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Neil, in all honesty, forgot about the tickets Andrew gave him to see the band. Andrew’s band, the Monsters, is on one of the last legs of their tour, and tomorrow, they’re playing in Columbia. Andrew never pressures him into going to his shows because he knows Neil doesn’t like the crowds or deafening sound, but Neil knows it means something to him for him to be there. He forgot about the tickets because Andrew is staying in Columbia for two nights and it’s all Neil’s been thinking about for weeks. They hardly see one another anymore. Neil would have, in a heartbeat, found a way to go on the tour with the band just to see Andrew every day, but he needs to finish his last year of college.
He calls Matt, who picks up on the third ring. “Hey, Neil, what’s up?”
“Hi Matt. Do you want to see the Monsters tomorrow night?” Neil asks. He knows Matt will say yes because on top of the Monsters being his favourite band, Matt Boyd would do anything for Neil.
Matt is silent for a few minutes, so Neil continues nervously, “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, I just thought—”
“No, Neil, I’m coming,” Matt interrupts, somewhat hysterically. “You thought right. Where did you get the tickets so last-minute?”
“It’s not last minute, Andrew gave them to me ages ago. Since he gets them for free,” Neil explains.
“Andrew must have a nice-ass job,” Matt says, which is odd. Neil has spoken about Andrew plenty. Maybe he never mentioned that his Andrew is Andrew Minyard, though.
“We have backstage passes too. If you want to go.”
There’s some shuffling on the other end of the line, and some shouting, Neil assumes to Dan. “If I want to go. No, Neil, I don’t want your backstage passes to my favourite band. Seriously, I could kiss Andrew for this.”
Neil frowns. “Please don’t.”
“Don’t worry, Neil, your mysterious boyfriend who I’ve never met is safe,” Matt promises. “Holy shit, we’re seeing the Monsters live. And meeting them.” He pauses, then makes a vague noise of concern. “Are you sure? I thought you didn’t like concerts.”
“I want to go,” Neil assures him. He considers telling Matt that his boyfriend is the drummer for the Monsters, but he might then be on the receiving end of a long tirade about keeping secrets that would almost definitely devolve into freaking out about seeing the Monsters live. Besides, it might be funny to see his reaction. “I have to go now. I’ll text you the details. Bye, Matt.”
“Bye! Tell Andrew thank you!”
Neil throws his phone to the side and tries not to think about Andrew. They haven’t seen one another in person for nearly two months. The only reason they were able to meet up last time was because there was a miraculous two-day break between shows that happened to occur when the band was only a few hours away from PSU. Since then, it’s been texting and Skype. Neil doesn’t think he’s ever missed someone so much in his life. They weren’t always long distance; Andrew is a year older than Neil, and he started touring as soon as he graduated with his criminal justice degree. Before that, though, they lived together. They were roommates in Neil’s freshman year and then moved in together after that since they were dating. Neil aches thinking of how he used to wake up to Andrew every single day.
Matt knows that Andrew and Neil are long-distance, but he only met Neil after Andrew went on tour. He knows they talk on the phone at odd hours every day, and that Andrew is private and elusive. He likes to call Andrew a cryptid and ask Neil odd and specific questions about him while Dan chides him for being too nosy. Neil can’t believe he never mentioned the fact that Andrew’s in the Monsters; he talks about Andrew frequently enough that it should have come up by now. Maybe Matt just didn’t listen or something.
He tries to focus on his Stats homework, but eventually he gives up. He picks his phone up off the ground and dials Andrew almost without thinking.
“Hi,” Neil says when Andrew picks up.
“Hi,” Andrew echoes, more a mockery of Neil’s lame opening than a greeting.
“I miss you,” he blurts out. “I’m supposed to be doing Stats but I want to see you so badly.”
Andrew takes a moment to reply. “Are you coming to the concert?”
Neil nods before remembering Andrew can’t see him. “I’m bringing Matt with me. He hasn’t put my Andrew who gets free tickets to the Monsters and Andrew Minyard together yet.”
“Your Andrew?”
“My Andrew,” Neil agrees. “Can I see you before the show?”
“No, there’s no time.”
Neil sighs glumly. “Okay.”
Andrew huffs in exasperation, like he isn’t as desperate as Neil is for them to see one another. “It’s only a few hours more. And you’ll see me on stage.”
“Can’t kiss you on stage,” Neil mutters. “Matt will probably figure out who you are after I stare at you the whole time.”
“Or he’ll just think you’re a stalker,” Andrew counters.
“Shut up.”
Andrew doesn’t reply, so Neil just listens to his breathing for a while. Eventually, Andrew murmurs, “Get back to your homework, junkie.”
“Bye, Andrew.”
Andrew hangs up. Neil turns off his phone and stares at his work without comprehending any of it. One more day.
Matt picks Neil up in his blue pickup truck. He’s wearing a t-shirt for the Monsters.
“Allison told me you’re not supposed to wear a shirt for the band you’re going to see,” Neil says as he buckles his seatbelt.
Matt rolls his eyes and doesn’t reply for fear of further embarrassing himself. “I didn’t even know you liked the Monsters, man.”
Neil shrugs. “They’re good. And it’s free tickets.”
“I still can’t believe Andrew got free tickets. Why aren’t you going with him?” Matt asks.
Neil waves a hand vaguely. “He’s busy.”
“When am I gonna meet him, man? I know he travels a lot, but I thought you said it was just around America.”
“He came to see me when you were visiting your mom,” Neil reminds him testily. He doesn’t like the implication that Andrew isn’t putting effort in to seeing Neil. “He’ll be down here soon, I promise.”
Matt grins. “Good. Me and Dan are excited to see who it is you’re on the phone with constantly.”
“It’s not constantly,” Neil protests. “You would be in pieces if Dan had to move away from you, so you can’t say shit, Boyd.”
“You’re right, but it’s not like you’re fine with it. I’ve seen you moping about him more times than I can count.”
“I’m fine,” Neil snaps. Matt laughs. “It’s not permanent anyway. He’ll be back home for good a week after I graduate.”
“Is he going to be there for—”
“Of course he’s coming to graduation.” Neil grins at the memory. Andrew fought tooth and nail to get one of the tour dates moved by a day so he could fly down for Neil’s graduation.
“Okay, okay. I can’t wait to meet him.”
They arrive early, but there’s still a lot of people in the arena. Matt spends the time waiting for the opening act to come on stage freaking out because they’re going to meet the Monsters and Kevin Day’s voice is gorgeous and Neil why aren’t you excited?
Matt also does his best to shield Neil from the jostling of the crowd, which Neil appreciates. Matt is a good friend; Neil briefly feels guilty for hiding Andrew’s identity from him. But if he confessed now, someone might hear and Neil doesn’t need any rabid fans hearing. Andrew has enough creepy fans. They’re drawn in by his reserved nature and rude demeanor, though Neil can’t fathom why anyone could care so much about a virtual stranger.
Finally, the openers come on stage; it’s a band Matt recognizes and he shouts along with the crowd. Neil just wants Andrew to come onstage. He hasn’t seen him except through a screen in months, and even with half an arena between them, Neil wants.
Finally, the Monsters arrive. The crowd screams deafeningly. It makes Neil claustrophobic; he presses closer to Matt, who doesn’t react but to shield Neil from a particularly rowdy group to their left. Once the initial noise dies down, Neil’s eyes are locked on Andrew. He’s actually trying, which is less rare than it used to be, but still amazing to see. He looks electrified; the stage lights illuminate him perfectly. His hazel eyes are narrowed in focus and already his blond hair is starting to get plastered to his forehead with sweat.
The concert passes by quickly. Even though Neil doesn’t have the appreciation for music that Andrew and the band or even Matt do, he likes the songs and seeing Andrew engrossed in it so deeply puts a smile on Neil’s face. Before long, the band plays their last song.
Neil leads them where they have to go. Matt shouts over the crowd, “You really liked Andrew, didn’t you.”
Neil laughs, but the sound is swallowed by the background noise. “You could say that.”
“He’s a bit of a mystery,” Matt says. “Apparently he doesn’t like talking to fans, so don’t get your hopes up.”
“I don’t think I have to worry about it,” Neil promises.
After going through some security, they make it backstage. They’re one of the last people to arrive. Once Kevin sees Matt and Neil, he nods to the security guards and ushers the other fans out. Matt gives Neil a confused look.
“Hey, Neil!” Nicky, the bass player, shouts from a ways away. “Andrew’ll be here in a second.”
Matt turns to him. “Neil. What the fuck.”
Neil looks around, searching for Andrew. “I’ll explain in a minute, Matt, just—”
Andrew emerges. Neil makes a beeline for him. Andrew wraps his arms around Neil in a rare hug. “I missed you so much,” Neil whispers into the crook of Andrew’s neck.
“You’re here now,” Andrew replies. He tilts Neil’s head up in a silent question, and when Neil nods, he kisses him, slow and sweet. After a few seconds, Neil pulls away and turns to the others behind him.
“Matt, this is my boyfriend Andrew,” he says, relishing the look of shock on his friend’s face.
Matt’s eyebrows raise further somehow. “Yeah, I got that, thanks. Holy shit, Neil. Your boyfriend is Andrew Minyard.”
“I’m sure I mentioned it at some point,” Neil retorts. “I’m sure. Oh! Remember when we went to that hockey game together and you were talking about the band? You asked me if I was dating anyone.”
Matt narrows his eyes and then abruptly widens them again as he remembers. “You said his name was Andrew, and I said like Andrew Minyard.”
“And I said yes.”
“That was a joke, man! What the hell.”
Neil shrugs. “Whatever.” He turns back to Andrew, who puts his hands on Neil’s hips.
“You need a haircut,” Andrew says.
Neil tugs on his bangs. “That’s all you have to say to me?”
“Did you drive here with your friend?” Neil nods. “Great.” This is said with the greatest sarcasm Andrew can muster in his monotone.
Neil rolls his eyes. “Matt’s great, you just suck. The Maserati is waiting for you at home.”
After Matt is done talking to Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin, they leave so the band can finish packing up and Andrew can get his stuff. While they wait, Neil says, “I forgot to tell you, Andrew’s coming home with us. But it’s not out of your way, he lives with me.”
Matt sighs. “I can’t believe this. Why isn’t there any Monsters stuff in your apartment? Any photos of him?”
Neil shrugs. “He doesn’t like taking band stuff home. And he doesn’t like photos either.”
“Gossiping, Josten?” Andrew interrupts. Neil grins and leans into Andrew’s side. Andrew puts an arm around his shoulders. He’s not usually this tactile in public, but Neil suspects so much time apart has affected him as bad as it did Neil.
Once Matt drops them off, Andrew stops to inspect the apartment. “Didn’t even clean for me?”
“It’s plenty clean in here,” Neil snaps. Andrew rolls his eyes. Neil lets himself be pushed toward the couch, but Andrew sits a few feet away from him with a pensive look on his face.
“Nothing’s been announced yet, but the band’s going on a world tour next year,” Andrew says emotionlessly.
Neil tries to smile, but it doesn’t really work. “That’s great, Andrew.” It sounds hollow, even to him.
Andrew shakes his head. “I’m not going.”
“What? Why? This is a good opportunity,” Neil protests. “How long have you been keeping this from me?”
Andrew sighs. “It became official a few weeks ago. I didn’t tell you because I knew you would want me to go on tour, but this is my decision.”
Neil frowns. He ignores the fact that Andrew was hiding things from him momentarily and asks, “Why, though? I don’t understand.”
He sighs. “It’s been… hard. Without you. Harder than I thought it would be.”
“You can’t just give up because of me,” Neil snaps. “I’ll be graduated next year. I could have figured out a way to go with you, I don’t know.”
Andrew glares. “If I go on this tour, I’ll never see you again. That’s what being a musician means, Neil. After this tour there will be another and another. I can’t do that. That’s not the life I want.”
“But you love music. How can you just give it up?”
“It’s not permanent, not yet. They’re hiring another drummer, Robin Cross, for this tour. Officially, they’re going to say she’s temporary, but I’m not sure.” Andrew beckons Neil closer and then leans his head on Neil’s shoulder. “I want to see what else there is.”
Neil tangles his hand with Andrew’s. “If you’re sure that’s what you want. I wish you would have told me.”
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
Andrew kisses Neil’s cheek. “No, I’m not.”
Neil lets out a gusty sigh. “I don’t want you to give up on your whole life for me,” he whispers into Andrew’s hair. “I couldn’t live with myself.”
Andrew scoffs. “Music’s not my whole life, Neil.”
“What else is there?” Neil demands. “I thought this was what you wanted.”
“There’s my degree. I can still play, just not with the band. There’s you.”
Neil, after a nod from Andrew, pulls Andrew into his lap. “I want you to be happy.”
Andrew pulls him into a bruising kiss and then murmurs against his lips, “I’m happy right here.”