ToastedAmalgalm
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i like u (sorry, i never meant to) by incarcerous_reads
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
26 Feb 2026
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Summary
'joie de vivre' from the perspective of our Golden Girl, Hermione Granger.
Series
- Part 3 of l’art de vivre
Bookmarked by ToastedAmalgalm
26 Feb 2026
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Summary
What is love if not an all-consuming addiction?
After 11 years in Azkaban prison, Draco Malfoy unexpectedly finds himself a free man at last. What does he decide to do with this freedom? Develop a soul-crushing obsession with Hermione Granger-Weasley, of course.
Upon reentering the world, determined to lock himself away for the rest of his days, he is forced immediately into joining a long-standing ritual of Friday night drinks. He sees that the life he imagined for Hermione is not at all the one she is living, she seems to be miserable - exhausted, overworked, and trapped in a loveless marriage.
For Draco, this simply will not do. He will use any means necessary to have her for his own, including but not limited to: stalking, lying, shapeshifting, gaslighting, violence, and murder.
🖤 Complete as of April 10th 2024 🖤
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,744
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 6
- Comments:
- 599
- Kudos:
- 4,988
- Bookmarks:
- 2,089
- Hits:
- 198,381
Bookmarked by ToastedAmalgalm
25 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Draco plots to make Hermione happy again despite all that Ron did to bring her and her dreams down.
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Summary
“I need you to have sex with me.”
Draco stared at her, sure he had misheard. “Pardon?”
Hermione looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. “I have it on good— I have heard— oh bloody hell,” she muttered. “I’m bad in bed. I need practice.”
His lungs had entirely stopped working. “Practice,” he repeated dully.
“Yes, practice.”
“At sex.”
“At sex.”
“And you came to me why?”
“Because what else are we going to do here this month?”
Series
- Part 1 of call it what you want
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 35,965
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Comments:
- 1,799
- Kudos:
- 8,671
- Bookmarks:
- 2,625
- Hits:
- 240,503
Bookmarked by ToastedAmalgalm
23 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Really cute. Featuring mature adults, super funny Golden trio interactions with Draco, and minor miscommunications only.
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Summary
Kingsley has big ideas on reconciliation and bonds Hermione to Draco Malfoy.
She wants to redeem him, only to discover that he is her soulmate.
Romance, kinky sex and a Death Eater resurgence follow in this tale of kink and true love.Updates weekly
Bookmarked by ToastedAmalgalm
18 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
The sex is so good and the story is oddly heartwarming.
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Tags
Summary
A chaotic and hilarious marriage law fic in which Hermione Granger gets paired with Draco Malfoy, and Malfoy learns to beg.
Hermione’s voice dropped dangerously low. “We are NOT having sex.”
“WHY?” Draco demanded.
“BECAUSE IT’S YOU!” Hermione yelled.
Draco looked outrageously offended. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!”
Hermione started counting on her fingers. “Your personality! Your face! Your attitude! Your arrogance! Your—”
“My face?!” Draco squawked.
“You KNOW what I mean!”
“I truly don’t!”
Bookmarked by ToastedAmalgalm
16 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
Day eight: He nearly groaned when she leaned over him to reach a book on the top shelf.
Hermione stepped back, suspicious. “What was that sound?”
Draco: “Asthma.”
“You don’t have asthma.”
“I DO NOW.”