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“Kenneth, have you found a nice young man yet?” Kent’s Grandmother squinted at the camera on his mom’s ipad. “You know the Priest at church has a nephew and he’s quite good looking. He’s a Kindergarten teacher, and I think you would just love him. He even likes your hockey! He teaches a team for children at the rec center on weekends. I see him there when I have my water aerobics.” She nodded.
“Grandma, I don’t really have time to date right now, what with hockey. I’m just really focusing on the season, and hopefully we’ll get the cup again this year.” Kent sighed a little. He knew she meant well, but this was not the reaction he had expected from his grandmother when he had told her he was gay.
“Kenneth, you’ll work yourself to death! You need someone to cook for you and clean your house, you’re always eating out and things, it’s not healthy.” She shook her head. “If I weren’t so old I’d come out there and cook for you myself, but I don’t think you need your 70 year old grandmother in Las Vegas.”
“No Grandma, it’s pretty wild out here.” Kent laughed quietly. “I don’t know, don’t you think you’d have fun? We could take you to a bar.”
“No thank you.” She shook her head vehemently. “I’ll introduce you to the Priest’s nephew when you come around for your birthday dear, okay? If that doesn’t work out, a friend from my water aerobics class has a son you might like, even if he’s a little young, only about twenty right now.”
“Grandma, I’m twenty-seven, I don’t think I could date a twenty year old.” Kent shuddered.
“You know your grandfather was twelve years older than me!”
“Yes, but that was in the 40s Grandma.” Kent laughed. “I have to go to practice now, okay? I’ll talk to you next week Grandma, okay? I love you.” Kent blew her a kiss and waved before ending the call.
Kent groaned as he sat back against the pillows on his hotel bed. He didn’t know if he could take being introduced to another gay man his Grandma had found somewhere who was usually definitely not his type, and quite a bit out of his age range. July fourth was in three months...he could figure something out before then…
Kent paced around his house impatiently, trying to think of a plan to get out of being set up on dates and having to entertain people on his birthday. He flipped his wrist over to check his watch and groaned. He needed to leave in the next fifteen minutes in order to get through security in time to get on the plane.
“Fuck.” Kent cursed quietly, picking up his bag and jogging toward the door. He peeked outside and saw the uber waiting for him.
The entire ride to the airport Kent’s leg bounced as he thought about it, but once he was on the plane he was out.
“Kenneth!” Kent’s Grandma stretched her arms out from where she was sitting in her wheelchair. “Come here and give me a hug!”
Kent gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey Ken.” Kent’s sister, Beth, gave him a hug after he stood up. “Mom’s at work, but she’s taking the next two weeks off since you’ll be around.”
“Awesome.” Kent smiled, excited to see his mom.
“Now, let’s go!” Grandma Parson insisted. “The sooner we get home, the sooner Kenneth will be settled and we can talk about Joseph, that’s our Priest’s son.”
“Oh, um, actually Grandma…” Kent thought quickly to come up with an excuse. “I’m already dating someone, so I uh, I can’t really go see Joe.” He shrugged, cheeks going pink.
“Oh. Well is he Catholic?”
“Um, we haven’t quite gotten that far, we just started dating recently.” Kent scratched at the back of his neck.
“Well where is he? He should come to your birthday, you shouldn’t have to spend it without your boyfriend, we can make room for him at the house, it won’t be a problem.”
“Uh, well he’s just not able to come. Family stuff, you know?” Kent’s palms were sweating against the plastic handle of his suitcase.
“Is he visiting his family in the off season too?” She asked, frowning. “You have three months, he could spend a week or so here!”
“Well, no, he’s not really-” Kent paused because it would be painfully obvious that he wouldn’t have had time to start dating anyone during the season. “He’s not from around here. It’s kind of a long plane trip, and then he’d have to take the trip back home afterward too, it’s just, it’d really mess with his meal plan and training schedule, you know?”
“Well the least I can do is meet him over skype!” Grandma Parson threw her hands in the air. “You haven’t dated anybody before Kenneth, I am excited to meet this young man!”
“I...well I guess I’ll ask him.” Kent agreed, heart sinking a little at the feeling of lying to his Grandma.
Beth flashed him a knowing look, eyebrow raised as she wheeled Grandma Parson out to where the car was parked.
“Hi, um, is this Mashkov?” Kent asked cautiously. He’d gotten the number from Jack, since Mashkov was the only guy he’d ever had a conversation with who was from outside of the US or Canada and who wouldn’t be heinously offended or disgustingly homophobic about the situation.
“Da, who this?” Came a grunt across the phone’s speakers.
“Um, it’s Kent, Kent Parson.” Kent played with one of the buttons on his shirt. “I’m in a bit of a pinch and Jack gave me your number. I was wondering if you could help me out.”
“What I need do?”
“Well, I kind of told my elderly grandmother that I was dating someone, and it has to be someone who is from out of the country, and not Canadian, but who also plays in the NHL, and like, you’re the only guy who fits that description that I didn’t figure would try to punch me if I asked you to pretend to be my boyfriend for like, a skype call.” Kent exhaled in one breath.
“Um. Slower?” Mashkov sounded confused.
“I need a pretend boyfriend.”
“Oh.”
“Uh, yeah, I know it’s really dumb, but she just keeps trying to set me up with people she knows from church and things, and I just really don’t want to go on any more blind dates, especially while I’m home for my birthday. You definitely don’t have to say yes. It’s actually really dumb for me to even ask…”
“No, is fine. You say is for skype, I do it. My babushka also set me up on dates, is not fun.” Mashkov commiserated.
“Oh my God, really? Thank you!” Kent relaxed a little. “I’d offer to return the favor, but, uh, I know you’re probably not actually gay or anything.”
Alexei just hummed.
“So if you’re free tonight could I skype you then? I told her that we’re kind of a new thing so I don’t think I’ll have to like, teach you more than you already know about me.” Kent shrugged, pacing as he talked. Kent had hung out with Mashkov for barbeques at Jack’s new house, and at the all-star games they had talked a couple times. They’d even had a conversation over drinks when they had ended up at the same bar after NHL awards. Mashkov knew enough to be a passable boyfriend.
“Yes, sounds good to me. I will email you my skype name, yes?” Mashkov agreed.
“Okay, perfect. I will see you tonight.”
“Goodbye.” Alexei hung up.
Kent flopped onto the chair on the front porch, relieved but apprehensive. It was always possible that Grandma would see right through him, or Alexei could slip up, and he felt awful for lying in the first place. The only thing Kent didn’t have to worry about was acting like he was attracted to Mashkov. If the guy wasn’t straight he probably would have jumped him the first chance he had gotten.
That night Kent’s leg bounced gently as he waited for the skype call to connect. When Alexei’s face popped up on screen Kent perked up.
“Hey ‘Lex.”
“Hello котенок.” Alexei smiled. “And hello Parsons.” He waved at Grandma and Beth. “Is nice to be meeting you. Kenny talks about you a lot. He say many good things.”
“Hey, I don’t talk about them that much!” Kent flushed. “He’s totally not telling the truth.”
“Kenny! I’m not liar. I only speak truth. Like Abraham Lincoln.” Alexei nodded sagely. “Why you say lies to family?”
Kent rolled his eyes.
“Guys don’t listen to him.”
“You’re very handsome.” Grandma smiled, squinting at the screen. “And you’re from Russia, right? Do you go to church?”
“Grandma.” Kent whined.
“Yes, every Sunday when in Providence or Russia.” Alexei pulled a chain out of his neck with a medallion on it. “Is Saint Sebastian. Very good luck.”
“Hmm good boy.” Grandma nodded. “Kenneth you could learn from him.”
“Yeah Kenny, your boyfriend’s like perfect.” Beth frowned. “Now if we can only figure out why he decided to date you.” She stuck her tongue out.
Kent opened his mouth to snark back, but Alexei perked up.
“Ooh, I’m tell you why I’m date Kenny!” He beamed. “We meet at draft, he go first and I’m go later, but we talk before and I think ‘this boy pretty and good at hockey. Is best combination, I’m need to be friends with!’ but my English no good, so I’m have to not talk much. Then I’m meet Kenny at All-Star game this year and I can say ‘good job, your season has been looking good.’ and we talk for long time, until we have to go back to teams. I’m invite him to drinks and we talk and I’m think ‘I’m need do this again, Kent Parson is interesting man.’ and so I invite him to dinner when he in Providence for game, and we go out, even after poor Kent lose game. Was much fun, and then I kiss him at end, and now we dating.” Alexei explained proudly.
“Wow, sounds like you’ve liked Kent for a while.” Beth raised an eyebrow. “I’m just surprised Kent actually went for it and went on a date with you. Normally he just talks about guys and doesn’t ever take any action. He talked about you enough, I’m glad he finally grew a pair and went out with someone.”
“Bethany.” Grandma scolded. “That’s not very nice language.”
“Come on! Kent says stuff like three times as bad on the ice!” Beth rolled her eyes.
“Well I can’t scold him when he’s on the ice, now can I?” Grandma crossed her arms.
Kent was still flushing from Beth’s mention of him talking about Alexei. Now that he thought about it, he had probably mentioned him and his abs, and thighs, and triceps a couple times. He just hadn’t really connected Mashkov to Alexei, Mashkov was the big hot hockey brute, while Alexei was the soft teddy bear that was best friends with Jack and had a pet poodle he was in love with.
“I’m glad Kenny talk about me.” Alexei smiled. “And I’m tell him to watch his language on the ice if you need.”
“Yes, oh my God please do. I want to see him get chirped by Troy and Swoops.” Beth cackled.
“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.” Grandma scolded, shaking her head. “You both need to go to church more often. You’d think those CCD classes would have taught you better.”
“Sorry Grandma.” Beth sighed.
“Well, I think Alexei has a thing he needs to be at now guys, he’s very busy, so let’s all say goodbye.” Kent hinted.
“Bye Alexei, nice to meet you.” Beth yawned.
“Be good to Kenneth Alexei, It was wonderful talking to you.” Grandma gave a little wave.
“Seeya ‘Lex.” Kent waved awkwardly, not quite sure what to do.
“Nice meeting you.” Alexei waved to Grandma and Beth. “I’m text you soon. Have good birthday котенок .” Alexei blew a kiss at the camera before turning it off.
“See, you met him, now stop setting me up on dates please.” Kent whined.
“Okay, okay, but I expect to meet him in person some time soon Kenneth.” Grandma wagged a finger at him as Beth wheeled her into the living room where a the Hallmark channel was playing.
Kent reached for his phone as he felt it vibrate.
So, you talk about me?)))))) it read.
Yeah, and? You had a hockey crush on me on draft day. He sent back.
Maybe was not hockey crush. Maybe was real crush.
Kent paused when he read it. On one hand he felt exhilarated. Alexei Mashkov was a dream come true. He was hot, strong, great at hockey, AND he was a teddy bear...but Mashkov could also just be fucking with him.
Want to come to my birthday party? It’s on the 4th of July and there will be lots of people getting schwasted.
Hm I’m come if you are wanting. And if I’m get special time with birthday boy.
Okay, it’s a deal then. Kent grinned at his phone. Maybe he hadn’t lied to his Grandma after all...