fakeocean



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    He thinks of Ilya’s commanding tone: “Hollander, here”, “take it for me”, or Shane’s personal favorite, “kneel.” Shane, through all these years, has been amazed that to Ilya these little commands are so casual, just a part of fucking for him. To Shane, these words are all consuming. They shut off the hyperactive part of his brain and he can just… enjoy. Ilya takes over, makes Shane feel good, uses Shane to feel good, and Shane goes gooey for it every time. He’s never known peace like getting railed by Ilya Rozanov.

    Shane knows you can't eat your cake and have it, too. He knows that asking too much of Ilya would be plain selfish. Knows that asking to be told exactly what to do so he can shut his brain off isn't normal. And Ilya... well he doesn't think Shane knows shit.

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    08 Jan 2026

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    Ilya is plummeting to his death when he closes his eyes, heart full of regret.

    When he opens them in what feels like just a second later, he is standing outside a rink in Regina, Saskatchewan. There’s a banner on the building across the street:

    World Junior Hockey Championship 2009.

    What?

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    07 Jan 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    "Too bad we can't just date each other."

    Eddie laughs. "What?"

    "No, I'm serious!" Buck sets his beer down, the better to gesture with both hands, face lighting up, and Eddie just—he really loves the guy, okay. Ridiculous as he is. "It would be so much easier! You wouldn't have to introduce a new person to Chris—he already likes me anyway—and you could tell Pepa so she'll stop setting you up on dates that don't go anywhere—"

    "And what would you get out of this?" Eddie asks, grinning.

    -

    Or: Buck and Eddie try something out together.

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    09 Nov 2023

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    Bobby wants him to go to therapy. An ultimatum, before he can come back to work. He suggests going to see Dr. Wells again, since she was so helpful the first time around, and Buck can’t explain the pit in his stomach. Maybe that’s why he blows up during dinner, as if barbed words could cause the same amount of hurt that ruined his leg. But Bobby doesn’t back down. He levels Buck with a disappointed not quite glare, and Buck is suddenly 12 again. He’s sitting on the Buckley family couch and Phillip Buckley is looming overhead, insisting he still needs a babysitter despite Evan’s protests.

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    17 Jun 2023

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    “It’s just that—I died,” Buck continues, voice unsteady enough that Eddie wonders if this is the first time he’s acknowledged that out loud. “I died, and there’s so much more. There’s so much more I want to do, things I don’t even know I want to do yet, and I almost had the chance to have and live them taken away. I don’t want to die and regret missing out on everything else, Eddie.”

     

    “So let’s make a list,” Eddie says. “Let’s do them.”

     

    or, a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realise—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along

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    08 Jun 2023