Chapter Text
"I could go with you."
The words tumbled out of his mouth almost before he had a moment to savor the reality behind them. All he knew was that Dean -- who only moments ago was solid and warm in his arms, all pretense of personal space long gone -- was about to turn himself into a crater in order to save the world. And Castiel needed to be by his side when it happened. He needed to burn with Dean. Nothing else mattered.
And Dean knew. He had to know. Otherwise, why couldn't he look Castiel in the eye? But, as always, there was Sam. Even on the brink of his own personal destruction, Dean was thinking only of Sam, keeping Sam safe.
"No, no.... I gotta do this alone."
There were more words, of course. But Castiel didn't hear them. He kept his focus trained like a laser on Dean, trying to memorize every detail: how he moved, how he breathed, how he quirked a small smile even in the middle of all of this. His traitorous memory couldn't help but dig up visions of Dean's soul in Hell, and in his mind's eye, Castiel saw his hand reaching out and grasping, holding, pulling Dean out of the roiling, churning chaos and into the light. He wished he could do that now.
He wished for a lot of things.
But in the end, Dean had simply vanished with a flick of a wrist, leaving a yawning, howling emptiness inside Castiel, worse even than when he believed his own Father had disappeared.
"Look out for him…." Dean’s final words drifted in his mind.
A part of Castiel wanted to hate Sam, or at least be angry with him, resentful. A part of Castiel -- likely whatever remnants of his humanity still remained -- wanted to believe that he could have gone with Dean, that Dean would have allowed him to be with him in those final moments, had there not been Sam to think about. He looked over at Sam, his eyes cast downward, keys to Dean’s beloved Impala jingling in his trembling hands, and knew he could never bear any ill will toward the man. Not only because Dean’s last wish had been for him to stay with Sam. Not only because Sam was Castiel’s last tangible link to Dean. But because in many ways, Castiel felt a kinship with Sam that was different from the bonds he had with his own brothers and sisters in Heaven.
"You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that."
And so, as Sam took his agonizingly slow walk to the Impala, ran his hand over her gleaming black finish, and dragged himself behind the wheel, Castiel found himself slipping silently into the car beside him. Sam still couldn’t meet Castiel’s eyes when he whispered, "I’m glad you’re here, Cas."