Chapter Text
Hello. You have reached the voicemail box of SHANE MADEJ. SHANE MADEJ cannot come to the phone right now. Leave a message after the BEEP.
“Shane. I’m sorry for the way we ended things. I was just heated and in the moment, and you were being such a-
But I’m sorry for the way things escalated. You know I didn’t mean any of that.”
Hello. You have reached the voicemail box of SHANE MADEJ. SHANE MADEJ cannot come to the phone right now. Leave a message after the BEEP.
“I don’t think you’re a bad friend. You’re my best friend, and it’s eating me alive that we ended things like that. I’ve done a lot of thinking and I talked to my therapist about it and-
-and I really wish you would call me back.”
Hello. You have reached the voicemail box of SHANE-
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
“...”
“I’m sorry for the-”
“-I think I left some stuff there.”
“Oh.”
“..so can I come get it or-”
“Yeah. Yeah, come-”
“Cool.” CLICK
It takes Shane ten minutes to get there, of which Ryan spends 8 minutes straightening up despite everything looks exactly the same as when Shane left, and 2 minutes wondering what will happen when Shane walks in the door. Will they have a dramatic reunion? Will Shane come in screaming? Will his eyes be puffy with tears? Will he break at the sight of Ryan and wrap him in a long hug, smelling like citrus and Old Spice and home?
Shane, as he does many things in Ryan’s life, wanders in, no knocking, no dramatic entrance, not even a ‘hey’. He’s wearing a hoodie and a pair of sweats, his hair pushed up in a bandana like he hasn’t slept since their fight either. Ryan both relaxes and tenses as Shane drops his keys and phone on the kitchen counter and starts rifling through the drawers. Ryan has always been jealous of Shane’s ability to look completely neutral at all times, and right now is no exception.
“Hey,” Ryan greets. Shane doesn’t respond. “Listen.” Ryan leans against the counter, thumbs the sleeve of his sweater. “I’m not proud of the way I acted.”
He follows Shane into the bathroom, where Shane silently gathers products under one arm. “I’m sorry I told you to leave in front of everyone.” Shane picks up a bottle of shampoo that’s technically Ryan’s, but that’s the least of Ryan’s concerns right now. “But you and I both knew this wasn’t working.”
Shane walks back out into the kitchen and dumps everything on the island. “Brent is a good guy. I don’t know why you can’t just be happy for me. He keeps asking me, like, ‘why does Shane despise me?’ and I’m like ‘he doesn’t despise you, give him time, he’ll follow you back on Instagram,’ you know?” Shane grabs a reusable grocery bag from over the cabinets (also Ryan’s) and wordlessly deposits everything in it. “Do you remember before our first date, how you helped me get ready and told me to be myself? Well I’m finally being myself and you’re pushing me away.”
Ryan follows as Shane goes back to rifling through the drawers, looking for god knows what. “I just feel like, stop me if I’m completely off base, but like Brent and I have this connection and you’re-” the word jealous dies out on Ryan’s tongue as Shane deposits the rest of his things in the bag, shrugs it over his shoulder, and makes for the door. “Or maybe not, I don’t know! But you have to talk to me. You never want to talk about anything serious with me!” Finally at the door, Ryan blurts, “I shouldn’t have to choose between my boyfriend and my best friend, so don’t make me!”
At that, Shane stops, his hand on the doorknob, his back to Ryan. Ryan softens his voice. “Listen, I just want to be able to talk to you about stuff. And I know that I’m a mess and I’m a lot to handle, but you are too and I-” he sighs. “I miss you, Shane.” Shane turns to face him, dropping his bag to the floor. “A lot.”
Shane steps forward silently until he’s right in front of Ryan. For a second, Ryan thinks Shane might sock him in the face, but then Shane grabs him by the belt loops and pulls Ryan to his chest. Ryan feels all his breath leave his body in a woosh as Shane gets two fingers under Ryan’s chin and lifts his face up. “Say it again.”
“I miss-” is all Ryan gets out before Shane pulls him into a desperate kiss. Ryan stands still for a second before his brain catches up with his body and then he’s kissing back, both of his hands on Shane’s face, shaky, as Shane backs him against the counter and kisses him senselessly.
Ryan’s thought a lot about kissing Shane. He always thought it would be awkward, kissing someone he’s known since he was a kid, a little hurried, rough, clumsy. This is nothing like that. It’s so, so perfect. Shane’s like a strong current, pulling Ryan in deep. Ryan moves one of his hands down to Shane’s arm, and behind his bravado Shane’s shaking, like maybe he’s a mess too.
They pull apart, and are on the same page, like always, chasing each other down the stairs to Ryan’s bedroom, their bedroom. Shane pushes Ryan onto the bed, and then they’re kissing again, this time more fervent, like if they don’t kiss right now they might never kiss again. Ryan doesn’t want to think about that, so he grabs Shane’s arms and holds him firmly close. Shane’s hands come up to meet Ryan’s, soothing.
Clothes fly off in a blur, and now that Ryan’s got permission to touch he touches , his hands everywhere, mentally marking all the places that make Shane shudder as he mouths at Ryan’s neck, leaving bruises that Ryan will cherish for days. Shane knows exactly how to touch him, play him like a fiddle, which should hardly be surprising. It’s Shane , and Ryan’s body reacts like they should have been doing this the entire time.
When Shane finally presses into Ryan, it’s perfect, like coming home. They gasp against each other’s lips, both of them shaking, moving together in a haze of heat and passion, just limbs and fingers and them, tangled in this place that’s always been home. Shane takes both of Ryan’s hands in his own, pins them above his head, drops down to mouth at Ryan’s neck, and Ryan’s completely surrounded, allows himself to surrender to the sight, smell, touch, fuck yeah .
“Say it,” Shane tells him, his voice low and husky in Ryan’s ear.
“I missed you,” Ryan gasps out, and Shane shudders under his hands. ‘I missed you’ has never felt so much like ‘I love you’. “I missed you, Shane.”
They come together, Shane right after Ryan, both of them shaking and whining, pushed beyond the point of words. When they’re done, Shane pulls out, ties off the condom and throws it out. Shane has never stayed with a hookup but, as he wordlessly lays down and pulls Ryan to his chest, Ryan suspects he may be different.
Ryan takes one of Shane’s hands in his own and rubs his thumb over Shane’s pulse point. Ryan, of course, is the one to break the silence. “I’ll break up with Brent.”
“You should,” Shane muses, and his face is still stupidly unreadable. “You have horrible taste in men. He’s a 4 at best, and he doesn’t even know Laura Dern. Honestly, who lies about that?”
“Shane,” Ryan sighs. At that, Shane looks down at Ryan. “I’m sorry.”
Something shifts in Shane’s expression then, goes from guarded to slightly more open, and he presses a gentle kiss to Ryan’s pulse point. “I know,” he answers. “Me too.”
They lay in silence for a bit, just drinking in the moment, the way Shane’s chest rises and falls under Ryan’s head, and the way midday sunlight peeks its head through the curtains. “We have a lot to work through,” Ryan says, because it’s true. A good fuck and an apology isn’t gonna be enough to undo everything that’s happened between them in the last couple of weeks. But . “But I’m willing to work for it, if you’ll have me.” He looks up at Shane. “Tell me you’ll stay.”
Shane looks down at Ryan then, his eyes open and honest, shining down at Ryan, and for the first time he looks not like an unbreakable man, someone inhuman, but Shane , Ryan’s best friend and roommate and a fallible human being who doesn’t have it all figured out.
Shane brushes Ryan’s hair back, and leaves a hand on Ryan’s cheek. Ryan leans into it. Shane’s hand on his skin feels like heat, like sunshine, like the perfect California day, like home .
“We’ll see.” Shane answers, finally, but ‘ we’ll see ’ has never sounded so much like a promise.
THE END