Work Text:
"First, if you don't mind me asking, how did the conversation with 'The Woman' go? I noticed that you had gone ahead with that." Our therapist, who I now knew to be named Melissa Robertson, asked with a slight smirk on her pretty round face.
I glanced over at my fiance who was beginning to giggle. I knew he was starting to laugh because he was recalling the fantastically awkward telephone call I carried on with said woman. I could have killed him. He was an arse.
"Yes, my conversation with 'The Woman'. It was lovely and by lovely I mean the most excruciatingly horrid phone conversation I have ever had, ever. It certainly didn't help that McGiggles over there had decided to sit on my lap and make faces at me during the whole thing." I told her.
"How did she react to the news of your upcoming nuptials?"
"She very simply began laughing, histarically,"
"Did you tell her about the baby?"
"She undereacted when I told her that Sherlock was pregnant, acted like she knew he was able to become pregnant, it was weird. It was unlike the way...everyone else who knows reacted." I took a deep breath. "Sherlock didn't even know he could get pregnant."
Sherlock grunted. "Not entirely true,"
I had now shifted my body completely to face him. "WHAT?"
"I did not know I could get pregnant, per se, but that did not mean I didn't know my internal organs were slightly different then a typical male's."
"What was different?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.
"When I went through puberty I had a significant amount of pain in my lower abdomen, cramping to say the least. Of course, my mother had me tested. The doctors discovered that I not only had the complete male reproductive system that I was meant to have, minus one testicle, but also one incredibly strange located ovary and an underdeveloped uterus. To remove them would be to cause an imbalance of my hormones, potentially changing who I was as a person so it was out of the question to me, despite being given the choice. They never did tell me that I could become pregnant, but I did not ask if I could either."
"And you have only been with one man?" I asked, but I knew the answer. Anyone who knew Sherlock knew the answer.
"One person, period,"
"Yeah, and what caused you to not ever mention in the ALMOST FIVE YEARS SINCE WE MET!" I shouted, feeling the blood pressure rise.
"I didn't think it was an important detail,"
"Oi...."
Melissa tried to change the subject. I admit, it was a bit touchy. "Um...how did the two of you finally decide to contact her with all of the information?"
"I was given a confidence boost...in a bakery, no less," I laughed.
Sherlock pulled his blazer back to reveal his growing baby bump. He placed his hand on it and smiled. The transformation he had undergone was beautiful. This pregnancy had gone from an interesting experiment into a wonderful experience, making him think twice about the way he had been living before, even before I came into the picture. I couldn't have been happier.
"One last question before I give you homework to work on between now and your next visit, has the anger subsided?" Melissa asked. The words were enough to make my skin crawl. There was never any real anger between the two of us, except maybe when he randomly showed up in front of me wearing glasses and drawn on facial hair after a two year absence. The irritation from the museum had been all caused by his family.
"Yes, as it turns out, the anger went away when Sherlock told his brother to bugger off. WALAH!"
"I happen to think the real reason we are not trying to claw each other's throats out is because we are having more sex," Sherlock added with some sort of a snort.
From that point on during the session I couldn't look our therapist in the eyes. A straight face at all was even harder. Her expression when Sherlock mentioned sex was certainly impressionable. Most people tried to pretend that we didn't have sex since Sherlock was so off kilter, but the baby we made forced some people to realise it and that was ridiculously funny.
"Anyways," Melissa tried to move on from the moment of awkwardness. "I have an assignment for you as I said, I would like the two of you to come up with a list of five reasons you love each other and five reasons that it is not okay to assult...well...anyone."
"Ugh," Sherlock groaned. "I have no time for something so...so...so..."
"Boring?" I suggested.
"Yes, boring,"
"That is besides the point you two. You have improved significantly since our first visit. I have to say that I am impressed. However, there is always room for improvement. Reading these lists at our final visit, just before you get married, will feel like a major accomplisment."
Sherlock stood up and threw his hands down on either side of Melissa's chair. He used his terrifying, alien-like gaze to try to get her to take it all back. It wasn't going to work. He wasn't as intimidated as he used to be with a five month pregnant belly and an engagement ring on his hand.
"God, Sherlock, stop being a twit," I laughed, shaking my head.
"Mr. Holmes, please do sit down,"
He didn't even attempt to move. He couldn't move. That postion was not easy to get out of in his current state. I had to laugh, there was no way to hold it in. Eventually, I contained myself and, like the good husband-to-be and father-to-be I was, helped Sherlock into an upright postion. Four and half more months to go.
***
When we got outside our jaws dropped simultaneously. Good old Greg Lestrade was waiting outside with his arms crossed, leaning up against the wall. Our shock was not really from the fact that he was there, Sherlock had punched him in the face before and he had been present for the sentencing hearing, but rather the shock came from the fact that Sherlock was not covered up and he was there. Lestrade still hadn't been told.
Of course his eyes went right to Sherlock's stomach. "Umm...umm...uh..."
"Clearly you had something to say," Sherlock said as he quickly pulled his coat around him. "Or am I wrong to make that daring assumption since you are now suddenly so distracted?"
"I was told you would be here," Lestrade began.
"By my brother,"
"Yes, by your brother. Anyhow, I had to find you two because the tuxedo rental for me can't be picked up because someone, Sherlock, told them my name was Gustoff Lichenbum. It doesn't match my id, obviously, and therefore they won't release it to me." Lestrade explained.
"Common mistake," Sherlock muttered with a cute smirk.
"You did it on purpose,"
"Maybe a little," He replied, making a gesture with his thumb and index finger.
"Sherlock, you are horrible," I sighed with my left hand against my forehead.
"Again, maybe a little,"
I was marrying someone with a genius level intellect and all of the personality traits of a spoiled toddler. Great.
"I will call and fix it, was there anything else?" I asked.
"I just need to know when to pick up the rings...dammit, Sherlock, what is going on? I thought you looked a little more...healthier before..."
"You are calling me fat," Sherlock growled protectively, placing an arm around his belly.
"Well, not exactly, but you have put on some weight, particularly in the middle," Lestrade was nothing more than an idiot hitchiker about to walk into the mama bear's den. I felt so bad for him.
"It is something else," Sherlock's voice hadn't changed.
"Care to fill me in on the reason for it all?"
Watching all of this unfold was somewhat like watching a wreck, I couldn't bring myself to look away. Lestrade was my friend and my best man, Sherlock was my fiance and happened to be pregnant with my child. This was not supposed to be an issue for me.
Sherlock grabbed Lestrade by the wrist. He pulled back his coat and placed the D.I's hand on his stomach. Then he waited. That was his brilliant response.
"Something...something moved!" Lestrade shouted in surprise, not removing his hand. "Is that a baby?!"
Sherlock's light hearted smile could have melted anyone's heart. I placed an arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder. Sometimes it was still so hard to believe that this was happening.
"A boy or a girl?" Lestrade mumbled.
"We won't find out till next week. We have been meeting with a doctor who is staying quiet until we are ready." I told him.
"How in the world did this happen?" He asked when it finally sunk in.
"Ask Mr. Genetic Mutation over here," I chuckled.
Lestrade just squinted at Sherlock. "If you have a boy, you should name him Greg,"
"Why would we do that?" Sherlock asked as he rewrapped his coat around his body.
I hit him in the arm for good measure.
"Oh right,"
THE END?