Chapter Text
"Dude, I can't believe you took us to Vegas," Dean chuckles as they return to the room, still clinging to Cas' hand as he had been since they left for breakfast. Though they hadn't gone farther than the hotel lobby, Dean couldn't bring himself to let go, some vague fear of isolation he doesn't really want to analyze keeping them locked. The contact seems to calm the strange feeling in his chest, and Cas hasn't mentioned it or seemed to mind yet.
The angel smiles, shrugging sheepishly. "I remembered you saying it was someplace you wanted to visit. Besides, the hotels here are very nice. I thought it would serve our purposes."
He’s right, it had been somewhere he’d always told Sam they should go, if they’d ever had the chance. But he’s surprised to realize that the bright lights hold no interest for him now. They’d passed a casino entrance on their way to breakfast, and the cacophony of voices, jingles, blinking lights, and mechanical sounds in the crowded space made him anxious and jittery for some reason. It was all too much for his raw nerves, and Cas must have noticed his flinch, the angel squeezing his hand and he led them quickly past. But the room, several floors above the noise, is quiet, and much nicer than anywhere Dean’s stayed before.
Dean nods, smiling. "I guess you were right about that...So what now?"
Cas thinks for a moment. "I suppose that depends. How do you feel?"
"Better than I have in a long time," Dean admits. "Not a hundred percent yet, but...good."
Cas smiles, nodding. "That's good. I still think you should take it easy for a while. Perhaps for today we could relax in here. We could watch a movie if you're interested? You always tell me how important they are."
Dean nods, following him over to the couch. He hesitates for a moment before taking a seat as far as he can be without releasing Cas' hand. He can't quite figure out the conflicting needs to be far away and as close as possible, the feelings behind them murky, but he tries to act like it's normal.
He thinks he's almost managed it, until Cas speaks up. "If there's something you want, all you have to do is ask," he murmurs, not looking away from the TV. "I'd be happy to give you whatever you want." Dean feels his cheeks burn, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. He wants so many things that it takes a moment to isolate one, and even then he can't find the words. Instead he brings Cas' hand up to his forehead, and the angel glances over curiously. "Are you giving me permission to read your mind?" The human nods, and Cas smiles, lightly pressing his fingers to Dean's head. It takes him a moment to figure out what Dean is asking for, but when it clicks he smiles. "Would you like to sit with me, Dean?"
Dean bites his lip, shrugging slightly. "I mean...if that's not weird..."
"It doesn't seem weird to me," Cas answers, shifting back on the couch and holding his arms out.
"Nothing ever does," Dean grumbles, but he shifts over, cautiously climbing into Cas' lap. He flinches slightly when the angel's arms wrap around him, but slowly relaxes against his chest.
Cas smiles as Dean's head drifts to his shoulder, turning his attention back to the screen. He cards a hand lightly through Dean's hair, chuckling softly as the human purrs.
Dean sighs, pressing as close as he can. He knows he'll be embarrassed about it later, but there's something about being close to Cas that makes him feel warm and calms the dark cloud swirling in his chest, and he's too weak to resist it right now. Ignoring the confusing emotions, he glances up at Cas hesitantly. "Hey Cas...?"
"Yes, Dean?" The angel murmurs, looking down at him.
"I was just wondering, uh...what the plan was for when I'm...you know, done...healing, or whatever..."
Cas smiled, nodding. "Well, that's really up to you. Do you think you'd like to continue hunting?"
Dean frowned slightly, shrugging. "Well...I don't know what else I'd do. I don't really have...hobbies. Not normal ones, anyway. Besides, that's my job."
"But you haven't been doing it the past few months," the angel points out. "Besides, you've certainly earned a vacation if you want one."
Dean snorts. "I don't think I'd even know what to do with myself if I took a vacation."
"We could do many things. We could travel," he suggests. "I'm sure there are places you'd like to see. Or we could find you some new hobbies, if you're interested in taking a break. I know that hunting is what you've always done, and I certainly don't want you to quit if that's not what you want. But if you were interested in trying something else...the world is relatively peaceful at the moment, and there are no major threats for once. This might be a good time to try."
Dean considers it, nodding slowly. "I guess I could try it...You're right, it wouldn't be terrible to take a little break, even if it's not forever...I...don't think I'd want to be alone though, especially if I'm not hunting. You saw how well that worked last time..."
Cas nods, smiling. "Of course. I'd love to go with you if you want me to. Are there any places in particular you'd like to go? Airplanes wouldn't be necessary if I am accompanying you."
Dean smiles, humming thoughtfully. "I never really thought about it much...I'd like to go somewhere with a nice beach...and it might be fun to see all those tourist-y things people talk about. The closest thing we ever saw was the time we drove past the world's largest ball of twine... Maybe you can choose some place you like."
Cas chuckles, nodding. "I think I could manage that. There are a few places I've grown fond of. Have you...given any thought to the bunker?" he asks carefully.
Dean bites his lip, shaking his head. "I've tried not to think about it...I just...I don't think I can do it, Cas. The last time I went back I just...I saw him everywhere..."
"Sam?" Cas asks.
Dean nods. "I didn't even stay long enough to grab my stuff, I just...I had to leave."
Cas nods, brushing his hair back lightly. "I understand, Perhaps, when you're ready, we could go together? At least to retrieve your belongings, if nothing else."
"I guess we could do that..but not yet."
The angel smiles fondly. "Of course, Dean. Don't worry, we have time."
Dean nods, relaxing against him again and letting his eyes drift closed. "This is nice," he murmurs after a few minutes, the words slipping out of him. "I haven't been allowed to do this since...well, I tried once, with my dad. It...didn't go over very well."
Cas nods, tightening his grip slightly. "I'm glad you enjoy it," he answers. "I would never be angry with you for wanting this."
Dean blushes slightly, nodding. "Yeah, I know...it's just...a little weird still."
"I imagine it would be," Cas hums. "But I think it's a good place to start. You will get used to it." The human mumbles something unintelligible into his collarbone, quickly losing the battle to stay awake. Cas smiles, kissing his head lightly. "I'm sure you're still exhausted. Get some sleep, Dean. I'll be right here when you wake up." Dean huffs softly, but snuggles closer, drifting into a peaceful sleep.
It’s another week before Cas deems Dean healed enough to move on from this place, and Dean is surprised at how disappointed he is about that. Each day he’d felt a little more normal, and while he still didn’t feel comfortable going onto the crowded casino floor, they’d spend time exploring the rest of the city. Cas had even humored him and taken a picture with an Elvis impersonator, and the photo made him laugh, for the first time in what felt like years.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Cas reminds him, noticing the frown on Dean’s face. “We have plenty more places to go. I made a list.”
Dean chuckles, nudging him lightly. “Of course you did, you little dork. Alright then, as long as you don’t abandon me again...where to first?”
And that was how it went. Cas took him to all sorts of places, and he never mocked whatever Dean wanted to do there, no matter how lame it was. They trudged up 674 steps in the Eiffel Tower, ate more pasta than he thought was humanly possible in Rome, and hiked up a volcano in Iceland to watch the Northern Lights. At first Dean thought it was stupid, that there were so many more important things he should be doing, but Cas was always so happy to engage in whatever dumb activity Dean could think up, he couldn’t help but enjoy it.
Dean had thought the angel would give up on the touchy-feely crap once he was sure he wasn’t going to try to off himself again, but he never did, and as the weeks went by he got used to the casual affection, even enjoyed it, though he’d never admit that. Cas knew it anyway though, even before Dean had fumbled his way through an awkward, word-salad confession one night, when he’d had a few too many drinks and had to tell the angel that he loved him. Cas had laughed, kissing him softly and telling him that he’d already been aware. He couldn’t hide his happiness as, slowly, the playful, confident Dean he’d known started to emerge from the darkness again. Still a little bruised, and still missing his brother, but it was his Dean again, if a little softer around the edges.
And now, almost a year after Dean’s lowest low, they sit on a blanket on a deserted beach in the mediterranian, watching the sunset. It’s cheesy, and stupid, and part of Dean feels like he’s in some bad teen romance movie, but it’s also nice, and he leans back into Cas’ chest a little more, smiling as the angel’s arms tighten around him. It’s quiet, and while the old him would have hated the silence, would have tried to fill it with anything he could think of, Dean has made peace with quiet, with the thoughts in his head that can’t suck him under anymore. Cas had taught him that.
“Cas?” he murmurs as the last rays of sun start disappearing behind the waves.
“Yes Dean?”
He turns to look at him, smiling shyly as the angel strokes his cheek lightly. “I’ve been thinking...this has been really awesome, and...I can never, ever repay you for all this. But...I think it’s time I went back.”
Cas nods. “Back home?”
“Yeah...not...back to the way things were, exactly, I really like how things have been lately, but...what happened...it’s like a ghost, just following me around. I think I need to finally face it. I think I need to go back to the bunker.”
Cas smiles softly, hugging him closer. “Okay then. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“I know you will,” Dean murmurs. “Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow.”
Standing in front of the bunker’s entrance is strange, almost like looking at a version of himself he doesn’t quite know anymore. He takes a deep breath, grabbing onto Cas’ hand before moving forward. They enter the garage first, and Dean smiles, seeing his baby as pristine as she was when Cas returned her here. There hadn’t been much need to drive with Cas, and it had made sense at the time to leave her somewhere safe, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t miss her. He pets over the car’s hood for a few moments before finally approaching the door to the rest of the bunker.
He braces for the memories when he opens the door, but for now they stay at bay, looking around quietly. Cas tags along with him, squeezing his hand gently. It’s strange to see things just the way they’d been left, though Dean knew there was no one left to move them now. It felt like a lost world, one he wasn’t sure he fit in anymore. Not without his brother.
A small sound from the direction of the library startles them both, and Dean frowns, reaching for a gun stashed under the table, where it always was. Cas frowns, following him cautiously towards the movement, and when they reach the room they both freeze at the large frame standing between the shelves. The figure stops too, shock and relief playing on his face, but doesn’t make a move towards them.
It’s Dean who finds his voice first.
“Sammy?”
Sam smiles, tearing up slightly. “Dean...”
Dean knows he should be cautious, knows it’s impossible for Sam to be here, and that he should check to see if it’s a shifter or a demon or something else entirely, but all he manages is a glance at Cas, who smiles and nods, before he’s tackling his brother in a tight hug. Sam laughs, hugging him back just as tightly. “Jesus, it’s good to see you...”
“I don’t understand,” Dean murmurs thickly after swallowing back the few sobs that rise to his throat, wiping away some stray tears. “It can’t be you...I saw it...you died in my arms, you had a hunter’s funeral, how could you...”
“I was sort of hoping you could tell me,” Sam answers. “I thought maybe you found a way...all I know is there was nothing, and then an hour ago...I was here, in my bed. When I couldn’t find you I thought maybe you’d done something stupid...”
Dean laughs slightly, shaking his head. “I promised you I wouldn’t...and then almost broke that promise, before Cas saved my stupid ass...”
Sam grins, hugging him tightly again. “In that case, I owe him. Come on, Cas, group hug time before Dean escapes!”
Cas smiles, walking closer and hugging them both. “We missed you, Sam.”
“It’s so good to see you...I’m so glad you guys are okay...”
“Says the guy who’s been dead for like a year and a half...” Dean snorts, shaking his head.
Sam chuckles, squeezing them both a little tighter. “You’ll just have to fill me in on what I missed.” He bites his lip, glancing at Cas. “Any idea who brought me back?”
The angel shakes his head, pressing two fingers to Sam’s forehead for a moment. “I have no idea,” he answers. “But I don’t see anything suspicious. Whoever did it put you back together correctly.”
Sam nods, taking a breath. “Well that’s a relief, at least...wanna order some food while you catch me up? I’m kind of starving...”
With burgers acquired, they settle in the living room as they had what felt like a century ago. “So, what did I miss?” Sam asks, smiling as Dean walked in, handing him a beer.
Dean hesitates, taking in Cas’ questioning expression for a moment before taking a deep breath. He settles right next to the angel on the couch, curling up against him and taking his hand, in full view of his brother.
“Kind of a lot, actually...”