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"I hope you know that you owe me for this Jiho, you owe me BIG," Yoongi scowls at the bottom of the cauldron he’s been scrubbing for the past half hour. It’s coated with a thick layer of slime that he swears looks all too similar to the stuff that fills the gnome eating slug tanks down by the greenhouses, though the recipe on the blackboard would indicate that it should be hippogryff mucus.
Jiho pulls his head out of his fourth cauldron of the day and glares back across the room, “I think you’ll find I owe you jack shit,”
"I wouldn’t be stuck in detention every Saturday till the end of term if it wasn’t for your harebrained friend and his harebrained scheme. You owe me two months’ of Saturdays,”
"Pretty sure Kyung’s as much your friend as," Jiho frowns at himself and backtracks, "Kyung’s your friend too."
Yoongi gives a derisive laugh, “Park Kyung is not my friend,”
"Well you were there of your own free will…"
"I was only there because you said you had something special to show me,"
"Well what did you think I was going to show you in a disused bathroom stall?"
Yoongi looks up from his cauldron long enough to shoot Jiho a suggestive eyebrow wiggle and receives an eye roll for his trouble,
"Yoongi, I promise you that I will never blow you in a school bathroom. Ever."
"Why not? It would be a whole lot easier than sneaking into each others common rooms all the time,"
"We aren’t always sneaking into each others common rooms,”
"You’re right, I’m always sneaking into your common room," Yoongi’s wand fires a jet of frustrated purple sparks at the slime covering the cauldron’s insides and with a sinking heart feels it harden under his gloves, "why is that exactly?"
"Because you’re a Gryffindor and I’m a Slytherin," Jiho sets the cauldron he’s been working on aside with a satisfied smile and moves onto the next. Yoongi scowls,
"I don’t see what that has to do with anything,"
"People come to Slytherins, not Slytherins to people,"
Yoongi blinks at the rubbery mess he’s made, “that doesn’t make any sense,”
"Yeah well neither does your face,"
The cauldron slips under Yoongi’s fingers, he scrambles to keep his hold on it and half a second later the both it and him are on the floor. For a second there is silence, then Jiho’s laughing. Yoongi thinks he sounds like a gargoyle having an asthma attack.
And then he remembers that Jiho really does have asthma and he’s off the floor and half way through the charm that relaxes his bronchi faster then even he was aware he could move.
"STOP!" Jiho weezes before Yoongi can utter the final syllable, "stop, I’m fine, I’m just laughing," he breathes deep, "you’re such an idiot."
Blushing, Yoongi tucks his wand into his sleeve and goes to pick up the cauldron, now lying upside down on the other side of the dungeon classroom. If Jiho brings this up at dinner he’s going to go to make pains to ensure that the entire school knows about his Hello Kitty obsession by nine o’clock tomorrow morning; he reckons the pureblood crowd won’t be best amused by a collection of muggle artefacts cluttering up one of their numbers’ homes.
Then again, Jiho does a lot of things that most purebloods wouldn’t dream of, dating Yoongi for example.
Well they’re not exactly dating, they’re making out and going to Hogsmead together and Yoongi’s sneaking into Jiho’s room on the regular and…
And ok maybe they’re dating, but every time Namjoon brings it up Yoongi denies everything.
If they’re getting right to the bottom of the matter, it’s Namjoon’s fault that Yoongi’s wound up the Potions Department’s slave for the next two months. They’ve been friends since Namjoon crashed into Yoongi in his rush to catch the train on his first day and despite Yoongi’s assumption that clumsiness that powerful (Namjoon managed to break a prefect’s glasses not five minutes after setting foot on the Hogwarts Express) could only land them both in Gryffindor, the younger had been sorted off into Ravenclaw. And whilst that proved more than ideal for Namjoon’s surprising intellect, it did little to win him a decent circle of friends, in Yoongi’s opinion at least.
It is at this point that Park Kyung inserts himself into the story.
Park Kyung is one year Yoongi’s senior, two years’ Namjoons and Jiho’s oldest friend. He’s lecherous, opportunistic and one of the most infuriatingly intelligent people Yoongi has ever met, and if his antics had not brought Jiho into his life there’s no way he would have tolerated him for this long.
"Why is Kyung even in Ravenclaw?" Yoongi asks through gritted teeth as he attempts to wrestle the cauldron upright - it appears to have stuck itself to the floor,
Jiho shrugs, “why is Jung Hoseok in Slytherin?”
"Jiho, if you don’t understand why Hoseok is in Slytherin then you don’t know the first thing about him," Yoongi kicks the cauldron but it doesn’t so anything more exciting that hurt his foot.
"Then might I propose to you, Min Yoongi, that you do not know the first thing about Park Kyung?"
"I don’t want to know the first thing about Park Kyung."
"He’s not actually an arsehole you know.”
"I don’t want to know."
"Then don’t complain when you don’t understand."
Yoongi flops down on top of the unmovable cauldron and wipes sweat off his brow. Jiho mutters something over his wand and just like that, another cauldron is clean.
Oh yeah, magic, Yoongi always forgets about that.
"Just…why was he making drugs on school property anyway?"
"They’re not drugs, they’re hallucinogenic attention enhancers," Jiho sounds all together too pleased with himself, Yoongi snorts,
"They’re fucking drugs, idiot,"
"Well as far as McGonagal’s concerned they’re hallucinogenic attention enhancers, and seeing as that’s the description keeping the pair of us from being expelled I’m going to stick to it."
"Still doesn’t explain why he was making them in the toilet, or why you wanted to go check up on him between classes for that matter, I mean come on Jiho,”
"I had history of magic next, you’d have done the same thing in my situation. You’re just angry because Kyung wasn’t there,"
"He was there,”
Jiho grins and shakes his head, “he who knows the better invisibility spell gets to decide who was and was not there,”
Kyung knows a lot of invisibility spells, and good ones at that. Apparently he, Namjoon and Minwoo practice them once they’re done with the set work during charms, though Flitwick would no doubt be mortified to learn of some of the pranks he’s enabled. Of course, no sooner had Yoongi and Jiho arrived to check up on Kyung’s latest project than a nosy ghost of a teacher past had called upon the help of one of her living counterparts, sentencing them to these ridiculous detentions, and Kyung had only to fall back on one of his trusty old invisibility spells to be removed from all blame.
Snape suspects them, he knows Yoongi doesn’t have it in him to brew such a complex potion and Jiho has only ever been truly gifted as a beater and hex caster but he doesn’t have any proof that it wasn’t them and until he does they have to take Kyung’s punishment.
"Well my fault or not, I’m still gonna want a blowjob after we’ve finished this shit," Yoongi grumbles, testing a few simple unsticking charms on his cauldron,
"Well you’ll have to look elsewhere for one because I am not going to be in a giving mood this evening," Jiho replies.
Yoongi doesn’t hear him. His cauldron is standing upright against the wall with the slime vanquished from it’s interior and he’s too busy whooping with delight to care about anything else.