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Sylvain comes out of his room to see Ingrid, Mercedes, and Annette standing outside Felix’s closed door.
“What’s going on?”
“Felix has been poisoned,” Ingrid says, in a tone of voice that does not match what she’s saying. She continues before he can break down the door. “Nothing life threatening, or even dangerous. It’s… it’s hard to explain.”
“Well try!”
“It’s not poison,” a voice comes from down the hall. All three of them turn to see Yuri, arms crossed and smirking. “It’s just a prank. And a harmless one at that.”
“Will somebody please tell me what’s going on?” Sylvain says impatiently.
“Felix was given a potion slipped into his drink that just helps… aid in communication.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It appears Felix has been given some kind of truth potion,” Mercedes says, finally giving him some kind of answer. Sylvain looks at her in confusion.
“He’s what?”
“It’s just something fun the people of Abyss like to slip in the drinks of fancy new guests,” Yuri says.
“What do you mean fancy new guests?” Ingrid asks.
“Upstart noble who walks into a place inhabited by people on the run from people like him? And you think they’re not going to have a bit of fun? Relax,” he says, responding to the look on Ingrid’s face. “It’ll wear off in a few hours. In the meantime, I suggest you make the most of it.”
“What does that mean?” Annette asks. Yuri raises an eyebrow.
“Felix is not normally the most forthcoming with his feelings,” he says. “Perhaps —”
The door opens behind them. “You know I can hear all of you through my door, right?” Felix says in annoyance. Yuri studies him, and Felix scowls at him. “And tell your band of thieves that if I ever caught who did this I’ll make him pay.”
“I’ll be sure to pass on the message,” Yuri says dryly.
Felix turns towards Annette, who is bouncing in place, and lets out a beleaguered sigh. “Go ahead, Annette.”
Annette squeals and then says, “What do you really think about me?”
Felix says, “Sometimes when I can’t fall asleep I sing your songs to myself because they calm me down. I hope you keep singing for me. I also think you’re one of the most powerful people in this army and I appreciate your friendship,” in a tone of voice that sounds as if he were reading out a death sentence.
Annette bursts into tears. Everyone turns to look at her in surprise, as Felix says, slightly panicked, “Why are you crying? I was being nice!”
“I know!” Annette says through sobs. “I just didn’t know you felt like that! And — oh, Felix!” And she tackles him with a hug.
Felix pats her head awkwardly before pushing her gently away. “I am going to my room. No one bother me. Do not tell anyone about this. And no more questions!” He snaps, when Ingrid opens her mouth.
“That’s not fair, you let Annette ask!” Ingrid says.
Felix gives her a death glare and then says, through gritted teeth, “Even though Glenn died you’ll always be my sister.”
Ingrid’s jaw drops open and she says, in a soft voice, “Felix…”
“No more!” Felix yells, before grabbing Sylvain by the shirt and tugging him inside his room. Sylvain shuts the door behind him, confused.
“I thought you didn’t want to talk to anyone? Wait, hang on —” He grins. “You’re in love with me, aren’t you?”
Felix rolls his eyes. “Don’t be fucking stupid,” he says, which, ouch, but then he says, “And you already know all of my secrets,” which makes Sylvain feel a bit better.
“Alright then, what’s up?”
Felix shifts from foot; he’s nervous in a way Sylvain has never seen before. “I need — I need you to do something for me. As my friend. Please.”
“Wow, you’re being uncharacteristically polite. I’m a little concerned.”
“I need you…” Felix kind of looks like he’s being marched to his death. “I need to keep the boar away from me until this wears off. Please.”
Realization dawns. “Ah,” Sylvain says. “Don’t you think this is a good time to get your feelings out there? To have a discussion with him?”
“No,” Felix says flatly. “Just keep him away from me, please, Sylvain.”
“One condition,” Sylvain says with a grin, and Felix rolls his eyes again. Sylvain has half a mind to tell him that if he keeps doing that, they’re going to get stuck.
“You’re my best friend,” Felix says, glaring at Sylvain the entire time. “I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. The thought of being without you makes me panic, so don’t fucking die. I love you.”
Fuck, now Sylvain thinks he might cry. “Felix,” he says, drawing the name out. “Can I hug you?”
“I would like that,” Felix says, even as he holds up his arms to try to push Sylvain away. Sylvain pulls him into a tight hug and waits before Felix returns it before he says, “I was actually just going to ask you to take my stable duty, but I appreciate your honesty.”
Felix pushes him away, swearing, and Sylvain laughs. “I love you too, man. But I don’t think you have to worry about Dimitri. He is woefully unaware that you’ve been in love with him for years, I doubt he’ll come near you right now. You did a pretty good job of convincing everyone you hated him, after all.”
“Shut up,” Felix hisses. Sylvain laughs again.
“I’ll bring you dinner later,” he says, patting Felix’s cheek affectionately. Felix scowls and swats his hand away.
“Thank you,” he says bitterly.
“So polite,” Sylvain says. “I might have to make more of this potion.”
“Sylvain —”
“Oh, relax. Do you need anything else? If not I’m going to go think about how I’m your best friend and how much you love me.”
Felix draws his sword, and Sylvain ducks out of the room, laughing.
Yuri and Ingrid are still outside, deep in conversation, but Annette and Mercedes have left. He’s just about to ask Yuri more questions about the truth potion when they hear movement down the hall, and they turn to see Dimitri walking towards them.
“Hello,” he says cautiously. He always seemed unsure on whether he should talk to people or not, as if after the months he had spent consumed in anger and regret had turned their opinions of him, even though they had all made it clear, multiple times, that he was forgiven.
“Your Majesty,” Ingrid says, bowing slightly. “What are you doing here?” Dimitri had been given a room more fitting for a king; there was no reason for him to be in the old dormitories.
“Ah, I remembered having a book that I can no longer find. It may be a long shot, but I was going to check my old room for it. What are you all doing?”
“Felix was minorly poisoned,” Ingrid says. Sylvain really should talk to her about her word choice.
“It’s some kind of truth potion,” Sylvain interjects, before Dimitri can burst down the door in concern and Felix starts telling him how to feel.
“Should wear off in a few hours,” Yuri adds.
“So that is what Annette was talking about,” Dimitri says, frowning. “It was hard to understand around the crying. What did he say to make her cry so?”
“That he loves her, more or less,” Ingrid says. Dimitri nods.
“I see,” he says, staring wistfully at Felix’s door. “Well, I shall leave him be. Felix has… never shied away from being truthful with me,” he says, with a sad smile. Ingrid shoots Sylvain a look, but he shakes his head minutely. “If you will excuse me,” Dimitri says, ducking into his old room. He reappears a few moments later empty handed. “Still nothing,” he says. “I may have to accept that the book I need is gone.”
“You can try Abyss,” Yuri says. “A lot of times books that disappear up here end up down there.”
“Ah, thank you, Yuri,” Dimitri says, but he sounds distracted, and his eyes remain on Felix’s door. “Perhaps I shall check there. Excuse me,” he says, finally looking away from Felix’s door and nodding at them all in turn before heading back down the hallway. Sylvain waits until he is out of sight before turning to Ingrid.
“No,” he says.
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say!”
He shoots a look at Felix’s door before gesturing to the both of them to follow him down the hallway, where Felix can’t overhear. “He specifically asked me not to let Dimitri near him.”
“Then you don’t have to do it!”
“Ingrid —”
“Hang on, is this a scheme?” Yuri interrupts. “From Ingrid? I didn’t know you had it in you,” he says, impressed.
“It’s not a scheme!” Ingrid says, even though it definitely is. “I just — oh, you don’t know what it’s been like! Ever since we were children Felix has been in love with His Majesty, and I know he turned into an asshole about it but that’s why this is a perfect opportunity to get him to communicate properly! Come on, Sylvain, remember the five years we spent searching for His Majesty? Remember what Felix was like?”
Does he ever. A Felix without Dimitri was a completely different person; he had been frantic in his search, never believing that Dimitri was dead. Sylvain had believed that Dimitri was dead — he had only searched because he was afraid of what Felix would do, if they admitted that he was truly gone. He hadn’t expected to find him; he’d been incredibly surprised when they found out Dimitri was alive at Garreg Mach.
But not Felix. Felix had never once lost his faith in Dimitri.
“I’m not saying it’s not a good idea,” he says. “I’m just saying that he specifically asked me to keep Dimitri away from him, and I can’t break that promise. He told me he loved me!”
Ingrid seems unimpressed. “So we’re just supposed to let them be miserable for the rest of their lives?”
“Sylvain,” Yuri says. “I think you should go train.”
“What?” Sylvain asks, confused. “Why?”
“Plausible deniability,” Yuri says, eyebrow raised.
Sylvain sighs and points between them. “Whatever you two are planning, I had nothing to do with it,” he says firmly, before turning around and heading downstairs.
Whatever they were planning, he hoped it worked.
He finds out what their plan is about twenty minutes later, when Dorothea bursts into the training grounds and says, “Your Majesty, hurry! We need help.”
Dimitri immediately looks up from where he had been, frankly, completely wiping the floor with Sylvain. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Felix,” Dorothea says, sounding distraught. “He isn’t answering when we call, and we’re afraid he had some sort of reaction to the potion. Yuri said that some people react badly to it. He’ll need a Healer immediately, but none of us are strong enough, can you knock the door down?”
Dimitri throws down his lance and is halfway out the door before Dorothea even finishes speaking. Sylvain watches this in amusement.
“How did you get roped into this?” He asks Dorothea. She flips her hair.
“I love Ingrid, but she’s too honourable to be a good liar. He would have known something was up immediately.”
Sylvain picks up Dimitri’s lance to put it away. “Do you think it’ll work?”
Dorothea sighs. “I guess we’ll soon find out.”
Felix has been trying to read for almost half an hour, but his mind keeps wandering. He wants to train; being cooped up like this is almost too much to bear.
But he couldn’t leave, not until this horrible curse wore off. Telling Annette, Ingrid, and Sylvain his true feelings had been mortifying enough. There was no way he was going to risk leaving his room and running into someone else.
Or running into Dimitri.
Felix gives up on his book and flops onto his bed, looking up at the ceiling. Yuri had said the effects of the potion would wear off in a few hours, so it could have been a lot worse. But he’s incredibly antsy in the worst possible way.
The truly horrible thing about whatever potion he’d been slipped is that he wanted to tell the truth. It wasn’t just that he had to, it’s that this feeling existed inside of him that made him want to climb on the roof and shout to the world how much he loved his friends, and how much he missed his brother, and how sad he was that his father had died before they figured things out, and that when he was a kid he had broken a sword and blamed it on Dimitri, and a thousand other things. He wanted to go out onto the Archbishop’s terrace and tell everyone who could hear him that he’s been in love with Dimitri for longer than he can remember, that every stupid word and shitty comment and cruel name was the world’s worst coping mechanism for watching the person he loved more than anything descend into madness and cruelty.
Maybe he should just go to sleep.
He has just decided that yeah, that was probably the best option, when, with a loud crack that nearly scares him out of his boots, his fucking door falls down, and Dimitri rushes in. Felix yells when he sees him, and Dimitri looks at him in confusion.
“What are you doing?” Felix shouts. “Get out!”
“They said… are you okay?”
“Get out, get out, get out,” he chants, hoping Dimitri will leave before he asks a question that Felix is compelled to answer.
“I will, Felix, I promise I will leave you alone, just answer me — are you alright? Do you feel sick?”
“No, I’m not sick, why would I be sick?”
“Dorothea said… and Ingrid —”
Oh, he’s going to fucking kill Ingrid.
“Get out, Boar!” He yells, resisting the incredibly childish urge to clap his hands over his ears so he can’t hear anything Dimitri says.
“Alright, alright,” Dimitri says, holding up his hands in surrender. He smiles sadly. “My apologies, Felix. I know you do not want to see me.”
Fuck. Felix physically bites his tongue, clamping his lips shut, but the urge to talk, to tell the truth, is so powerful that it’s beginning to hurt. It feels like he’s burning up from the inside. Dimitri, a little sheepishly, picks up the door, and Felix closes his eyes against the pain. He just needed to hold out until Dimitri left. He just needed —
It’s too much. He opens his mouth, powerless to stop himself from saying, “I do want to see you.”
Dimitri turns around, holding the door with one hand as if it was nothing more than a piece of paper. “What?”
“I always want to see you,” Felix says, hating himself. Dimitri’s mouth is hanging open; Felix resists the urge to tell him to close it.
“What does that mean?” Dimitri asks, even though Felix thinks it’s pretty fucking explanatory, thank you very much.
“Can you close my door?” Felix asks desperately. Dimitri carefully fits Felix’s busted door back in the doorframe, giving them some semblance of privacy, before turning back.
“Felix… I told myself I wouldn’t take advantage of your situation —”
“Then get out.”
“But I need to know what you mean.”
“It’s pretty fucking straightforward, Boar.” Hopefully Dimitri wouldn’t realize that it’s questions Felix found impossible to ignore. If he didn’t ask a question, maybe Felix could talk him in circles until he got fed up and left.
“You never want to see me,” Dimitri says, eyebrows pinched together. This is not a question, and even if Felix wants to correct him, he’s able to push it down. He just stands there with his arms crossed, praying to a goddess he isn’t sure he believes in that Dimitri will leave. “Felix, please —”
“Please what? What do you even want?”
“I want…” Dimitri takes a breath. “Do you hate me?”
“No,” Felix answers easily. That’s an easy one, and not too painful to admit. Hopefully Dimitri will take it and go.
But Dimitri seems genuinely surprised, and Felix thinks that maybe he had gone a bit far. The idea of hating Dimitri seemed so foreign and impossible to him that it was easy to forget no one else could see the way Felix’s heart beat for him alone, and that to anyone else it seemed irrefutable that Felix hated Dimitri.
“Felix,” Dimitri says, and Felix has to close his eyes; it’s too hard to look at him.
“Stop saying my name like that.”
“Like what?” Dimitri asks, unbearably soft.
Felix ignores that. “I am asking you to leave,” he says, firmly, hoping Dimitri will listen if he’s a little more polite about it.
But Dimitri just straightens his back a little more and says, “I believe, after everything, you owe me the truth.”
“I don’t owe you anything,” Felix says, desperate and panicking and lashing out. “I owe you nothing, so get the fuck out of my room.”
“If you won’t tell me I’ll just ask. You can’t lie to me, Felix.”
“ Fuck you —”
“How do you truly feel about me, Felix? If you don’t hate me, why do you treat me the way you do?”
Felix tries; he really does. He bites down on his tongue and he digs his nails into his palms to try and distract from the pain in his chest as the truth tries to claw its way out, but he can’t stop it. It spills out, ruining everything. His heart torn out of his chest and thrown on the floor between them.
“Because I love you,” he says, and maybe if he says it with enough venom Dimitri won’t believe him. “Because I love you, and my brother died and you turned into something I didn’t recognize and used him to justify it, and throughout it all I still fucking loved you. Because I can never have you, so it’s easier to do this.” He speaks through gritted teeth; every word feels like another dagger in his chest.
Dimitri’s eye is wide, and he physically staggers backwards, taking a step away from Felix. It’s a rejection that he should have been prepared for, but one that hurts like hell regardless. Felix’s eyes are stinging, but if he cries right now he’ll have to literally leave the country, so he fights back tears and crosses his arms. “Are you happy? Will you leave now?”
Dimitri is still looking at him like he’s grown two extra heads. Felix has never wanted to be alone so badly. If Dimitri doesn’t leave Felix isn’t entirely sure what he’ll do, but the leading options are either stab him — a bad option — or burst into tears — a worse option. But Dimitri doesn’t leave, so Felix sacrifices a little bit more of his pride and says, in a quiet voice filled with pain, “Dimitri, please.”
This seems to shock Dimitri into movement, but not the kind Felix wants; instead of leaving he takes a few steps forward and lifts his hand. Felix is half expecting a punch, but what he gets is worse — Dimitri’s hand gently cupping his cheek.
Now it’s Felix’s turn to flinch away. “Don’t,” he says, voice breaking in the middle.
“Why not?” Dimitri asks, quiet and serious and so, so close.
“I don’t want... pity,” Felix manages to say. Dimitri lets out a disbelieving sound.
“You think this is pity? Felix, no. Never.” He steps forward again, and Felix has nowhere left to run. He stays in place like a scared deer as Dimitri lifts his hand and runs his fingers through Felix’s fringe.
“Stop,” Felix says in barely a whisper.
“Do you want me to?” Dimitri asks.
Felix’s eyes close. “No,” he admits. He feels Dimitri’s hand slide to the back of his neck, and then he feels him lean his forehead against Felix’s.
“Please look at me,” Dimitri says, and Felix reluctantly opens his eyes. Dimitri’s eye is shockingly blue. “I wish you would have told me sooner.”
“When, exactly?” Felix asks. He is gripping the edges of Dimitri’s cape, keeping him close. “There wasn’t exactly a good time. You have always been off limits.”
“Not to you,” Dimitri says. “Never to you. Every part of me is yours, and always will be.”
“You can’t just say stuff like that,” Felix says, cheeks absolutely burning. Dimitri laughs softly.
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
Felix rolls his eyes. “Seems to be a lot of that going around,” he says bitterly. “What did they say to get you to knock my door down?”
“I was led to believe that you were in grave danger.”
“And no one else could knock the door down except you? Or use magic to blast it open?”
“I admit I don’t always think clearly when it comes to you,” Dimitri admits. “I did not stop to think of the details. I just heard you were in trouble.”
Felix wants to say stupid, because it is, but what comes out is, “I don’t think clearly when it comes to you, either.” Then he buries his head in Dimitri’s chest because what the fuck, how can so many embarrassing things happen to him in such a short amount of time without killing him?
Dimitri just laughs, arms coming up to hold Felix tighter. “I think I like this truth potion. Perhaps I should have barrels of it made.”
“Don’t even think about it,” Felix says, muffled in Dimitri’s armour. “Please leave me alone until it wears off, I can’t handle telling you anymore embarrassing shit.”
“How much more embarrassing shit do you have?” Dimitri teases. Felix lifts his head and glares, and Dimitri smiles softly at him. “But fine, I will respect your wishes. But first I have one last question.”
Felix groans. “What else could you possibly want to know?”
Dimitri tips Felix’s chin up so he can look him in the eye. “May I kiss you?”
He hadn’t thought it was possible for his cheeks to burn any brighter, but he’s proved wrong. He sputters incoherently for a moment, brain too frazzled even to tell the truth, before he nods. Dimitri’s palms are calloused but his touch is gentle as he tilts Felix’s head up once again, and he leans in carefully, as if he’s giving Felix time to back out. As if he ever would.
Dimitri’s first kiss is disappointingly chaste; Felix lets this go for approximately two and a half seconds before he surges up onto his toes and slides a hand into Dimitri’s hair, running his tongue along Dimitri’s lip and pressing in as close as possible. Dimitri responds eagerly, perhaps a little too eagerly. He wraps his arms around Felix’s waist and lifts him clear off the ground.
Felix pulls away for air, and Dimitri reluctantly lowers him back to the ground. He swipes a thumb over Felix’s lower lip and is nice enough not to mention the full body shiver it sends through him. “Felix, when this has worn off… please continue to tell me the truth. There is… still much we need to discuss.”
He's right; there are years of anger and resentment and cruelty to work through, years that Felix will have to ask forgiveness for, questions that he needs answered and the ever present ghost of Glenn and all those who died between them. But for now Felix can only nod, too overwhelmed to do anything else, and that seems to satisfy Dimitri. He kisses him gently on the forehead before taking a step away, but when he gets to the door he turns back. “I will… figure out how to get you a new door,” he says sheepishly, and Felix can’t help but think how suitable it is, Dimitri literally and figuratively breaking down his walls.
“I’ll come find you when I can look at you without wanting to tell you how much I love you,” he says. His eyes fly open in horror and he claps a hand over his mouth, but Dimitri only laughs. Felix has heard him laugh quite a few times, tonight, and he thinks it might be his favourite sound in the world. He desperately hopes that Dimitri will leave before Felix lets that slip.
“I love you, as well,” Dimitri says, in a voice that is almost reverent. “And I will continue to tell you so every day, if you’ll let me.”
“I’ll think about it,” Felix says, but Dimitri smiles at him, and Felix can’t quite stop himself from smiling back.