chaismolokom
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Missing Chris is less of an emotion these days and more of a physical entity. He’s sure everyone can see that he’s slowly hollowing himself out, that he can’t do much of anything else.
But when Jee laughs at him trying to get his tongue to touch his nose, and Mara loops one of her arms through his to keep him from tossing the rest of his cup in the garbage, Eddie feels solid again.
Maybe he likes yellow birthday cake ice cream after all.
(or, gerrard messes with the team's schedules and eddie 'i just drove my son to flee the state' diaz is the only option to watch mara and jee-yun after school on tuesdays, which, shouldn't be a problem at all, right?)
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Bookmarked by chaismolokom
27 Jan 2026
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“I'm not in love with you.” There’s a jolt in Eddie’s stomach at that. “I’m not secretly pining for you, or anything like that. I don’t even see you that way.”
“Oh,” Eddie says, then forces out a laugh he hopes sounds casual. Buck’s eyes are wide, honest, like he’s desperate for Eddie to be reassured by this admission, to believe him. And how much clearer could he be? He’s not in love with Eddie. That’s fine. Eddie never expected him to be. His now empty beer bottle hits the counter too loudly, “No, of course not.”
Or: Buck reassures Eddie that he's not in love with him. Eddie feels some type of way about that.
Bookmarked by chaismolokom
08 Jan 2026
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After Christopher comes back from Texas, Eddie makes an important decision: he is not going to blow up his life anymore. He will not be making mistakes, he will not be screwing up, he will not be having emotional affairs with the doppelgänger of his dead wife. He is going to be logical. Make good decisions. Use the strategies he’s learned in therapy even though he’s complained to Frank a million times that breathing exercises only piss him off more. Still, he’ll do them, because he is a logical, rational person. Or, at least, he is from now on.
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Bookmarked by chaismolokom
19 Dec 2025
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“Did you adopt a cat?” Shane asked, before he could get distracted.
“No.” Rozanov gave him a look. “I gave you a concussion this afternoon?”
“There’s a kitten outside.” Shane nudged his shoes off. “It followed me into the elevator.”
Rozanov’s eyebrows flew up, and he dashed to the door. The kitten was still there, and Rozanov scooped it up with one hand, cradling it to his chest. The kitten looked as alarmed as Shane felt.
“So you did get a cat,” he said.
“No, Hollander. This is not mine,” Rozanov said, waving the kitten at him.
Bookmarked by chaismolokom
14 Dec 2025
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Buck tries to commit the frame to memory, wills himself not to forget the important details—Eddie on his knees in front of him, his nails seeking purchase along Buck's thighs as he drinks him down, his drawn-out gasps when Buck returns the favor.
After, when Buck reaches out for quiet confirmation in the dark, asks him, "Good?"
Eddie tells him, earnest and hard-won, "Everything is good with you," and Buck can bask in the illusion of a world where he almost believes it.
Buck is trying to leave the past where it belongs. Then he wins an all-expenses-paid trip to Italy, convinces Eddie to join him, and falls headfirst into (not so) casual sex with his best friend.
Bookmarked by chaismolokom
26 Nov 2025