands as she worked to undo the fittings of her pants. For weeks she had prepared for this day: getting the right undergarments, practicing her poses, putting thought in how she would remove her clothes. Her raw sensual energy filled the room as she slowly pulled her zipper down piece by piece. Shinji’s eyes shot open and his mouth hung limply in the air. She knew she had him and she loved every minute of it. Her jeans hit the floor and she adopted the same seductive pose that she had been secretly practicing in her room for so many nights. Polka dots were no longer here, this was the good stuff. Every single lacy stitch she wore and every bit of skin she would reveal was chosen to make sure that Shinji would only have Asuka centered dreams for the rest of his life.

Confidently she strode into a moonlight beam and used it to highlight her own flawless figure. She looked and felt like a high end model posing in a fashion magazine. Now all that was left was to hear Shinji’s body fall on the carpet.

“Flowers?”

Flowers? There were no flowers involved. She was sure she had on something far more mature and lacy. Then she looked down and saw the critical error that was made. 

Today’s plans originally began with a shopping trip with Hikari with Shinji being a last minute change. As such she was not exactly wearing her “Sunday best” when it came to her choice in panties. These were light blue and adorned with a floral print.. A pair she wore for comfort, rather than to showing off.

The high pitch scream she released was ear shattering.

“Oh god, this is wrong, this is so wrong.”

Shinji was breathing heavily again however there were no traces of fear in his face. Instead his eyes were full of desire and did not want to look away.

“So cute.” Now it was Asuka’s turn to blush and feel the waves of embarrassment.

“You think so?” Limply her hand clasped onto his hand for reassurance. “It wasn’t what I originally planned to wear.”

She watched his eyes scan her up and down and gulped. “It’s more than enough.” 

Softly he drew circles on top of her hand and she calmed down. “If you say so.” 

The two exchanged a yawn and heeded the call of slumber. With smiles on their faces, they crawled into bed and under the same blanket. The mattress was soft and their eyelids became heavy. The cuddles she wanted soon came her way. Shinji’s slender arms captured her in a delicate embrace as he brought his face downward to nuzzle against her neck. 

Asuka recalled the time she was on the Over the Rainbow’s deck. Much like now, she was in a secluded location, far from home and laying down next to someone she found attractive. The ship was slowly bobbing with the waves and the salty breeze ran through her hair. Those were the feelings and smells that were linked to her first heart break. She demanded, no, she demeaned herself to beg for Kaji’s attention and all he gave her was a cold distant stare into the sunset sky. 

She laid on Shinji’s side and watched his chest slightly raise up and down with his breathing steady and slow. Another impulse washed over her. Rolling to her side, she tentatively placed herself on top of the Third Child’s chest so that she could ride the gentle breaths of the boy she shared so much of herself with and felt a familiar tinge of sadness. 

Even now, when fate had blessed him to live out a scenario where other men would kill to be in, he met her with a pensive look.

“I’m sorry Asuka.” He wasn’t using his deflective tone, this one was sincere and crafted just for her.

“For what?”

“Not knowing what to say about your mom. I don’t know how I can help you.”

All through her life she was searching for an answer on how best to resolve her past which only had managed to stump the people in her life.

Kaji had no answers.
Misato refused to hear the question.
Even Shinji, the one who actually took the time to listen, could only offer his condolences. 

“No matter how hard I try, I can never know what you went through.”

He was right. What happened to her was so painfully specific that only she knew what really happened. She had all the pieces and no one could see the full picture.

“But I will be here and ready for you regardless.”

If she was the only one who knew what happened and if she had all the pieces, did that mean she always had what it takes to find her own answer.

“...oh my god.” The revelation came slowly and hit with the impact of a giant tidal wave. The answer she spent years looking for, it was up to her to figure it out. Only she could decide how she should feel, how she should move forward and if she didn't know what to do now then all that meant was that she would find out later.

“Shinji, I don’t know anything about the day your mom passed and you don’t know about what happened to me but together we can help each other help ourselves. When you want to talk, I’ll listen.”

“And I’ll listen to you too.”

“Promise.”

“Promise.”

She stared into his eyes. The eyes that looked at looked at her and only at her. They were so calming to look at. It was not an oath made between two pilots but between a boy and a girl, and she liked it that way.

They blinked in unison and leaned in as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

It was a kiss to seal the pledge. The kiss was soft, fulfilling and gentle. Their lips lightly touched and communicated more emotion than they could ever convey.

Thank you for letting me see the real you.

Let me understand more. 

Asuka’s fingertips ran down Shinji’s torso and took in his warmth. It was a pleasant sensation that brought stillness to her mind and wanted to feel more from him. Another emotional barrier was removed but what about the physical?

She reached toward her waist underneath the covers and pulled her shirt overhead. Her breasts were finally free and found Shinji’s chest to be a wonderful place to rest.

“ASUKA!” If she was not already on top of him, she could have sworn he would have jumped out the bed. 

“I just felt like doing that. Got a problem?”

Shinji shook his head.

“Smart choice. Now let me sleep.” Her body melted into his. She felt both their hearts beating against each other. “Good night Shinji.”

“Good night Asuka.”

Tonight they had proved their deepest seeded fears wrong and freed themselves from the burden of their own secrecy and found each other in the process. They were each other's protectors where one vowed to keep the other safe.

Sleep came shortly after. 

Shinji was the first to awaken when the rays of the bright light kissed his eyelids. The hotel's (working) air condition had defanged the sun’s biting heat making his transition to the waking world much less miserable.

Next to him was Asuka’s back, her bare back. She must have rolled off of him in the middle of the night and settled in a more traditional sleeping position. He checked underneath the covers and confirmed the fact they were both half naked which was something he was still getting used to. 

He also confirmed this wasn't a dream. This was very real.

He heard her mutter something and roll onto her back, with the blanket covering her chest. 

Her bare chest.

Last night was dark and that darkness prevented him from using his sense of sight to confirm what his sense of touch felt and what he did feel was something soft and pleasurable.

Shinji pinched himself to stop his lecherous thoughts from running wild. Months of seeing her in plugsuits, short skirts, shorter shorts and a certain striped bikini was more than enough to feed his imagination but last night was something else. Asuka was kind enough to bless him the opportunity to touch the genuine article. Those memories will be something he could not shake away from his memory banks so easily. 

Asuka squirmed and muttered something one more time. The gap between them had decreased. The temperature had risen and the butterflies were taking off a mile a minute.

“Shin…ji…”

Next to him was the girl who always managed to rattle his equilibrium and occupy his thoughts. Asuka was never shy about disrupting his plans, making demands and pushing him, always pushing him. She forced him into new adventures, dragged out new ways of seeing himself and coaxed him into revealing his own insecurities. With each new venture, they emerged closer.

He did everything for her: cooking, cleaning, homework prep, occasional punching bag and now started removing his clothes for her enjoyment. However, he was negligent when it came to his own wants. Could someone who had been tossed aside love someone? Was he even allowed to do so? 

Together we can help each other help ourselves.

Those were the words that echoed in his head. All the way back at the overlook when he started blabbering about his own pilot stories he was unknowingly doing just that. He remembered the lesson but forgot the process. Tonight was his review course.

Shinji shifted toward Asuka and lifted her right arm so he could nestle his head on top of her shoulder. It was a bold move but given Asuka’s frequent requests of his touch, he felt this was only fair. With her arm draped over the side of his body, Shinji snuggled closer to the sleeping girl. His legs softly tangled with hers and he let his muscles relax.

There was a long contentful sigh. His heart felt full, so full it felt like it could explode. He managed to get closer to the girl not to comfort or to appease her. This was a choice made for himself. 

This was part of the answer he was looking for. From now on, he would start allowing himself to take his place on the stage of life. He was Shinji Ikari and he was worthy to be here.  Worthy to be with her.

Can we be together? Does she even want something like that?

Slowly Asuka’s began to show signs of life and began to stir. There was a small feeling of panic that flashed but Shinji managed to override it. 

“Shinji?” She practically breathed out his name with dreamy sleepiness. Slowly, she sat upwards and the blanket that had been protecting her modesty slid off her shoulders to expose her bare chest for him to see.

His eyes shot wise, his breathing became more labored and every single thought he had was evaporated as if an N2 mine detonated in his head. The hotel’s gentle atmosphere gave way to something more primal. His mouth became dry.

Asuka did not need a lot to figure out what was happening and what sparked the changes. The same blue eyes she looked into for kindness and comfort, slightly shifted to something else.  She was being stared at with hunger and the normally quiet boy suddenly carried a hint of danger.

It was so thrilling.

“Are you looking at me?”

He was caught mid turnaround and could not hide from his crimes. Shinji had no reason to lie and just slowly nodded his head.

“Then do it all the way or don’t do it at all.”

Dramatically she ripped the blanket off the bed so that there was nothing covering her body or his. Shinji was beside himself. A plugsuit and bikini left little to the imagination but a single pair of blue floral panties practically gave the entire game away. She had flawless skin, perfectly shaped breasts and her thin waist and slender legs was definitive proof with how stunning her figure was. 

Carefully she moved on top of the Third Child and straddled his waist. Asuka wanted to do more than just look and brought her hands into play. Lightly she moved them through his soft hair, down the side of his face, along his chest and then to his legs. Each time she moved to a new section, she could hear his delicate breathing hitch and tiny moans being produced by his faint voice. 

“I’m going to kiss you. Is that ok?”

Shinji's brain was too frazzled to put up any resistance. “That’s…fine.” 

“Now I don’t want you to freeze up or jump away or do anything of that sort. Just enjoy yourself ok?

Shinji gulped. A lot of his nervous ticks she found adorable. His indecisiveness, however, was not one of them.

“You will enjoy yourself riiiiiiight?” She commanded in a mock threatening tone.

He gulped and put on a brave face that was more silly than serious. “I will!”

She leaned forward and greedily claimed his lips. While they had kissed before, those were child’s play. Their previous exchanges were playful and light, serving more as small exchanges of affection than anything really meaningful. This kiss was much hungrier and carried her lust outward. This was more invigorating than touching herself in the shower.

Shinji offered little resistance. In fact he offered little of anything. She stopped her advance and could see him tightly closing his eyes and holding on to the sheets as if he was going to fall out of bed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m scared.” Things were moving faster than he could dream of and the breakneck pace was disorienting. “I want to do more Asuka but I’m afraid of hurting you or messing things up.”

She giggled. “I’m a tough girl and I know what I’m doing…” Here eyes looked at him longingly. Her hunger ran deep. “Or should I say, I know who I’m doing.” Her hands wandered lower. She felt his hardness through the fabric of his briefs and purred. “I am all yours Shin….ji.”

That final green light was what gave permission for Shinji to move forward. Aggressively, he grasped Asuka’s shoulders and pinned her against the mattress so that he was on top. 

“Oh my.” She panted.

Shinji’s hands roamed up and down. Using Asuka’s template as a guide he copied their path on her body. His hands started with her hair, which was soft and silky, traced down the side of her face, brushed over her collar bone then stopped.

There they were, Asuka’s breasts. Two perfect swells of flesh that glistened in the light. Before she could even voice her next suggestion, he cupped the lower end and rubbed his palms against it. He was treated to the sound of her moaning.

“Pervert.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“You stopping! Keep going!”

Shinji happily obliged. His fingers traced over her chest as if he was trying to commit every single inch of her to memory. The movements were rushed, jittery and aimless but done with such zeal. She was becoming more aroused and she was liking it.

“Kiss me.”

Shinji moved and brought his face into hers. He kissed her back and kissed her hard. The feeling was intoxicating and the two felt like they were floating above the bedsheets. Like his hands, Shinji’s mouth was clumsy and inexperienced. His aim was off and spent equal amounts of time kissing her chin and under nose but he was oh so eager. She was ready to correct his technique but by the grace of God, Shinji stumbled his way into finding the ideal method on how to swirl his tongue into hers and those complaints were forgotten.

All rational thought had left Shinji and he had been moving out of pure instinct. There was no time to think. No time to second guess himself. His mind only had space for two things: movement, and pleasure. He had no idea what he was doing and used his musician’s ears to tightly focus on the noises Asuka was making. Every breath, every squirm, every subtle sound that came from her was immediate feedback. Sound was good. Movement was better. Sound with movement was divine.

His briefs, the last article of clothing he had; the last barrier between the two of them were becoming confining. It was already difficult to focus but when Asuka slid her hand underneath his waistband to grab his hardness he let loose an audible gasp.

Asuka felt a small fire burn in the pit of her stomach.“Will this be mine?” Her own movements were hurried and unfocused. 

Again, Shinji followed her lead and lowered his hands inside Asuka’s moist folds. She jumped with pleasure and nibbled on his ear.

“You want to play things that way?”

They explored each other in the most intimate way possible. The hunger in their eyes grew. Shinji gripped the edges of Asuka’s panties and took a deep breath.

“Can we go further?” Asuka wondered how could such a quiet voice turn her on so much?

Asuka mirrored his position “Thank God you asked.” Shinji had almost lost control after hearing her demand more. He wanted her so bad.

Together they undressed each other and took extra care as not to damage the clothes they were formally wearing. Their lust overcame any sense of embarrassment and Asuka positioned herself so that Shinji could enter her.

The two stopped and in a brief moment of clarity they stopped to ask themselves if this was the right decision to make. Sex was an incredibly meaningful act that one could not take back but there was one more concern weighing in his conscience. 

“I don’t want to get you pregnant.”

Asuka stopped to think if there was such a risk however she was blessed to learn of her body’s sexual urges before learning what it was like to get her first period. 

“That’s not going to happen.”

“But–”

“What have I been telling you all day? I know what I am doing.” Her hand then gently rested on his cheek. “And I know who I am doing it with.”

Shinji could feel the tip of his erect member just outside the entry point. It was now or never.

“Shinji…” Asuka’s voice was surprisingly quiet, sweet and loving. “Don’t let go of me.”

Both of his arms wrapped around her back and held on tight. “I won’t.” Shinji needed to hear something for himself too to help quell his own fears. “Please don’t leave me.” He asked faintly and tenderly. 

A second hand joined his other check. “I won’t”

Shinji entered inside. There was a short gasp from the girl and he halted. His movement was stopped as progress felt tight and restrictive.

“Are you ok?”

“I uh…yeah…just let me get used to this.” Her inner walls relaxed and he eased deeper. Another pause. Asuka was dying of anticipation. “Ok, I think we can continue.”

They both moved, in and out and up and down. Their pace was irregular and staccato and felt more like a record on a broken player than anything even close to love making. Eventually they found their rhythm, it was slow and plodding but with each gyration their arousal grew and the speed quickened. The deliberate and steady pumps that were methodical and uneasy vanished under moans and grunts. Shinji leaned his torso back for more leverage but was violently yanked downward by Asuka’s powerful arms.

“Don’t let me go.You…promised.”

Shinji tried to maintain the tempo and Asuka pushed it faster. Their lungs were on fire and their breaths became hot. Faster and faster they pumped, all delicacy and care was thrown out the window. Shinji thrusted inside Asuka as hard as he could, each pulse sent shockwaves of pleasure through himself. Asuka clawed at his sides for she was living in libidinous bliss. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and the absolute limits of self control reached their limits. Their collective climax was sudden, forceful and more intense than they had experienced before. Loudly they moaned into each other as Asuka felt the intense pumping of Shinji’s seed during her own orgasm. The two teens were spent and hugged each other in the afterglow.

Asuka stared at the ceiling until the normal functions of her brain had returned. The impossible happened. She had sex with Shinji Ikari. It was far from perfect and judging by the clock on the wall the whole affair only lasted ten minutes. However, to share an intimate, physical connection with someone who she trusted and gave his mind, body and soul to her was an act of closeness that she could not put into words. She wanted the experience to last longer and she was more than willing to do this all over again so she could see how it could be even better.

Shinji felt utterly spent but was happy. If he was able to have Asuka on his mind, then this moment forever tied her to his heart and beyond. He felt, listened and tasted her very essence and now that he experienced heaven he refused to go back to a life without it. To hold Asuka. To be held by Asuka. To fill Asuka with pleasures and allow her to do the same. That was true joy for the Third Child.  He leaned over to his lover, her face beaming with joy and stroked her hair.

“Are you ok?”

She leaned in for a kiss, tiny but tender. “I am. That was…”

“Yeah, it was…”

The ability to string sentences was long lost so the two embraced each other once more and stayed that way until it was time to check out.

Shinji Ikari’s hatred of summer returned that night. Misato was unable to secure a repair appointment. In the eleventh hour of the hottest night ever recorded in Tokyo-3 she muttered something to the two pilots about needing to finish a late night shift at NERV then stumbled out the door. Asuka believed it was an excuse to take advantage of their cooling units but if it meant that she would leave alone, then so be it.

Out of habit, the two had retired to their own rooms for the evening. The apartment's warmth was so oppressive that Shinji did not bother to change into his usual pajamas and opted to peel off his outer layer of clothes before collapsing on his bed.

Understandably, his thoughts gravitated toward Asuka and while the sensations of his first sexual encounter replayed in his mind, what he found himself thinking the most about was his feelings toward his roommate.

Sex was great, beyond great even but he also loved spending time with her, caring for her, listening to her and being listened to. He grew to appreciate her emotional depths and wanted to be by her side whenever she had to shed a tear. Was this what love was? That was something he would have to think of for the future but for now he was confident in his desire to be emotionally open to her 

His throat felt parched so he got up from his bed and turned his desk lamp on. Nearby was a glass of water he brought over from the kitchen that he prepared earlier. The drink had become lukewarm but was still a refreshing beverage. He was almost done drinking by the time he saw the door to his room slide open and close.

“Asuka?”

Her bed tossed hair was frazzled from the heat’s humidity. “Did you really think you were going to go and sleep by yourself after all that we’ve done together?”

“No I just thought—”

The girl was in no mood for small talk and casually walked over to claim this cup as her own. She emptied the glass in a few gulps and placed it back on the table.

“I get it, you’re worried about Misato but if she’s not here then there's no problem.” She stopped to admire his current state of undress.

“Oh you’re wearing the gray ones. Those also look really good on you.”

The wave of embarrassment that hit him previously was absent as there was no real need to hide. Asuka had seen him in his underwear twice and fully naked within a twenty-four hour period. He was starting to use to it 

“It’s hot.”

“I know.” Asuka gave him one more look. Hunger filled her eyes and she smiled in a manner that was both enticing and threatening. “Now I feel like the overdressed one.”

Asuka began to disrobe right in front of Shinji which made the boy blush. While he was getting used to being the subject of her lecherous stare, the same could not be said the other way around. His capacity to think left his body more and more with each piece of clothing that was slowly removed. She left her shirt and shorts in a pile next to his bed and gave Shinji just enough time to marvel at the sight of her body.

“They’re dark red this time. I felt like wearing them after I saw you in them.” 

Shinji just swallowed and blankly nodded. Dark red looked really good on her. He put up no resistance when Asuka took his wrist and slowly pushed him back onto his bed. 

“Sorry, if my bed isn’t as big or as comfy as the one in the hotel room.” He found it impossible to separate himself from the girl’s proximity. Already their shoulders and legs were touching each other.

“You make it sound like I don’t want you next to me.”

“I don’t!”

“You don’t want to sleep next to me?”

He was caught in a checkmate blunder. “No I mean—” Shinji did not have the pieces left to finish the argument and instead of bumbling through another attempt he took decisive action. Gently he lifted Asuka’s arm so he could rest his head on her shoulder and be held by her arm. They were now completely flushed against each other, connected and content.

“I want to be next to Asuka, not just while sleeping. I want to be awake too.”

Asuka pulled Shinji tighter against her. She smelled like eucalyptus and Shinji her with all the care his arms could muster. The temperature was rising within him and Asuka was feeling the same as she quickly tore the blanket off the bed. She turned to her side and offered Shinji a rather close view of her naked breast along with an alluring smile. “Do you want to go at it again? I’ll let you do whatever you want.”

Her smile was lustful and her fingers danced teasingly along his thigh. 

“W-whatever I want?” The question allowed him to push the erotic limits of his imagination. 

“You did such a good job in the hotel, I wanted to see if we can do the same but better. Up for a round?”

Shinji took her hand into his and gently placed his forehead against hers. Sex was beyond tempting and certain pieces of his anatomy were certainly preparing themselves for the occasion. However that was not what his heart truly wanted at that moment. There was something else he wanted to share with Asuka. Something else he wanted to resolve. 

“I want to talk.”

“Talk?” The pent up erotic energy that she walked in with was escaping through the top of her head.

“I just want to know one thing…” He wanted closeness, he wanted intimacy but also someone to cherish. He adored Asuka in every aspect of her being and learning about her tragedy only increased the longing. He paused to move her hands onto his chest. Her touch was reassuring and her eyes looked like an entire summer skylight captured in a pair of irises.“Can I be your boyfriend?”

There was a loud snort and then a strong belly laugh. “You idiot. Normally when you ask that sort of question you ask the girl if she could be your girlfriend. You’re bad at this.”

“H-hey, it’s not like I ever did this before!”

“And it shows.” 

Could she accept such an offer? What would the old Asuka think about the very idea of being close with someone else. She would cry about abandoning her promise, becoming dependent on another person and on her poor taste in men. She told Shinji not only about her dead mom but the way she died and he shed tears for Asuka as he saw her as someone worth crying for. She needed to make her decision.

If Shinji was the one who gave her permission to share her secrets then she would be the one to give herself permission to find her own happiness. 

She brought his face into her bosom and nuzzled the top of his head with her cheek. “Of course. From this moment on, I have bestowed upon you the honor of being my boyfriend.” She raised his face so that she could stare into his eyes. “Treat me with care.”

Shinji was stunned. Within the span of a single day he had managed to kiss, sleep with and win the heart of the most precious person in the world to him. He was so overwhelmed with joy that tears poured out of his eyelids.

“T-thank you.” 

“And I will be your precious girlfriend.” She smiled then swooned. “I like you so much.”

The two hugged in the darkness and under the light rays of a dim desk lamp they felt safe to reaffirm the oath they prepared back at the hotel.

Asuka started first and moved Shinji's palm so it could feel her heartbeat “Together we can help each other help ourselves. When you want to talk, I’ll listen.”

Shinji moved her palm to his chest so she could feel his (slightly) faster heart. “And I will listen to you too because I will never let you go, Asuka.”

“And I will never  leave you, Shinji.”

The two faded into the world of dreams together. It would be the beginning of a new routine where they would fall asleep in each other's arms. Night by night, day by day with each passing second they would grow to love each other. But more importantly, with enough time and patience then maybe, just maybe, they could grow to love themselves.

END