1 - 20 of 82 Works by farmhandler
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“I think I would like to breed.”
Robert is so focused on his work that it doesn’t even register that the words have just come out of the mouth of America’s heartthrob and the superhero known as Phenomaman until it occurs to him that the entire office has gone quiet. Robert processes what he's heard and turns around to join them in staring at Phenomaman, lacking any other option in the face of what he's just said.
Mistaking their shock, Phenomaman looks around at the faces gazing at him in utter confusion and continues pleasantly, “Actually, I would like to be bred. Is that not a more accurate Earth phrase?”
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Something is wrong with Logan. Maybe it was never right.
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After the downfall of the X-Men at the hands of his incompetency, Logan is just trying to survive through each day. A mysterious stalker and the strange encounters that occur push him to his breaking point.
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Sendak had never caught a human before.
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Good Decisions Made by farmhandler
Fandoms: Deadpool and Wolverine (2024), Deadpool (Movieverse)
28 Jun 2025
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Wade may have destroyed Cable's time slider, but the future still needs him. What he doesn't need is getting saddled with a baby. Logan, on the other hand, is right there, available, and basically the adoptive father of Xavier's mansion full of kids, so what's one more?
While Cable works to fix Wade's mistake, Wade approaches Logan for help. Things get complicated when they become increasingly uncertain that Cable is going to leave for the future after all.
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Cable makes a circuit around the tiny room. Wade stays seated, occasionally twitching. He rubs his thighs together, once, and Cable’s fist slams into the door so hard that he doesn’t do it again. He picks up his phone and dials a number; Logan’s voice filters through the speakers.
“Howlett. It’s Cable. Wade’s going into heat,” Cable says, without preamble. “I’m going to fuck him.”
Wade bites on his thumb so hard he nearly breaks skin through his glove. There’s a long, deliberate pause where Logan processes that information.
"Cable, that had better be your idea of a fucking joke.”
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Peter couldn’t be more stunned when Deadpool abruptly slips to the ground cross-legged, tosses the collar at Peter, and casually says, “Put it on me, Spider-Man.”
He doesn’t say Webs, or Webster or any other nickname he’s come up with. Not even baby boy. It’s Spider-Man.
Deadpool wants Spider-Man to put the collar on him.
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Or: An accidental meeting turns into what Deadpool himself describes as "stalking-lite". What is Spider-Man supposed to do when Deadpool won't stop following him around like a lovesick puppy?
Series
- Part 1 of New Tricks
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“Oh, my days, that looks…”
“Fucking amazing?” Marc prompted.
“Industrial,” Steven finished. A giggle slipped out of him; it went borderline hysterical.
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Worth More Than Salt by farmhandler
Fandoms: 鬼滅の刃 | Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Anime), 鬼滅の刃 | Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Manga)
19 Feb 2025
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Kyojuro and Tanjiro have gone their separate ways, but strange developments with Kyojuro force him to seek out Tanjiro whilst in the midst of Uzui's perilous mission.
Series
- Part 6 of One of the good ones
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“Step through that door and your punishment starts early,” Logan said, leaning back against the railing.
Wade imitated the sound of a buzzer, a loud EEEHHH that had Logan fighting down bubbling irritation. Wade walked through the door and up to Logan, dirt on his fucking shoes, going as far as to scuff Logan’s from how close he got.
Or: Logan decides it's time Wade learned his lesson.
Series
- Part 2 of The D Word
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On his list of predicted outcomes, Logan following through with the shit that spewed from Wade's mouth was so far on the list of likely outcomes he hadn’t considered the ramifications of his own actions until it was too late.
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Jim took several steps forward, his lethargy evaporating in an instant, eyes huge and blue. “You were asked to hold a lecture, right? The kind that’ll be broadcast back to Starfleet?”
“Who told you?”
“M’Benga,” Jim said smugly. That traitor.
“Damnit. Yeah, I’ve been asked,” he admitted reluctantly. “Didn’t say I’d do it.”
“They asked you to include a practical demonstration, didn’t they?”
“Jim…” Leonard straightened fully and regarded Jim with badly disguised confusion. Jim was normally a little loopy after heat, but this was another level. “Tell me you’re not about to try to wriggle your way into this. This isn’t the scouts, Jim. You can’t volunteer to participate in a lecture.”
“They asked you to do a lab demonstration, right? You can’t do it without an omega. I’ll be the patient.”
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Starfleet asks Leonard to give a lecture. Jim wriggles his way into the situation like the pain in Leonard's ass that he is. What could possibly go wrong?
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“What are you gonna do to earn it?” Logan asked. He slid his palm up Wade’s chest. “You want me to call you a good boy, Wade?”
Wade’s eyes, which had already gone dark, blew black.
Series
- Part 4 of Broken Men
- Part 1 of The D Word
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It's Just Chemistry by farmhandler
Fandoms: Deadpool and Wolverine (2024), X-Men (Movieverse)
08 Nov 2024
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“Wade, I need you,” Logan said, his chest starting to heave, “to run.”
“What, like a marathon? Now is not the time for altruism, sweetie. We have a lab to escape from. And I’m not really big on running if I can help it."
“Run,” Logan said. He took a step forward. Wade glanced behind him at the room he had just left, which he noticed did not have any exits. He slid his gun out of its holster.
“Get the fuck awa—” Logan paused to swallow, his words turning gravelly, like it was difficult for him to speak “—away from me.” He flexed his fingers. “Or I am going to fucking kill you.”
Or: After Logan rejoins the X-Men, Wade gets whisked away on his first solo mission with Logan. It should be quick—easy—like taking candy from an armless baby. And it is, up until it isn’t.
Series
- Part 3 of Broken Men
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Wade does Logan a favor when he's in desperate need.
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Come Hell or High Water by farmhandler
Fandoms: X-Men (Movieverse), Deadpool and Wolverine (2024)
30 Sep 2024
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Logan came to with his claws buried in Wade’s abdomen.
He blinked rapidly, panting, struggling to focus his vision on the pattern print of Wade’s shirt. Blood began to seep out of the wound around his knuckles when he moved, and he stared at it in confusion, the dream still clinging to his subconscious.
“Morning, peanut,” Wade said. “Could you maybe pull your claws out of my side? I kinda have to pee, and you are very close to stabbing my bladder. If we get any more blood or piss on the mattress, we are not going be able to save it.”
“Fuck,” Logan swore.
Or: A second chance at life was never in the cards for Logan. Now that he has it, living it is easier said than done.
Series
- Part 2 of Broken Men
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Butcher has him pinned against his desk, one arm over his back while the other grips the edge white-knuckled. He’s got Hughie pinned because Hughie can’t stop squirming.
MM does a double take upon seeing them, then gives them a long, lingering look.
“How long has this been going on?” he asks warily.
“It ain’t,” Butcher says, because Hughie’s mouth isn’t in a place to form words. “Lad went into heat an hour ago. Flash heat. You understand.”
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Logan lifted his head to watch Wade walk into the room like he hadn’t just done the electric slide with a toaster and plop into the chair next to Logan.
“Penny for your thoughts, peanut?”
“Don’t fucking call me that,” Logan rumbled. “I mean it, Wade.”
“You don’t actually hate it, do you? This is just our thing. I call you a cutesy nickname and you react like it’s the worst thing you’ve ever been called. You think about punching me. I think about that passionate kiss we shared, more often than I should or is healthy. Then we move on and do it all over again.”
Logan leaned back in his chair and sighed. He really, really, really, really wanted a fucking drink.
Series
- Part 1 of Broken Men
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Promise by farmhandler
Fandoms: 鬼滅の刃 | Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Anime), 鬼滅の刃 | Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Manga)
04 Jul 2024
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Devastated didn’t even cover how Senjuro had felt hearing the news that his brother was dead.
Series
- Part 5 of One of the good ones
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“I’ve just…been thinking. You know I love it when you and Oatith do your thing. When I’m involved it’s great, too. I love that! All of it. It’s great.”
“Go on,” Brahve says gently, and what he means is, you’re stalling.
“I just thought…what if…” Danya clears his throat. After all they’ve done, this is not that big of a deal. “What if it was just Oatith and me next time. Alone.”