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  1. Public Bookmark 25

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    As Pete’s eyes go round and unseeing at the unremarkable expanse of grainy hotel ceiling, he pictures instead, for that split wide open second, some of the moments that got him here. Just snapshots. Freezeframe fragments.

    Figure 1: A shared hotel bed, the morning of the 1997 Northbrook Soccer Sectionals. Pete and a teammate. Pete tucked into the curl of his teammate’s body, a thicker, paler arm thrown over the dip between his hips and his ribs. Thin white bed sheets tangled between their legs. So limp in sleep their muscles haven’t remembered to be sore yet. Pete’s dumb sink-bleached hair irredeemably kinked. A half-chub digging into Pete’s spine. Alarm set to blare at 6:30 am. (“Sorry, dude,” his teammate says, after Pete’s elbowed him off and they’ve both cursed each other out and put shirts on. “I rolled over in my sleep and you’re like, the exact same size as my girlfriend.”)

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    13 Feb 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 56

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    Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Order 0014 [Truce/Body]

    Your brother’s a sweetie, which really makes me wonder what the fuck happened to you.

     

    [Ronan and Adam meet over email.]

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    12 Feb 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 51

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    Usually, the first itch of insomnia would have sent him careening to the BMW, and then to the long backroads he could speed up and down like a ping pong ball until he felt like sleeping again. Or to the liquor store in town that never asked his age, or, blessedly, to the Barns. Tonight, it sent him to Adam’s.

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    08 Feb 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 63

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    Something hard glittered in Adam’s eyes. “Most of us have to work for a living.”
    “Yeah, and any regular guy without either a death wish or a hard-on for fame and glory would get a job running the checkout line at the Piggly Wiggly,” Ronan retorted. “Give me a fucking break, man.”

    or: in the summer of 1985, ronan attends eight rodeos. at one of them, he meets a bull rider named adam.

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    07 Feb 2026

  5. Public Bookmark 60

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    Ronan had developed a rare routine, in the months since he and Adam had gotten together.

    On Sundays, he would drive to St. Agnes’ - but this had always been routine, for him. In the parking lot, he’d wait for his brothers to arrive from D.C.; once they had, they’d all go into Mass together, and Ronan would pray to be absolved of his multitude of sins. Sometimes, he went to confession afterwards; most times, he didn’t. Most times, immediately after the service was done, Ronan would leave the church through one door, enter through another, and emerge in Adam’s apartment.

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    06 Feb 2026