Chapter Text
Color Code:
Killua
Gon
Alluka
Zushi
Ikalgo
Leorio
Kurapika
Last Saturday, 7:02 AM
KILLUA: Are you sure you’re gonna be okay living there?
KILLUA: I got weird vibes from that place
ALLUKA: RELAX
ALLUKA: They aren't morning people
KILLUA: No excuses
ALLUKA: Knew you'd say that
KILLUA: Whatever. Just text me if you feel uncomfortable or whatever and we can figure something else out.
KILLUA:It's just for the summer.
ALLUKA: I'm convinced that you're trying to reassure YOURSELF more than ME
KILLUA: Shush. No words.
ALLUKA: Only vibes. Got it.KILLUA:Alluka seriously
ALLUKA: I KNOW I know
ALLUKA:I'll call you if anything goes wrong
ALLUKA: But seriously, I'm gonna be FINE. Miss Mito's super cool and I'll be getting rides from Kurapika.
KILLUA: Whatever. Just give me one of their numbers
ALLUKA: And why in the world would I do that
KILLUA: For emergencies.
ALLUKA: Oh yeah "EMERGENCIES"
KILLUA: Fuck off, smartass
ALLUKA: 😉
Last Saturday, 7:15 AM
KILLUA: Hey this is Alluka's brother Killua
KILLUA: She gave me your number
Last Saturday, 7:48 AM
KILLUA: Anyway just save my number in case anything goes wrong.
Last Saturday, 9:32 AM
KILLUA: ???
GON: O hey sorry new phone who is this?
KILLUA: I literally told you
GON: O sorry super disoriented rn
GON: Hang on
GON: Where did I leave my phone?
Last Saturday, 9:40 AM
KILLUA: Are you POSITIVE that you’re gonna be ok living there
ALLUKA: GEEZ louise what'd Gon do
ALLUKA: I thought FOR SURE he'd be a respectable gentleman. I'll give him a good smack for ya
Last Saturday, 9:46 AM
GON: HEY! Sorry! Yes, number saved, all is well!
KILLUA: You're really setting standards there dude
GON: YEAH Yeah Saturdays are somethin else lemme tell ya
GON: Anyway you can COUNT ON ME! 😊👍
KILLUA: Fucking better
Last Sunday, 12:33 PM
GON: HEY Inquiring about your ad in the newspaper. Thoroughly interested.
KILLUA: ???
GON: O fuck sorry
GON: I typed in the number and it auto-selected yours
KILLUA: Didn't you add me to your contacts?
GON: No I forgot who is this??
KILLUA: Killua
KILLUA: Alluka's brother?
GON: O right sorry!
GON: In my contacts now FOR SURE
KILLUA: Ad in the newspaper?
KILLUA: I didn't think anyone looked at those anymore
GON: I keep them to look at the ads
KILLUA: Ads for what
GON: I'm glad you asked, good sir
KILLUA: Also how old are you??
GON: 16
KILLUA: Oh
GON: You?
KILLUA: Same
GON: Oh! But the ads!
GON: Gettin a goat
KILLUA: Is that... just a saying or...?
GON: An actual honest to god heavens to betsy GOAT
GON: It's gonna be so rad
KILLUA: Oh.
Last Sunday, 1:03 PM
KILLUA: Are goats allowed in your neighborhood?
ALLUKA: Christ he's talking about the goat isn't he
ALLUKA: Why is he texting you??
Last Sunday, 1:09 PM
GON: Aah okay so here's the thing about Milkweed
GON: The goat
GON: Not allowed, but easily disguiseable and can be hid
KILLUA: Milkweed??
KILLUA: You're naming your goat... Milkweed.
GON: Yeah I don't take criticism
GON: It's a normal name
KILLUA: Right, because that's what I was concerned about.
GON: Yeah I know it's important stuff
GON: I don’t want OR need Milkweed to feel insecure, ya know?
GON: We’re converting the shed today into a hut of sorts for Milkweed
KILLUA: Do you even own the goat yet??
GON: No but we will
GON: FUCK SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY REPLIED TO THE AD
GON: I won't let this goat escape me
GON: gtg
KILLUA: Wait what're you doing
KILLUA: Please tell me you aren't stealing the goat
Last Sunday, 1:29 PM
KILLUA: What're you doing today?
ALLUKA: Impromptu heist
KILLUA: No seriously
ALLUKA: I am serious
ALLUKA: The goat is now FCFS
ALLUKA: FCFS stands for First Come First Serve
KILLUA: Thanks for clarifying
ALLUKA: Yeah
Last Sunday, 3:11 PM
ZUSHI: I hope it's not shallow of me to immediately ask about the goat
GON: Not at all, my friend
GON: Milkweed the goat is bound to be the talk of the town. She's beautiful and she's already put a hole through my shirt
ZUSHI: Incredible I'm so happy for you
ZUSHI: Congratulations on your new child
GON: O thank you I'm very proud
GON: Now I don't have to mow the lawn
ZUSHI: Now you...
ZUSHI: Wait what
GON: You heard me
ZUSHI: You... got a goat so you don't have to mow the lawn?
GON: I know it was a stroke of genius
ZUSHI: Just clarifying again: you really bought a goat to avoid doing chores?
GON: I have better things to do with my time, Zushi
ZUSHI: This is very on brand, I have to admit
GON: Thank you
GON: And thank you for inquiring about the lass
GON: (Milkweed)
ZUSHI: Yeah I gathered
ZUSHI: Thanks for clarifying tho
GON: Anytime 😊
Last Sunday, 3:46 PM
GON: SHE'S GORGEOUS
GON: I mean, I knew she would be but
GON: Gorge
KILLUA:Nice.
GON: Yeah
GON: Kurapika was none too thrilled about having a goat in his car
KILLUA: You... put a goat in a car.
GON: Yeah but now she's free to roam
KILLUA: Cool
KILLUA: I guess
Monday, 8:05 AM
GON: Have you ever seen a goat??
KILLUA: What kind of question is that
GON: An honest one
KILLUA: Yeah I've seen a goat or two in my lifetime
GON: Worldly gentleman
GON: Everyone deserves to see a goat once or twice in their lifetime
KILLUA: I mean I guess
KILLUA: I have no real opinion on this topic
GON: What about frogs?
KILLUA: What about them?
GON: Have you seen a frog before
KILLUA: I've seen a frog before
GON: Have you
GON: Held frogs before
KILLUA: I don't think so
GON: You don't THINK so
GON: You'd remember if you did
GON: Therefore you have definitely not held a frog before
KILLUA: What kind of assumption is that?
GON: AN HONEST ONE
GON: Listen, go get yourself a frog. Fondle that sucker. And then get back to me.
KILLUA: Ok hypothetically speaking, IF I were to do that, where would I even get a frog.
GON: O, so you're lookin for prime Frog Hunting Territory, huh
KILLUA: It's a hypothetical.
KILLUA: I'm not gonna go out and "get myself a frog".
GON: Then why would I give up my prime Frog Hunting Territory to someone who doesn't take it seriously
KILLUA: If you gave it up to someone who DID take it seriously, they’d snatch all your frogs
GON: Fuck you're right
GON: Fine, I'll give it up
GON: But not for free
KILLUA: Jesus christ
GON: Are you interested
KILLUA: No but now I have to know
KILLUA: I'm too invested to give up now
GON: Ok then I have a question for you
GON: Have you watched The Walking Dead
KILLUA: No? What the fuck is that
GON: It came out 3 years ago
GON: I fall asleep during most movies but that shit?? Got to me. It hit different.
KILLUA: Okay? What does this have to do with frogs
GON: Season 3 JUST finished and Kurapika hates it, Leorio gets too caught up in the logistics, and it scares Alluka and Zushi
GON: I just need someone to rant to about it
KILLUA: So you'll give me the frog details if I agree to watch... The Walking Dead
GON: AFTER you watch the walking dead
KILLUA: Jesus christ that's so many episodes
KILLUA: Who makes a show with more than 20 episodes
GON: ikr I think there’s only one more season after this one
GON: I don’t know how much longer they can keep it goin ya know?
KILLUA: Fine whatever.
GON: "Fine whatever" you'll watch it or "fine whatever" you won't watch it
GON: Killua?
Monday, 11:16 AM
IKALGO: Bruh what're you doing
KILLUA: What
IKALGO: Who's that hunk on your phone
KILLUA: What makes you think I know
IKALGO: Are those zombies??
KILLUA: Yeah what of it
IKALGO: You know how i feel about zombies dude
KILLUA: Yeah, and?
IKALGO: And you're watching my favorite show in the middle of class!! You couldn't wait for me??
KILLUA: Don't worry about it
IKALGO: I'M WORRYING
KILLUA: IKALGO
IKALGO: AND ANYWAY, I'VE BEEN RAVING TO YOU ABOUT THE WALKING DEAD 5EVER
KILLUA: GOD
IKALGO: WHY NOW, OF ALL DAYS? OF ALL TIMES?
KILLUA: Anyway he's not even that hot
IKALGO: Just because you're gay doesn't mean you have TASTE
KILLUA: I have taste
KILLUA: I just don't taste the flavor in chinless suburban white dads
KILLUA: I don't even have to look to know that you're gonna murder me
IKALGO: The second the bell rings.
IKALGO: Run, bitch.
Monday, 2:16 PM
ALLUKA: I heard Ikalgo tackled you in the middle of the hall
KILLUA: Yeah we got detention
ALLUKA: I leave for 4 days and suddenly you become a delinquent
KILLUA: I've never gotten detention before
KILLUA: What do you do in detention?
ALLUKA: idk ya just sorta sit there and become socrates
KILLUA: Huh
KILLUA: I'm not entirely opposed
ALLUKA: Yeah but mom's gonna flay you alive
KILLUA: That
KILLUA: I am opposed to
KILLUA: Fuck
ALLUKA: Yikes buddy
ALLUKA: Illumi probably already knows
KILLUA: Yeah no shit
KILLUA: Sorry I didn't get to say hey today
ALLUKA: That's ok
ALLUKA: It's probably better if we don't talk at school. My classes are on the other side of the building anyway
KILLUA: That's true I guess
KILLUA: It's just fucked up. Milluki and Illumi are being little shits about it
ALLUKA: Yeah but your friends are handling it pretty well
ALLUKA: They still say hey when they see me 😊 It’s nice
KILLUA: Yeah Ikalgo's a little shit too
KILLUA: But in a different way. Like, in the good-natured, "my friend's a piece of shit" kind of way.
ALLUKA: Yeah I agree 😝
ALLUKA: I gotta go. Carpool time!
KILLUA: Oh joy
Monday, 3:10 PM
GON: Go time!
ALLUKA: !!!
LEORIO: I'm cleaning up the lab I'll be out in ten
KURAPIKA: Hurry the fuck up you slut
GON: OOOH
ALLUKA: DAAAYUM
KURAPIKA: Same with you sluts
GON: Gah! Sorry!
KURAPIKA: My car doesn't tolerate slowpokes
GON: I'm literally at the car and you aren't even here
LEORIO: OOOH
ALLUKA: OOOO SHIT!
GON: YOU LIAR!
GON: THIS IS WHY I HAVE TRUST ISSUES!
KURAPIKA: THOSE ARE YOUR DADDY ISSUES TALKING, YOU BABY
GON: True 😝
LEORIO: I thought I'm his dad
KURAPIKA: No, I'm his dad
ALLUKA: I'm pretty sure that's me?
GON: Milkweed is my dad.
KURAPIKA: I hate you.
GON: 😖
LEORIO: Don't be mean. Apologize to our son.
KURAPIKA: Fuck off
KURAPIKA: No son of mine.
LEORIO: You dare criticize the fruit of my womb
KURAPIKA: I might just.
GON: I just want us all to live in harmony with Milkweed
KURAPIKA: I can't live in harmony with something that you can't even pronounce correctly
ALLUKA: Aw I think it's kinda cute
ALLUKA: He's got a hick accent
LEORIO: A HICK ACCENT
GON: I'M A CITY BOY !!
KURAPIKA: Yeah, who pronounces milk "melk"
LEORIO: Malk
ALLUKA: May-elk
GON: IT'S MILKWEED
KURAPIKA: GOD I can hear you mispronouncing it in my head
GON: THAT'S HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY MILK
GON: Anyway where's Zushi?? Aren't we dropping him off??
LEORIO: I saw him talking tot hat gal when I was leaving the lab
LEORIO: You know the one
KURAPIKA: Which one
GON: He's such a go-getter
ALLUKA: Awww cute 😊
ALLUKA: Maybe he'll invite her over one of these days
KURAPIKA: He doesn't even live with us
GON: Doesn't mean he can't sit with us
LEORIO: Facts.
LEORIO: Anyway it's that cheerleader
LEORIO: You know the one
KURAPIKA: Which one
GON: I feel like we've been here before
GON: Anyway ALLUKA, WE'LL BE BY YOUR SCHOOL IN, LIKE, 15 MINUTES
KURAPIKA: Bold of you to assume I can walk that fast
GON: Well where the hell are you?? I'm sitting on your roof
KURAPIKA: I told you to stop doing that
KURAPIKA: There's a goddamn dent from your fat ass
LEORIO: OOOH
ALLUKA: OOOH SHIT!!
GON: UGH my ass isn't fat it's flat
GON: gET YOUR DEPTH PERCEPTION CHECKED
KURAPIKA: 20/20, bitch
ALLUKA: Nice try
LEORIO: Ok I'M HERE
GON: WE SNAGGED ZUSHI
ZUSHI: Yeah, AFTER waking up the entire parking lot by BLARING THE HORN
ZUSHI: I CAN'T HEAR ANYMORE
GON: DETAILS details
ZUSHI: WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?
LEORIO: KURAPIKA!
GON: DAD !!!
ALLUKA: DADDY PIKA
ZUSHI: O DADDY 😭🍆 DADDY P-PIKA
GON: DADDY PIKA 🥵💦
KURAPIKA: I hate all of you
LEORIO: Ok we're enroute now 5 min!
ALLUKA: Okay! I'm just chillin out front
GON: OO THERE SHE IS !! LOOK AT HER !!
GON: CUTIE !!
ALLUKA: 😜✌️
Wednesday, 5:23 PM
GON: How do you get blueberry stains out?
KILLUA: Why are you asking me?
GON: Idk ya just seem like the kind of guy whod know
KILLUA: You've never met me
KILLUA: And use diluted white vinegar and dab it for however long it takes for it to fade out
GON: kk
GON: O my gosh it worked. Like, three minutes in I was like "this is doing nothing but dishearten me"
KILLUA: Yeah it works pretty well
KILLUA: I've done it to get stains out of Alluka's uniform
GON: Yeah she mentioned that but didn't know what you did to it
KILLUA: What a liar
GON: ??
KILLUA: "Oh, you just seem like that type of guy" bullshit
GON: Damn ya caught me
GON: Thank you tho
GON: Have a nice night!
Thursday, 11:58 PM
GON: So I have a question
GON: It pertains to Alluka
GON: My aunt’s got this camping gig planned for this weekend and Alluka said she’s nervous to ask you permission cuz she thinks you’ll say no
GON: So I'm asking instead if she can come with
GON: Killua??
Friday, 3:25 PM
GON: Don't hate me but we're going camping lol 😙✌️
GON: I'll keep you posted
GON: Just kidding I don't have service bYYYE
Today, 12:01 PM
KILLUA: Well
GON: ?? Well what?
KILLUA: Andrea's a dumb bitch
GON: Andrea??
GON: Wait are you already on season 3?
KILLUA: Yeah also thanks for taking Alluka with you guys
KILLUA: We've never been camping before so that was probably good for her
GON: Yeah! But more importantly holy shit??
GON: And?? What'd you think??
KILLUA: Of camping?
GON: NO, ya goof, of The Walking Dead!
KILLUA: Ok 1) Never call me a goof again and 2) It was good
GON: That's it??
KILLUA: What do you want me to say?
GON: Oh, I don’t know “wow, amazing, so cool” would have sufficed more than “it was good”
KILLUA: I dunno apocalypse stuff just doesn’t seem realistic to me
KILLUA: Like, for all of the little faith I have in humanity, I’d like to think we’d tackle a pandemic better
KILLUA: And also? Rick being in a coma for that long? Where the fuck’s his brain injury? What if this is all just some fucked up coma dream?
GON: O shit you're right
KILLUA: Yeah which means he has some SERIOUS deep-seeded doubts about his wife’s fidelity from the get-go
GON: OH SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT
KILLUA: Yeah so all I'm sayin: Rick could NOT have survived brain trauma like THAT from a coma in an apocalypse even if he WAS in the hospital
KILLUA: Anyone who’s unconscious for that long unattended to… Yeah. So that’s my assessment.
GON: I didn’t even think about that…
GON: Yeah that's not realistic at all...
KILLUA: Yeah so anyway it was good. Very entertaining.
GON: Would you keep watching?
KILLUA: I'd say so
GON: Cool
KILLUA: Yeah.
GON: So the frogs?
KILLUA: O shit right the frogs
KILLUA: Where are you hiding them?
GON: You know those train tracks that run through downtown? By those two gas stations?
KILLUA: Yeah
GON: You follow the tracks north and the BIG chonkers are at a pond half a mile down. It’s huge you can’t miss it. There’s a snow mobile track that’s just sort of a walkway now that it’s spring, so it might be a bit muddy
KILLUA: Sweet
GON: Are you actually gonna go?
KILLUA: I dunno
GON: Well tell me if you do!
GON: And if you catch any frogs?
KILLUA: Whatever.