1 - 20 of 24 Works by CalicoKitty402
Navigation
Listing Works
-
Draugr Don't Make Good Tour Guides (A Winterhold School Kids Adventure) by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
07 Mar 2026
Tags
Summary
The ruined city of Saarthal was an archaeological marvel, if one was into that sort of thing. It was the site of the first city built by Atmorans on the whole of Tamriel. That had to count for something, right? Sure, nowadays it was little more than the stones peeking out of the metric fuck ton of snow and the ruins of a city that had been burned out of spite, but… The history. The gods-be-damned history. Carved into every fucking stone, or whatever. Oh, all the pieces and shards of pottery, oh the old rusted cutlery, oh the... really old rocks.
Unfortunately, Murray couldn’t really appreciate all that history at the moment; he was too busy freezing his testicles off.
-
Sybil and Aremi drag Murray and Lydia on an adventure.Series
- Part 22 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,528
- Chapters:
- 1/?
- Kudos:
- 1
- Hits:
- 10
-
Franc Writes A Letter by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
28 Feb 2026
Tags
Summary
Francois Versoi Grungash Delacourt was a businessman first and foremost. He liked money. He liked having money, spending money, saving money, and acquiring money. He was the finest dressed orc on this side of Orsinium, he wore furs and velvets and the softest of leathers. His hair was braided in the most elaborate patterns he could afford, with his braids capped off with gems and precious metals. His tusks were whitened, his teeth straight, his eyes bright. He was broad, but quite well muscled, and his clothing tailored to emphasize his best features.
and he hated waiting.
Luckily for Francois Delacourt, he wasn’t going to have to wait too terribly long.
-Franc writes a letter or two.
Series
- Part 21 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
The No Good Week And a Half by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
18 Jan 2026
Tags
Summary
“You’re too late you furry half breed cunts!” Frisli shouted, gesturing rudely at Farkas and Alinor as they seethed on the dock. Alinor paced left and right, eyes narrowed into thin slits. “I’ll remember you when I break his mind and drain him dry!” she cackled, wrapping an arm around Xantos’ neck as she leaned back against his shoulder. “You’ll remember this as th’day you shouldn’t have fucked with the clan Volkihar y’ Dawnguard pissants!”
Alinor eyed the water for a moment, taking a breath before shucking off his cloak and boots and preparing to dive.
Frisli was standing on the boat, her eyes wide and afraid. She looked left, and right, and brought her hands up– swirling them into a circle. The mist started to thicken around them as Alinor struggled against Farkas, shrouding everything into a thick fog.
-
Everyone has a very bad week and a half.Series
- Part 20 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Alinor's Guided Drunken Tour to Skyrim by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
29 Dec 2025
Tags
Summary
Murray was having a weird week.
That was a given, really. He’d practically volunteered for it. During the festivities, he’d seen a deceptively sober looking Alinor wandering off somewhere nonsensical, and his damnable need to make sure his people remained in one piece led him to follow. He knew what a Sanguining looked like. He’d been Sanguined plenty of times; really, could call him something of a chum, now. Or… As chummy as a daedric prince was willing to be with him, at least.
This would be fine. He’d just… Round up the lad, gently usher him back into the Ragged Flagon with promises of treats and shenanigans, and then put roughly four to six guildmates on his ass to make sure he didn’t wander off again.He hadn’t accounted for Alinor ignoring the gentle ushering.
-
Alinor takes a drunken tour of Skyrim, on one Sam Guevenne's suggestion.Series
- Part 19 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Pants Origami by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
30 Nov 2025
Tags
Summary
“Aye, what makes pants origami any different from jus’ foldin’ y’trousers?” Xantos asked, tilting his head as Gnives sensually undid each lace.
“Well, this seems to be done with some sort of… Seductory intent,” Alinor would almost seem sober if Xantos didn’t know the high elf as well as he did. The lad was soused, veritably pickled even if he was holding his own.
“Is not a matter of seduction,” Gnives said seductively, trying to take a step across the table and stumbling over the pants now around his ankles. He dipped down to collect them in one hand, giving a pantleg a quick, swaggalicious swing in a circle. “Nor is it folding trousers.” He pretended to spit on the table. “Blasphemy. Pants origami is art, old elf. A ritual practice. Does one create sculpture to honor the gods when one folds trousers?”
“I ain’t got none on.” Xantos whispered to him, other hand reaching down to gesticulate with the fabric of his kilt.
“...Sangiin will make an exception,” Gnives offered, his eyes flicking up to the dunmer’s face as he gave him a toothy grin.
-
Osprey and Xantos go at it again after a celebration in the ragged flagon, and Alinor joins an ill fated drinking contest.Series
- Part 18 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Osprey Ascends To Godhood by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
31 Oct 2025
Tags
Summary
“Pweaf,” she said, her voice muffled by the blankets.
“That is not any language I am familiar with, girlie, n’ I am familiar with quite a few.” Xantos told her, his hand leaving her tit to gently take her by the jaw and hold up her head. She fixed him with a sardonic little look, and breathed in deep, enunciating as clearly as she could: “P l e a s e.”
Xantos grinned wider, giving her cheeks a little squeeze to purse her lips. “Please what?”
“Pleashe rearrange my damn inshidesh, Xhantosh Ashborne, before I bite your damn noshe off,” Osprey said as he wiggled her face for his own amusement. She made a noise similar to a cat getting its tail stepped on, whipping around as he got up. She rolled over onto her back- mouth open to give him a lecture... only to have him catch her mouth as he held himself above her. His hair had come out of the braid, creating a curtain around them.
“Y’wish s’ my command,” he whispered to her, voice low and rumbling out of his chest.
-Osprey and Xantos make up for lost time, now that he has recovered.
Series
- Part 17 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
The Gang Needs To Talk About Franc by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
27 Sep 2025
Tags
Summary
“The little Magpie, I presume?” He asked, his voice like velvet over the words before he placed a piece of bread with cheese and meat into his mouth. “You’ll have to forgive my tardiness, I was waylaid.” He started to stand–first uncrossing his legs in a way that Osprey would only describe as flourished, before he rose to his full height. Not as tall as Xan, but… Close. Certainly. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, madam,” he said, giving her an equally flourished bow. “I am–”
“Franc fuckin’ Delacourt,” Osprey breathed, staring at him like she was seeing a ghost–which, as far as she was concerned, she might as well be.
A wide smile spread across his mouth, the man looking entirely too pleased with the fact she knew him by name. “The one and only.”
-
The gang really needs to talk about Franc.Series
- Part 16 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Xantos Meets His New Worst Enemy by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
24 Aug 2025
Tags
Summary
“Come on y’ slippery cunt- I just want t’ talk!” Xantos snarled.
“And you are going to extreme lengths to do that, I see!” Murray called back, his eyes locked on his feet as he moved along the fence like he was walking a tightrope. He glanced briefly over his shoulder, fixing Xantos with a glare. “Gods, you must be Errand,” he growled, “because you are such a fucking chore.”
-The first fic after the time skip, and with that ends the first arc of the series. Have the aftermath of fate driven goodbyes and the inevitable march of time.
Series
- Part 15 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Alinor Meets The Honey Pot Girls by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
13 Jul 2025
Tags
Summary
“VEKEL!” a voice rang out, loud enough that it echoed and bounced around the chamber. “You’d BEST be behind that counter, bartender, ‘cause you got some fuckin’ DRINKS to fill!”
Several more voices chimed out in response: whoops, hollers, veritable howls of raucous agreement. Vekel groaned, his shoulders sagging as he trudged his way to the counter. Delvin looked up with a raise of a brow; after a moment, his gaze flicked over to Alinor and Xantos, and he smirked, sitting back in his chair. The other denizens of the bar had mixed reactions: some of them started getting up to pay off their tab, others turned their chairs and put on shit-eating grins, and still others seemed to be… Bracing themselves.
And then, in from the boardwalk, flooding through the wooden archway into the bar itself, came a veritable parade of rowdy ne’er-do-wells.
-
Alinor and Xantos meet The Honeypot girls, Osprey's new friends in Riften.Series
- Part 14 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,029
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 3
- Hits:
- 19
-
Osprey Meets Her New Best Friend by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
06 Jul 2025
Tags
Summary
Windhelm was a miserable place. It was cold, covered in ice, and the people were as friendly as the wind. There was no soft breeze of Whiterun’s tundra, no fluttering leaves of the Rift, and while their cliffs were sharp and craggy as the reach, The Eastmarch’s cliffsides were choked in great glaciers and churning ice. It was an unforgiving hold, with unforgiving people, and unforgiving architecture.
The first sight when entering through the gates was the soft glowing light of the Candlehearth Hall, the city’s most prominent inn. Its light was a beacon, ever flickering no matter the time of day. As the group navigated the open market that had claimed the first street, Xantos veered right- leading the group away from the old nordic buildings and their people. By the grace of their winter gear, the people of Windhelm paid them no mind.
Afterall, it wasn’t like any of them were dressed like elves.
-
The Companions Of The Dovahkiin make a stop in Windhelm after several harrowing quests to meet with one of Xantos' old contacts; and you know what they say about birds of a feather...Series
- Part 13 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
The Swampire Incident by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
22 Jun 2025
Tags
Summary
This was the worst job Lydia had ever been assigned.
She understood that now. Balancing the needs of her thane and the demands on him by the people around him was impossible. She had watched him over the last few weeks work himself thin, bow and bend to the will of his companions, to do everything he could to please the people around him. He was too kind, too gentle, too- too heroic. There was barely a selfish bone in his body. He would not put his needs above those of anyone else, burning himself thin until he was on the verge of collapse.
She had all but begged the steward Aslfur not to wake them, it was the first time any of them had gotten sleep- real sleep- in weeks. Watching Alinor come shuffling out past the great wooden door to his room in naught but his pajamas, so tired and yet ready to take on the worlds problems.
It felt bad.
It felt like she could not keep him from burning himself up for the sake of honor, for duty.
-
The crew make it up a mountain, back down again, and then dive deep into the swamps of Hjaalmarch.Series
- Part 12 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Osprey Tames The Beast by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
26 May 2025
Tags
Summary
There was something in the way he spoke that changed Osprey’s demeanor. She’d been smiling, yes, but now it was warm—warm like an early summer day. Warm like the welcome glow of a fire on an especially cold night. Warm in the same way she got after the first bite of fresh honeybread, or when she talked about Taren, or on nights when the lot of them were up late drinking by the fire in the great hall, the troubles of life forgotten for a little while.
And it was all for him.
-
More porn with plot. Look man, these two have a very... robust sex life.Series
- Part 11 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Xantos Brings Cheese To The Hagraven Orgy by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
28 Apr 2025
Tags
Summary
It was a wreck in there: drinks and food strewn about, chairs and benches overturned, a number of patrons having passed out on top of tables and on the floor and even along the staircase up. A window was broken. She could hear Saadia grumbling about the state of the kitchen. Things had been rowdy when she’d gone to the room, but this… This was beyond what she’d expected to see.
A new suspicion bloomed in the back of her mind; a fear of something far worse.
“Oh. G’morning, miss,” Hulda said tiredly as she swept up discarded food and shards of glass. “’Fraid the tavern’s closed for the morning, on account of…” She stopped, looking about, then back to Osprey. “Well. …You got eyes.” Hulda looked to Osprey. “Xantos, right?” Hulda asked. Osprey glanced up, giving her an awkward little nod, and the innkeep jerked a thumb towards the door. “He took off.”
“Oh,” Osprey muttered.
“Mm-hm. Made a new friend, visitor from out of town who started chatting him up not long after you went downstairs.”
Oh no.
“Started talking about a drinking contest, and Ashborne agreed.”
Oh, no.
-Xantos gets Sanguined. Mind the Tags.
Series
- Part 10 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
The Gang Stops Some Murders by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
04 Mar 2025
Tags
Summary
The smell hit her first. It was sickly sweet, like incense and sex... she covered her face, blinking to adjust her eyes to the low light.
It was a stone room, devoid of furniture, devoid of anything save a single long wooden table with a sword stand in the middle of it. There was a book on the table, caught in the horrible splattering of blood and viscera. On the floor was a woman, one of the lead maids. Osprey recognized her; Gods, she’d been up sweeping in the great hall when they’d arrived only a handful of hours ago.
It was always a little surreal, seeing someone who had only just been so full of life, suddenly… Not.
-
The gang is all at Dragonsreach for their own reasons, when disaster strikes and the keep is sealed away from the world. Can they stop the will of a god? Can they resist the siren call of the Ebony Blade?This is The Whispering Door, but worse. a lot worse. mind the tags.
Series
- Part 9 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Osprey Gets A Haircut by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
10 Feb 2025
Tags
Summary
He let the smoke flow and stared at the whorls of wood again, letting his vision drift out of focus.
Her hands were soft.
She had been looking for Nettlebane, sure, but she had slid her hand down- flat palmed and gentle across sensitive skin that burned with her touch. He hadn’t realized how long it had been, how long he had been aching. The pressure of her touch against his flesh made him squirm, her hands had been firm, but careful- he didn’t have to imagine how those fingers would feel on delicate wounds and old aches. He had felt those fingers slide into his flesh, part skin and muscle... even if it had been to make a point.
-Osprey and Xantos make things complicated, and I am incapable of writing porn without plot apparently.
Series
- Part 8 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Xantos Gets A Family Reunion by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
20 Jan 2025
Tags
Summary
The darkness had settled over the sulfur flats and hotsprings, and ash still floated in the air. The stench of burned flesh hung heavy, and Zeibaba pulled up the mask of her robes. Kaushad did the same with his armor, pulling the chitin goggles on his forehead down. He turned to Ayem, going through her saddle bags for a moment and producing two more sets of goggles.
“Here, you really ought not let the ash get in your eyes- or breathe it in, if you can help it.” He said softly, offering sets to Alinor and Sybil as Osprey pulled her own over her eyes. “These are must haves in Morrowind, when the wind carries Dagoth Ur’s rage, it can even burn on the mainland.” Kaushad spoke softly, as if his voice would disturb the dead. They took them thankfully, Sybil blinking up at Alinor and giving him a little thumbs up. Her eyes looked thrice as large through the glass, and Alinor couldn’t resist the smirk.
“It feels like Helgen.” Sybil whispered, her eyes darting around. “I can see people in the mist,”
-
The gang find the remains of Clan Zainab in the sulfur flats, and another dragon circles overhead.Series
- Part 7 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Alinor Takes the Gang on a Roadtrip by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
15 Dec 2024
Tags
Summary
“This isn’t a bandit camp, Xan,” Osprey said, her tone softer than it had been. “Aela and Skjor might be pricks, but they got some kind’ve honor.”
Xantos’ gaze darted to Osprey, then to Alinor. He grabbed Alinor abruptly by the front of the lad’s tunic and pulled him down to his level so that they’d be eye to eye. There was a sort of cold stone sober clarity in his eyes as he stared at Alinor. “I will kill for you lad, you have done me such a service that I, Zanatos of Zainab, am in your debt. Say the word and they will fall like a sea of corpses at your command. My blade is sharp and my fury unmatched.” Xantos told him, pressing his forehead to Alinor’s. “Say the word and it is yours.”
Osprey stared at Xantos. What the fuck.
-
Danica Purespring needs a favor of the Companions, and Kodlak thinks that it will be an excellent way to bring the group into the fold.Series
- Part 6 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
The Gang Starts a Drunken Brawl by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
13 Nov 2024
Tags
Summary
“Anyways, though–we got more important shit to deal with,” Osprey continued, looking back at the sky and unshouldering her replacement bow. “But the good news is, I got a plan, yeah? And it’s a good one.” She moseyed on up to Xantos to give him a whap in the arm. “So–Step one, I get it down. Step two, you cut its head off.” She raised her eyebrows, smiling up at him. “Mmmm?”
“Sounds more like a checklist.” Xantos told her, looking over. “But I sure dunn’ mind.”
“You sound more like a checklist,” Osprey mumbled, before starting off towards the tower. “Alright, gimme just like… Fiiiive minutes, tops!”
Xantos was still watching the sky. “I think you got about two and a half...” he shifted on his feet, bringing his sword down and tapping the tip on the dirt.
“WHAT?” Osprey called from the distance she’d already covered–before simply waving him off and continuing on her leisurely jog to the tower.
-
The gang makes it to Whiterun, only to find that their troubles doubled.Series
- Part 5 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Alinor and Sybil Come To The Rescue by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
13 Nov 2024
Tags
Summary
“They won’t get back up.” Sybil told Alinor. “They killed the priest, there is no life left here.”
Alinor nodded, making a motion with his hands. “Watch out for traps then,” Alinor warned before leading them deeper into the crypts. They were able to move quickly, with surprisingly ease considering every single draugr was decapitated and very dead. Sven and Hod worked to mark out every mechanism that would have set off traps with paint sticks, and with Alinor’s experience it meant they were able to bypass most of the danger easily. Delphine kept to point, her light spell a beacon in the darkness. Alinor examined the draugr, almost impressed by the sheer thoroughness of it all.
-
Alinor and Sybil descend into the now inert bleakfalls to rescue Xantos and Osprey.Series
- Part 4 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid
-
Osprey Realizes Xantos Is Stupid by CalicoKitty402, TheFearsomeJabberwock, yelloskello
Fandoms: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Elder Scrolls
13 Nov 2024
Tags
Summary
It was like she hadn’t heard a thing he said. A hand shot out to grab him by his jaw, making sure he was looking her in the eye as she loomed over him. “Xantos Ashborne,” she said, “I need something from you, alright? I need you to be totally, completely honest with me, right now. Do you understand?”
She was speaking softly enough that her voice didn’t carry in the large chamber. The hand on his jaw forced him to nod back at her.
“Did you survive an avalanche. And a dragon attack. And then walk up a mountain, and into this crypt. While still severely wounded?”
“Nuh.” Xantos lied.
-
Xantos and Osprey make their way up the mountain, diving into Bleakfalls Barrow to recover stolen goods and threads of fate. However, Osprey quickly learns that while Xantos may be clever, this does not mean he makes good choices.Series
- Part 3 of You're Gonna Go Far, Kid