Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Summary
"I'm not James Potter, Mr Tobias." The child told him, green eyes wide with innocence despite staring beyond him.
Snape grit his jaw harshly, "My name is *not* Tobias Snape."
"Then why do you act like it?" The boy replied, and Severus recoiled.
Or: Snape ends up adopting a... very odd Harry Potter after the Dursleys abandoned him to move far away as possible.
Snape understands exactly why after the first meeting.
(This was just past-me's excuse to write HP character's getting roasted through via the average brutally honest 5-year-old. Enjoy)
Series
- Part 1 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Harry Potter and the Flight to Fuck Outta Here by ShadowFoxDemon27
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
12 Jun 2024
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When Harry Potter woke up after death, in the body of his younger self before his second year. He can only think one thing.
"Fuck That."
Save Britain? He already fucking did that! And what did he get? A job he was peer pressured into getting, which was a Career that did nothing to help him when he had needed them, trauma, and a ton of other bullshit.
Nuh uh. Nope. Not again. No thank you, he's going to America. Fuck you. Who cares if he's like, twelve right now. He's got the know-how to smuggle onto a flight or something.
(And he grabbed Tom Riddle's diary before he left. Maybe having a little pen pal would be nice while he's on the opposite side of the world.)
Series
- Part 2 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Perfectly Normal (By Being Anything But) by ShadowFoxDemon27
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Jun 2024
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Summary
Eryk stared at the child.
The child stared back.
Eryk sighed, scratching at the scruff on his cheek as he gestured for the child to follow him. "Well, you might as well make yourself comfortable inside while I go make a phone call."
"What is the call for?" The kid (Harry, Eryk remembered groggily-) asked, hesitantly bringing his small little (and quite near empty) bag with him as he sat on the couch.
"To remind a shrieking giraffe and a vapid whale that their actions have consequences."
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Or: Harry has a very distant cousin on his mum's side, and Vernon has the bright idea to dump the kid on him instead at Petunia's mention. There are, indeed, many consequences for this turn of events.Series
- Part 3 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Tom wants Harry Evans.
Harry Evans, on the other hand, fucking hates him to the very depths of his soul. Some time together would surely solve this problem, Tom thinks.
Only Harry will not give the time of day much less time to bond. So Tom comes up with the very reasonable plan of forcing Harry to make time by using a magic spell "gone awry" to magically bind them together for a bit. Well, a long bit, really.
He doesn't understand why Abraxas is holding his head muttering about 'nutters with no common sense.' Tom had more than plenty of common sense, himself. Perhaps he was talking about one of his cousins. Yes, surely that must be it.
Series
- Part 4 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Vernon loves his son. So much he's willing to take a step out of what was normal if it meant his son could be at his happiest.
Even if Petunia leaves, he still has Harry's strange companion to help him figure things out from here.
Or: Dudley has magic too, but instead of Vernon running off, or running the two boys and Petunia out, it's actually Pentunia who left and Vernon who accepted it. That, in a way, is more in character than you think.
Series
- Part 5 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Hermione decides to make a risky move and call upon Mother Magic to summon Harry a guardian who can help him get out of the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
Mother Magic responds, but the results aren't exactly what anyone expected.
Not that Harry minds. Alea makes the most wonderful pumpkin muffins he's ever had: A great treat to eat while watching Tom break Vernon's nose.
Series
- Part 6 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Summary
What started as a "Vernon takes Voldemort out with a Gun" crackfic prompt as a gift to a friend, morphed into a "Uncle Vernon is the "If you just went to Med School like I know you could instead of wasting your time with THEATER-" kind of parent" crackfic instead.
Enjoy!
Series
- Part 7 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
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Put On a Show (Everything is Normal Here) by ShadowFoxDemon27
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
10 Oct 2024
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Summary
Spooky Month got to me.
Or: Minha Riddle married a totally normal, and definitely human man. They totally fell in love at first sight, and neither of them are hiding something. There is nothing else to see here. Absolutely nothing at all. If you see anything more than that, then maybe there's something in your eye.
Please, for your own safety, pray that there was just something in your eye.Series
- Part 8 of Curling the Monkey's Paw
