Chapter Text
TIME CARD
Black screen with white words saying ‘One Week Earlier’.
INT. SCHUESTER HOUSEHOLD - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
WILL SCHUESTER is setting the table while SAM, RACHEL and KURT sit down.
WILL
So, Kurt, Rachel, you two are co-directing?
RACHEL (same time as KURT)
Not really
KURT (same time as RACHEL)
Yes
Pause, KURT and RACHEL look at each other.
KURT (CONT.)
Guess we haven’t gotten around to that conversation yet.
RACHEL
We’re still focusing on recruiting right now.
A doorbell is heard, WILL goes to answer it.
RACHEL (CONT.)
Oh, guess that’s Blaine.
Camera focuses on KURT, who turns to where WILL walked off. He quickly turns back when BLAINE and WILL walk in. Everyone's tense.
BLAINE
Can we not have this awkward silence, guys?
KURT
Yeah. So what if Blaine and I broke up? No reason we can’t all be civil.
BLAINE
Exactly. And, sorry I’m late. What did I miss?
WILL
NOt much. But, seeing as I have you all here, might as well get started. We have some fierce show choir competition ahead of us, and I think we should lay down some ground rules.
RACHEL
Yes, like no stealing each other setlists, and no spying.
RACHEL turns to BLAINE
RACHEL (CONT.)
Might want to make sure your co-director is aware of the first one.
WILL
And no poaching
SAM
And always be supportive and clap for each other, no matter what.
BLAINE
I actually really, really need everyone’s advice. I have a huge dilemma. A girl wants to join for the Warblers.
RACHEL
What’s the dilemma?
WILL
You cannot be on the wrong side of history here. I mean, you of all people should know that.
BLAINE
I know, I just think that tradition is important too.
RACHEL
Yeah, well, some traditions are meant to be broken.
KURT
You have to let her try-out. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM
RACHEL, KURT, RODERICK, JANE, LU, PHOENIX, LANCE, CHARLIE and TONY are all there. RODERICK and JANE are sat in the chairs while LU, LANCE, PHOENIX, CHARLIE and TONY are sat with their instruments and RACHEL and KURT are standing in front of them.
RACHEL
Okay, we have a tradition of each week, having a lesson. Now, we know there’s only two of you, but we really need to start working on being a team.
KURT
Exactly. And, because it’s homecoming week, our first official lesson will be - drumroll please.
PHOENIX does a drumroll.
KURT, RACHEL
Home!
BLAINE comes charging in.
BLAINE
I cannot believe you did this! We sat down, we made rules. No poaching.
RACHEL
It’s not poaching. She came to me. And besides, what did you expect me to do, say no?
JANE
I asked her not to say anything until the transfer papers went through.
BLAINE
Me and Sebastian just spent the last two days threatening to quit our jobs in order to convince everyone to let her in, and as soon as we did, she tells us she’s leaving to join your team? We were humiliated!
JANE
Well, I never asked either of you to do that.
KURT
Blaine, you have a full team. And God knows how many other students at Dalton that would kill to join.
BLAINE
Don’t act all cool and loving about this, Kurt. I’m sure you’re very happy about all of this. I wouldn’t be surprised if both of you made this all happen after seeing me with Dave. And Rachel you have never forgiven Sebastian.
All the teens stand up to leave.
RODERICK
Uh, maybe we should go.
LU
Please-
RACHEL, KURT, BLAINE
No, stay.
They all sit back down, awkwardly.
BLAINE
You should stay and see what kind of people your coaches are. This whole friendly competition thing, it’s over.
BLAINE leaves. JANE turns to RACHEL and KURT.
JANE
I’m so sorry-
KURT
Don’t be. You didn’t force Mr. Anderson to say all that. Now, let’s get back to the lesson, shall we?
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
SUE is sitting at her desk, holding the microphone.
SUE
Attention, McKinley idiots. It’s Homecoming week, which means that a bunch of old farts will be creeping around the hallways like ‘Game of Throne’ White Walkers.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - HALLWAY
Teens are scattered around, not really noticing RACHEL as she speedwalks down the hall.
RACHEL
Did you hear? The Glee Club is back!
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
SUE is sitting at her desk, holding the microphone.
SUE
Horrifying you with their beer bellies and liver spots. And that’s just the class of 2012.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - HALLWAY
Teens are scattered around, not really noticing RACHEL as she speedwalks down the hall.
RACHEL
The sign-up sheet is right over there.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
SUE is sitting at her desk, holding the microphone.
SUE
FYI, the much beloved McKinley High homecoming dance has been cancelled due to, uh, let’s say Sharia Law.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - COUNSELLOR OFFICE
We see a young man, early to mid twenties, unpacking a cardboard box and setting up the office. There is a computer, some paper and books neatly stacked on the other side of the desk. Pamphlets behind him similar to the ones we’ve known from EMMA PILLSBURY, and a little pencil and pens cup holder with multiple flags in there such as :the rainbow flag, bi pride flag, the trans pride flag etc. Just, as many pride flags as possible while still being able to put pens and stationary in there. His name is DAMIEN CARLYLE.
SUE (OVER P.A)
And finally, we have a new counsellor starting today. Mr. Carlyle. He specialises in relationships and-
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE
SUE is reading a piece of paper with her glasses on.
SUE
-sexuality. Dear Lord. Over this week each student will get a ten minute meeting with him. Today in your homeroom you’ll get your allotted time. That is all.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - COUNSELLOR OFFICE
DAMIEN is clearly proud of himself as he sits at his desk and takes in a deep breath.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM
RACHEL and KURT are standing in front of the alumni while they all sit in the chairs.
RACHEL
It’s so great to have you all together in this room again. It means so much to us that you would come at the drop of a hat.
QUINN
Artie, are you drawing me?
ARTIE
No, just your boobs.
The girls are all disgusted.
ARTIE (CONT.)
It’s for my storyboarding class.
QUINN
Doesn’t make it any better.
RACHEL
Okay, we need to focus.
KURT
Yeah, guys, we really gotta focus here. We’re in crisis mode. Glee Club had done so much for all of us. You know? It brought us together, it gave us hope, it put us out in the world.
RACHEL
And it brought some of us home again.
SAM
She’s talking about me.
RACHEL
Here’s the situation: We need you guys back--not all the time! We realise that you have lives in other places.
KURT
WE’ve got to get Glee Club back on its feet, you know? Especially since now some of us are the competition, and they’re working with old enemies.
SAME
He’s talking about Mr. Shue and Blaine and Sebastian.
SANTANA
Oh, Nick At Night’s back?
RACHEL
We need you back. Not all the time, but if you’re not here, then the tradition of the club we all love so much will be gone. So, we’re going to find more kids that can bring something to it the same way that we did, and we will mentor them based on our strengths.
KURT
But right now we really got to get out there and take on the school. You know, really rattle Sue’s cage. We already have two members, but if we don’t do something, that’s all we’re ever going to have. So, we are going to give McKinley a little taste of what they’ve been missing.
KURT turns on a stereo and ‘Take On Me’ begins to play as they all circle around ARTIE’s drawing.
ALL
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
RACHEL
Talking away
I don't know what I'm to say,
MERCEDES
I'll Say it anyway
Today isn't my day to find you,
SANTANA
Shying away
BRITTANY, SATANA
I'll be coming for your love, okay.
PUCK (ALUMNI)
Take on me (Take on me)
SAM (ALUMNI)
Take me on (Take on me)
ARTIE
I'll be gone
KURT
In a day or two
TINA (WITH SAM)
So (needless to say)
Of odds and ends
But I'll be (stumbling away)
QUINN
Slowly learning that life is okay
QUINN, ARTIE
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry
PUCK, QUINN, ALUMNI (ALUMNI)
Take on me (Take on me)
SAM, MERCEDES, ALUMNI (ALUMNI)
Take me on (Take on me)
SANTANA, ARTIE, ALUMNI
I'll be gone
KURT, RACHEL
In a day or two
ALL
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
ARTIE (WITH MERCEDES)
Oh, things that you say, yeah
Is it a life or (just to play my worries away)
SAM
You're all the things I've got to remember
SAM, RACHEL
You're shying away
SAM, RACHEL, ARTIE
I'll be coming for you anyway.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - CAFETERIA
Everyone is up and dancing. The alumni are wearing bright 80’s outfits while everyone else is wearing school colours. We can see RODERICK, JANE and ALISTAIR dancing together, close by are LU, LANCE and PHOENIX dancing together. CHARLIE is dancing on his own, and it looks more like flailing about but he’s having fun. MASON and MADISON are dancing together in perfect sync. TONY is trying to get the other footballers to dance and failing, even though SPENCER is tapping his foot. KITTY watches from the corner, it’s hard to tell if she’s disgusted, annoyed or jealous.
PUCK, QUINN, ALUMNI (ALUMNI)
Take on me (Take on me)
SAM, MERCEDES, ALUMNI (ALUMNI)
Take me on (Take on me)
SANTANA, ARTIE, ALUMNI
I'll be gone
RACHEL
In a
MERCEDES, RACHEL (PUCK, QUINN, ALUMNI) [ALUMNI]
Day (Take on me) [Take on me]
SAM, ALUMNI (MERCEDES) [ALUMNI]
Take me on (Oh, take me on) [Take on me]
SANTANA, ARTIE, ALUMNI (MERCEDES)
I'll (I'll)
Be (Be)
Gone (Gone)
RACHEL (WITH ALUMNI)
In a (day)
SUE appears and shuts it all down, throwing ARTIE’s storyboard into the trash. All the students have gone back to sitting and eating, pretending nothing happened, while the alumni are standing there awkwardly.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - BOYS LOCKER ROOM
LANCE walks in with a gym bag over his shoulder. He turns to see SPENCER snooping through COACH BIESTE’s desk.
LANCE
What are you doing?
SPENCER
Look, it’s not what it looks like.
LANCE
It looks like you’re snooping through Coach’s stuff.
SPENCER
(pause) Okay, so it is what it looks like. I’m just worried about her, okay? She’s acting weird. Like, really weird. She’s snapping at everyone, being way too aggressive and explosive. She’s wearing this weird vest thing too.
SPENCER puts a bottle of pills on the table.
SPENCER (CONT.)
And look what I’ve found.
LANCE takes the pills and he realises something.
LANCE
So, what? What’s your end goal here?
SPENCER
Her safety?
LANCE stares at him, clearly not buying it.
LANCE
Spencer, I think you should leave this alone.
SPENCER
Why?
He puts the pills back on the table and sighs.
LANCE
Because you have no clue what’s going on.
SPENCER
Oh, and you do?
LANCE
Yeah, I do.
SPENCER
So what’s going on, huh, genius?
LANCE
Nothing that concerns you. Just forget what you saw. If it bothers you so much, tell Coach Bieste.
SPENCER
Why should I listen to you? I don’t even know your name.
LANCE
It’s Lance Walters.
LANCE leaves.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - COACH BIESTE’S OFFICE
LANCE is sat across from COACH BIESTE. He has an oversized hoodie on with the hood pulled up over his head.
COACH BEISTE
Take the hood off, son
LANCE does so reluctantly.
COACH BEISTE (CONT.)
What did you want?
LANCE
Uh, this is awkward to say, but I caught Spencer snooping through your desk in the locker room after school and (pause) well, he found your hormone pills.
Pause. COACH BEISTE is clearly shocked and worried.
LANCE (CONT.)
I don’t think he knew what they were. I told him to keep it to himself, or tell you, but I don’t think he will, so I thought I should warn you.
COACH BEISTE
Thank you. I know this is all a little complicated-
LANCE
Oh no, I’ve been on T since I was a freshman. I get it. That’s why I wanted to warn you.
COACH BEISTE stops for a moment, taking it in, before nodding.
COACH BEISTE
Thank you for warning me. But, what were you even doing so late?
LANCE
Well…. ‘Cause I skip every P.E lesson I can, I have to do my exercise on my own. So, usually I sneak into the guy’s locker room cause then no one has to see me without my binder. I can’t stand people being around me when I don’t have it on- hence the giant hoodie and hood up. I can only afford one.
COACH BEISTE
I understand. Well, you should get to class.
LANCE leaves.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - CLUB ROOM
The desks are set up in a horseshoes formation, with kids all lined around it. At the head is SCRAWNY KID with a gavel and the thing a gavel hits.
SCRAWNY KID
The Tea Party Patriot Club has now come to order. First Order of Business: protecting McKinley’s borders.
PUCK, QUINN, MERCEDES, SAM and TINA all walk in.
PUCK
Attention!
A few boys stand up.
PUCK (CONT.)
At ease teabaggers.
The boys sit back down as QUINN puts a nice display of muffins in front of SCRAWNY KID.
PUCK(CONT.)
I’m Airman First Class Noah Puckerman. But you can call me Sir.
QUINN
When we went to McKinley, we were part of conservative clubs as well, such as the celibacy club and the God Squad.
MERCEDES
Most of you guys are Chrsitian, right?
MEMBER #1
We’re all Christians
QUINN
Before I joined Glee Club, I only hung out with people who were exactly like me
TINA
And then Puck got her pregnant and she sorta changed for the better.
PUCK
The point is, nerds, you need to take the three-cornered hats out of your loser-butts, and join the New Directions. They’ll take anybody. Even you.
Member#1
Sir, I was brought up to respect my elders. But don’t call us ‘losers’. The Tea Party Patriots is McKinley’s most popular club.
TINA
Oh, My God, that’s HORRIBLE! What is happening to America !?
SCRAWNY KID
I’ll tell you what’s happened. We’ve grown up in the biggest economic depression since the 1930’s. Our mission is to fix the mess that Barack Huessein Obama created before he and homo-elite turn this country into a Muslim welfare state.
MERCEDES
Oh no. Oh, hell to the no ! You know what? Don’t you, you, or you join the glee club. ‘Cause, you know, we don’t need you ignorant, backwards, lily-white, gay-hating, Obama-bashing clubbers anyway.
They all leave, but first QUINN walks over to take the muffins.
QUINN
I will be taking these.
SAM
And you know what? Quinn once had sex with a Latina lesbian. Oh! Learn that in glee club!
He leaves with QUINN, who is cackling.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - COUNSELLOR’S OFFICE
DAMIEN is sat at his desk, with a notepad out in front of him and a pen in his hand. The camera is facing him headon. When he talks he has a clear British accent, probably from London.
DAMIEN
Okay, this is just a moment for me to get to know you, okay? I will jot things down, but mostly so that I know who you are and your personality in case I might need it at a later date. You can read whatever I write down, that’s totally okay. So, let’s start with your name, yeah? Jane Hayward.
Camera begins to rotate slowly around, first we see Jane.
JANE
Yes. I’m the new transfer kid
Camera pans back round to face DAMIEN
DAMIEN
How do you find McKinley?
Camera pans round to show PHOENIX
PHOENIX
Stifling. I’m a creative person. And this school has nothing creative besides the Glee Club.
Camera pans back round to face DAMIEN
DAMIEN
You’re part of the band, right? How do you find that?
Camera pans back round to show CHARLIE
CHARLIE
Fun. I mean, I’m kinda the odd one out in the band.
Camera pans back round to face DAMIEN. Then stops, he’s confused. Camera cuts to MASON and MADISON sitting next to each other.
DAMIEN
I wanted this to be a sort of one-on-one session, guys. So I get to know you as individuals.
MADISON
Oh, we do everything together.
Damien writes down in his notebook: ‘Strong Codependency'. Camera then begins to spin again, and now RODERICK is sat opposite Damien.
RODERICK
I mean, I guess Jane and Alistair are my friends. I think.
Camera pans back round to face Damien
Damien
Do you struggle to make friends?
Camera pans to SPENCER
SPENCER
(scoff) No! I’m on the football team. I’m one of the most popular guys in school.
Camera pans back round to face Damien
Damien
What else do you do in your spare time?
Camera pans around to show ALISTAIR
ALISTAIR
Watch movies, YouTube. Sometimes I play video games with my little brother.
Camera pans back round to face Damien
Damien
What’s your family like?
Camera p[ans around to show TONY
TONY
Me, my dad and my mom. I have an older sister but she’s in college. Columbia.
Camera pans back round to face Damien
Damien
Have you given much through to life after school yet?
Camera pans to show LU
LU
Not really. I don’t wanna stay in Lima my whole life.
Camera pans back round to face Damien
Damien
What do you like doing?
Camera pans around to show LANCE
LANCE
Making music. Helping people.
Camera pans back round to face Damien
Damien
Do you think you’re being held back by something in this school?
Camera pans to show KITTY
KITTY
More like someone.
EXT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY
The unholy Trinity and ARTIE are walking (or rolling) over to the field in their old Cheerios uniforms (or jersey and letterman jacket in ARTIE’s case).
SANTANA
Okay, just remember: sex sells.
BRITTANY
It’s true. That’s how Lady Tubington got Lord Tubington caught up in a ponzi scheme.
‘Problem’ by Ariana Grande begins to play.
SANTANA (with Cheerios)
Uh huh, it's Iggy Iggz
I got one more problem with you girl (I got one less, one less problem)
Aye
QUINN (With Cheerios)
Baby even though I hate ya
I wanna love ya
(I want you you you)
And even though I can't forgive ya
I really wanna
(I want you you you)
BRITTANY (With Cheerios)
Tell me, tell me baby
Why can't you leave me
'Cause even though I shouldn't want it
I gotta have it
(I want you you you)
SANTANA
Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders
I should be wiser
And realize that I've got
ARTIE
One less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya
SANTANA, Cheerios
I got one less, one less problem
ARTIE
One less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya
SANTANA, Cheerios
I got one less, one less problem
BRITTANY (With Cheerios)
I know you're never gonna wake up
I gotta give up
(But it's you you you)
I know I shouldn't ever call back
Or let you come back
(But I do do do)
SANTANA, BRITTANY, QUINN
Every time you touch me
And say you love me
QUINN
I get a little bit breathless
SANTANA, BRITTANY, QUINN
I shouldn't want it
Cheerios
But I do do do
SANTANA, BRITTANY
Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders
I should be wiser
And realize that I've got
ARTIE
One less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya
SANTANA, Cheerios
I got one less, one less problem
ARTIE (SANTANA)
One less problem without ya
I got one less problem without ya (Ooh, babe)
I got one less problem without ya (Ooh, babe)
Cheerios
I got one less, one less problem
ARTIE
It's Iggy Iggz, uh
What you got?
SANTANA
Smart money bettin', I'll be better off without you
In no time, I'll be forgettin' all about you
You saying that you know
But I really really doubt you
Understand my life is easy
When I ain't around you
Iggy Iggy, too biggie to be here stressing
I'm thinking I love the thought of you
More than I love your presence
And the best thing now
Is probably for you to exit
I let you go, let you back
I finally learned my lesson
No half-stepping
Either you want it or you just playin'
I'm listening to you knowin'
I can't believe what you're sayin'
There's a million you's baby boy
So don't be dumb
I got 99 problems
But you won't be one
Like what!
SANTANA (Cheerios)
Ooh (One less, one less problem)
Ooh (One less, one less problem)
Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders(one less, one less problem)
SANTANA, BRITTANY, QUINN (Cheerios)
I should be wiser
And realize that I've got (One less, one less problem)
ARTIE (BRITTANY)
One less problem without ya (Hey!)
ARTIE (SANTANA)
I got one less problem without ya (Ooh, babe)
ARTIE (QUINN)
I got one less problem without ya (Hoo)
Cheerios (SANTANA)
I got one less, one less problem (Hoo, baby)
ARTIE (BRITTANY)
One less problem without ya (yeah yeah)
ARTIE (SANTANA)
I got one less problem without ya (Ho hey)
ARTIE
I got one less problem without ya
SANATANA, Cheerios (SANTANA)
I got one less, one less problem (Oooh)
ARTIE (BRITTANY)
One less problem without ya (Hey)
ARTIE (SANTANA)
I got one less problem without ya (Without you)
I got one less problem without ya (I got one less, one less problem)
Cheerios (SANTANA)
I got one less, one less problem (Problem)
SANTANA
Yeah
From behind, more cheerios walk up to ARTIE, SANTANA, QUINN and BRITTANY. At the front is KITTY WILDE, and off the side are MASON and MADISON MCCARTHY. ARTIE is facing away from them.
ARTIE
You guys got some great moves. Could really use some of that in the glee club.
KITTY
Yeah you could.
ARTIE and the Unholy Trinity turn to see KITTY.
KITTY (CONT.)
Oh, hi, Artie.
ARTIE
Kitty! Wh-where have you been? I thought Sue made all the New Directions transfer out of McKinley. We need you back.
KITTY
You really think I’m gonna come back and help you and your stupid glee club after the way you treated all of us. The way you treated me when you went off to college? Sue didn’t make me transfer because she’s smart enough to recognise a star player when she sees one. Unlike Rachel Berry who never even knew any of our names.
BRITTANY
I know your name, it’s Quinn
QUINN
I’m Quinn
BRITTANY
Liar
SANTANA
Listen, don’t you guys want to do more than just get shot out of canons? Don’t you want to be a star?
KITTY
Oh that is rich coming from you, pathetically stuffed back into your Cheerios uniforms again.
MASON, MADISON
Can two people try out together?
SANTANA
Yes
BRITTANY
Yep
QUINN
Yeah, I don’t see why not. The three of us tried out together.
KITTY
OF course the incest twins want in. Come on ladies, we have to remind these two why ‘Flowers in the attic’ is not a love story to aspire to.
They walk away, MASON and MADISON have clearly fake smiles on their faces.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - FACULTY LOUNGE
RACHEL and KURT clearly look stressed out. Damien is making himself a coffee when he notices.
DAMIEN
You guys okay?
RACHEL and KURT groan in response.
DAMIEN (CONT.)
I’m gonna take that as a no.
He sits down with them, placing his coffee in front of him. RACHEL looks up at him.
RACHEL
We’re trying to recruit members for the Glee Club, and it’s impossible.
KURT
Yeah, I knew we’d have to work for it but. Honestly I didn’t expect so much.
DAMIEN
So you two are the ones doing the Glee Club. If you want, I’d love to help out. Not to brag, or anything, but back home I was in the school choir. It was basically Glee Club but there was only a regional competition every year. We won twice.
KURT
I mean, we could really use all the help we can get right now.
RACHEL
Oh, how are those meetings with the kids going?
DAMIEN
Alright.
Pause. RACHEL and KURT are clearly waiting for DAMIEN to continue.
DAMIEN (CONT.)
I’m not going to say anything about the kids, if that’s what you’re waiting for.
RACHEL
Oh, of course not! Just-
KURT
You’re from the U.K right?
DAMIEN
Yeah. Born and schooled in the outskirts of London.
RACHEL
What made you come to America?
DAMIEN
Uh, change of scenery really. Needed to get away, y’know?
RACHEL and KURT share a look.
KURT
We’ve been there.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - BOYS LOCKER ROOM
KURT is sitting on a bench, waiting while the team all walks in after practice. SPENCER walks in, holding a football.
KURT
I’m open
SPENCER throws the ball at KURT, who misses.
KURT (CONT.)
Guess that’s why I was the kicker. Which was a transformational moment for the school, by the way.
SPENCER goes to his locker, and TONY is already there. The two teenagers share a look as KURT continues speaking.
KURT (CONT.)
Yeah, marked the beginning of a great synchronicity between football and glee club. Just ask any of the-the football guys who are back for Homecoming.
SPENCER
So why aren’t they trying to recruit me? Why’d they send you? ‘Cause we both like guys?
KURT
Look, I know we don’t have much else in common-
SPENCER leaves and heads to a workout area. TONY follows and sits on a nearby bench with a bottle of water.
TONY
Need a spotter?
SPENCER
Nah, man. I’m good.
KURT
Only a gay man knows what it’s like for us out there.
SPENCER
I know when you were in highschool, being gay was how you primarily identified yourself, but that’s not my thing.
KURT
Don’t you think it’s everyone else’s thing?
TONY sends KURT glare.
SPENCER
When I told people I was gay, only two people had a problem with it, and Coach Bieste kicked them off the team.
KURT
You’re naive if you don’t think you’re standing on our shoulders. Okay, you owe Glee Club.
SPENCER
Please. I owe Modern Family.
SPENCER glances to TONY before turning back to KURT.
SPENCER (CONT.)
Listen, when Coach Bieste kicked those guys off the team, they cornered me in the parking lot when I was getting into my car. Got all up in my face. One of them ended the day with his jaw wired shut, and the other...I don’t think he ever stopped running. I can’t stand Gaga, I’ve never seen Newsies-
TONY
A travesty, truly.
SPENCER
-and I don’t write Archie fanfiction where Archie and Jughead are hot for each other. Just because you and I happened to be born in the same ten percent of the population that would choose Andrew Garfield over Emma Stone doesn’t mean we have anything else in common. So, I’m saying no to your glee club, not because it’s gay or straight or whatever, but because I think it sucks. I’m sorry, man.
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - CHOIR ROOM
All the alumni(minus SANTANA, BRITTANY and QUINN), plus RACHEL and KURT, are sat in the choir room seats while JANE and RODERICK are standing up. PHOENIX, LANCE, LU, CHARLIE and TONY are all sat with their instruments set up. They begin to play ‘Suburbia’ by Troye Sivan.
RODERICK
The sunset's longer
Where I am from
Where dreams go to die
While having fun
JANE
The boys fix their cars and
Girls heat it up
Love is so good when
The love is young
JANE, RODERICK
Yeah, there's so much history in these streets
And mama's good eats
And wonder on repeat
There's so much history in my head
The people I've left
The ones that I've kept
Have you heard me on the radio, did you turn it up?
On your blown-out stereo in suburbia?
Could be playing hide and seek from home
Can't replace my blood
Yeah, it seems I'm never letting go
Of suburbia
JANE
Swallow nostalgia, chase it with lime
Better than dwelling
And chasing time
JANE, RODERICK
Missing occasions
I can't rewind
JANE
Can't help but feel like I've lost what's mine
JANE, RODERICK
Yeah, there's so much history in these streets
And mama's good eats
And wonder on repeat
There's so much history in my head
The people I've left
The ones that I've kept
Have you heard me on the radio, did you turn it up?
On your blown-out stereo in suburbia?
Could be playing hide and seek from home
Can't replace my blood
Yeah, it seems I'm never letting go
Of suburbia
RODERICK
Yeah, they're all the same but nothing ever changes
Through the new lines that are on their faces
JANE
Yeah, they're all the same that nothing ever changes
Through the new lines that are on their faces oh
JANE, RODERICK
There's so much history in these streets
And mama's good eats
And wonder on repeat
There's so much history in my head
The people I've left
The ones that I've kept
Have you heard me on the radio, did you turn it up?
On your blown-out stereo in suburbia?
Could be playing hide and seek from home
Can't replace my blood
Yeah, it seems I'm never letting go
Of suburbia, oh oh oh oh
The alumni clap for them as they all stand up and swap places with JANE and RODERICK.
RACHEL
That was awesome guys! An amazing first Glee performance.
KURT
The new and improved glee club has officially begun!
The alumni clap again for them, while they awkwardly wave.
SAM
If you build it, they will come.
TINA
Well they better come fast. I’m sorry, but only two people-
SANTANA (O.S)
Shut up, Tina.
SANTANA, BRITTANY and QUINN walk in with MASON and MADISON behind them.
SANTANA (CONT.)
There’s actually four. As per usual, my undeniable sexual magnetism has worked yet again. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mason and Madison McCarthy.
MASON
Hey, gang. We’re super pumped they’re a glee club again. Now, I know what you’re thinking. They can obviously log roll and kick toss. But can they sing? Well, not to toot our own horns-
MADISON
Toot! But we’ve won karaoke night at the Wapakoneta Summer Cheer Camp every year since we were three. It’s in our blood. Our parents met while touring with the inspirational, world-famous singing group, ‘Up with People’.
MASON does a sort of raise-the-roof gesture.
SANTANA
Oh no, no, no, no. I think I’ve made a mistake
RACHEL
No! It’s okay, you’re welcome to try out. I mean, we have a rigorous audition process.
TINA
Not really. Sugar Motta was literally tone deaf.
ARTIE
Yeah but she was hot
QUINN
Okay, you are not allowed to speak anymore.
The twins sit down with JANE and RODERICK and wave at JANE, who waves back.
RACHEL
I’m actually really happy. This is the start of something really special.
RACHEL turns around to face the alumni.
RACHEL (CONT.)
And I know that most of you came home just for homecoming and not for me and Kurt, but we can’t tell you how grateful we are for your help. Get over here!
They all have a group hug, and RACHEL and KURT pull the newbies in as well. RODERICK then brings the band in as well. SAM Begins to whistle as he plays ‘Home’ on his guitar. Then SAM, KURT and RACHEL all head out into the hallway.
RACHEL
Alabama, Arkansas,
I do love my Ma and Pa
Not the way that I do love you
KURT
Well, holy moly me oh my
You’re the apple of my eye
Girl, I've never loved one like you
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - AUDITORIUM
The band is setting up for the McCarthy audition.
PHOENIX, LU (with LANCE)
Man, oh, man, you're my best friend
I scream it to the nothingness
(There ain't nothing that I need)
CHARLIE, TONY
Well, hot and heavy pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy, my oh my
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - COUNSELLOR’S OFFICE
DAMIEN is looking at a picture of his family.
DAMIEN
Ain't nothing please me more than you
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - AUDITORIUM
MASON and MADISON are onstage singing, while the alumni and the current glee club members are cheering them on from the audience.
MASON, MADISON
Home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you
EXT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD
Everyone is setting up for the Homecoming celebrations.
SUE
You think this is hard? Try having sex with Michael Bolton and not fall in love. That’s hard.
PUCK, SANTANA
La la la la
Take me home
Daddy, I'm coming home
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - HALLWAY
The current glee club members are walking down the hallway.
MASON
I'll follow you into the park,
Through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I've never loved one like you
MADISON (MASON)
Moats and boats, and waterfalls,
Alleyways, and payphone calls
I been everywhere with you (that's true)
SPLIT SCREEN - MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - ONE SIDE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM OTHER SIDE BOYS LOCKER ROOM
SPENCER and KITTY are both the only ones there, and both look at the Glee Club sign up sheet.
SPENCER (with KITTY)
Laugh until we think (we'll die)
Barefoot on a (summer night)
(Never could be sweeter than with you)
INT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - HALLWAY
The current glee club members are walking down the hallway.
JANE
And in the streets we're running free,
Like it's only
JANE, RODERICK
You and me,
Geez, you're something to see.
EXT. MCKINLEY HIGHSCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD
Fireworks are going off and everyone’s celebrating. We see shots of WILL and SUE standing next to each other. BLAINE cuddling up with DAVID KAROFSKY. The current Glee Kids celebrating together and both KITTY and SPENCER looking jealous. KURT is jealous of BLAINE and DAVID.
ALL
Home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Home, let me come home,
Home is wherever I'm with you
Home, let me come home,
Home is when I’m alone with you
Alabama, Arkansas,
I do love my Ma and Pa
Moats and boats, and waterfalls,
Home is when I'm alone with you!