behind_every_exquisite_thing



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    He goes to the fridge to look for the bell peppers, and while he’s in there, he says, “It was a good first kiss. As far as I could tell. I hadn’t really kissed anyone before.” He takes an orange bell pepper from the bag his mom brought over and brings it over to the counter. “Not anyone I really wanted to kiss anyway.” He cuts the top and bottom off the pepper and then works on cutting out the seeds. “Ilya’s a good kisser,” he adds. And he can’t believe he’s just said that out loud to his mom.

    Shane and Ilya's dinner with Shane's parents at his house following the end of episode six.

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    20 Feb 2026

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    Five Times Ilya Acquired a Family Member, and One Time They Acquired Him. Canon, shmanon.

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    20 Feb 2026

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    Ilya Rozanov has a "tiny car accident" (his words). Shane Hollander has a full-scale, system-shutdown panic attack about it. Meanwhile, a horrified Hayden is praying for someone to throw him in a lake and tell him that this is all just a big joke, or maybe for a meteor strike; he is really not picky. J.J., on the other hand, is trying to bleach the image of his sweet captain making out with Ilya fucking Rozanov from his brain.

    It's a very normal day for the Montreal Canadiens.

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    15 Feb 2026

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    Shane is still learning that he doesn't have to be perfect in his own relationship. Ilya is still learning the rules of Shane's bad days. So when Shane tries to push him away after a crushing loss, it leads to a tense argument. But ten years of rivalry are no match for Shane’s tears; the second he starts to cry, Ilya folds like a house of cards.

    Or: Shane tries to starve himself as punishment for losing, Ilya tries to feed him, and it turns into a very soft night of pampering because Ilya is legally incapable of staying angry at a crying Shane.

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    15 Feb 2026

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    "Whose dick was Hollander gonna fuck her with anyway?” O'Connell says.

    “What’d you mean?” the other guy asks.

    “Asian dick, man.” O’Connell pinches his forefinger and thumb together. “No fucking chance that thing is big enough.”

    Is plenty big, Ilya nearly says, before catching the tip of his tongue between his teeth.

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    15 Feb 2026