Chapter Text
Ever since Dick was old enough to learn about soulmates, he’d eagerly wait for his soul mark to appear. A mark that was identical to his mate, a mark somewhere on his body that indicated he was connected and bound to another, someone he’d spend his life with.
His soulmate.
He’d often check his body, hoping that his mark would someday appear. Always waiting, always hoping. His parents were soulmates, each bearing a matching symbol on their skin. His mother had a beautiful little Robin bird imprinted on her hip, and his father had the exact same on his arm.
He’d always ask, always question when he would get his mark. His parents would tell him soon, that sometimes it takes a while. Dick would listen and patiently wait, but whenever he got a look at others, other people in the circus with marks, his chest would constrict in pain, wanting and needing. He was jealous and distressed. Upset that his mark hadn’t yet appeared. He wanted so desperately to know who his soulmate was.
When he turned eight, he’d all but lost hope. His parents had reassured him, consoled him, giving him faith that the time will come. But Dick didn’t believe it. He should have gotten one by now. They were supposed to appear by the time they were five so why didn’t he have his yet?
Maybe he was just abnormal. An oddball, an unfortunate child. Maybe he wasn't meant to have a soulmate. His parents would say otherwise but Dick truly believed that.
When his parents were murdered, he was nine. It felt like his heart had been split apart as he watched his parents fall to their deaths. He was sad, depressed and scared knowing that he’d never see his parents again.
After that, Dick just didn’t seem to care anymore about anything. Soulmates? He’d given up on that a year ago. All he wanted was justice for his parents.
He thought he’d be alone, but then Bruce took him in. Made him Robin and Dick, Dick was full of life again. Feeling the adrenaline course through his body as he was able to capture his parent’s murderer and bring them justice. He felt like he’d been reborn. Being able to help those in need gave him a sense of belonging. Being Batman’s sidekick gave him purpose. And living in the mansion with Alfred and Bruce? It was like having a family once again. Even if Bruce wasn’t very affectionate and didn’t show much emotion, but there were times he’d smile and make jokes and Dick loved being able to make his guardian laugh.
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Dick had long forgotten about his soul mark until he saw Bruce’s. The thought that Bruce would have one had never crossed his mind before. But he should have known he’d have a mark because everyone other than him did.
“Bruce?” Dick called out as he stared at the bat creature tattooed onto his upper right shoulder. Dick wanted to touch it, wanted to feel the mark like he’d felt his parents. Run his hand over it, tracing the outline of the creature. Part of him still wanted a mark of his own but part of him wanted to forget.
“What is it Dick?”
“Have you met your soulmate yet?” The young Robin questioned as he pointed at the mark on his guardian’s back, curious.
Bruce stared down at Dick, blue eyes expressionless, but Dick caught the slight twitch in his eyes and how he seemed to have frozen, shoulders going stiff.
“…No.”
Dick wasn’t sure if Bruce was telling the truth or not but he figured that maybe he shouldn’t pry. That maybe Bruce had met his soulmate but it didn’t work out. That because he was Batman, it just could never be.
After witnessing that, Dick started to see this whole soulmates thing in a new perspective. His breadth opening up as he learned more about the world. After all, he lived in a circus and all he had been taught were things by his parents and the residents of Haly's.
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When Dick became a teenager, he often fought with Bruce and they had many disagreements. Mosrly about splitting his time between the Teen Titans and Gotham. Eventually, Dick left Wayne Manor and Robin behind. He went on to create his own hero, and with the help of Superman, he became Nightwing.
While he was busy setting up his life in a city next to Gotham, Bruce had taken on a new Robin, a young boy named Jason Todd. At first, Dick was infuriated, mad at Bruce for giving his mantle away without his permission. But it wasn’t Jason’s fault, he didn’t know anything, didn’t know any better. It wouldn’t have been right of him to release his anger on the boy so Dick took it upon himself to help train Jason, despite the fact that he didn’t get along with Bruce. Robin was his so it made sense that Dick should be the one to officially pass the mantle on.
Jason was angry and brash, had a foul mouth but a good heart. He wanted to help people and was caring, but sometimes his actions would get out of hand, beating villains until they were immobile. His intentions were good and Dick knew so he tried to help him control his anger, to calm his mind and his heart. He helped him channel it elsewhere, so that he’d learn self-control.
It was nice and Dick enjoyed having Jason around.
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They were sparing in the cave, Dick testing out the young Robin’s skills, helping him to refine his hand-to-hand combat, his blocking, so that he’d be able to keep himself safe.
“Fuck Dick!” Jason breathed as he collapsed onto the mat with a loud thump.
“Language Jay.” Dick had the poor boy pinned on the ground.
“I give!”
Dick released his hold from Jason and sat down beside him. He watched as the young teen panted heavily, chest rising up and down, sweat dripping down the side of his face and onto the mat. Dick’s eyes spotted something at the tip of his sleeves. It looked as if it was…
“A soul mark?” He spoke aloud and hadn’t realized it.
“What?” Jason’s blue green eyes met with Dick’s, staring at him with a confused expression.
“This," Dick said, pointing at his arm, could see little black lines protruding from under the sleeve. “Is that your soul mark?”
“Oh. This?” Jason pulled up his shirt sleeve to reveal a shooting star inked on his skin. “Yeah it’s my soul mark.”
Dick’s eyes widen at that remark. It’s been so long since he’s actually seen a soul mark. He’d actually forgotten about it. All his friends had them, and he’s seen them before but they were always on parts of their bodies that were normally covered up. So he hadn't thought about them in a while, so focused on his work. Now seeing it on Jason stirred up something within him.
“If you don’t mind me asking – “
“I don’t.” Jason’s said, smirking.
Dick rolled his eyes at the cheeky brat. “Have you met your soulmate?”
“Nope.”
“Do you have any plans on finding them?”
“No.”
Dick raised a brow, surprised at Jason’s answer. “Why?” He didn’t understand why Jason wouldn’t want to find his soulmate, someone he could be with and connect with.
Jason pressed the palm of his hands against the mat and propped himself up. He shrugged his shoulders and ran a hand over his mark, fingers pressing down on his skin. “I just don’t feel like it. I mean, I think this whole soulmates thing is pretty bullshit anyways.”
“Oh? Do explain why.” Dick was intrigued.
“Come on Dick. Why should we have obligations to someone we’ve never met?”
That is actually a really valid question. Dick had never thought of that before. It was always normal to him ever since the day he was born. Soulmates were a thing of the universe, something the world created. So one would only expect to find their own.
“I never understood the whole point of soulmates. Even if you find you’re so called other half, it’s never a happy ending.” Jason’s face contorted at that comment, his brows scrunched together, small wrinkles forming on his forehead as he frowned. Dick's felt his chest tighten, didn't like seeing the troubled look on his face.
Dick knew a bit about Jason’s history, his family, how he grew up as a street kid, how abusive his father was and how his mother was a drug addict. He knew that Jason had a difficult childhood so he somewhat understood Jason’s point of view.
But for Dick, it was different. He’d always been around people who were connected with their other half. So he never questioned it.
Exhaling softly, Dick flicked Jason’s forehead. “Smile a little will you?”
Jason hissed and rubbed at his forehead. “That hurt Dickhead!”
“Hey, be kind to your elders.”
“You’re not that much older than me!” Jason stuck out his tongue.
“You brat!” Dick jumped the young Robin and tickled his sides, making him laugh and wheeze until he gave up.
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Dick continued to visit Jason, guiding him and patrolling together despite the fact that him and Bruce were not on good terms. They did speak a little, slowly mending their broken relationship but it would be a while until they’d become normal again.
Whenever he was with Jason, he’d think about what the young teen had said, his questioning of soulmates, of the necessity of it. It always got him thinking, that maybe it wasn’t really fundamental that he had a mark. That maybe it was fine he didn’t have a soulmate.
But then he’d remember that even if he didn’t have one, everyone else in the world did. So in the end, who could he be with?
In all honesty, Dick didn’t want to be alone. He was the type of person to seek others. He wanted to find someone, someone to love and someone that would love him. Someone he can talk to, care for and be cared for. He just wanted –
But even if he wanted, he’d never get it.
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When Jason had died at the hands of the maniacal Joker, Dick grieved. He cried, filled with regret and guilt that he wasn’t there to save Jason. That he didn’t know what Jason had gone through. So mad at Bruce for not telling him. That he had to hear it from someone else. Jason was his Robin, his successor, his Little Wing. His to guide and to care for.
He missed his cheekiness, how brave and spirited he was and how much of a brat he could be. How his eyes would sparkle with excitement whenever something interesting caught his attention or when Bruce would tell him ‘good job.’ He’d smile wide, his pearly whites flashing whenever he accomplished something tremendous and Dick would complement him and ruffle his hair. He loved Jason and now, he was gone. He’d never get to experience any of this again.
Once again, he’d lost someone he loved.
And again, he drifted away from Bruce – a man he wanted so badly to reconcile with and to be a family like before. He missed Bruce even if he was an asshole.
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One day, a boy named Tim Drake popped up at his door, claiming that Batman needed a Robin. Dick was alarmed. How could this boy know who he was? When had they slipped up? But Tim was quick to explain. Had told him how he was there when Dick’s parents had died. How he connected the dots from Dick Grayson to Bruce Wayne, to Batman and to Robin.
How Batman desperately needed a Robin. Because Bruce really did. He was on edge, his life spiraling out of control. And the result of it was due to Jason’s death.
At first Dick didn’t agree, didn’t want to go back to being Robin. So the boy went ahead and tried to be Robin on his own and Dick didn’t want him getting caught in any danger, didn’t want him to end up like Jason. So he helped. Trained him until he was ready.
And thus, Tim Drake became the next Robin.
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One day Dick had found out, or more like, was told by Tim, that he didn’t have a soul mark. That honestly took Dick by surprise and he almost dropped his bowl of popcorn. Tim had come to visit and they decided to watch some shows together.
The boy said it so casually that Dick wasn’t sure how to answer. Wasn’t it a big deal to Tim? Because it was to Dick and he’d spent his life fretting over it.
Tim was huddled on the couch, legs crossed and arms hugging a pillow to his chest. He tilted his head, looked at Dick, waiting for some sort of answer.
“Y-You don’t?” He stuttered, stunned and at a loss for words.
“Yep. I don’t.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“Well, it kind of does but then it doesn’t?” Tim just shrugged his shoulder, brushing it off like it was a speck of dust.
This was a first. Dick had never met another who didn’t have a soul mark and somehow, this didn’t make him feel so bad about himself. That maybe, he wasn’t the only one. That he wasn’t strange. That the world didn’t hate him.
“You don’t have one either right?” Tim asked as he reached over and snatched a handful of popcorn.
“Um. Right. How do you know?” Dick raised a brow in question.
Tim chuckled. “I’ve seen you naked, well, with shorts when you’d be caring for your wounds or when you head to the shower.”
Oh right. Though he was surprised he’d never noticed Tim’s. Dick had always tried to shove the thought of soulmates to the back of his mind, trying to forget that such a thing as soul marks existed. If he didn’t see it, he wouldn’t think about it.
“It looks like you and I are in the same boat.” Tim smiled a little, but Dick could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. Even if he seemed as if he was okay with not having a soulmate, he most definitely was not. No one really was. Even Dick wasn’t but slowly over time, he’d learned to accept that he’d never have one.
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When Superboy was born, Tim suddenly got his soul mark. The two bore a mark that was in the shape of Superman’s symbol. Ironic really but it made sense. It was Superman’s clone after all.
Everyone was shocked when it happened, but they weren’t against it. They were wary about Kon-El or Conner Kent, as they named him, but he wasn’t an evil clone. So the League were okay with him. And plus Superman was there to train and keep an eye on him. Not to mention, it must have meant something for both of them to be soulmates.
After that, Dick noticed how Tim seemed to smile more, how his eyes sparkled with adoration whenever he and Superboy were together. He could see the two falling for each other and Dick couldn’t be happier for them even if he was jealous.
Apparently soul marks can appear later in age; albeit rare. It kind of brought Dick’s hopes up again, that maybe one day he’d get his. But in Tim’s case, it was due to a human clone. And Dick didn’t think such a thing would happen again.
Logically, Tim was a special case. For Dick, such a thing was unlikely to happen.
Dick should have learned by now that having a soul mark wasn’t a possibility for him. It was a sign that he should give up. Well, he has given up but there’s always a small part of him that hopes for it.
He’s more or less accepted the fact that he may never have a soulmate and he’s learning to be okay with it. Or at least he’s training himself to cope with the thought.
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One afternoon, Dick had woken up from a midday nap, having gotten some rest from a long and tiring patrol. He got up from his bed, stretching out the strains in his muscles, working out the kinks.
He walked to the kitchen and turned on his pot to brew some coffee. He was still so tired and definitely needed a cup of caffeine.
As he was pouring the dark liquid, smelling the aroma as it filled up his mug, he felt something hot burning against his thigh. It didn’t hurt but it felt oddly warm. He’d almost dropped the pot but quickly set it back down. He lowered his eyes to look at his inner right thigh and… he couldn’t believe it.
Dick sat down on his couch and brought a leg up to the seat. He took a look at his thigh and there it was – his soul mark. A beautiful blooming rose, with petals so full and leaves surrounding the flower. He brushed his finger against the mark, outlining the flower, could feel the slight warmness from the mark.
His lips curved into a smile. Finally his mark had arrived. He’d been waiting so long, had all but given up on it. But here it was.
He laughed to himself, his voice echoing in the empty apartment as tears pricked the corner of his eyes. After so many years, his desire to have a soul mark had finally been fulfilled.
But what comes of it now?
Now that he has one, it pretty much means he has a soulmate as well but, what now?
Who was the other person who bears the same mark as him? Was it a clone? Or was it a child who was just born? The possibilities were small and the only conclusion he came to was that his soulmate had just been born. He’d be so old by the time they were of age.
At the thought of that, Dick’s smile fell into a frown. And he felt disappointed all over again.
Life just wasn’t treating him well.
But he guessed that in the end, it didn’t matter whether he meets his soulmate or not. Just knowing that he wasn’t alone, that he wasn’t weird or abnormal or hated, that he does have someone connected to him, makes it all better.
And if he never meets his soulmate, then so be it. He’s gone this long without one, he’s learned to cope with it and it’ll be fine if he carries on as he is now.
“Its fine,” Dick whispered aloud, running his hand over his mark as he tried to convince himself. “I-It’s fine.” But he knows deep down that it’s not fine. That if he couldn’t have a soulmate he could be with, then they shouldn’t have given him a mark.