Work Text:
"What the...?!"
Gimli looked up from his morning coffee to see Legolas staring at his phone in complete befuddlement. "What is it?"
Legolas blinked. He stared at Gimli, then back to the phone. "I don't even..." He shook his head. Then he handed his phone over to Gimli. "See for yourself."
On the screen was a news article.
Legolas: Green In More Than Just Name?
thinkpiece by Missi Wormtongue, Isengard Insider
posted 4 hours ago
(Gimli repressed a snort, but read on.)
We all know and love the aptly-named Legolas Greenleaf, prince and celebrity actor. But could there be something more SINISTER about that color?
Recently, Legolas has shown a LOVE for the color green—it's in his name, after all, and as a prince of a forest nation it's probably part of the job description. In F.A. 11, he said in an interview that "green is probably my favorite color, though yellow is nice too."
He has also worn a LOT of green clothing in the past year! Just look at this outfit from his Mirkwood Vogue shoot this spring.
(Gimli raised an eyebrow upon seeing the picture, remembering the day of the shoot. He, as a fashion designer himself, had advised against this particular outfit—particularly the sunglasses—but his protests had been unheeded by the money-grabbing executives.)
Theories for this color choice abound, but no one is looking for the REAL answers. We at Isengard Insider went digging for the truth, and we've found it.
Everyone of course has heard of the New Shadow Cult. These evil fiends have long plotted against the peace of Middle-earth, and it is rumored that they are connected to hostile forces beyond those confined to our world. Sauron may be defeated, but what about ALIENS? They may be among us!
The New Shadow Cult has been hushed up by most of the media, but from our findings at Isengard Insider we've uncovered some of the key aspects of their evil beliefs. They attach themselves to public personas and undermine them, and can CONTROL MINDS. Elves are especially susceptible to this because of their susceptibility to magical power and its lure.
But the REAL catch here when it comes to Legolas: the symbolic color of the New Shadow Cult is GREEN!
It's all falling into place when it comes for Legolas Greenleaf. He's close to King Elessar, an elf, and wildly popular for his movies and good looks. Of COURSE the New Shadowers got to him! Who knew that sexy elf body could hide so much evil? This green thing is just Legolas's way of showing his TRUE COLORS...all while plotting behind the scenes!
But hey, at the end of the day...I'd still like to see his DEEPER self, if you know what I mean. ;) SIGH!
Gimli set down the phone, his lips quivering. "This is what they're calling journalism these days?"
Legolas held his face in his hands. "I just like the color... What is wrong with people..."
"It's okay, I know you're not an alien plotting to destroy the world," Gimli said.
"If there's a reason I like the color green it's literally just because I'm aro..." Legolas sounded like the world had broken him at last. Gimli chuckled; Legolas was more bothered by this than he was about the paparazzi or the press hounding him for details on new movies or the political scoop in Gondor. "And it's in my literal, actual name..."
Gimli then did what no one should ever do. He checked the comments section.
Ioreth: No one takes this kind of threat seriously enough! Government security is at an all time low, and we need [...]
LegolasLuvr111: he's soooo hot! that bow though! makes a girl want to [...]
RockGiantFan: leave him alone! ugh...straight people are so annoying...
ThatDwarfLife: Agreed, he's gay, let him live
RockGiantFan: he's aroace actually? http://www.gondordaily.com/celebrity/legolas-greenleaf-comes-out-as-aromantic-asexual-47283374
ThatDwarfLife: News media is never reliable, he has a boyfriend anyway?
RockGiantFan: I mean II isn't but GD is pretty good, besides that's not the only [...]
ThatDwarfLife: stop erasing gay people
RockGiantFan: he literally said he's aroace?
ThatDwarfLife: this is why i hate inclusionists
RockGiantFan: fuck you. blocked.
MemeQueen: he likes the color green...if you take the conosonants out of green there's only 2 letters...New Shadow is 2 words...Legolas is New Shadow CONFIRMED
ThatDwarfLife: fucking conspiracy theorists this is BASELESS shit
Ranger17: has anyoen seen the newest ep of catching up with the feanorians?
MerryBuck: that show has really gone to shit, watch something better like [...]
GoodOrc: we need REAL news. Report on that new menu in Mordor not shit like this
"Mahal," he said. "People are heated about this. Well, the worst one was arguing about whether you were gay or aroace and not about the article itself. They even mentioned me, though they don't seem to realize we don't really use the word 'boyfriend'."
"By the Valar, don't people have better things to do?" Legolas complained. "I'm both, anyway. What are they saying about me being...a cult member or something?"
"Oh, most people don't take it seriously," Gimli assured him, glancing back at the comments. "They're making jokes, except in the case of a few crackpot conspiracy theorists."
"Of course." Legolas sighed. "Well, it's only Isengard Insider. It's not like this article is going to ruin my reputation or anything."
"You should wear more green," Gimli suggested. "Drop some more hints."
"I feel like going camping for a week after reading that," Legolas admitted. "I don't know if I want to be part of a society this stupid..."
"You know, no one writes articles like this about me," Gimli complained.
"You embarrass yourself enough with your crazy tales and clothes," Legolas said, rolling his eyes affectionately. "Be grateful that all the gossip about you is your own fault."
Gimli laughed. "Be careful about the green, though," he warned with a smile. "Next time they'll start saying it was actually you who created the Rings of Power!"