lilhumanoid
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As Long As You Murder the Right People by lilhumanoid
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
23 Feb 2026
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Summary
Jamie and Astarion are learning what love looks like post-adventure and post-freedom. So far, it mostly looks like slaying monsters across Faerûn, breaking & entering in local inns, and eating enough for once.
It's the happiest they've ever been.
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A short one-shot inspired by a Tumblr Photo Mode tag game (pic included). I got carried away again.
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Summary
There's a gala at the Szarr Palace tonight, and Astarion is being punished.
Neither of these is particularly unusual.
What is unusual, though, is the guest list. Dalyria has discovered plenty of strange names, including a group of vampire royals and a number of devils straight from the Hells. What is the Master planning?
Astarion doesn't know, and he doesn't care. He just needs to tailor the Szarr family's outfits and seduce as many partygoers as possible so Cazador may finally allow him some blood. All he must do is turn off his thoughts, give the guests a night to remember, and move on. It's utterly routine.
Or it should be. But nothing is ever so straightforward when devils and vampires mix.
[Possibly a little heavy-handed on the tags but just being safe]
Series
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Dear Diary: Companion Journals (Act 1) by lilhumanoid
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
01 Feb 2026
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Summary
What if every companion started the game with a journal of their own? Here's what they would say in their own words.
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These entries are part of a mod I'm working on that places a journal in each companion's inventory upon recruitment and updates after key moments/decisions in each person's story.
Series
- Part 1 of BG3 Companion Journals
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Summary
Jamie's never celebrated holidays, much less Solstice. What does a street kid who lived in a smog-choked city and the underground temple of a poisonous goddess know of the moon?
But Jamie's a hero now, a resident Baldurian, and a captive no longer. They live in a townhouse with Astarion, just blocks from many of their friends—friends who are determined to show Jamie what Solstice means. It's not all cozy sweaters and sweet gifts, though. Jamie's hardly the only one who hasn't observed a proper Solstice in ages (or ever), or the only one disarmed by unexpected emotions this holiday season.
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My contribution to the 12 Days of Solstice BG3 Fandom Event organized by @missfortunetherogue! It's one chronological story fitting these prompts:
1. Shadowheart - Moon
2. Astarion - Drink
3. Karlach - Bells (ft. Astarion)
4. Halsin - Animal
5. Gale - Library (ft. Astarion)
6. Lae'zel - Weapon + Childhood (ft. Astarion + Yenna)
7. Wyll - Tradition (ft. Astarion + Ulder Ravengard)
8. Jaheira - Wisdom
9. Jamie - Family
10. Scratch - Chase (ft. Astarion + Shadowheart)
11. Minthara - Story (ft. Astarion + Blurg)
12. Dalyria - Name (ft. Astarion) -
The Clock Won't Stop and This is What We Get by lilhumanoid
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
05 Dec 2025
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Summary
[not on hiatus! just slow]
When Jamie is taken from camp in the middle of the night, Cazador doesn’t cross Astarion’s mind. Why would Cazador take Jamie instead of Astarion? More likely, it’s some enemy from Jamie’s Guild days. Or maybe it’s their secret patron, that infernal entity they can’t share anything about.
But a frantic search across the city reveals the bloody truth: This is Cazador’s doing after all. Isn't it?
Cazador has to die. That was always the plan, of course. But now when they storm that palace, there will be even more at stake. Astarion and the found family must rally to save Jamie—if the blood mage is still alive to save, and if the party survives long enough to reach them.
And then there’s the matter of the Ritual…
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Starts as a fight scene and sickfic, turns into a little detective story, and becomes a twisty showdown against Cazador - now with 50% higher stakes!
Recent series
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House of Hungers - Szarr Palace Vampire Spawn Sibling Stories by lilhumanoid
Fandom Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
17 Feb 2026
Summary
Exploring Astarion's pre-tadpole (un)life in the Szarr Palace and his relationships with his "siblings." Sometimes lore-accurate, sometimes headcanon-based.
My headcanons for the other six spawn are here: https://www.tumblr.com/lilhumanoid/805833267202998272?source=share
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- 18,057
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- Words:
- 544
- Works:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
"They won't kill Cazador," Sebastian says, quiet. "At least, not in time. They'll save the world first. And that breaks your protection and damns you back to the kennel."
He leans in, smoke trailing from his hair. "Tell me they would," he murmurs. "Tell me right now whether you trust them to free you."
Astarion can't meet his eyes.
The party enters the shadowlands under less auspicious conditions, and finds the curse more hungry than anticipated. Before long, they are, too.
It is three weeks to Reithwin, and something does not want Astarion to make it.
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
16 Jan 2026
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Summary
The Tadfools are being followed by a strange man who might be infected but who will not speak. He will not write, or make pantomimes, or communicate in any way at all. Astarion treats the man like he does all the others, with paranoia and suspicion, until he starts to realize that something deeply wrong is afoot.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,649
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 99
- Kudos:
- 430
- Bookmarks:
- 108
- Hits:
- 2,108
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
16 Jan 2026
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The Monsters We Choose by AshSlays
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games), Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
18 Dec 2025
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Summary
They say that vampirism is a curse, but to know the flavor of another is a blessing most profound.
There is nothing for Astarion to hunt in the Shadow Cursed Lands, which means both he and Luka (Tav)—a Barovian dhampir—are starving. When Luka collapses at the House of Healing, Astarion must decide whether he trusts Luka enough to feed him, even if that means granting Luka power over him.
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,792
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 13
- Kudos:
- 39
- Bookmarks:
- 6
- Hits:
- 352
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
07 Jan 2026
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Summary
There was a dead man on the midden heap; if not dead yet, soon.
It wasn’t hard to guess how he’d ended up there - the man looked the part of a devil. Such was the fate of monsters in the hands of civilization.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,798
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 36
- Kudos:
- 167
- Bookmarks:
- 27
- Hits:
- 704
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
05 Jan 2026
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Ham Sandwich by FeatheredFvck
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)
16 Nov 2024
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Summary
It’s been a long time since Touya’s been so desperate for food that he’s considering mugging someone. But here he is— a dented switchblade in his trembling hand, eyes scanning for a loner while his heartbeat rings in his ears.
Or; Touya attempts to mug a blonde stranger, but somehow winds up with a ham sandwich instead.
Series
- Part 1 of DabiHawks AU Blurbs
Bookmarked by lilhumanoid
02 Jan 2026