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He knows that the kids hate him. He can see it in their eyes, in their every move.
More of them are scared of him. He can't blame them. He knows what he represents. Death and imprisonment.
Austin had warned him about it, but Phil had never imagined that it would be this visceral.
There are kids that spit fire and acid to him, and Phil spins their barbed wire into soft blankets that the Capitol can rest on.
There are kids that cower and shake in their chair, and Phil builds castles out of their ruins so the Capitol can live in them.
There are kids who go deadly quiet and seem to be no more than ghosts, and Phil helps them become demons or angels that the Capitol can worship.
There are kids who were vibrant and louder than life, and Phil makes them become subdued and fits them to the mold that the Capitol wants to see.
He doesn't know if they hate him or what he represents. To the kids, it's one and the same. The line has started to blur a little bit for him too.
He sends kids to their deaths each year and then has to smile like it doesn't bother him.
Sometimes he really fucking hates himself for it. Not in a way that can be played down or ignored away, but in a way that remains crucial to the very core of his being.
But Philza is not self-deprecating. Philza is proud and boastful and speaks with a blood-covered tongue.
But Phil stands in front of the mirror and sobs as he looks at himself. Phil sits in the kitchen with Wilbur at 2 a.m. and goes as mute as an Avox.
Wilbur was terrified of Phil at first, but now is akin to Phil's son.
When he started presenting, he had asked Austin for tips. "You have to care about the kids. All of the Capitol schmoo's will tell you to not connect." Austin shook his head at that. "Fuck that. You can't do your job if you don't care about the kids."
Phil still talks to Austin sometimes. That piece of advice is what Phil now lives his life by.
Phil is okay with being hated. If he's the villain, then the Capitol isn't and they stay safe.
So he lets Schlatt hate him. He doesn't force the boy to interact with him. He doesn't try to convince Schlatt that he is a good person.
He remains quiet and muted around the boy and only turns on his persona when the camera is rolling. He doesn't let himself be a person around Schlatt. He doesn't think that the boy would be able to handle it.
Phil is the most loved Victor and the most hated. He is okay with this.
He has to be.