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Shane had been quiet for 45 minutes already, curled up in the corner of the sofa with Anya, while rolling his ring absent mindedly between his fingers.
His brows furrowed in that way Ilya knew meant, he was deep in thought trying to work out some problem, considering all the possible outcomes, flipping through a mental rolodex of solutions.
Shane had proposed just last month making Ilya deliciously happy, not only because of the proposal itself, but the promise of them coming out.
Publicly.
They were done hiding.
Ilya's habit of calling Shane Мое солнышко, his sunshine, always made Shane smile in the way that made his nose scrunch up.
And he was.
Shane and his love was like the sun melting away the darkness and permafrost of Ilya’s life. Their relationship, their love, deserved sunshine. He couldn't wait until he could love Shane out in the sun for the world to see.
He knew, logically, that how he felt right now didn’t mean his depression had magically healed itself and that he should make an appointment with Galina.
He would.
Soon.
He should also tell Shane about therapy and about his depression.
He would.
Soon.
Right now he just wanted to live in the now and bask in the warmth of the sun for as long as it would last.
He tried not to bother Shane when he was like this, knowing he preferred to work things out by himself first before sharing his thoughts with Ilya, but he had been frowning longer than normal.
“мои очки” Ilya spoke softly, sitting down next to his fiancé, not wanting to startle him.
“Huh?” Shane blinked at him, landing back in his body.
“What are you thinking мои очки?" He reached out to smooth the crease between his brows with his thumb. His glasses had slid down his adorable nose making him look like a disapproving professor and wasn’t that an idea.
“Glasses? Really?” He mused.
“Yes, they are very sexy you know this” Ilya ran a gentle finger along the frames, readjusting them on his face. “What were you thinking?” He urged again, resting his temple against his fist studying Shane’s face.
Wanting to make sure Shane was okay and nothing was bothering him for real before he'd pin him to the sofa, peel off everything but those sinful glasses and live out a newly discovered professor kink.
“Didn't you say Bood was hosting a party tomorrow?” Shane blurted.
“Shane,” He sighed tiredly; he really did not want to rehash their boxing day argument.
They had a rare full day together tomorrow and he wasn't about to spend it having the same circular argument.
Shane had arrived a few hours ago and he wouldn't need to leave until noon the day after tomorrow. Ilya intended to spend that time wrapped around each other in a love haze soaking up his husband-to-be. If possible he missed Shane even more now that they were engaged, the days and weeks they had to spend apart stretching on forever. Now with an end in sight he wanted to sprint to the finish line, patients and discipline was more Shane’s thing than his.
“We should go.” It was as if he had been clubbed over the head, of all the things he had expected him to say that wasn't it. “If you want” Shane continued, worrying his lip between his teeth before continuing “We're going to come out in the summer anyway, and- And maybe you could tell them about me. About us before that?” He stopped and took a deep breath.
“Not tonight!” He hurried to add “But maybe if I could meet them as your friend first, and see how they'll react and then maybe next time you could introduce me as your-” He stopped his ramble to take another steadying breath.
“Lover?” Ilya grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Still gross,Ilya.” He let out a shaky laugh “No, your future husband” He cupped Ilya's face, leaned in, giving him a small, gentle peck.
“You would do this?” Ilya searched his face for any trace of dishonesty or hesitation.
“For you? Absolutely. I'm getting so tired of hiding” Shane was resolute in all his decisions and wouldn’t offer this to Ilya only to jank it away.
Late in the afternoon the next day Ilya drove them to Zane Boodram’s house in one of the nice neighbourhoods in Ottawa. Christmas lights still hung from rafters and hedges; some houses had snowmen on the front lawns. It had been an uncharacteristically mild start to February, the coldest days only dipping to -3C° with perfect sunny weather.
Shane swirled one of the tassels on his scarf around his finger tight enough to cut off blood flow to the tip in an attempt to calm his nerves.
He was being ridiculous; he was going to meet Ilya's team as his friend. A friend whom he co-chaired a hockey charity with, them hanging out together wasn't weird or suspicious. It had been one of the reasons they had started the charity, to get the public used to the idea of them together outside of hockey, outside of rivalry. To have a reason to be seen together.
Ilya reached out, placing one hand on his thigh.
“Hey” He glanced over at Shane worried, because Ilya always worried about him and his comfort.
“Who exactly will be there?” Shane turned to face Ilya as well as the seat belt would allow.
“Some of the guys and their wives. Wayatt, his wife Lisa, Chouinard and his wife Selena, they have almost as many kids as Pike. The rookies.” He listed "You'll love Haas, you both have a crush on me” The last one made Shane roll his eyes at him. “And of course Troy and Harris” He had heard a lot about the Centaurs’ social media manager who by all accounts seemed to be a great guy.
He wasn't going to lie, he was nervous about meeting Troy Barrett. Last time he had had any kind of interaction with the other man he had been snickering at a homophobic joke with Dallas Kent. Ilya told him Barrett wasn't like that anymore and had turned out to be a decent guy, however, Shane wasn't sure if he was inclined to believe him.
“Okay, I'm fine” Shane took a deep breath assuring himself as much as Ilya. “Introduce me to our team Rozanov” He said as cheerfully as he could muster when Ilya pulled into the snow covered drive way.
They were welcomed by Cassie Bood’s heavily pregnant wife, by the front door. She kissed Ilya on the cheek as a way of greeting, before giving Shane a light hug.
“Nice to meet you Shane, welcome to enemy territory” She smiled ushering them through the house, out onto a covered patio with a fully equipped outdoor kitchen and a fire pit surrounded by a multi-part sectional.
Heating lamps were attached to the cross beams, making the patio nice and warm despite the February chill.
Ilya's teammates and their partners were dotted around the seating area. Shane walked in after Ilya, but as soon as they noticed him their heads whipped around to look at them.
“Shane Hollander?” A murmur travelled through the confused players.
“I told you, you were in for a surprise tonight!” Bood called materialising behind Shane and Ilya, skirting around them carrying a massive tray with a large selection of meats and vegetables.
“Hollander was in town for foundation stuff, thought I would show him how best team in the league parties,” Ilya shrugged, walking further onto the patio, giving one armed bro-huggs to his teammates.
“Like you’d know you rarely come to these things” Chouinard accused his voice light and teasing, Ilya flipped him off.
“Not planning on stealing our trade secrets are you Hollzy?” Hayes teased coming up to greet him, clapping him on the back. Shane laughed, hopefully he didn’t sound as awkward as he felt.
“Gotta make sure we beat you somehow” He joked back earning him laughs from the others.
He greeted everyone there, giving them a polite nod.
The rookie, Luca Haas stared at him wide eyed when Shane sat down opposite him. Ilya had mentioned that the kid had idolised both of them growing up, that he used to have their posters on his walls when he was a kid. Ilya had offered to sign Luca’s Chel game, which he had declined after a-too-long-of-a-pause.
God they were getting old.
Shane let himself relax slightly, so far no-one had questioned why he was there or indicated he shouldn't be.
He couldn't even imagine how his own team would've reacted if Ilya showed up at one of their get-togethers.
“Haas right?” He stretched his arm out offering his hand.
“Yes!” Haas all but squawked, shaking his hand.
“You’ve been playing really well, you're becoming a real force to recon with on the ice” Ilya had been helping Luca with his backhand and calming his nerves, to take that extra heart beat to assess the play before making passes.
Shane hadn't said anything to Ilya, but after retirement Ilya should consider coaching. He was annoyingly perceptive, a skill he used on the ice to get under his opponents skin.
Ilya had never used low-grade insults or going for the low hanging fruit, slurs and derogatory insults were common in hockey but Ilya had always been able to see through people's defences to really touch a raw nerve.
He still remembered the flippant way Ilya had asked him if he would ‘disappoint them’ during their first ever face off. Like he had seen right into the depths of him and poked at his biggest fear. It had thrown him way more than any insult could've at that point, he's still proud of winning the face off.
When Ilya used his ability to read people, to meet them where they were and know what they needed, made him a great teacher and coach.
The kids at camp adored him and judging by how his rookies looked up to him and how much his team had improved, so did his team.
“Thank you, sir. Hollander!” Shane had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing at the poor kid turning beet red.
“Shane is fine” He smiled. Luca nodded, chugging the rest of his beer ears still burning.
“Wasn't Troy supposed to come as well?” Haas asked cheeks pink, an obvious attempt to divert attention away from himself and how starstruck he was by him.
Shane felt relieved, having the spotlight moved off of him.
“If he can rip himself away from Harris long enough to actually make it” Hazy snorted
“Harries promised to bring cider so I'll personally have Barrett’s balls if he keeps our boy Harris from us” Dykstra yelled from his spot across the fire pit, placing his empty beer on the table in front of him.
Shane tensed, he waited for someone to come with a snide remark if not outright homophobic at least intolerant. But none seemed to come, because The Centaurs weren't The Metros.
“What's this talk about my boyfriend's balls?” Harris hollered walking through the sliding glass doors carrying a crate of what must be the cider. He was followed by a blushing Troy Berrett, carrying two more crates.
Shane sat up straighter. No matter how many times Ilya had told him about how Barrett was different now and how he had changed. Shane still struggled with seeing him as anything but Dallas Kent’s misogynist-homophobe-extraordinaire's right hand man, even though he had to give it to Troy for the advocacy work he had been doing as of late and was apparently gay himself.
“Don't worry Harris, we still like your balls the best” Ilya winked at him which made Harris giggle.
“Okay can we stop talking about balls?” Barrett huffed, placing the drinks down and was immediately swarmed by people grabbing a bottle.
“Why? Jealous?” Ilya asked, tossing an arm around Harries’ shoulders throwing one of his signature cocky grins at his teammate.
“Of you Roz? Hardly.” Troy rolled his eyes, he was about to say something else when his gaze landed on Shane.
“Hollander?” Troy’s eyes widened.
“Ah. Yes special guest tonight” Ilya said gesturing towards Shane dismissively, it stung more than it had any right to. It was him who had asked Ilya to keep the nature of their relationship hidden from his teammates. “Hollander wanted to see a good party, Metros’ parties suck” Ilya shrugged in that faux nonchalant way Shane knew he did when he was deflecting.
Ilya plopped down on the opposite end of the same sectional Shane was sitting on, the space between them felt cold and much wider than the two feet actually separating them
“Fuck you Rozanov.” He said automatically, glaring at his boyfriend- his fiancé. Ilya just grinned at him, his eyes sparkling. God Shane wanted to touch him.
As it got darker outside, someone turned on the soft outdoor lighting and the rookies whose names Shane can't quite recall lit the fire pit. Dykstra had been blocked from taking charge of the aux cord, as the ‘special guest’ Shane was elected DJ. He had panicked and just selected a generic ‘Top 100 Hits from Canada’ no need to let this group know how uninformed he was about pop-culture. No one batted an eye at his music choice.
Bood had fired up the grill tossing up burgers, various marinated stakes and skewers as well as an assortment of vegetables and un-marinated chicken breasts- which Shane suspected Ilya had something to do with.
The food was amazing, the dry rub on the chicken was phenomenal and the char on the vegetables was perfect.
Cassie had made a fantastic green salad with hijiki and avocado fit perfectly into Shane's performance diet, another titbit from Ilya no doubt.
Cassie had given him a wink "Ilya might have called ahead to inform us about your dietary requirements, ‘Hollanders is on bird food diet’” She had laughed making a perfect imitation of Ilya's accent.
She must've read something on his face “Don't worry honey, all these animals could do with eating more greens so it was no trouble really”
Shane had seen the others helping themselves to the salad, Troy even going back for seconds. Making him feel better, less weird and less like he was inconveniencing Ilya's teammates.
At the latest get-together at Comeau's place the majority of his teammates had scoffed at him for not eating burgers and stakes, there had definitely been some thinly veiled insults regarding his manliness as if eating meat made you more of a man. ‘If they only knew how much meat you actually eat’ a smug voice that sounded a lot like Ilya said in his head.
Shane had let himself space out, half listening to the conversations going on around him. It was nice being surrounded by The Centaurs and their partners. The atmosphere was calm and comfortable.
Ilya at the center of attention, thriving on it. He was entertaining the rookies with a story from his first year at Boston, that Shane wasn’t completely sure wasn’t made up.
He looked so good. He had lost his jacket, not really needing it under the heaters, only sporting a white cable knit turtle-neck sweater that did amazing things to his broad chest. His chain rested between on top of the knit, the gold of their engagement ring glinting in the light from the fire. Evidence of their love right there, out in the open.
Absent mindedly his hand comes up to touch his own ring under the fabric of his crew neck.
He loved seeing Ilya so relaxed and happy. Ilya hadn’t said anything, but Shane could tell something was wrong. He'd catch him going really quiet, which for Ilya was concerning on its own but combined with the far away look in his eyes Shane was getting worried.
He wished Ilya would just let him in and tell him what was bothering him, he’s sure together they could come up with a solution. It took all his will power not to press, it would only make Ilya clamp up tighter than Fort Knox.
He wished could wedge himself in between Ilya and the world, a protective shield of flesh, bone and cartilage; he'd gladly get crushed if it meant Ilya would be safe.
The near plane crash had been a horrifying reminder that he could not protect Ilya from everything, no matter how many times he begged Ilya to not drive his Ducati, to please not speed in his sports cars, to give up smoking and to remember having his moles checked, Ilya could get hurt.
Shane would make damn sure he protected him and made sure he was okay anyway he could.
“Guys! I have an announcement!” Troy stood up drawing everyone's attention. “I'm- I'm going to come out”
“Hate to piss on your parade Barrett, but we already know you're gay!” Chouinard yelled, making the rest laugh but it wasn't malicious.
“Bite me Nick!” Troy threw a balled up napkin at the defence-man.
“As attractive as you’re I’m married” He threw the napkin ball back at him.
“I MEAN” Troy swatted at the missile. “I'm going to come out publicly. At the pride night in two weeks.” He reached for Harris, who gripped his outstretched hand.
There was a beat of silence.
“This is great Barrett!” Ilya's wide smile split his face in half. He got up to pat him on the back.
“We’re playing Toronto that night,” Harris said quietly, expression dark
“Well then it’s a good thing he has us” Bood said
“We all have your back,” Chourdinard echoed.
“We will make sure Toronto will lose so hard they will quit hockey out of embarrassment” Ilya declared, which was followed up by enthusiastic whoops of agreement.
“Thanks guys, I'm doing it mostly for me, but also for us-” Troy swung his and Harris' joint hands, sounding a bit choked up. “It's not fair to him to ask him to hide” his ears were burning red.
Troy’s words sliced through Shane, he couldn’t bring himself to look at Ilya. There's a round of support and congratulations, the acceptance of it all makes Shane's head spin.
He kept glancing over at Troy and Harris who were sitting in a two-seat wrapped around each other, lost in their own little bubble after Troy’s announcement and no one around them seemed to think twice about it.
The Metros would never be so accepting, he had heard the quiet remarks and jokes whispered behind his back in the locker room ever since he came out.
None of his team mates had ever said something outright, but he had felt the shift in their attitudes. He knew team had found him….peculiar even before he told them he was gay, his gayness was another strike against him. He couldn't imagine they'd exactly approve of his choice of partner.
The most Barrett and Harris had gotten was some teasing remarks chirping aimed at Troy for being whipped. Nothing any of the straight players didn't get about their wives and girlfriends.
On rare occasions the Metros players brought their wives and girlfriends to a team outing; it had never been like this.
He got jolted out of his thoughts by something cold being pressed against his arm. He looked up, startled, Ilya was handing him a ginger ale, which he took gratefully. He hadn't finished the beer; he had been too polite to decline when Wayatt had offered it to him.
Ilya grabbed the mostly full beer for himself, raising an eyebrow in a silent question ‘You OK?’
Shane fought the urge to reach up to squeeze Ilya's arm, instead he gave him a small nod. Ilya hovered for a few more seconds, his eyes never leaving Shane searching his face for a lie. He mustn't have found it and sauntered back over to his seat next to Haas. The sway of his hips intentional, knowing Shane wouldn't be able to look away. Asshole.
“Uhm, Hollander?” Shane quickly ripped his eyes away from Ilya, terrified that he had been caught ogling.
He turned to face Troy who had wanted his attention. Unfortunately, Troy had managed to get everyone else who was still sitting around the fire attention as well.
“I-” Troy took a deep breath steadying himself, Harris placed a hand on his thigh, giving him an encouraging nod. Troy didn't hesitate to intertwin their fingers. “I want to apologise to you”
“Apologise-?” Shane started, but Troy held up his hand asking him to let him continue.
“Yeah, I’ve been a dick to you, and said some awful, disgusting things to you.” He let out a loud breath “That's it. That’s what I wanted to say. You don't need to forgive me or anything.” He hurried to continue.
“I don't even know- I mean there's rumours. I don't know if they're true. Anyway, it's still not ok” He rambled, and even in the low light of the fire Shane could tell his ears were turning red. Shane could feel his own face heat up.
“Oh. I- thank you,I appreciate it” He swallowed “I mean yeah. I am- Gay. My team knows- it's not a secret, really.” Great, he could feel himself blushing hard. “I appreciate it, thank you Troy”
“Okay, great” Troy gave him a tight nod, but smiled. The smile became even bigger when Harris gave him a big kiss. “Me too, I'm gay” He said dumbly, as if Shane had missed his speech earlier.
Shane and the rest of the group barked out a loud laugh.
“Yes, and you both are very bad at being gay” Ilya piped up, ignoring the daggers Shane was shooting at him.
“How am I bad at being gay? I've a boyfriend!” Troy argued.
“Yes, but I helped. A lot." Ilya leaned back in his seat, quirking his lips.
“Not a lot,” Troy muttered, making Harris chuckle next to him.
“But he did help” Chouinard quipped cheerfully
“Fuck all of you, I could've gotten a boyfriend without Rozanovs help. I was gonna ask him for Hollander’s number!” Troy snapped his mouth shut with an audible click looking embarrassed. Shane's face was burning and even Ilya was speechless for once.
Sadly Ilya recovered quickly and with a quick sideways glance at Shane, which Shane knew meant trouble.
“Hollander’s number, eh?” Ilya said cheerfully, but Shane heard the underlying tension in his voice. The lightness coming out forced, Shane was sure he was the only one who noticed.
“Well I'd heard he was gay and he's kind of a babe,” Troy said, “Plus I didn't think Harris would ever be interested in me” He hurried to add looking up from his hands turning to face his boyfriend, giving him a small smile.
Troy’s admission was followed by cat calls and aww's, someone clapped Shane on the back.
“Would never have worked, two slow, boring hockey players is not good” Ilya's voice was the perfect mask of indifferent teasing.
“I’m not boring” Shane exclaimed at the same time as Troy yelled “We're literally on the same line!”
Ilya snickered, taking a swig off the beer he'd take from Shane.
“Boys please,” A stunning petite woman, Selena, chastised playfully from next to Chouinard.
‘Thank you’ Shane thought
“What we want to know is would he have had a chance, Shane?” She continued leaning in.
‘Never mind’ Shane rescinded bitterly, he was surrounded by a hoard of Ilyas.
“Yes, Shane would he have?” Ilya joined the teasing, sounding way too chipper.
“As attractive as Troy is-” Shane glared at Ilya “- I'm seeing someone” He said without thinking too busy staring Ilya down.
“Uhm. We're not out so- but yeah. I love him.” Shane felt panic rise up his throat choking his airways and busied himself by downing the rest of his ginger ale forcing the panic back down.
It hit him that he had just come out to Ilya’s team, told them about his relationship, a fact not even his own team knew, and yet Ilya couldn’t do either of those things. He hung his head staring at his shoes.
“Ilya, do you know them?” Harris looked from Shane to Ilya.
“Who Hollander fucks is none of my business, he can sleep with whoever he wants” Ilya shrugged, his words a touch too biting to be joking. An old hurt from an old argument twisted in Shane's gut. “Why are we talking about Hollander’s boring love life?” Ilya said irritated.
“Should we talk about your boring love life instead, Cap?” Hayes asked, calculating eyes darting between Shane and Ilya.
“You could not handle it, you all are either boring or married”
“Oh come on man!” Dykstra gestured towards Ilya with a bottle of cider.
“What my husband meant to say is that we love you Ilya and want you to be happy. We'd love to meet the lucky woman that finally pins you down” Caitlin said from where she was wrapped around her husband.
“Yeah Rozy, who's that girl you're always texting? Jane or something?” Bood asked. “She's the reason you always disappear on our days off, right?”
“Maybe someone, Maybe no-one, Maybe many people. Did you forget? I am ladies man, no?” Ilya threw his arms out. He was smirking, but it didn't reach his eyes.
Witnessing Ilya dismiss and dodge his teammates' genuine interest, and how he isolated himself from them made something sour in Shane.
Ilya denied even casually seeing someone, a woman because they didn't know Ilya was Bi, that his significant other might be a man. Two things that made up a big part of who Ilya was.
His teammates had clearly clued onto him having someone, but Ilya wouldn’t even talk to them about ‘Jane’ in the hypothetical.
Ilya had an amazing accepting team, Shane would be blind not to notice even from the short time Shane had spent with them, they loved Ilya and had accepted Shane and made him feel welcomed.
The Metros would never have agreed to let anyone from a rival team, let alone from Rozanov's team, join their team-evening.
Ilya had found a family who wanted to include him in their get-togethers, who were disappointed when he didn't show. Who wanted him to share important things with them. Shane had selfishly hogged all his free time, too scared to let Ilya as much as come out as Bisexual.
The debt he owed Ilya was getting longer and longer. Was one lifetime enough? He might have to find Ilya in the next one and keep making it up to him.
“It’s a Someone for sure,” Hayes said, carefully eyeing Ilya. His eyes landed on Ilya's crucifix and the ring next to it. “That from ‘Jane'?” He nodded towards the ring that glinted on its chain resting on Ilya's chest.
Ilya automatically brought his hand up to cover it, a sad smile tugged on his lips.
“Is nothing. Is like my cross. Family heirloom” His accent wrapping around the word ‘heirloom’. Ilya tucked his chain under his sweater hiding it from view. “Anyone want another beer?” Ilya asked, standing up indicating he was done with the discussion. .
He was met with chorus of muted ‘yes’s’ and ‘please’s’
He grabbed the metal cooler and made his way over to the beer fridge, his shoulders raised and tense.
Shane watched after him. It hurt how easily Ilya dismissed it.
It was so practised, automatic. It hurt Shane way more than it had any right to. Logically he knew Ilya had been deflecting and avoiding questions about their relationship- they both were- but the difference was that Shane's team didn’t care or didn't want to know about his hypothetical relationships.
But if he had ever been able to be logical or rational about Ilya, he would've shot him down in that locker room all those years ago. Whatever had drawn him to Ilya that day and that continued to draw him to him defied all rationale.
Rose had once called them cosmic soulmates and twin flames. Shane wasn't sure he believed in any of that. On the off chance that they were real, there was no doubt in his mind that Ilya was his.
He had, was and would always choose Ilya.
Always.
It made his decision easy.
Shane got up, darted around the furniture and walked over to where Ilya had propped open the fridge door with the cooler. He captured Ilya’s eyes, gently peeled the bottles Ilya was holding from his hands, placing them in the ice bucket without saying a word.
“Shane?” Ilya asked quietly enough so no one else could hear him. He carefully searched Shane's face for what he might be thinking.
Confusion flashed over his handsome face when Shane stepped more firmly into his space, close enough that Shane felt his breath tickling his lips.
He could smell the spice from Ilya's aftershave mixing with the cool night air and smoke from the fire pit. He smelled intoxicating, like home and safety. Shane leaned in closer, getting lost in his scent and the heat radiating from him.
He was so warm.
Before Shane could overthink what he was about to do, he threaded his fingers gently, carefully into Ilya's soft curls pulling him close, pressing their mouths together.
Blood roared in his ears.
Ilya let out a shocked gasp, going stock-still long enough that Shane started to panic that he had done something wrong, crossing some line.
Just when he's about to pull away and apologise, Ilya's warm arms wrapped around him pulling him flush against himself kissing him back with vigour. Shane sighed happily and sunk into the kiss, letting himself be swept away in the tidal wave. His world narrowed in and became only Ilya.
A shocked “oh my god” from behind them was what made them pull apart, just barley.
Ilya rested his forehead against Shane, creating their own private bubble. He sniffled, but he was smiling. Shane wiped his thumbs under Ilya's eyes catching the tears that had escaped. Ilya let out a wet chuckle clutching his biceps.
“Hollander, did you just Scott Hunter me in front of my team?” He attempted to joke, his voice raw and eyes wild.
“Hunter wishes” He let out a wet chuckle of his own, feeling slightly delirious.
“HA!” Ilya leaned in and kissed him again hard and possessive. “God I love you” He spoke against his lips, voice rough.
“I love you too, so much” The last bit came out as a sob. His grip on Ilya’s curls was tight enough it must sting his scalp, but Ilya made no move to disentangle them. He felt drunk.
Someone cleared their throat, reminding him of where they’re. The world was crashing back in.
Shane buried his face in Ilya's neck, enjoying the last moments before he had to face the reactions to him and Ilya by people other than family members and close friends. Ilya's arms tightened around him in a quick reassuring hug. He loosened his grip but did not let go, his gaze finding Shane’s eyes shining with admiration.
He turned them around to face the group, keeping his arm around Shane’s shoulders. Fifteen pairs of eyes stared back at them blinking. None of them looked disgusted or out raged, shocked yes, but no one looked angry Shane noted relived.
“Okay. I want you to meet ‘Jane’. You know him as Shane, second best hockey player and my fiancé” Ilya boomed with authority.
“Holy shit!”
“I've got so many questions!”
“Oh my god!”
“When-?”
“How-?”
“Rozanov and Hollander?”
“Rozanov and Hollander?”
“Did he say fiancé?”
“I knew it”
“you knew?”
“Jane and Shane you gotta be kidding me”
The overlapping questions made Shane's head spin, anxiety gnawing at the edges of his mind. Had he miss calculated this group? He really hoped not. If he made Ilya lose the respect of his teammates Shane would never forgive himself.
“You got many questions, yes?” Ilya said, sliding his hands down from around Shane's shoulder, grabbing his hand, interlocking their fingers. With his free hand he grabbed the cooler with the replenished drinks and tugged Shane with him back to the sectional.
Instead of sitting on the opposite sides he pulled Shane down next to him, as close as possible without Shane being in his lap. The press of Ilya’s firm body up against him is grounding
“Yeah we got questions!” Dykstra said, reaching for a cider.
“You ask and maybe we answer” Ilya rubbed calming circles into the back of Shane's hand with his thumb no doubt soothing himself as well.
“We don't know how much we're ready to disclose” Shane was surprised how collected and calm he sounded. Ilya called it his ‘press conference voice’. ‘Mr. PR’
“That's fair, I suppose,” Dykstra spoke around his drink.
“Me first,” Harris said, grabbing a cider for himself. “FIANCÉ!?”
Ilya's smile put the sun to shame fishing his chain from under his shirt, holding up the ring. Shane mimicked him, pulling out his own ring. The gold chain stood out against the dark fabric of his sweater.
“Da, Shane realise he could not live without me so he begged me to marry him”
“You're such an asshole! You could've died on that plane. Of course, It put things into perspective.” A hum of agreement went through the crowd. Everyone seemed to reach out to grab a hold of their significant other. “And I didn't beg” Shane muttered
“No,” Ilya conceded, his voice impossibly tender. ”Was very romantic, made me cry. I said yes right away” Ilya looked at him with so much love it made his insides fuzzy.
A harmonious ‘aww’ from Lisa and Selena made Shane blush and look away from Ilya.
“How long have you been together?”
“Depends on what you mean by ‘together'” Ilya had a dangerous glint in his eye.
“Ilya” Shane warned, he wasn't about to let Ilya regale his team with stories of a decade worth illicit hotel hook ups.
“Is okay Моя любовь’, officially three years” Ilya kissed Shane's temple.
“And unofficially?” Barrett prompted.
“A long time” Shane sighed
“Years” Ilya offered.
“Okay okay my turn” Lisa scooted closer to edge of her seat but before she could ask her question Bood interrupted.
“Wait. Is Hollander the reason why you moved to Ottawa? Cus’ no-one could ever figure out why The Ilya Rozanov would choose to go the worst team in the league ”
“Yes, and we are no longer the worst, we have me now and Barrett is okay I guess” He shrugged as if it was obvious.
“Is he always a dick?” Dykstra directed his question to Shane, who sighed.
“Yes, I think he's scared he'll combust if he stops” He said dryly earning laughs from all the Centaurs.
“Nooo, but you love my dick” Ilya cooed, making Shane groan but he didn't deny it to Ilya's absolute delight. The slight pink of Shane's cheeks made the freckles stand out even more. Ilya fought back the urge to kiss them, pretty sure Shane wouldn't have appreciated it.
“Who said I love you first?” Lisa asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Me” Ilya said
“I said it right back” Shane hurried to fill in.
“No, I said before that”
“What? When?” He would definitely have remembered Ilya telling him he loved him. Hearing Ilya say it that first time at the cottage felt as if a boulder had been lifted off of his chest allowing him to take a full breath after so long.
“Later” Ilya looked up at his teammates who were all looking at them expectedly.
‘Oh’
“Have you set the date for the wedding already?” Cassie asked from where she was fully reclining against Bood, rubbing a protective hand over her rounded belly.
“Not yet, just that it'll be this summer” Shane squeezed Ilya's hand
“So look out for invitations” Ilya said, bringing their joint hands up, kissing the back of Shane's hand.
“We set a summer deadline for everything, the wedding and for coming out,” Shane explained. “This is still a secret,” he gestured between him and Ilya, his voice having taken on a panicked edge. The thought of any of the fifteen people going to the press— “so if you could keep it quiet” Shane tapered off. Ilya pressed another kiss to the back of his hand.
“Моё солнышко,They won't say anything” He shot a glare at the crowd with a thinly veiled threat.
“Of course not! Right guys?” Hayes scanned the group, who nodded in agreement.
“Good. Good,” Shane cleared his throat trying not to let his anxiety show. “We want to wait until after the Playoffs. Especially now that it looks like we'll be facing each other” Shane said, sounding a lot calmer.
His statement earned whoops from the players and WAGs alike.
“Too bad we're going to send Montreal home crying” Ilya shoved at Shane's shoulder
“Hell yeah we will!” Barrett and Bood echoed
“In your dreams Rozanov! I'm the top scorer in the league” Shane showed Ilya back, who blew him a raspberry.
“What is this talk of top scorer? Means nothing. That was then this is now and we will win”
“I'm the fastest skater”
“Was a tie!”
“Not what the clock said!”
“Oh you are 0.13 sec faster. Was a- what is it?- fluke? A mistake”
“Okay wow, I guess that answers my question. Was the rivalry real?” Wayat mused looking entertained.
“Yes, is real. We are best players and we both like to win and nothing is better than beating Hollander. But no, now uhm, seeing back?”
“In hindsight,” Shane said automatically, he could see Ilya repeating the word to himself a few times.
“Yes, in hindsight, I think we never hated each other” Ilya let go of Shane long enough to grab a beer for himself, twisting it open. Instead of grabbing his hand again he drapes it over Shane’s shoulders, pulling him closer.
“I think so too,” Shane forced himself to relax in Ilya’s embrace, not used to the PDA.
“Never?” Haas spoke for the first time in a while he had stared at them wide eyed since their kiss.
“Like we said we've been …seeing each other for a long time” Shane bit his lip in an attempt to hide a smile. Ilya wanted to kiss him silly.
“So was Rose Landry like your beard or something?" One of the rookies, LaPointe? Holmberg? Asked which earned him a punch from one of the others. He made a silent ‘what?’ gesture towards his friend.
Ilya burst out laughing as Shane flushed.
“No, I- um, I didn't- Rose is one of my best friends. Now. But we did really date. I didn't know I was gay yet” He hated himself for stammering.
“Like I said, Shane is very bad at being gay. He has very hot gay sex for years with a very hot Russian man, but does not know he is gay” Shane wanted to strangle his fiancé, glaring daggers at him. He was pretty sure it was ineffective if the absolute love sick way Ilya looked at him was anything to go by.
“I hate you” He mumbled.
“No you don't"
“No I don't” he sighed
“Can I ask you Ilya, you've dated a lot of women” Young spoke for the first time since their little Q&A session had started.
“That is not a question,”
“Just answer the kid,” Hayes rolled his eyes.
“Is all true. I love women and women love me.” Ilya shrugged in a ‘what can you do about it’ way. “That was never fake, but I have only ever been in love with one person." He pressed his lips to Shane’s hair. "I am Bisexual.” Ilya clarified
“Me too, the in love bit, just one” He looked at Ilya with what he knew had to be an absolute love sick look.
“Hey Cap?” Hayes said “We're all really happy for you, both of you. Congratulations on the engagement”
“To Rozy!”
“To Roz!”
“To Shane and Ilya”
They all raised their drinks in a cheers. Shane felt lighter than air.
The evening started to wind down after that. The Chouinard's had to go home to relieve their babysitter and Lisa Hayes was on rotation tomorrow. Shane didn't have to leave before early afternoon tomorrow in order to make it back in time for evening practice.
He was very keen on getting his hands on Ilya and if Ilya's increasingly wandering fingers were anything to go by, the feeling was mutual.
Shane felt like he was crashing, the anxiety that had been simmering just under skin was threatening to bubble to the surface. The events of the evening had left him feeling as if he had been put through an emotional rock tumbler.
They bid their farewell with the promise Ilya would bring Shane over next time he was in town as well.
“We will be okay, I think, when we come out, yes?” Ilya asked later when they were tangled up in bed, with his head resting on Shane's chest. Shane ran lazy fingers through the shower damp bronz-y curls, curling his finger around the ringlets defining them more, eliciting a soft hum from Ilya.
Shane had had a mild panic attack in the car, which Ilya had coaxed him out of as he so often did and once they got back home he had brought Shane so far out of his own head the only words he remembered were ‘Ilya’ and ‘fuck’.
Now in the after glow reality started to seep back in. The Centaurs reaction had been better than he could’ve dreamt off.
‘Told you Моя любовь'
The look on Ilya’s face and the liberated feeling he had felt when he kissed Ilya, made him believe he’d -they- be okay even if the reception had been different. If it would be different once they were out, they’d be okay.
Ilya made it okay.
“Da, s nami vse budet v poryadke.” Shane spoke softly in accented Russian believing it to be true. Yes, we will be okay.