Chapter Text
When I awoke there were only two thoughts going through my head, both confusing me, a direction and a name. Go to Great Britain the voice kept telling me, insisting on it, and I knew right then and there where I had to go, however, the second thing the voice told me confuses me.
I don’t remember anything, not my purpose nor why I’m here on this ship, only a name I remember, a name this voice keeps telling me, not mine but someone I care for.
Naruhodou Ryuunosuke.
Who is that? Who are you Naruhodou Ryuunosuke? Are you someone I care for? I hope you’re well.
I have to leave this ship, I have to get to Great Britain, but there’s this force keeping me here, as if someone is waiting for me and I only need to go see them. I’m… confused, confused as to where I should go from here.
Naruhodou Ryuunosuke… Ryuunosuke… who are you? Where are you? Can I see you? I want to see you, be with you, why? What do you mean to me, Ryuunosuke? Were we… lovers?
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.
Maybe not, Ryuunosuke is a male sounding name, and two men dating is illegal (but then why do I find myself not caring? I just want to hold you, Ryuunosuke, why do I want to hold you?). But, there’s something also pulling me to Great Britain, maybe we’ll meet there, Ryuunosuke.
Great Britain, I wonder what I need to do there.
It’s been a few weeks, maybe a few months since I’ve been here in Hong Kong. I've finally earned enough money to go to Great Britain, I’ll meet you there Ryuunosuke (partner… why does it sound so right to call you that?).
Sailing on the ship to Great Britain I look up at the stars in the sky, how beautiful it is tonight, it’s a clear night.
“I wonder, Ryuunosuke, are you too looking up at the stars? Are we looking up at the same one? I’ll find you Ryuunosuke, and I’ll figure out what exactly you mean to me,”
Because right now I’m scared, I think I may be in love with you and yet, I have no memories of you, how can that be? I’ll get my memories back and then… I’ll figure this all out.
Those words are to be left unsaid, because I can’t find it in myself to acknowledge them, I’m a coward.
Looking up at the night sky I can’t help but pity myself, I can’t remember anything, not my name or the reason which I so desperately want to go to Great Britain. I hope I’ll see you there Ryuunosuke, and I hope I’ll be able to understand why I feel the way I do.
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If I try hard enough, think hard enough I can make out bits and pieces of memories, nothing full or deep but… memories nonetheless.
I don’t remember what we’re saying or even what we were doing but I’m in a cabin with someone else, a young man, what was his name again? I think I may know, because when I think of that man the same warm feeling washes over me, Naruhodou Ryuunosuke, is that you?
Why do I want to know you so badly? Who are you?! I shouldn’t be feeling this way, especially towards another man…
I shouldn’t and yet, I do. I don’t even remember you but…
“I’m in love with you Naruhodou Ryuunosuke, and when my memory returns to me and I see you once more, I’ll tell you all these confusing feels welling up inside me, consuming me, I believe, even if I don’t remember much, that if you’re by my side there’s nothing for me to be afraid of, partner,”
Partner…
A name so foriegn yet familiar.
Looking up at the sky again I smile.
All these fears I have, they’re ever consuming, they overwhelm me with terror and anxiety. My memory loss, the fact I’m in love with (what I assume to be) another man, what I need to do in Great Britain.
There’s so many things that I’m afraid of, that I don’t know how to process, whenever those thoughts enter my mind, when they begin to consume me… I think of you Ryuunosuke, and just like that, like a light shining upon a shadow, they disappear and give way to something better, something bright.
Thanks to you Ryuunosuke, I’m able to see again, so I give you my gratitude, Ryuunosuke.
I wonder though, when we meet again, what will fate have in store for us? Will it let us be happy? Will it allow me to hold you until my final days? Or… perhaps, this is all one sided on my part, only time will tell I guess.
I can’t help but think when we meet again, and if you too feel the same way as me, what would our dates look like? I’m sure that when my memories come back I’ll figure out things you enjoy, things you would like to do on our dates. Although, we wouldn’t be able to be public about it, we would be thrown in prison if caught, but I can’t help but think you’re worth the risk, do you feel the same I wonder?
Most of our dates would have to be in doors, huh? I guess we could occasionally go out, but to everyone else we would have to act as friends, we would only ever be friends in the eyes of the public.
I can’t help but chuckle, even though I don’t remember anything about you I can’t help but think of our future together, as a couple… as one.
But even then, as I look up at the sky, with the thoughts of seeing you once again, with the thoughts of my memories finally coming back to me, I can smile without worry because you bring me comfort in a way no one else can.
I think I truly am in love with you, Ryuunosuke. I wonder, are you too looking up into the sky? Can you also see just how beautiful the stars in our night sky are?
And as I head to bed I can’t help but hope of a future where we’re happy together.
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“The sky looks so pretty tonight Ryuunosuke, let’s watch it together sometime soon, yeah?”