Cardinalscissors
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Blitz, I can’t accept this.
yeh well ur goin 2
What could I possibly need a phone for? The only person I am trying to reach won’t even answer my calls.
wow well ok fuk u too i gues
maybee idk use it to txt ur fukin boyfrend?????Is that what we’re calling it now?
yeh watevr
How romantic.
tats me baybee
mistr grand fukin roamnticSorry I can’t respond I’m too busy 💕swooning 💕
yeh wel u bettr pik ur sexi fethers asss up off the floor and explane wtf dis grosery list is
i cant find any off dis shit--
Picking up after the events of Sinsmas, told through a series of Reddit posts, text messages, and various other online media from different characters. Also there are illustrations because why the fuck not.
Series
- Part 1 of CosmicBird is online
Bookmarked by Cardinalscissors
10 Dec 2025
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Summary
Most teenagers couldn’t wait for their 18th birthday, because for most teenagers it symbolized a time when you truly gained your independence and had the freedom to do what you wanted when you wanted.
For Stolas, turning 18 felt like the exact opposite.
“What if you married someone terrible? Like… someone super embarrassing, or whatever… that even if your Dad made you get a divorce no one wanted to marry you because of how terrible they were?” Blitzø asked.
Stolas stared at him for a long while before answering. “I am marrying someone terrible and embarrassing. Her name is Stella.”
“No, Stols.. what I’m saying is what if you married someone like an imp? Wouldn’t that be enough to make them not want you anymore? Matter of fact, make it a dude, just to really drive it home to the other Geotia that you’re totally unhinged.”
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Or; Stolas and Blitzø remained friends after meeting as children, and Blitzø has the brilliant plan for them to get married to tarnish the Prince's reputation so that no other Goetia will want to marry him. And for absolutely NO other reason, or ulterior motive. At all.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 126,546
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Comments:
- 744
- Kudos:
- 867
- Bookmarks:
- 219
- Hits:
- 23,363
Bookmarked by Cardinalscissors
09 Oct 2025
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After the shitshow that was the full moon, Blitzø had been feeling like absolute crap. And it wasn't because Stolas had thrown him away just when he'd started to accept that maybe, despite his best efforts, he had feelings. Absolutely not.
Staring down at the two little lines he really wished it was.
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A deep dive into Blitzø and Stolas's relationship post Full Moon, the miscommunication, the challenges, and the possibilities, but with the added hurdle that Blitzø is pregnant :)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 356,222
- Chapters:
- 55/62
- Comments:
- 1,347
- Kudos:
- 1,988
- Bookmarks:
- 401
- Hits:
- 91,438
Bookmarked by Cardinalscissors
15 Oct 2025
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i want the Pharaohs but there's only men by blitzdeathpose69420
Fandoms: Helluva Boss (Web Series)
01 Sep 2023
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Blitz runs the self-proclaimed Best Diner In Queens, Flintlock, a place of off-putting vibes and incredible comfort food. Stolas runs Chrysalis, an experimental plant-centered "food experience".
One day Stolas just wanted a burger. And everything went downhill from there.
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Based on an idea and featuring contributions by AJWriter.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,716
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Comments:
- 154
- Kudos:
- 815
- Bookmarks:
- 192
- Hits:
- 12,741
Bookmarked by Cardinalscissors
01 Nov 2025
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Blitz wakes up to find that Stolas has gone full Eldritch horror in his sleep following a during-the-night panic attack and we can't have that now can we.
Bookmarked by Cardinalscissors
21 Oct 2023