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Mark knows that Jaemin has unorthodox coaching methods. Even the way they started as coach and skater was unique — Jaemin showing up at Mark's family's hot springs resort out of the blue and offering to coach Mark right then and there the very first time they've met. Mark had barely registered the offer, too distracted by Jaemin's (naked and) intimidating presence and his beautiful and giddy smile with a hand outstretched like a benevolent god.
Mark understands though that Jaemin is a good coach for him. He's the Na Jaemin after all. Jaemin choreographs masterpiece programs, becomes laser focused when Mark practices, and gives genuinely helpful advice to improve Mark's technique. The other parts are where Mark is puzzled.
Jaemin likes to be with Mark everywhere. If Jaemin is not indulging himself in a little sightseeing or visiting family in Seoul, he's right beside Mark. In the gym, in the rink, in Mark's house. Relationship building, Jaemin insists. How can I be the best coach for you, Mark, if I don't know everything about you?
Mark draws a shaky line of finally saying no when Jaemin asks them to sleep in one bed during the first week. He sits on the floor barricading the door as Jaemin is on the other side, crooning about how he needs to make sure Mark is sleeping well so they can make good efforts at improving his quadruple flip tomorrow.
Jaemin also likes to be hands on with training. Literally. At first, Mark thought it was a practical way for Jaemin to push Mark to embody the theme of his short program better: eros. Jaemin had probably sniffed out that Mark was inexperienced in anything in the field of eros, having spent his entire 23 years of existence focused on the ice. And so, Mark has gotten used to Jaemin trailing his fingers over Mark's face, hands, back. He expects it now when Jaemin talks to him for Jaemin to pull him close that their faces are only a few centimeters apart. He even leans in when Jaemin hugs him before and after he skates. Strange coaching methods but it works. Mark's been scoring personal bests for the last two competitions.
"So," Johnny asks as he helps Mark stretch out his back. Mark may have pulled his muscles a little with his last jump attempt. "I know I haven't skated in very long, but I don't remember our coaches holding our hands the entire time while giving us feedback."
"Jaemin just likes to do it," Mark says. "It's probably, um, just a Western thing."
"He's also Korean?"
"He trained in Canada and Europe all his life!"
"You also went to the States to train, and you're as skittish about touching as ever," Johnny says and laughs when he notices the blush on Mark's face.
"Mark~" Jaemin bursts into the room. His eyes immediately zoom in on Mark's stretching position and his gaze pauses on Johnny's hands on Mark's back. Johnny smiles and steps back. He gives Mark a look heavy with meaning that Mark chooses to ignore.
"Well, I think your back should be fine, Mark. Just do your stretches more."
"Oh… okay." Mark waves Johnny goodbye as he exits the locker room. Jaemin takes both of Mark's hands and helps him stand, carefully looking Mark up and down.
"Hmmm…" Jaemin smiles as he tilts Mark's head up with a finger to his chin. "I think I may have pushed you too hard today, but I have the perfect solution for your back."
The perfect solution turns out to be a very expensive orthopedic mattress delivered just that day — that was set up in Jaemin's room.
"This is your bed." Mark protests, stepping back closer to the door.
"We can share. I made sure it can fit both of us." Jaemin says and plucks Mark's glasses off his face.
"Ah, Mark. We really should invest in getting you contacts." Jaemin cups Mark's face and his gaze turns a little serious. "Then again, we might have to worry about too many people noticing you, so maybe the glasses can stay."
"Jaemin, I'll head back to my room." Mark tries to gently move Jaemin's hands away from his face.
"Nonsense." Jaemin pushes Mark down to the bed. "We need to break the new mattress in."
Mark feels like he's been on a dream high the last few months: getting to see Jaemin everyday, being coached by Jaemin. Most of the time, Mark can distract himself with mastering his programs and improving his jumps. But, sometimes, the Na Jaemin fan in him crawls back up as he watches Jaemin demonstrate jumps for him or perform an old routine of his just for Mark as a reward for a good run-through. It always reminds him of who Jaemin is: five-time world champion, four-time GPF champion, Olympic gold medalist, and a peak athlete who is sitting out an entire season to coach Mark Lee of all skaters. A dime-a-dozen Korean skater who everyone thought was on the brink of retirement. It's all borrowed time.
He lays awake now, thinking about it. He should be sleeping peacefully. He won silver in Cup of China. He scored a personal best in the short. He is officially a step closer to redeeming himself at the Grand Prix Final. And after that… After that, Jaemin goes home, back to competing. Jaemin did say that very first day he would coach Mark up to the Grand Prix Final only.
But then, today, Mark had done a quadruple flip just to surprise Jaemin and Jaemin, in his usual manner, decided he couldn't be outdone and kissed Mark. Out there. On the ice. In front of the judges, the crowd, the cameras.
Mark raises a hand to touch his lips again like a teenage girl with her first kiss. It confuses Mark. Everything else with Jaemin prior to this — the touches, the flirty conversations, the heated gazes — had been excusable as strange coaching techniques and Jaemin being Jaemin. But a kiss.
"Minhyung…" Mark nearly falls off the bed in shock and he looks to the other side of the room. Mark's mother never should have revealed Mark's birth name to Jaemin. It is practically a weapon in Jaemin's voice.
"I can feel your overthinking from here." Jaemin turns on the lamp and props himself up with an arm to study the shadows under Mark's eyes.
Jaemin pats the empty space beside him on the bed. "Minhyung, come here. You've barely slept the last 48 hours."
Mark gives in to the natural urge to listen to Jaemin and moves. Jaemin gives him a comforting smile as he settles underneath the covers. Mark closes his eyes and takes deep breaths to calm himself down.
"So, what's on your mind?"
Mark feels Jaemin brush away the hair from his face. Mark wants to be honest.
"Earlier." Mark pauses and Jaemin moves closer. Mark feels the weight of Jaemin's gaze but he keeps his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Earlier, you kissed me."
"I did."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to." Jaemin readily answers.
"But why?" Mark's voice cracks as he says it.
"Why did I want to kiss you?" Jaemin repeats the question, tone even and smooth. Mark feels silly as he nods.
"Mark…" Jaemin huffs out a laugh. He shifts and suddenly, Mark's view of the ceiling is blocked by Jaemin hovering over him.
"I've wanted to kiss you since the day we met."
Mark's eyes widen. The day they met? At the hot spring? When Mark had stared at Jaemin in disbelief, like an ugly gaping fish?
"Ah, you're so cute." Jaemin coos and he probably can read the confusion in Mark's eyes so he spells things out clearer. Jaemin's kind like that, especially to Mark. "I like you a lot, Mark. That's why I always want to kiss you."
"Always?" Mark repeats, his ability to speak robbed except to repeat words now.
Jaemin nods. "I know you like me too. So, do you want to kiss me too?"
It all feels like a dream as Mark answers by wrapping his arms around Jaemin's neck to pull him close. Jaemin sweetly kisses Mark's cheek first before Mark impatiently presses their lips together. The rush into the kiss slows down as Jaemin angles his head to kiss Mark more deeply.
When Jaemin pulls away, Mark takes a gasping breath. He feels the adrenaline quickly seep away and Jaemin strokes his face once more before lying back down. He pulls Mark close.
"We can talk more in the morning." Jaemin presses a kiss to Mark's forehead. "Congratulations again, Mark."
"Thank you. I'll do better in the next one." Mark promises, eyes already drooping.
"My Mark." Jaemin whispers. "Win a gold for me next time, okay?"
"Why did you start skating?" Jaemin asks one day. They're having brunch in a small cafe that Jaemin discovered during their morning runs.
Mark shrugs. "I don't know, I just fell in love with it. I wasn't very good at making friends or expressing myself as a kid, so I guess I just ran to the ice to find myself or figure things out. I still love it, even though I probably haven't shown much for it."
Jaemin stares at him. "I see it in your skating though. Love. You. It's why you skated Stay Close to Me better than I did."
Mark chokes on his drink. "No, I didn't! My landing was rough on the quads, and my spins were sloppy."
"No, yours was better. I skated it like a routine, you skated it like art, like a story you were telling."
Mark feels at a loss, so he returns Jaemin's initial question to him. Jaemin sighs and leans back on his chair.
"Because I'm good at it." Jaemin taps his fingers on the table. "I love a challenge, and I love beating people's expectations."
"Ah. That's a good mindset." Mark says. His old coach would probably call it a winner's mentality, one that Mark had lacked his whole career.
"Maybe." Jaemin studies Mark. "I think I'm learning otherwise here with you."
Mark gets sick the day after his return from Rostelecom Cup. Jaemin fusses over him from the moment Mark woke up to their alarms with a high grade fever and a terrible cough. Mark thinks he's closed his eyes for a few minutes, only to wake up again an hour later, with Jaemin holding a cool washcloth to his forehead. His pillows were replaced by Jaemin himself who helps Mark adjust to lean back more comfortably. The bedside table is covered with three types of medicine, two bowls of porridge, and a pitcher of water.
"Ah, I really wish I didn't leave you alone, Minhyung. Really, what was Yushi thinking having you eat those dumplings out there in the cold? My poor baby is not used to Russian winters."
Mark coughs. "Don't be silly, Jaemin. The dumplings were a nice gesture."
"Still." Jaemin says and plants a kiss on Mark's temple. "Don't worry, next season, I'll be there for every competition."
Mark doesn't respond to that and chooses to just hide his face in Jaemin's neck. There is no next season for Mark, but he doesn't want Jaemin to know that yet. He recalls their reunion in the airport yesterday.
"Please be my coach until I retire." The words had slipped out from Mark — something real and honest behind them. It is true. Mark wants to soak in this perfect dream of having Jaemin as his last coach for his best and last season.
"I wish you'd never retire." Mark had teared up, the words so bittersweet to his ears.
"Do you miss it?" Mark asks in a soft whisper. "Skating?"
"I'm still skating, Mark. I skate as your coach." Jaemin replies. He has a complicated look on his face like he's weighing Mark's words in his head. "Just rest now, okay? Let's not stress your brain out more."
Mark closes his eyes but his mind plays the different times he's caught Jaemin practicing jumps and choreographing new step sequences the last few weeks. Mark can't keep tying Jaemin to himself selfishly. He's lived his dream this season. Now, he needs to wake up.
"Maarrrkkkkk…" Jaemin tugs the blanket away from Mark's face. "Why are you hiding from me, my darling?"
Mark pulls a pillow towards him then to hide his face again. "I'm so embarrassed."
"About what?" Jaemin asks, fingers trailing back and forth over Mark's arm. "Maybe it was bold for me to announce our engagement like that. When you win gold though, I fully intend to —"
"No, no." Mark interrupts. "I'm just so embarrassed about last year's banquet. I'm really sorry I came at you like that. I shouldn't have drank so much."
"But that was our meet-cute, baby." Jaemin pulls the pillow from Mark's grasp and cups Mark's face with his hands. "You were so cute, Minhyung. And your ass in those trousers when you danced, absolutely sinful. Maybe that's what inspired me when I was making your eros routine."
"Jaemin…"
"And of course." Jaemin sighs and raises his hand to admire the ring Mark had given earlier. "When you asked me to be your coach with those lovely eyes of yours, how could I say no?"
"I asked you to be my coach?" Mark asks in a hollow tone as he realizes the magnitude of his responsibility in pulling Jaemin away from competitive skating.
"Yes." Jaemin confirms, smiling as he recalls it. "I was a little heartbroken when you didn't contact me at all for months. But then you skated my routine so beautifully like a siren call. You've really changed my life, Mark."
For the better? Mark selfishly wants to ask. The young boy inside him that spent hours and hours practicing to catch up to Jaemin wants the reassurance, but Mark forces the desire down. He'll prove it himself with a gold medal in exchange for all of Jaemin's efforts.
Mark stares at the ring on his hand while waiting for Jaemin to be done with his nighttime routine. It's a long process which gives Mark the time to think. Usually, Mark would agree to Jaemin putting a face mask on him but he feels a little ill so he sits on the corner of the spare bed, pretending to scroll through his phone and building up the courage within him for the conversation they're about to have.
Jaemin hums a tune as he towels his hair dry. Mark's heart clenches as he realizes it's his free skate piano accompaniment that Jaemin is humming.
"What did you want to speak about, Minhyung?" Jaemin asks. "Can we talk while cuddling? I think I missed having you in my arms since this morning."
"No," Mark says solemnly and clears his throat. "I think we should just sit normally for this."
"Alright then, darling." Jaemin walks over and he looks concerned as he takes a seat on the sofa in front of Mark.
Mark remembers the look on Jaemin's face in that parking lot before his Cup of China free skate. Their first big competition together as coach and skater, and Jaemin had foolishly decided the best way to break Mark out of his anxiety spiral was to break his heart. Jaemin's expression had crumpled up as soon as he realized Mark was crying.
Jaemin gives him a similar look now as soon as Mark expresses his intention to retire after tomorrow. Mark bows his head in thanks and also to stop looking at Jaemin's face. He knows his weak heart might falter if he keeps looking at Jaemin.
"I really want to thank you for all you've done for me this season. It's the best last season I could have ever wished for. Thank you for being my coach, Jaemin." Mark looks up and stills when he realizes Jaemin is… crying?
"Jaemin?" Mark says, more out of surprise than anything else. He wracks his brain trying to remember a single instance in Jaemin's career that he's ever been seen crying. Jaemin's never cried — not even when he won the Olympics, or when he achieved Super Slam status, or when he hit his head during warm-up right before a free skate that he still won.
"I didn't think you would make such a selfish decision."
It's not selfish, Mark wants to protest, I'm doing this for you. Instead, Mark says: "Yes, I made this selfish choice on my own. I'm retiring."
Jaemin still hasn't stopped crying. Distantly, Mark thinks that even in tears, Jaemin still looks like a prince out of a fantasy film. It's so strange that Mark finds himself reaching a hand out to brush Jaemin's hair out of his eyes. The action prompts Jaemin out of his stupor.
"What are you doing, Mark?"
"I'm just surprised that you're crying because of this."
"I'm mad, okay?" Jaemin grabs Mark's wrist, holding onto it tighter than he usually would.
"Why are you angry? You said it yourself in the springs that you'd coach me till the Grand Prix Final only."
"I thought you needed me more still after this."
"You need to make a comeback. Aren't you going to come back? You can't tell me you don't miss it. I saw the look in your eyes when Yushi beat your short program record earlier today."
Jaemin's lips are pressed together to a firm line. "It's just old instincts."
"You should come back." Mark reiterates. "I don't want you to worry about me when you do."
"How can you tell me to return to the ice while saying you're retiring?" Jaemin asks.
"You skated without me before!" Mark finds himself in tears now too.
"Mark, I was so bored and lost without you. I told you, you've changed me."
"You've changed me too." Mark says. "But I can't ask of you to coach me when you need to skate too."
"You can." Jaemin moves to kneel in front of Mark and take both of his hands. "Mark, I think the world deserves to see more of you. Please don't make me the reason you're retiring. You said before that you're skating for love. Please rethink this and think about your love for yourself and skating also. I want you to skate the best program you've ever skated tomorrow, then come back to me and tell me what you decide."
Mark takes his time to answer. He weighs it out in his head. He should stay firm in his decision. "Okay, but please also decide to come back… for me even. I want to see Na Jaemin skate again."
Jaemin gives him one last tearful look before finally standing up and walking to the balcony.
They spend the rest of the evening in complete silence. Mark brushes his teeth then makes his way to the spare bed.
"Where do you think you're sleeping?" Jaemin asks, an indignant frown on his face.
"I thought you needed space. You said you were angry."
"I am, but that doesn't mean I don't want to sleep beside you." Jaemin clarifies. "Especially since you seem intent on leaving me to lonely nights next season."
Despite the heaviness in the air, Mark finds himself fighting a smile as he crawls on the bed to space right beside Jaemin. They haven't spent a night apart in separate beds since the night they first kissed.
"Good night, Jaemin." Mark whispers as Jaemin pulls him close with a tight arm around his waist. Mark can feel Jaemin's eyes on him but he lays his head against Jaemin's chest and lets the exhaustion of the day pull him quickly to sleep.
The next day still carries that heavy air. Mark wakes up, finding himself still held tightly in Jaemin's arms and Jaemin's eyes sweeping across his face.
"Good morning, did you sleep?" Mark means for it to be a tease but he falters at the seriousness of Jaemin's gaze. Jaemin nods and lets go of Mark to reach for the phone.
"I'll order breakfast. You can go take your shower."
The rest of the day carries on in this stilted manner, as if Mark and Jaemin are in some vacuum of space, speaking only through gestures to one another. Jaemin looks so deep in thought and yet, he does all his duties with the solemnity of a regular coach.
For once in Mark's entire competitive skating career, his head does not feel like a hive of swirling thoughts. Instead, it's rather calm. He plays his routine over and over in his head, calculating when and where to improvise if needed, sharpening his step sequences in his mind. He has never wanted gold so badly in his life. He needs that gold medal so he can give it to Jaemin in the end as his farewell and thank you. He needs to be more than flawless to pull this off.
The spell is broken when it's finally Mark's turn to skate. His final free skate ever and for the first time in their months-long partnership, Jaemin actually sounds like a coach, encouraging him with a trite speech of being able to do well. It doesn't feel right and Mark tells Jaemin so. Jaemin stills and looks him right in the eye for the very first time that day.
"I took a break after becoming a five-time world champion to coach you, so how is it possible that you still haven't won a gold medal?" Jaemin smiles at him now, one that is as beautiful as it is real, and reaches over the barrier to embrace Mark. "How long will you be in warm-up mode, Minhyung? I really want to kiss a gold medal of yours."
Mark finds himself tearing up, as he grounds himself in Jaemin's hold.
When Mark skates to center ice, his mind is clear and focused. The familiar piano notes start and Mark takes a deep breath as he starts moving. He lands the first combination jump and the quadruple salchow smoothly, only allowing himself a second of celebration each time before focusing once more.
As he lands his triple axel, he wonders if Jaemin has caught on to what Mark means to convey here. All his life, all his career, he has been running to catch up to Jaemin. He can't let this final skate go by without matching Jaemin's level and show Jaemin his heart and his gratefulness with every part of this program.
And ultimately, Mark thinks, as he decides to do a quadruple toe loop instead of the planned triple flip, Mark wants to do it for himself; for that young boy in Ice Castle skating hours on end; for the teenage Mark who moved countries to chase skating; for the fiercest part of himself that longs to be great, instead of just good; for him now who's never fully lost the love of the ice. In his heart of hearts, he wants to selfishly stay in this sport forever, but he can't.
The skate ends too fast as the music winds down. Mark barely hears the crowd cheer as he ends up crying and raising his arms in celebration. He doesn't want to let this go.
"Mark!" Jaemin yells from the kiss and cry section, arms stretched out already to embrace Mark.
The wait for his score is excruciating. Mark covers his face to hide from the cameras how anxious he is. It's the best free skate of his life, Jaemin whispers reassuringly to him.
"For Lee Mark of South Korea, the score is…"
Mark vaguely registers the roar of the crowds as his eyes lock on the score: 221.58. He blinks several times but the score stays the same, along with the words in bold "New World Record."
Jaemin pulls him to an embrace. "Congratulations, my love. Seeing you beat my record is the ultimate bliss as a choreographer and coach, but it is the ultimate diss as a competitor."
Mark's eyes widen and he grabs on to both of Jaemin's hands. "So, you'll come back?"
Jaemin nods and Mark beams at him.
This is what he wanted, but Mark finds a pool of bittersweet emotions in himself as the crowd cheers for the next skater taking the ice. He's happy. He should be absolutely happy. He broke Jaemin's record. He could win gold tonight. If this were a movie, it would be the perfect ending.
They do a couple of quick interviews first before Jaemin leads him to the side.
"Have you decided?" Jaemin asks, tone pleasant and light enough but the way he grips Mark's hand tightly betrays him.
Mark bites his lip and shakes his head. It shouldn't be this hard. "After the ceremony."
Jaemin simply nods and kisses his hand.
In the end, Mark wins silver. Yushi had skated so wonderfully in his free skate that he lands on top, beating Mark with a 0.12-point lead. Mark expects Yushi to be rushing to his family to hug them or to the press who are yelling Yushi's name to try to get his attention. Yushi instead makes a beeline for where Mark is waiting at the side of the rink.
"Were you watching?" Yushi asks, voice demanding for a confirmation.
"Of course I was. You looked like nothing could stand between you and winning." Mark answers. "Congratu—"
"The goal wasn't winning." Yushi snaps, raising one finger to Mark's face. "Next season, I will beat your free skate record, and I will beat you and Jaemin. Next season!"
Mark opens his mouth to refute Yushi and explain he won't be competing next season. The words are stuck in his throat as Yushi turns away to finally go to his family. Mark turns around to find Jaemin standing right behind him, clearly having heard Yushi's outburst.
Jaemin smirks. "I think Yushi wants something from you then. Next season."
The awards ceremony passes by quickly. Mark does his best to smile brightly for the cameras, thinking of his parents and friends back home watching the live broadcast. He hears a Korean reporter state to the camera how Mark's results are unbelievable, considering where Mark was a year ago on this very same rink.
When all the pictures are done, Mark skates over to the side of the rink where Jaemin waits for him. He takes his time to stop right in front of Jaemin. They smile at each other and if it weren't for the group of reporters with cameras that Mark can see from his periphery, Mark would probably throw himself at Jaemin for a kiss or two.
Instead, he takes his medal off and holds it out to Jaemin.
"I know it's not the gold, but.."
Jaemin smiles in a way that feels like a challenge. "That's nice, baby, but I don't feel like kissing it unless it's gold."
Jaemin sighs and pulls Mark close, his fingers tracing Mark's jaw and petting his face. "Man, I really wanted to kiss a gold medal today. I feel like I've failed as a coach."
"Don't say that." Mark whines.
"Minhyung, do you have any suggestions to fix this?" Jaemin practically purrs. "Something that would excite me?"
Mark gasps and Jaemin latches on to that. "I know you're thinking of something now."
Mark tackles Jaemin to a hug. They started this journey together. It didn't feel right to end things by himself. "Jaemin, please stay with me in competitive skating for one more year. This time, I'll win gold I promise!"
"One more year?" Jaemin repeats. "Oh, Mark, I think we can do better than that."
Jaemin picks up the medal Mark had accidentally dropped and puts it back around Mark's neck. "Even I'm worried about making a comeback and being your coach at the same time, but I believe you're worth it. In return, I want you to be a five-time world champion as well, okay?"
It's an impossible ask, but even a podium finish this season had seemed like an impossible one to begin with. Mark remembers his plea to Jaemin in that parking lot: for Jaemin to have more faith in Mark more than Mark had in himself, for Jaemin to stand by him. Here Jaemin was, doing just that.
"Okay." Mark says, sinking into Jaemin's embrace.
[one year later]
Mark wins the Grand Prix Final by a hair's breadth with Jaemin getting silver, only 0.82 points away. The moment the scores are announced, Jaemin looks at Mark like he's about to devour him right then and there at the kiss and cry. Instead, Mark distracts him with a quick and chaste kiss on the lips.
"As your competitor, I'm a little upset." Jaemin takes Mark's hand and kisses it. "But as your coach and your boyfriend, I am immeasurably proud. I love you."
"This was for you." Mark says, giggling. "I promised you a gold medal to kiss after all."
Later in the evening, Jaemin persuades Mark to return to the rink.
"Is it even open? I don't want to bother the staff." Mark protests. They quickly lace up their skates in the locker room and Mark follows Jaemin down the hallway. He feels exhausted from the whole competition and the press conference that he can't find it in himself to question Jaemin now.
When they reach the rink, it's empty but the spotlights are on, directed at one particular spot in the middle of the rink. Mark gasps as Jaemin leads him to the ice. He takes off his skate guards in a daze.
"Jaemin? What's all this for?"
"You're not the only one fulfilling a promise tonight, my love." Jaemin holds his hand the entire way as they skate to center ice. There, a beautiful arrangement of flowers have been arranged in a semicircle.
"Jaemin…" Mark asks, his voice filled with awe. "When did you plan all this?"
"Since you won gold at Skate Canada? I had a feeling you would eclipse me." Jaemin dramatically sighs.
"By a narrow margin!" Mark protests. Jaemin simply smiles before taking Mark's other hand into his grasp as well.
"Mark." Jaemin says. "I've been thinking of this all year since you gave me the ring in Barcelona. Every day since I met you, I've been so blessed to experience the life and love I thought I was neglecting for skating. This shared dream of ours, this life we've built... There was no other place I wanted to do this more than where you've taught me about love best: here, on the ice. So…"
Jaemin kneels down. Mark tears up as Jaemin pulls a velvet box from the pocket of his jacket.
"Mark Lee. Lee Minhyung, will you marry me?" The ring is beautiful, a halo of diamonds that glimmer under the lights, but Mark can only focus on Jaemin's bright eyes and his lovely smile.
Like everything with Jaemin, the answer is yes.