SaltyWrites
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The Curse of The Crystal Phallus by SaltyWrites
Fandoms: Conan the Barbarian & Related Fandoms
21 Feb 2024
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Summary
Conan and Subotai seek out the legendary crystal phallus, a magical totem that is said to drive men mad with lust. Depending on your point of view, that may be a blessing or a curse.
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Summary
Even though Hobbits and Dwarves speak a common language, they have different words and expectations in the bedroom. Somehow, Bilbo and Dwalin still manage.
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"You should know that a Dwarf’s beard is an intimate thing," Dwalin said, not unkindly. He picked up his brush and started to smooth an errant strand into place.
Bilbo paused and raised an eyebrow. "Oh? How intimate?"
"Well," muttered Dwalin, still brushing his beard, "you might as well ask to stick your hand down my trousers."
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Goro unexpectedly agrees to a one night stand with Vincent. Vincent's just looking for a bit of fun, but Goro has something else in mind.
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Vincent's fingertips ran across the firm bristles of Goro's beard and the hard steel that lined his jaw. "Your implants, your beard – they remind me of one of those masks. Menpo, I think they're called."
Goro drew back and laughed, his eyes crinkling with amusement. "A compliment, I'm sure. Do I strike fear in the heart of you?"
"No, because I know it's a mask. I've seen the real Goro Takemura."
"Oh," Goro said with a bemused eyebrow. "Do tell, who is this man behind the mask?"
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All Hank wants is to do is to eat his burger, but Connor has plans to snack on Hank.
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Somehow, Connor could see everything that was going on with Hank.
"Now, I know they didn't give you x-ray vision," Hank grinned.
"You're shifting uncomfortably, your pulse is elevated, your pupils are dilated, and you're secreting sex hormones like a teenager." Connor listed the points on his fingers as he rattled them off. "Do you want me to go on?"
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When Connor invites Hank to shop for clothes with him, they both get a lesson on what it's like to have preferences.
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Hank leaned forward and brushed Connor's cheek, allowing himself to really look at Connor for the first time. "You know, back when we met… I called you goofy-looking."
"I remember," Connor said. Hank doubted he could ever forget anything.
"Well… that was a lie," Hank said and shook his head, his hair falling onto his face. "You're actually very attractive. Like a puppy crossed with an angel."