Chapter Text
At Geoff’s insistence, Michael writes a letter to his deadbeat father each Father’s Day to help him cope with what happened.
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Michael (Age 6) (Transcribed)
Dear Daddy,
I hate you.
-Michael Jones
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Michael (Age 7) (Transcribed)
Dear Daddy,
STILL hate you.
-Michael Jones
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Michael (Age 8) (Handwritten)
Dear Daddy,
My REAL daddy told me to write more this year. I HATE YOU. There, I wrote more.
-Michael Jones
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Michael (Age 9) (Handwritten)
Dear Daddy,
For Father’s Day, all the kids in the house talked about our old daddies. Ray doesn’t know his at all, and I’m real sad for him. But he has Geoff, so that’s ok. Gavin says he don’t know his very well, but he has daddy Jack, so it was ok. Ryan told us his daddy was sick and didn’t love him, but it was ok, cuz he had Daddy Geoff and Daddy Jack.
They looked at me. I didn’t say anything, and walked into here to write my stupid letter.
My brothers are lucky. They didn’t have you. I’m glad they get to be ok.
-Michael Jones
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Michael (Age 14) (Typed)
Asshole,
I haven’t done this in a while because screw that shit. Geoff never read this crap, so why bother actually writing anything? I’m just really pissed off today, and thought you’d be the perfect punching bag.
So today is father’s day, and guess what EVERYONE AND THEIR FUCKING DOG wants to talk about today with me, despite my repeated insistence that I don’t want to talk about? Fathers. Great! Wonderful! The number one thing I want to discuss in my life. No really, it’s great. Bring up old scars why don’t you. Because that’s exactly what a hormonal teenager wants to deal with.
I think the WORST part of all of it is that I want to tell them about my past and what happened, but then I’m freaking out because… Well shit, they’d look at me funny, wouldn’t they?
“When’s he gonna snap like his dad?”
“Wow, I see where he gets his temper!”
“This explains SO much.”
I can hear them. Every fucking day. I know it’s how they’re going to react too. Who wouldn’t? So thanks asshole. Thanks for fucking up my life worse than you already did.
Goddamn it, Lindsay is calling me, so I’ve got to go, thank christ, I’m already bawling like a baby you piece of shit…
-Michael
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Michael (Age 18) (Handwritten)
Mr. Jones,
You know, I looked back on all the letters I wrote all these years, and I realized something. What you did to me all those years ago, and what you stole from me? Yeah, that’s your fault, and yeah, you are entirely to blame for what happened to me and my mother. You’re a piece of shit dad.
But I realized something.
There is one thing that you did right in this world, and I guess I can’t completely hate you 100%. You managed to give me life, and when faced with the reality of what you did to mom? You stopped and didn’t kill me too. I like to think you killing yourself was a way to make amends for what you did in that drunken stupidity. Can’t exactly know that for sure, but shut the fuck up, this is my goddamn letter, and I’ll say what I want.
Anyway, with the life you’ve given me, I’ve been able to grow up and have a pretty awesome life when I wasn’t thinking about you. It wasn’t always good, but I can’t ask for a better one given the circumstances.
I have three fantastic brothers, and we’re the best of friends that look out for each other, and I know I’ll never be alone in this world. Gavin’s like the best thing that ever came into my life, and I couldn’t ask for a better friend and source of advice. Ray has always been there for me, and never let me cry or get sad, even when I really wanted to. Ryan has pushed me like nobody ever could, and it’s because of him that I… Well, I don’t know that for SURE, but I think it’s where I’m going.
I have a dorky friend who’d protect any of us from anything, night or day. Even though Dan’s an asshole to me, and I blow up in his face a lot, I get that it’s just how our friendship works.
I’ve got the most amazing friend any guy could ever ask for. Lindsay is… Well, you can’t even describe her really. She’s just this brilliant, funny, amazing woman, and can’t believe she asked me out all those years ago. I’m glad though, we’ve really had a great thing going.
Finally, I have the most amazing fathers in the world. Geoff and Jack are what I wish all fathers would aspire to be, and I hope I can become even half the men they are. Geoff didn’t sweat the bullshit like most overprotective parents do. He just let us learn stuff on our own, gave us advice, kept us safe, and when we screwed up, didn’t blow a fuse over it (except that time I set Mr. Reed’s trash on fire in middle school, but.. Well, I was just a douche then, so I deserved that punishment). Jack’s been there for me for just about everything bad that ever happened in my life. Right after mom died, I remembered going to him in the middle of the night a lot, or that time in high school with Ray’s shit and after Gavin’s… Anyway, Jack didn’t give two shits about us crying or yelling at him. He just took it, and cried/yelled back with us. He was someone we could really rely on…
Oh, and I always had Barbie, Caiti, Joel and Kara lingering about too. Not really parents, but kind of like our aunts and uncles that checked up on us and came to Christmas/Thanksgiving shit. We really are a bunch of weirdos here.
Anyway, that’s my life. The life you gave to me, for better or worse.
I can’t bring myself to forgive you completely. Nope. There’s a part of me that wants to hold on to this anger I have at you, and never let it go, because I’ll always know the terrible thing you did to me and mom. But hey, time marches on. Keep checking back every year, cuz you never know, I might get smarter and finally decide to just quit thinking about you all together, or to move on with my life. After all, you haven’t been a father to me in a very long time, I don’t know why I bother letting you control such a big part of me.
Especially because I already have the best dads in the world.
I love you Geoff. I love you Jack. Thanks…. Thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for being there when I needed you most, and thanks for giving me a good life. I can never repay you for your kindness, but I can pay it forward.
I swear I will.
Happy Father’s Day,
-Michael P. Ramsey