Work Text:
Fry: [has a sexual dream about Bender (that I’m not going to write cuz I’m too bashful)]
Fry: [bolts upright in bed with a loud gasp in a sweat, wondering what to think and do. He cannot go back to sleep for the rest of the night.]
----
[Day; Kitchen/Dining room of Fry and Bender's apartment]
Bender: [whistles merrily as he struts into the room] Morning, meatbag! [beat; he notices Fry drinking coffee and looking disturbed] Hey what’s with you? Why do you look so freaked?
Fry: [realizing he cannot look Bender in the eye, replies quickly and awkwardly] Freaked? I’m not freaked, haha, I’m feeling great, I barely lost any sleep at all--
Bender: Is this about the boogie man thing again? [He opens a bottle of beer for himself] I told you he isn’t real anymore—
Fry: Oh yeah, that’s what it was, I totally forgot that you explained it before, well anyways, gotta run before I’m late for work! [He takes a huge swig of Bender’s beer, drinking the whole thing and throwing the bottle off screen, much to Bender's annoyance, and runs out the door].
Bender: [beat] Hmm… Fry never cares about being on time for work...
----
[Planet Express conference room]
Fry: [sits nervously hunched over in his chair, tapping his fingers on the table rapidly, his other hand holding up his head as he dreads Bender’s arrival. He’s essentially unaware of anyone else in the room, including Leela].
Leela: [looking at him with concern] ...Fry? Are you feeling alright today?
Fry: Leela! The woman I’ve loved from the moment I first met her, it’s so good to see you, you look great today, I love the sound of your voice in the morning, what did you say? I’m feeling fantastic!
Leela: [beat]… okay...
[The conference room door slides open and Bender walks in, scatting to himself]
Leela: Wow, Bender, you’re not as late as usual, today!
Bender: [walks over to the table where Fry is sitting] Well, Fry had me slightly concerned this morning, so. [he puts a hand on his shoulder, which makes Fry jump in his seat slightly] You feelin’ okay now, buddy?
Fry: [still not looking Bender in the eye] I’m feeling great— uh.. pal…
Bender: [looks at him extremely confused]
[The door slides open again and the Professor enters]
Professor: Nood gews, everyone!
Zoidberg: What did you say?
Professor: Open your ears, Zoidberg. I said good news, everyone! Today we’re delivering a solid gold erotic statue to Hedonism Bot’s hedonist mixer astroid in sector 7. This week only men and robots are allowed up there, so Bender and Fry will be flying there to make the delivery, while Leela, Zoidberg, and Amy stay to clean up the building.
Leela: Hey, that’s not part of my job description!
Zoidberg: Mine either, I’m a doctor!
Professor: [points annoyedly at Zoidberg] Quiet, you. Don’t pretend you’re not thrilled to eat whatever you find.
Zoidberg: [beat]…[eyes shift back and forth before he scuttles off to indulge himself in the pizza and garbage scattered on the floor]
Amy: We didn’t even make this mess! [she gestures to the swill of beer bottles, pizza boxes, and various garbage piles, that appear to belong to Fry and Bender, all over the floors of the building]
Bender: [chuckles]
Professor: Ohh fuff, I pay you well enough to clean this place twice!
Leela: Um, Professor, did you ever get around to signing my pay check for this wee—
Professor: TAH TAHHH!!! [he quickly exits]
Leela and Amy: [both sigh]
Bender: [smiling brightly and wrapping his arm around Fry] So, I guess it’s just you ‘n me, buddy! To the kink star we go!
Fry: [moans nervously]
----
[Cut to the planet express ship flying in space]
Fry: [Flying the ship nervously as an excuse to keep busy]
Bender: [pokes his elongated eye through a hole in the crate] hehehe… Fry, put that thing on autopilot and let’s break this crate open, I wanna see how big the dong on this thing is. Hahah, Hedonism Bot’s got no shame.
Fry: I don’t think so, Bender, I’d rather just get this delivery over with today...
Bender: Why? Afraid the statue’s gonna make you look bad? Hahaha [he nudges Fry with his elbow, waiting for him to laugh]...
Fry: [says nothing and never looks away from the windshield]
Bender: Hey what’s the matter with you, you’ve been acting weird all day!
Fry: Nothing’s the matter, I’m just in a hurry to get this done so I can go home and drink while I play video games until I can’t think anymore.
Bender: But you never wait til you get home to do that, what’s the problem here?
Fry: There is no problem, Bender! I’m feeling perfectly fine and everything’s great.
Bender: [squints at him]… Look me in the eye and tell me everything’s great…
Fry: I gotta watch the road!
Bender: [pushes the auto pilot button as he continues to glare at Fry]
Fry: [defeatedly sighs. He manages to turn his head to face Bender, he looks him gently in the eye, with a soft and happy smile, the way he looks when at his most content]
[beat]
Fry: [in a high pitched squeaky voice] I’m feeling perfectly fine and everything’s great! [he quickly faces forward again, takes the ship off of autopilot, and tries to ignore Bender]
Bender: …well I guess I can’t argue with that.
----
[Cut to the Hedonist Astroid where multicolored lights flash and a lively party is taking place. Many wild couples in a mixed array of robots and men are making merry in a carefree inebriated fashion as the planet express ship comes in for a landing by Hedonism Bot’s astro-dwelling].
[The door on the planet express ship comes down and Fry and Bender prepare to deliver the crate.]
Fry: [takes notes on his clipboard and inhales deeply].
Bender: [opens a cold beer bottle and raises it up] Here’s to a great speedy delivery, Fry!
Fry: Yep. [grabs Bender's beer and downs it in one swig. He throws it off screen and we hear a shattering noise as he tries to shake off his fears and heads down the steps].
Bender: [glares at Fry for taking his beer again and carries the crate by hand down the steps]
Hedonism Bot: [exits the house and comes to greet them] Ah, the newest addition to my luscious “decor”!~ Oh, I’m thrilled you’ve brought it here so quickly, my astroid-home is dreadfully understocked on goodies, ahaha… of course when I come to my astro paradise I spend most of my time in the neighboring abodes ahaha… Can I get you boys anything while you’re here, a drink, an escort, a tantalizing massage? [he begins to rub Fry’s shoulders which he rejects]
Fry: NO!— I mean- no, thank you [he hands Hedonism bot the clipboard and a pen to sign the confirmation slip], we just wanna deliver this thing and be on our way—
Bender: [crosses his arms and mutters to himself] He’s “Mr. Professional”, all of a sudden...
Hedonism: Oh, that’s the problem with you humans, you’re so dedicated to the boring and mundane aspects of livelihood.
Fry: Yep, we sure are, come on Bender--
Bender: Speak for yourself, Fry I’d actually love a drink, Hedonism Bot, since Fry, here, keeps taking all my beer.
Fry: [groans] Noooo….
Hedonism Bot: Right this way, my good, barrel chested fellow, we have a truly fantastic exclusive brew, here, the likes of which you’ve never tasted before!
Bender: Ooooh… [Hedonism bot places his arm around Bender and walks him offscreen]
Fry: I’ll be waiting right here for you to come back, Bender, we’re leaving in 20 minutes!
Bender: [offscreen] Whatever!
Fry: [sits on the steps of the ship waiting anxiously for Bender’s return.
[a tan, gold rimmed bending unit quietly appears from behind]
[beat]
Bending unit: That shiny metal eye candy spoken for?
Fry: AHH!! [he jumps to the other side of the step]
Bending unit: Hahaha, wow, someone's jumpy!
Fry: Hey, man, I’m straight, I’m just the delivery boy, here strictly on business!!!
Bending Unit: Geeze, relax, I’m not interested in you, Vanilla Gorilla. I’m interested in your strapping bending friend, is he taken? [he asks, stirring his margarita]
Fry: Well, he’s definitely straight, so I don’t think you have a shot, in any case, sir.
Bending unit: Oh darn, just my luck… He looks like quite the catch from here though, doesn’t he?
Fry: I don’t know…
Bending unit: Oh please, no one’s gonna think you’re a robosexual just for saying he’s good looking, kid.
Fry: Right… Hey, right! I-I’ve got nothing to hide! He is good looking, isn’t he?
Bending unit: [far less interested now] Yes, he’s got quite the sparkle to his shine. 'Clearly takes care of himself, it’s too bad they aren’t all like that. [sips his drink]
Fry: [staring off in the direction Bender went] Oh, he does, he polishes himself all the time, he’s got the shiniest ass around, he’s really proud of it, it’s pretty annoying and yet- really charming…
Bending unit: [continues casually sipping his margarita] Uh huh, so you know any other--
Fry: And don’t get me started on those arms, they could bend anything, even the most unbendable things, but the way they hold you close when you’re sad is the best part about them, and he’s got a really great chest that’s perfect for resting your head on when you’re tired...
Bending unit: [now listening amused and stifling his laughter while sipping his drink. Fry blabs on.]
Fry: And he has these really nice eyes that’re just- so full of… everything! They’re full of life, and-and wonder, and pain.. and joy!
Bending unit: [smiles as he is completely entertained and waits patiently for Fry to finish]
Fry: And if you can make him smile when he’s sad, the look on his face will just melt your heart… [Fry turns back around to look at the smiling robot beside him, and stops talking]
[beat]
Fry: --What?
Bending unit: You’re in love with this guy.
Fry: WHAT?! NO WAY. He’s my best friend, he’s my roommate, he’s—he’s like a brother to me!
Bending unit: No, he’s your dream guy. Hahaha! [he takes a seat beside Fry]
Fry: I thought you said no one was gonna think I was robo for saying he’s good looking!
Bending unit: They’re not! But you didn’t stop at good looking, you gushed, in detail, about how in love you are with him, which is HILARIOUS, does he know how you feel?
Fry: NO, because I don’t FEEL anything, I have only completely platonic thoughts about him... because I’m more than heterosexual about human women.
Bending unit: Yeah you are, cuz you’re also robo for your roommate! Is that why you said he could bend anything, cuz he bent your sexuality, straight boy? hahahaa--
Fry: Oh shut up, you don’t even know me! OR him! You can’t judge us.
Bending unit: Yeah, you’re right, you’re right [he rolls his eyes] I can’t judge, you can only judge yourself. [He gets up to leave] But I will say this: try opening your mind, you’ll find you’ve got a lot more opportunity for happiness if you do. [he downs his drink and swallows the glass too] And who knows, maybe he feels the same way. You are pretty cute.
Fry: [eyes widen] Well... that doesn’t matter because I’m not interested, and nothing’s gonna change.
Bending unit: Whaaatever… good luck, kid! [exits]
Fry: [waits on the steps in deep thought]
---
[Cut to the ship flying home]
Fry: [silent as he pilots]
Bender: Man, Fry you gotta try one of these beers, Hedonism Bot wasn’t kidding, it’s definitely not like any kind on earth.
Fry: [remains silent, and zoned out]
Bender: …Fry, what’s with you, suddenly you don’t want my beer when I actually offer you some?
Fry: hm? Uh, maybe later, Bender...
[beat]
Bender: [prepares to say something but refrains. He puts the beer back in his compartment and sadly remains quiet for the rest of the trip].
----
[Hours later:]
[Night; Fry and Bender’s apartment]
Fry: [lying on the couch in thought]
Bender: [enters, finishing a beer as he does so, and walks sadly over to the couch]
Bender: Fry? Please don’t be mad at me, what did I do wrong?
Fry: Hm? I’m not mad at you, Bender.
Bender: You barely talked to me all day, and when you did you hardly even looked at me. Are you just sick of me, or something?
Fry: [sits up and makes an effort to make eye contact with his friend] No, no, Bender, no, you haven’t done anything wrong… [Bender takes a seat beside him] I’m sorry, it’s not you, I just… well I’ve had this thing.. on my mind and it’s been distracting me and ummm [he pauses as he finds he just can’t look at Bender without seeing the dream all over again. He breaks eye contact and gets up to leave]. I think I should go lie down--
Bender: Wait! [he stands up and takes Fry’s hand] don’t leave, umm… we can play video games until whatever’s bothering you is out of your mind! That’s what you wanted, right? We can watch Calculon! You gotta to be alone to be all existential and what not? [he twiddles his fingers sarcastically]
Fry: It’s not an existential thing, it’s just… [he looks at Bender who looks back at him very sadly]…
Bender: [feeling a bit hurt] Just what?
[beat]
Fry: [his heart races and he shakes a bit as the memories of that dream flood his mind, begging him to tell Bender about it. Finally, he snaps].
Fry: I had a sex dream about you, alright?! [he quickly sits back down, holding his face in his hands]
Bender: Oooh… hehehehe [he takes a seat again] that’s it?! haha--
Fry: "That’s it"?!
Bender: hahaha, and here I thought you were just starting to hate me. [he lights a cigar and takes a puff, relaxing as he blows out the smoke, away from Fry]
Fry: [groans to himself]
Bender: So how was it?
Fry: What?
Bender: Your dream, how was I? Was I good? I should’ve been, Bender’s a master at sex.~ [he declares smugly].
Fry: [snickers at Bender’s ego] You were… sweet actually.
Bender: [suddenly looking a bit nervous] ...Well, I’ve never been described that way before.
Fry: No, it’s true. You were very sweet, and... made me feel really special... It was more like love-making than sex, really. And it felt like we’d been waiting forever for it....
[beat]
[Both Fry and Bender remain silent for an awkward moment, neither one of them looking at the other].
Bender: …Well um… I am good at romance when I try, so… guess that’s understandable.
Fry: Yeah. Sorry about that…
Bender: Huh? For what?
Fry: For having the dream, I thought you’d be... disturbed.
Bender: What? Don’t be sorry for that, I’m glad we can all agree that I’m hot.~ [he nudges Fry’s shoulder].
Fry: [genuinely smiles at him for the first time that day]
Bender: Thanks for being honest with me. I’m actually glad it was that instead of you being mad at me.
Fry: Really?
Bender: Yeah, I mean… [he looks at Fry for a second before deciding on what to say] hah, better that you think I’m hot than to have you ditch me and skip out on the rent, jerk.
Fry: [soft chuckle]…
[beat]
Bender: So... you wanna play some games now? [he takes out 2 bottles of Hedonism Bot’s space beer from his compartment and offers one to Fry]
Fry: Sure. [Fry takes the beer, and they make an unspoken toast to their friendship].
[End.]
Bonus:
[after a few drinks Bender later asks Fry about the details of the dream and within moments they make out on the couch and later start dating, and then get married, the end]