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They didn’t mean to fuse. They usually didn’t in front of Connie’s parents. It was always so awkward, an awful tension in the room as her parents struggled to be understanding without ever really trying to understand. Connie knew why, of course. She told Steven why. Long, awkward conversations about what her parents feared they got up to alone, why there was no use in explaining there was little more going on than the occasional peck on the lips. It was still uncomfortable to talk about. It hurt.
But they had finished each other’s sentences and laughed and put their heads together at the dinner table, just too happy to remember themselves, and the first thing Stevonnie heard when they came into being was Dr. Mom saying, "You really shouldn’t do that at the dinner table."
Ugh. This again. There wasn’t anything else they could have hoped for. Stevonnie rolled their eyes and crossed their arms. "You mean exist?"
"It doesn't seem appropriate for you to walk around that way," she said, frowning a little. "I understand it when you need to. I appreciate that you keep Connie safe. But this seems like something that should be kept private."
"It's not private,” Stevonnie said with gritted teeth. The hair on the back of their neck prickled, a creeping, crawling feeling trickling down their spine. “There's nothing private about me. We’re a relationship. Is it wrong for you and Mr. Dad to walk around with your wedding rings?"
"There's a difference between being in a relationship and flaunting it around," Dr. Mom retorted. "Your father and I don't crawl all over each other in public."
"Neither do Steven and Connie," they muttered, looking down at their plates. They moved some lentils around with a frown. That wasn’t precisely true. There were plenty of gems who didn’t mind at all or found it cute when Steven and Connie flirted and kissed each other's cheeks and climbed all over each other in a much more literal, wrestling sense, but they were polite enough to know when to cut it out in front of humans.
“You’re doing it now,” Mr. Dad said.
Stevonnie’s hand clenched hard around the fork. "You're not even trying to understand us."
"What is there to understand, exactly?" Dr. Mom scowled. "When you two are very close you magically become one. It's not a subtle metaphor."
They rolled their eyes again. "Oh, is that your analysis?"
"I don't need an English degree to find the subtext, Connie."
Anger hit hard, a nasty spike in it making the world swim orange and yellow for a second before they wrangled it back. There was no one to fight. There was no need to fear. They took a deep breath, closing their eyes. “Please. We’re Stevonnie right now.”
"I’m sorry. Analysis isn't a very Steven word," she said. "I assumed I was talking to Connie."
Okay. That was a little less bad. They blinked their eyes open, trying to explain nicer. "We do everything together like this. If I say something, it's because both Steven and Connie agreed to say it, even if one of them thought of it or one of them wanted to say it a little more. Everything is always consensual."
"Is that how fusion works?" Dr. Mom frowned. "Didn't Steven's mothers fight the first time we met?"
"And they fell apart," Stevonnie pointed out quickly. But Malachite loomed in the back of their minds, and Steven was pushing that it wasn’t right not to say it, even if Connie’s side would rather go the easy path of not bringing it up. They confessed, "It's not how every fusion works. Fusions are relationships, and they can be good or bad. We care about consent more than anything. We do everything together. We make sure we're both on board."
Mr. Dad pushed his plate away with a sigh. "Why do you keep switching between I and we?"
"We're not... I'm not... " Stevonnie groaned and laughed a little. "This is embarrassing. We can't pick? We're not like Garnet. We're not perfectly meshed in here. Everything Garnet does is really, really in sync. She’s just one person most of the time. Connie and Steven are separate, but together. That part's really hard to explain."
She smiled a little. "Can you see why this might be hard for me to understand? It sounds like you don't completely understand it yourself."
"I know some things! Just not everything. Like…I like to use I around people I don't know," Stevonnie said. "I like just being me in front of people. I like being all the best parts of Steven and Connie, and having people look at me the way we see ourselves instead of a two teenagers. But we are... Us. Plural."
Mr. Dad frowned. "All the best parts. What about the worst parts?"
"Yeah, I don't really think I have a lot of those," Stevonnie said, gesturing to themselves. "I'm pretty great."
Dr. Mom snorted. "Not sure how you two manage to be this proud."
“Maybe there’s some hubris,” Stevonnie muttered with a little pout. “It’s a little weird, because I’m kind of more than just us? So, Connie and Steven really love each other and think the world of each other, so I kinda, you know, think I’m really amazing. And I am amazing! If, um, kinda of overconfident. And driven. And maybe a little obsessive.”
It wasn’t nice. Stevonnie wasn’t held together by analyzing the bits that made them bad. They knew those bits, and they knew they needed to try to work around them, but sitting in a quiet room, holding themselves together and being reminded of all the reasons why it could sometimes be better to be apart wasn’t helping.
They groaned. “Can we talk about something else, please? We’re gonna split and talking this out will get a lot harder. If we’re going to talk about what you think of me, I want to finish as me.”
"Okay. Do your best to explain to us why this isn't inappropriate," Mr. Dad said, taking Dr. Mom’s hand. "We'll be open minded. We're trying."
"We are trying," she agreed. "I'm a doctor. I understand being nonbinary and intersex, but... This is magic. It's confusing, Stevonnie. And it’s not exactly easy wrangling two extraordinary teenagers."
Stevonnie got to their feet and paced. "Fine. We can explain. We are... An experience."
"You've said that before. What does that mean?" Mr. Dad insisted.
"It means that we're a feeling." Stevonnie hummed, shaking their head. "No, Steven, that doesn't... We’re more like a metaphor? Yeah, but the feeling is the metaphor and-no." They held out their hands. "Okay. Connie lead on part A, Steven lead on part B, and maybe we’ll figure this out somewhere on the way." They sighed, crossing their arms as they turned back to Dr. Mom and Mr. Dad. "You know how, in The Great Gatsby, the green light is both a representation of Gatby's jealousy and an actual, physical thing that’s really there? Or like how Dogcopter has a helicopter on his back but it's also about how he's always got to be away from everyone?"
Dr. Mom raised an eyebrow. "You're saying you're a literary metaphor in real life."
"Yes!" Stevonnie said eagerly. "And that metaphor is our feelings! What we like about each other. We we think about each other. Connie is smart and witty and charming and pretty and strong and- Easy there." They braced themselves against the wall with a laugh as Steven's enthusiasm nearly swept them away. "Great! Connie is great. And Steven is funny and confident and super strong and has amazing emotional intelligence. So I'm all of those things put together.”
“So, you’re the way Steven and Connie feel about each other?” Mr. Dad said uncertainly.
Stevonnie nodded, just as eagerly as before. "Yeah! That too! And being me is like... Is like everything good about spending time with someone you really love. I'm everything about their relationship. I’m all their personalities and thoughts and feelings. I'm every time they hold hands. Every time they saved each other in a fight. Every laugh, every smile, every freak out and meltdown and coming back together stronger than before!
"So... So when you say stuff like being me is inappropriate. When you..." Stevonnie grit their teeth and pushed through, ignoring the feeling of their heart dropping down to their stomach. "You're implying it's a sex thing. You're implying that we're together because we're just... Just stupid horny teenagers, and that everything we feel is just a joke. It's like watching us fight for each other, save each other, and having you come in and say we only did it so we could make bedroom eyes at each other."
Stevonnie's voice cracked and they wiped at their eyes. "It really hurts. Steven and Connie mean everything to each other. They're best friends before anything else."
Dr. Mom swallowed. "That made sense at the end. Who took the lead on that?"
"Both of us," Stevonnie whispered, their voice whining as they pressed the heels of their hands against their eyes. "That's why it came out right."
"I didn't know this was such a big deal to you," Mr. Dad said. He cringed. "Well, I thought it was some kind of alien sex, I guess. With Garnet being married it was easy to assume."
“No. I get it. You’re adults and it’s not like all that kind of stuff is a huge deal to you.” Stevonnie’s hands moved up to their hair to tug. "But it's kind of... A trigger, I guess. The first time we fused was really nice.”
Dr. Mom leapt in. “What’s it feel like? Fusing?”
“With Connie? It’s a lot warmer. And kind of firmer. Our clothes don’t change like gem clothes do, so there’s not that fuzzy feeling of what our outfit is gonna look like. We look like us. And from Connie’s end it feels like a dream, like when you read a book so hard you’re suddenly that person.” Stevonnie smiled, giggling a little. “It was so new.
“We were really happy and Connie danced with Steven for the first time! She was really nervous but he covered his eyes, and we fused and we... We were so confident. I think we kind of flirted with people?" They laughed, then frowned. "But we didn't flirt with this one guy, and he wouldn't leave us alone. We asked him to go away and he wouldn't. He called us baby. He..."
Mr. Dad’s hands clenched into fists. "Did he touch you?"
"No, not like that." Stevonnie shook their head hard. "I don't know what would have happened if he did. With Connie being so scared already, and Steven felt all her fear for the first time, because they were sharing everything. And... And that made him lose his confidence. I mean, so much he couldn’t even fake it. All of it was just gone. We got so mad! If he had touched us, I might've... "
Stevonnie's groaned, then took a deep breath, creating a small circle with their hands. "Just a thought. Didn't happen. It's okay."
"Connie never told us about that," Dr. Mom murmured.
"It was before that night at the hospital. You weren't talking like you do now, and it hasn't come up since then." Stevonnie dropped their hands. "But, yeah. I don't think a lot of the other fusions care whether people think they're about sex. But it's a really big deal to us because of that. It was our first time together and we got harassed for the first time."
Stevonnie's face wrinkled up. “First time? What’s first time mean?
“It’s not really anything. Just, you know, high school.” Stevonnie shrugged and rolled their shoulders, then suddenly crossed their arms and scowled. “No, I don’t know high school. What do you mean first time?” They threw up their hands. “It’s not a thing! It is a thing!”
Two yelps as Stevonnie fell apart, Steven and Connie tumbling to the floor clumsily, staring at one another with wide eyes. Steven went first, “What do you mean?”
“No one touched me!” she said quickly. “And I could take care of it if they did.”
“No one touched Stevonnie and Stevonnie could take care of it and it still matters!” Steven cried. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
She looked down at the floor, snapping, “The same reason Stevonnie doesn’t tell anyone! You know how it felt, Steven! It made us feel like we did something wrong! It made us feel bad. So when nothing really happened I didn’t want to embarrass myself by telling you the gross stuff a bunch of boys said about me, because it makes me feel gross!”
Doug and Priyanka stared at the two arguing on the floor. They’d never seen Stevonnie fall apart. They’d never even seen the two argue. They had never expected it to be so... calm. Shouldn't there be swords? Shields? Magic powers going crazy and broken, screaming voices?
“But that’s why you have to talk about it. So you can get past it, remember?” Steven said gently. “So you can deal with it, and we can do all the rough parts together. Come on. Just promise me we’ll talk?” He held out his hand.
She swallowed hard. “I don’t want you to think of me as all the stuff they said.”
“It never will be. Whatever they said was on them. You’re Connie. I know you. Jam Buds?” His hand stayed there, outstretched, as he smiled softly.
Connie nodded slightly. “We’ll talk. Jam buds.”
They clasped hands and pulled towards each other, arms outstretched in a hug that never quite finished, instead turning into light and forming into the much, much taller Stevonnie. They giggled nervously and waved. “Uh. Hello. Sorry about that. Connie told you guys, but she hadn’t told Steven yet. You probably figured that out. Sorry. It was a little too big to fit in one head.”
Dr. Mom pointed. “That’s what you do in your head?”
Stevonnie nodded. “Yup. All the time. For most stuff it’s pretty easy. We’ve been working together for a while. But the first time we fused we had to check in over and over again. We still check in, just to make sure everyone’s okay. Sometimes stuff gets trickier, like when we were arguing about whether or not to eat a really cute alien for the protein, but it takes something really big for the two of us to break. Sorry you had to see that. We don’t normally do that in front of people.”
Mr. Dad leaned forward. “That’s how you two talk to each other inside of Stevonnie? Outside of Stevonnie? Just… always? That’s the way you two communicate?”
“Yessir.” Stevonnie made a tiny little salute. “How else would we do it?”
“Yelling. Screaming. Name calling,” Dr. Mom began.
Mr. Dad continued on, “Threats of breaking up. Saying you never want to see each other again. Shouting about how you’re betraying each other’s trust for looking at someone cute and making mountains out of molehills.”
Stevonnie blinked. “Uh, that sounds terrible. Why would we talk to each other like that? I’m supposed to be a fun experience.”
“And you don’t just fuse to fix everything?” Dr. Mom pressed.
“Ew! No!” They cringed and stepped back. “No, never! We fuse when we need to. And we fused once to try to get back at Kevin but that was disgusting. Realizing what we’d done was so… I could throw up just thinking about it. No. That’s not what I am. That’s not how we work. Fusion isn’t the solution to problems.”
They made a face. “I mean, it’s a solution to, like, high shelves and being better at driving and being really good at fighting but it’s not a solution to relationship problems. We have to be in a good place to fuse. I mean, I think Steven and Connie have to be in a good place. They’ve never tried fusing when they were mad at each other. Why would we do any of that stuff?”
Connie’s parents looked at each other for a moment, then burst into laughter. Mr. Dad wiped his eyes, “Because that’s what first relationships tend to look like. Teens don’t usually come in ‘reasonable communication’ models.”
“With all the stories we’ve heard about Steven we should have figured that out by now,” Dr. Mom said, and giggled. Stevonnie blinked, feeling very strange. Dr. Mom wasn’t really a giggler. “This isn’t so bad, is it?”
They cocked their head. “So, you… get it?”
She snorted, waving her hand. “Barely any of it, Stevonnie. But it’s definitely not inappropriate.”
“I think it might actually be more appropriate than them being apart,” Mr. Dad pointed out. “After all, they can’t kiss or hug or hold hands or get pregnant…”
Stevonnie flushed. “Connie’s not… Steven isn’t… We’re not eighteen! It’s illegal!”
That only made the laughter come harder, and Stevonnie stood there, feeling very confused but oddly light. At least they weren’t going to call them inappropriate. At least they would use their name. Although they couldn’t fathom what was supposed to be so funny about age of consent laws, and that was with all the knowledge Steven and Connie could muster. Maybe this was for whatever reason they couldn't accept that Steven and Connie weren't taking their clothes off when they were alone together? They'd have to ask Lars.
Dr. Mom wound down with a chuckle. “Okay, okay. Will Steven and Connie be full if you eat both their meals, Stevonnie? Or would you like to separate for dinner?”
They smiled slowly. “I can stay?”
“Yes, but, maybe not the whole night?” Mr. Dad said carefully. “We would like to see Steven too, tonight. We invited him over. And it sounds like you’re not exactly the same.”
“Not exactly!” Stevonnie beamed and giggled, sitting down quickly at the table.
It wasn’t everything they wanted, but it was enough for now.