1 - 20 of 95 Works by Turtle_ier
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I cannot put into words how relieved I am to find my old diary. The pages containing obsessive speculations about relationships and tearful tales of job application rejection, not to mention the complete documentation of all of my poor life choices, are over. Hello apocalypse!
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Nurse Droid by Turtle_ier
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Andor (TV), Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
18 Nov 2025
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The line between caretaking and threatening is thin, but K-2 makes it work.
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After all this time, he’s still shy.
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Wizards don’t have sex. It says so in the Lore.
It’s a fact of the Disc, and it was probably decided by a bunch of wizards with names like Lloullorallyn the Defiant or Ooruugaman the Faithful who had made resisting the spice of life into a lifestyle, in the same way that they avoided even the most buttery of curries.
But they can make an exception for a poor, unfortunate wizard who had someone force themselves onto him.
Someone like Rincewind, if he played his cards right.Series
- Part 2 of [Insert inventive Discworld pun here]
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Lady Ramkin had turned to him with a keen eye and soft mouth and stood one and a half feet taller than him, and said, “Well, I think you’re just upset because you’re impotent.”
Sam had made a noise like a tea kettle. His toes curled in his sandals. He might have said something like, “Whee?” but he wasn’t entirely sure. You tend to forget the exact order in which things happen when you are stressed, and Sam knew more than most that a witness was reliable up until they experienced trauma.
She had clarified, “Against the dragon,” and then hadn’t mentioned it again.
Until tonight.Series
- Part 1 of [Insert inventive Discworld pun here]
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Hybrids had a complicated history, but not Zedaph.
Zed had always been a grass-eating, bah-bleating sheep hybrid who knew what he was, owned what he was, and encouraged others to recognise him for who he was since he first arrived in Impulse's life. Tango took a few years to light up the room, but Zed had always been one to smile with his full set of vegetarian-suited teeth. Zed never felt ashamed of who he was.
Well, until Impulse and Tango accidently came to learn the one thing which got the sheep hybrid feeling sheepish. -
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The world the Chain found themselves in was beautiful, huge, and empty. Then, two problems raised their ugly heads:
One, the royal bloodline, along with everything else which could count as a kingdom in Hyrule collapsed and died during the Calamity.
And two, the supposed ‘lost princess’ and her swordsman died during the Upheaval.
Things are never as straightforward as they seem though, as the Chain learns about a historian living in Hateno, a long-haired stranger with no name, and a spirit whose body decided to continue living on without it. -
Teaching an Old Wolverine New Tricks by Turtle_ier
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Deadpool - All Media Types
13 Mar 2025
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Logan just wanted one day, a mere twenty-four hours without some bullshit crawling out of the criminal or superhero underground and damanding his attention. Unfortunately for him, Frank Castle AKA the Punisher is looking for information on four newcomers to the scene, and he's not-so-subtley relying on Logan's ever expanding contact list to get it.
But Wade's starting to act strangely, the newcomers don't play by the rules, and the bad guys have yet to learn not to come between a man and his dog.
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In Which Logan Tries Not to Get Involved (and fails, because he's the worst) by Turtle_ier
Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
15 Dec 2024
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A direct sequel to my other work 'Help guys I think my sandwich artist is a wolverine', where Logan works in a bodega at night and all the local superheroes keep coming to pester him.
Only this time, there's a new drug on the streets, enhanced people are going missing, and when Logan's co-worker Pietro dissapears he feels the need to step in and see for himself what's going on.
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Soldier notices Medic's chest. Then everyone else does, too.
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Help guys I think my sandwich artist is a wolverine (legit) (not clickbait) by Turtle_ier
Fandoms: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
08 Sep 2024
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In the new world, Logan gets a job at a bodega.
It's fine. It'd be even better if superheroes didn't keep showing up.Series
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There were two very simple rules at the Badwater base. The first of which was that mentioning Heavy and Medic's relationship was allowed, so long as whatever was said was polite. The second was that mentioning Spy and Sniper's would result in death.
Soldier wasn't stupid, or, he wasn't as stupid as everyone seemed to think. He knew that Merasmus's curse would be bad news for everyone, and when it hit Sniper and Heavy, it became much worse. Suddenly, Spy and Sniper's relationship wouldn't be able to remain a secret, and it was up to Soldier to force a confession out of Sniper before they tore Medic and Heavy's relationship to shreds.
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A direct sequel to my fic 'A Brawl in Someone Else's Shoes'.
Sniper and Spy did the whole body swapping thing, but it's taking a while for their minds to get out of each other's heads and for their touches to register on their own bodies. With the ceasefire ending, Sniper and Spy need to figure out how to work together... with a whole battlefield between them.
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- Part 2 of Minds and Bodies
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What's better than cold medicine? Spiced rum!
After a plague known only as the common cold sweeps its way across Snowy Coast, both the BLU Sniper and RED Spy have the same great idea to steal rum from the BLU Demoman's shed. Only problem is, the raging snowstorm blows the shed door closed. If only there was some kind of activity which would stop them from freezing...
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Everything I Learned about Creative Writing at University by Turtle_ier
Fandoms: Original Work
10 Jul 2024
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What it says in the title, but with some added flair and pazazz because literally reading my notes would be BORING.
If you want to know the kinds of thing you would learn studying creative writing at a British university, then you might want to give this a look. I wrote this to stop other people from doing my degree in search of basic information, but also so that I don't have to keep all my notes on my computer anymore.
Enjoy! -
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Scout isn't stupid! It's just hard for him to see sometimes.
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After a three-month building/mining/crafting/AFK-ing session at the beginning of Season 10, Mumbo falls asleep. For a really long time. For far too long, in Iskall's opinion.
If true friendship's kiss can't wake Mumbo, then what can? -
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Spy didn't wake up thinking, 'Hmm, what I would do if I had an out of body experience?' and yet.
And Sniper didn't wake up thinking, 'Hmm, I wonder what it would be like if I was stuck in my friend's body?' and yet.
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- Part 1 of Minds and Bodies
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Engie can create a sentry, two teleporters, and a dispenser using scrap pieces of metal and intuition, and he has proven to everyone that he can do the same with food. But Spy? Spy burns water.
So when Demo challenges Engie to cook using the meagre ingredients in the pantry, and for Spy to cook something, anything, with a whole supermarket to play with, it becomes a competition. As usual. -
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It started, as many things did for Sniper, with a jar.