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“Two kids, three ring circus” Gordon laughed bringing the two of them some beers.
“Haley’s like a tiny prosecutor she keeps coming down here to offer evidence against her sister” Joe chuckled recollecting the little brunette attempting to tattle on her older sister.
“Yeah Joanie’s too scary to convict her teenage self is lurking on the horizon some post apocalyptic ravager” Gordon groaned at the thought of his girls entering puberty. When did they get so grown? And more importantly agitated?
“Ravager huh” Joe smirked taking a sip of his beer.
“No idea” Gordon rolled his eyes at the thought of the fight they got into last week. Joanie wanted to go hang out at Diane’s daughter’s house despite the fact he knew Diane wasn’t home. Joanie would not stop yelling.
Hoping to change the subject, and get to the reason why he invited Joe over, he decided to get straight to the point “So umm I was hoping you heard some news?”
Ryan was a delicate subject, to say the least. It was like Cameron all over again.
“I haven't heard from him” Joe responds in that voice that he uses when he tries to say every word perfectly. Like each syllable is planned.
“Can I ask you a question?” Gordon asks, he’s been wondering forever. He’s already nervous, but it doesn’t help when Joe gives him that look where if he says one wrong thing he’ll never live to say another word. “Were you and um Ryan ever um…”
“What” Joe knows where this is going. He knows Gordon doesn’t have the balls to ask it outright, but Joe knows he’s going to ask about his relationship with Ryan. Joe figures to play coy just a little longer and see where it goes.
“Um did you know you know” Gordon rambles on.
Joe is just glaring at him to get it out of him. He kept doing a thing with his eyebrows and finally after the awkward silences in between his “Y’know”s
“Were you ever more than friends”
Almost too quickly Joe responded “I never had those feelings for Ryan.” But Joe knew he was lying. He thought of all those times the two of them sat in his apartment laughing, talking about everything from San Francisco to Joe’s childhood. Somewhere between the late nights working on NSFNET and being friends, he fell in love. He thinks it might have been right after that weekend of the Fourth of July, when Joe got back his results and he was talking to Ryan about it. Joe was so scared, he still was, but it was so nice to talk to someone. Joe thought if anyone else knew, it could put Ryan in even more danger. Not even Gordon, so he decided he knew exactly how to throw him off. “Actually he kind of reminds me of you”
“Oh don't say that I don't know how too respond to that” Gordon blushed, and Joe laughed.”Stop messing with me”
“You should move forward with the NSFNET project alone” Joe said softly. If he wanted all of his and Ryan’s hard work to be worth something he knew he needed to step aside.
“What you talking about?” Gordon demanded, he began to grow nervous. With his condition he wouldn’t be able to function without Joe. He needed him.
“I don’t wanna hold you back” Joe needed this to work, he needed this to be worth something.
“You’re not holding me back you’re helping!” Gordon felt his stress level growing exponentially.
“Mitch was pretty clear about things work if you miss the window” Joe knew he couldn’t be on officially or even unofficially now. He couldn't take that risk.
“I can’t do it alone.” Gordon geared up for the conversation. He knew it was necessary.
“Don’t tell yourself short!” Joe thought it was sort of strange for Gordon to be so insecure all things considered.
“I’m sick, Joe. I’m sick” Gordon spoke carefully. He didn’t want to think about this anymore than he already had to.
Joe flashed back to when Simon told him the same thing. And Kevin. And Louis. And Bruce. And Marvin. And so many of his friends. And himself. And most of them were gone. Gordon probably didn’t have what they have, but he can’t lose another one. Not again. Not another damn funeral to bury a friend before they even go over the damn hill.
“What the hell does that mean?!?”
The phone began to ring and Gordon got up to get it.
“Hold on I gotta get this”
Seriously, you can’t just say that and leave! “Leave it!”
“It could be Done just give me two secs!”
Joe’s mind began to race, what was happening?
“Now not now I've got the kids”
He heard Gordon on the phone in the background but all that flashed in his head was grave after grave after grave. He couldn’t bury his friend. What about Hayley and Joanie, they couldn’t bury their dad. They loved him so much.
“That was mutiny they need me to- it doesn’t matter-We need to talk but right now i need a favor from you right now”
“You're not going anywhere till you tell me what's going on!” Joe felt his heart racing.
“Look I cant I gotta go” Gordon needed to go fix whatever they broke.
“Sit down!” Joe raised his voice, only slightly. He wasn’t letting this go unexplained. “Sit!”
So Gordon pulled out the chair and sat down.
“About a year ago I talked to the doctor, apparently I have some brain damage from all the chemicals. There’s nothing anyone can do to fix it and it looks like it's only going to get worse. That combined with mania and some other stuff, things aren’t looking too hot.” he just looked at the ground
“Gordon, my god.” Joe’s face fell.
“Yeah, but the Doctor says I’ll be alright for a while. Joe, look I need you with me. I can’t do this by myself, I need you.
Joe looked away, he felt the pill bottle in his pocket. “Well, I guess now is as good a time as any.” He took a deep breath and sighed, “Gordon, I’m sick too.”
“Wait what?” Gordon sat up right he wasn’t sure if he heard him right. “Joe what’s going on?”
“HIV. They have me on this new drug AZT, or whatever.”
“Joe how long have you known? Why didn’t you tell me?” GOrdon began to worry. He knew what HIV meant. He knew how many people were dying down in the Castro district.
“Really? Same goes for you.” He rolled his eyes annoyed at Gordon. “But since the Fourth. The doctor says I’m actually doing well. All things considered.”
“Well, look at us. A pair of sick bastards. To life I guess?” Gordon raised his beer.
Joe just smirked and clinked his bottle against Gordon’s. “To life.”