Chapter Text
Naruhodou Ryuunosuke is a man who is easy to read, his expressions give away to what he is thinking inside so, when he’s having an inner turmoil, when he’s spiraling, you can tell.
Mikotoba Susato is worried for Ryuunosuke, ever since Kazuma’s death Ryuunosuke has shut himself away. With other people, he acts as normal as he can possibly be, but when alone you can hear his quiet sobs into the night. Can anyone really blame the man? His best friend, his partner, is dead and there was nothing he could do to help him.
It’s the second day after Kazuma’s passing, Ryuunosuke is having trouble eating, he hasn’t slept since his best friend's passing.
Ever since his best friend, his partner died he hasn’t been the same man but, once again, can you really blame him? Kazuma had so many hopes and dreams and yet he’s now unable to see through any of them, for he is dead.
Soon enough Ryuunosuke has lost count of how many days have passed, he’s tried to keep his mind occupied, focusing on learning as much as he can about British law. For as much as he wished he could become a star in the sky and see Kazuma once more, he wants to fulfil his wishes.
Maybe some people would deem it inappropriate to write in another person's journal, but it’s what keeps Ryuunosuke grounded.
[It seems like a waste to just let your dreams die out, Kazuma. This journal was supposed to be about our adventures in Great Britain, were they not? So, I’ll write about my adventures… our adventures. Because, even though you’re dead, your soul, the sword you have left behind, Karuma will be with me throughout my time in Great Britain. Therefore, I hope you enjoy the adventures we’ll have here, partner.]
Ryuunosuke just wants to breathe again, it hurts so much to know Kazuma is gone forever. Ryuunosuke is plagued with thoughts, it should’ve been me, I should’ve been the one to die, not Kazuma. I wasn’t even supposed to be here and yet, I’m the one staying.
Ryuunosuke is often left alone with his thoughts, and he just thinks and thinks and it ruins him.
“You should eat,” it’s said in such a quiet voice, one Ryuunosuke doesn’t notice until after a few seconds of the words being uttered.
He looked down at the plate in front of him, chicken, Kazuma hated chicken, refused to eat it in fact, Kazuma was childish like that. Kazuma…
Even the mention of his name causes Ryuunosuke to flinch, he’s working hard every day in order to become a lawyer, one Kazuma would be proud of.
[Hi, Kazuma, it’s me again. Studying law is much harder than I thought, is this what you had to go through in order to become a lawyer? I think I’m doing well though, or more so, Miss Susato hasn’t given me a Susato Takedown in a while so I assume so. I wonder, if you were still here with me Kazuma, would you too be proud of me? I miss you so much, I keep working and working hoping to distract myself from the fact that you’re dead. But don’t worry Kazuma, we’ll meet again, up in the sky full of stars.]
The page in which Ryuunosuke had written on is now damp, the paper a little rough and bumpy, Ryuunosuke brought his hand to his cheek and felt a wetness. He’d been crying.
And just like that, like a dam with too much pressure against it, the tears kept coming, falling down his cheeks and onto the desk and journal below. As he cried, one name kept coming from his mouth, like a chant it continued to come out.
“Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, [I love you Kazuma], Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, [Please come back to me, I miss you so much], Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma,”
The name of his late friend never stopped leaving past his lips, even as his throat turned raw from screaming and sobbing, even when it hurt to speak, he continued. Ryuunosuke continued to chant Kazuma’s name like some hopeful prayer, one in which he hoped Kazuma would come back, one where this is all some prank and Kazuma’s not actually dead.
Ryuunosuke stared at Karuma, licking his chapped lips as he unsheathed it.
[Kazuma, when I have the courage to visit your grave I’ll tell you just how much you mean to me… just how much I love you.]
“Rest in peace… partner,”
Putting the sword back in the sheath Ryuunosuke headed to bed, here comes another sleepless night.
Ryuunosuke lay awake, staring up at the ceiling thinking, oh how he came to hate himself, his mind and the things it comes up with. His mind plays tricks on him, makes him think Kazuma is still here and every time Ryuunosuke sunk deeper into depression because the bitter truth that Ryuunosuke wanted so desperately to reject is that Kazuma is dead.
.
.
.
He’s not coming back.
It gets worse before it gets better, right?
And for the nth time that day he cried, cried in the bed that was meant for his late friend, Asougi Kazuma.
He could feel the sting of the cuts on his thighs, made by both his own nails and a foriegn object, as he shifted around in the bed.
“Please Kazuma, won’t you let me see you once more? Even if only for a little while? Please… I don’t think I can keep this up much longer,”
There’s a knock on the door. A knock…? The same way Kazuma…
Ryuunosuke rose to his feet, going over and opening the door, and to his disappointment it wasn’t someone who would help him meet Kazuma again, it was that of a great detective, Herlock Sholmes.
“Oh… yes, Mr. Sholmes?”
“Oh yes my good sir, I was just thinking I needed some air and I was wondering if you would accompany me?”
“Oh! Sure, let me just…” Ryuunosuke grabbed Karuma and slung it on his waist. “… ready to go Mr. Sholmes,”
The two men walked up onto the dock of the ship, Ryuunosuke looked up at the sky, how beautiful the stars are in the night sky. The two stood in silence as Ryuunosuke took in the beauty of everything.
“The sky is beautiful tonight, isn’t it Mr. Naruhodou?” Ryuunosuke hummed in reply, looking up he couldn’t help but think.
“I heard that when someone dies they turn into a star… do you think Kazuma is up there Mr. Sholmes? Somewhere?”
“I do believe so, he’s looking down on you, watching over you I think, and that sword… you said it was that man's soul, did you not? Then, even though he is no longer with us, he’s still with you, watching over you,”
Maybe it was the atmosphere or the way in which Mr. Sholmes articulated his words but it gave Ryuunosuke the courage he needed to keep going. Kazuma might be dead, but Ryuunosuke will make sure that his dreams and wishes don’t die with him.
.
.
.
[I may have, for a brief second, been spiraling like the stars in the sky, however, I’ve found my courage to continue to move forward. I love you Kazuma, more than you’ll ever know.]