We talked about it in private but I think it's appropriate enough to put it here-- I can relate to being forced to hug, specifically my grandparents, out of some type of "respect" and it's shaped how I view consent and body autonomy now; even funnier that I was conveniently not taught about any of that stuff, amirite? So perhaps selfishly, I find comfort that you've chosen to write about it so I can commiserate, even to myself, that I wasn't alone.
“Give your Grandma a hug,” Dad says.
But I look at her, and I don’t want to.
You also said one time that children are among the most disempowered group? Something like that. Because there's so much they don't get to decide-- it's decided by the adults around them. And it's so interesting how we're taught to go against our gut when it's RIGHT. Just like it's right here. I like what the other commenter says, how twisted (not even necessarily a moral judgment, but twisted nonetheless) that the dad is forcing her to hug grandma when even he, THE ADULT, cannot.
She smells gross—like old food and bad breath and the bathroom.
You do a fine job getting at the feeling of disgust. Obligatory, love the alliteration of "bad breath and the bathroom."
Because a part of me—the part that doesn’t have words—knows that Something is Wrong.
You know it's Serious when you capitalize the words /lh. I like it!! You know I do!!
Because I notice even Dad doesn’t want to hug Grandma.
But Grandma is his Mom.
That’s so sad—I love hugging Mom.
This is my favorite part of the piece, next to being a Good Girl and the general forcing of hugs. This kid is very smart, and kids usually are, but there are still things she can't fully understand. And when she tries, she thinks in connections/relations and all she can come up with is, "This doesn't feel like how it is with my mom." It's poignant and excellent, truly.
The Good Girl stuff is seriously chilling. Even if Dad didn't explicitly say the words "Be a Good Girl" I think the messaging is so pervasive that she will begin to tell herself that anyway, even without words, like, it's just a feeling. And it's very smart, again, because it's very survival-based? Because punishment will come if you're not a "Good Girl." (It's often a withdrawal of love, in my experience, and telling a child, A CHILD, they're somehow rotten, which is absurd; that shit sticks with someone.) Also, I can avoid ending up like Grandma-- Ouch!!! When I first read this, it knocked me over!!
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redolentred Mon 23 Feb 2026 08:37PM UTC
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