Work Text:
They’re together. Again.
Despite the chatter occurring around them in the mess hall, the sound of Rose’s laughter flitted over to where Rey was currently seated a few feet away, her grip on the eating utensil just a little too tight. She knows that she shouldn’t feel what she’s feeling now, a surge of jealousy that’s latched onto, and is gnawing at, her heart; flooding it with dark thoughts at the same time as it consumes it. In fact, she should be elated at what she’s seeing.
After the defeat of Palpatine and the Final Order and losing Ben, Rey had gone through a phase of isolation and grief. She holed herself away in Tatooine, hoping to find a connection to him through the planet where his family had roots, history. She had seen him disappear, and yet the bond remained strong. It lacked the gaping emptiness that she expected and it gave her hope. She continued to meditate and study the Jedi texts, looking for any possibility to bring Ben back.
But it seemed that he beat her to it.
She soon heard whispers reach even Tattoine, of a rogue pilot who took hold of a TIE fighter and was strategically picking off at several remaining First Order factions that remained in select locations. The pilot would swoop in, dismantle weaponry and disarm the troops, kill off the generals or whoever was in command as well as troopers that refused to surrender, and leave the remaining survivors locked within the base; sending out a signal with coordinates to the resistance base for them to find and round up. The whispers then grew to full blown gossip and chatter; about the way he handles flying and the maneuvers that he manages to pull, reminiscent of Han Solo. About how he appeared to have very intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the First Order factions and their strongholds. About how he wielded a blaster with ease.
About his tall figure, dark hair, and deep hazel eyes.
The words were becoming harder and harder to ignore, and Rey eventually drew up the courage to board the Millennium Falcon and rejoin the resistance; hoping to be able to catch a glimpse of this mysterious ally.
She had just barely made it off-planet when she received a communication about coordinates to a potential First Order hideout in the planet of Vardos and Rey immediately went into hyper speed. By the time she made it planet side, rushing out of the ship and running straight into the imposing metal structure, ignoring the mass of dead or unconscious bodies on the ground, she already felt a tugging against her subconscious, a sirens song that she could not – and would not – ignore. The deeper she ventured into the building, the stronger the call became, until the Force was practically overflowing from within her.
Bursting through the final door into the command center, time seemed to slow down all around her. Because just a few feet ahead, even with his back turned towards her, she knew immediately who it was.
Ben.
Later, when they shared an enthusiastic reunion and basked in an intimate moment together, he would share the details of what happened after Exogol. It happened to be that he was to be called away to the Force but that Leia, his mother, stopped the process; and instead he found himself on Takodana, where Maz was already waiting for him. She furnished him with weapons, supplies, a ship, and clothes that were suspiciously similar to Han’s, and he knew instantly what he had to do. Atone for his crimes, in whatever way he could. He knew that he would probably never be forgiven, but he told her he would continue doing whatever he could to make himself worthy of her.
Not that he was ever unworthy in her eyes.
But still.
Rey closed her eyes, breathing several times to calm the well of emotion and forces down the lump that was stubbornly lodged in her throat. When she brought Ben back to the resistance it was expected that he would be met with resentment from the others. She expected it, he accepted it, and it happened just as she thought it would. But, surprisingly, of all the people she expected that Ben would possibly be able to actually befriend one day, Rose was the absolute last one she would have thought of. And yet it happened anyway. Rose was able to see past her own anger and biases and be the first to get along with, and get along well with, Ben. Soon, others would follow; but Ben and Rose’s friendship was the strongest among his other relationships.
And therein lies the problem.
Because ever since he became friends with Rose, Rey cannot help the sudden bursts of jealousy that she feels. And despite knowing there’s nothing to worry about, that Ben spends almost every waking moment with her and he spends every single night holding her to him, despite knowing that Rose is in her own happy relationship, it still pains her to seem them so at ease with each other.
“Rey.”
She looked up just in time to catch Ben’s brilliant smile, the one that never fails to throw her heart into a frantic beat and set butterflies fluttering in her stomach. “Ben,” she smiled back.
“Hi Rey!”
Her smile dimmed a little, “Rose.”
Both of them took seats besides Rey, something that she was both elated for – because of Ben – and dreaded – because of Rose.
“Hey, I really wanted to thank you both for the gift you gave me.”
What? At that Rey looked up to Rose for a second in confusion before glancing over at Ben, her heart giving a strange lurch when she sees a light blush on his cheeks and watching him quietly mumble a, “your welcome,” in response.
Rey tried her best to hold a neutral face while Rose continued, “It was so thoughtful too! I don’t even remember mentioning that I loved Cavaellin spiced creams!” She laughed, “And the Corellian fried ice cream was something new but very delicious. I loved it. Thanks again, you two.”
Rey could only gape at Rose in shock, barely registering Ben’s answer of, “Thank Strono Tuggs. I mentioned it to Maz and she told me he knew how to make them.” By the time she glanced back towards him, she saw him offer Rose a small smile in response. Oh maker, her head was hurting, and her heart…No, she had to leave.
Rey stood, drawing attention from them both, “I’m…going to go now.”
Ben started at her confused, looking down at her half-eaten lunch, “You’re not going to finish?”
Of course he would notice, he knew her better than anyone. He knew her love for food, especially since she lived almost all her life surviving on portions, actual food was something new that she was still discovering and relishing every moment of. So of course it would highly out of character of her to leave food untouched or unfinished. “I’m fine,” she lied, giving a tight-lipped smile.
Ben watched her and she saw his eyes flickering with a myriad of emotions that she could decipher if she focused on them but at this time the last thing she wanted was to remain in proximity to the both of them.
And so she left.
It wouldn’t be until hours later, while she was sitting in her room – no, their room – that she would hear his voice again.
“Sweetheart?”
Rey forced her body to remain still, despite her natural response of immediate walking towards him and embrace him, her hands instead idly working at the wiring of her lightsaber. It had been looking and feeling less stable lately, and she wondered if perhaps it was the energy modulation circuits that needed to be replaced. She heard the sounds of his footsteps coming closer to her, letting her know that he wouldn’t let the uneasy atmosphere from earlier go without answers.
He stopped just beside her and remained silent while she worked. “Blades energy has been wonky, figure I should look at the wiring,” she mumbled. Anything to fill the space of tense silence even though she was still irritated by him.
He hummed in response, pulling a chair over towards them and taking a seat beside her. Again the silence settled between them and Rey chewed at her lip, worrying it in her nervousness. “Have you checked the power cell?”
She grunted the affirmative, her hands turning the open metal base so she could see the connections better. A hand on hers stopped their movement but she remained concentrated on the saber, “This is delicate work, Ben.”
“I know, but I also know what you’re doing.”
She huffed out a breath in irritation, knowing what he meant. The strength of their force bond has only grown exponentially since they reunited, to the point that she barely felt it when they would link, a pleasant and constant hum within her mind. Clearly, he tapped into the bond to have an understanding of her emotions, and knew she was trying to avoid speaking to him. “I’m fine,” she grumbled.
“Uhuh. Try again, Rey.”
She set down her project and turned in her chair to face him, her face set into a frown, “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You’re right, there is nothing to talk about unless you tell me what’s wrong.”
“Well nothing’s wrong.”
“Rey.”
She stopped at hearing her name, his tone made clear what he did not outright say, that he would use their bond if he has to if it meant knowing what was bothering her. Rey sighed, “I want to know why you didn’t tell me.”
His eyebrows rose up in shock at how she easily relented and at her question, “Tell you about what, sweetheart?”
“About the gift you gave Rose.”
Ben’s lips thinned, “I don’t understand?”
At that Rey let out a humorless laugh, “Ben, I was right there when she thanked us for a gift she thinks we gave her. I clearly don’t remember giving her anything. Which means you got her a gift and didn’t tell me. Why?”
If anything, Ben’s confusion seemed to deepen more and more at her words, “I thought it was normal?”
“Normal?” Rey echoed back, her irritation rising steadily.
“Yeah, I thought it was normal for couples to give gifts together.”
Now it was Rey’s turn to be confused, “A couple?”
Ben began to worry his bottom lip, “Well, yes.”
“A couple of what?”
Ben’s lips twitched down to a frown, and Rey noticed his gaze avert hers and his cheeks turning red, “Never mind,” he mumbled, moving to stand and possibly make a quick escape.
It took Rey approximately twenty seconds to process his words, her brain working to decipher the meaning behind them before understanding washed over her. She moved before she could consciously decide it, her hand reaching out to grasp at the white sleeve of his long sleeved shirt. He paused, even though she knew he could easily brush her off and keep moving, something that she always appreciated about him; how he would always, even before when he had the name Kylo Ren, follow her lead, even in battle.
“Oh,” she whispered quietly, “Ben…you never, I mean, we’ve never,” talked about it was left unsaid. Because they didn’t, they never talked about where they stood with one another, they just fell into an easy and comfortable existence together without actually labeling what they were.
“I thought that it was pretty obvious, Rey.”
She glanced down at her shoes, suddenly finding it fascinating, but he didn’t allow her to linger there for long. His fingers hooked under her chin, guiding her to look back up at him. His eyes bore into her own, a swirling mass of emotions that overwhelmed her. His face draws closer to her own, His eyes moving to take in every detail of her face before finally landing on her lips, “Then let me make it clearer for you,” his whispered before closing the gap between them.
They’ve kissed before, usually during the night or stolen moments whenever they could in the day but she couldn’t recall a time it felt so consuming. Her nerves were on fire, her lips moving against his in a dance that was familiar to her yet somehow different; somehow more. The bond opened between them and she could feel everything; the wide range of feelings that he’s felt towards her, from the humor when he sees her devour her food, the exasperation when she’s doing something that’s obviously wrong in his eyes, the calm whenever she’s in his presence, the quiet joy he feels when she’s in his arms, and the biggest emotion that encompasses it all…
His love.
Her eyes are watery, and it’s beginning to get difficult to maintain her focus on him. She allows his feelings to wash over her, consume her, and she lets her feelings towards him flow back in response. She feels his tongue trace the seam of her lips and she opens in response, allowing him to slip in and explore her mouth. They’re panting when they finally break away, his eyes are dark, consumed by desire and that same feeling of love that she sense. He leans his forehead against hers, capturing her gaze as he whispers against her lips, “I love you, Rey. And I would be honored to be yours,” he smiled before adding, “exclusively.”
She pulled away slightly and stared at him, taking in his pale skin, the smattering of moles across his face, his long prominent nose, his full lips, before finally ending back at his expressive hazel eyes.
And she smiled.
“I love you,” she repeated back, “and I would be honored to be yours too,” said before quickly adding, “exclusively too.”
He chuckled, tugging her to him and wrapping his arms around her, kissing the top of her head and murmuring sweet things against it. She closed her eyes and took it all in, her soul becoming lighter and lighter, a weight that she didn’t realize she even had being lifted, as she took in everything that happened.
His chuckle turned into a full laugh when she began to pull him towards their bed, and he easily followed behind her. There were no more words exchanged between them, not when they slowly peeled off each other’s clothing, not when they both began a well-known exploration of each other’s bodies, and not when he entered her. And when they were finally done, laying down on the bed naked with limbs intertwined and enjoying the quiet together Rey thought that it was more than okay for Ben to have his friends, and give them as many gifts as he wanted…
It won’t bother her anymore, especially since she has the greatest gift of all.