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They stare at each other with such intensity Dean feels a hole in the back of his head. The End had Came and Went, the world still standing and them standing in it, in the midst of death and decay but they’re alive. Cas’ blue eyes bore into Dean’s green ones and every emotion Dean has ever felt towards the angel comes rushing up, he almost--
He clinches his fist. He can’t, even now. Not after they lived and survived--he can’t lose Cas because he couldn’t keep his feelings to himself.
“Cas?” He croaks, wincing at the sound of his voice laced with exhaustion and fatigue. Cas looks so beautiful covered in the stink of the End.
The angel hesitates, then walks forward with intent and stands inches from Dean, eyes focused on his. “Dean.” He says, with certainty and relief.
He pulls Dean into a hug, clutching Dean’s jacket like his life depended on it. Dean froze, unfamiliar with the feel of Cas so close to him, holding him. He brought his arms up with a small smile. “Cas.”
“Dean? Cas?” He hears Sam call. They quickly separate, hands at their sides. “Over here!”
Sam’s battered and beaten body shows itself as he climbs the hill they were on, Dean reaching to help him as he gets over. “We did it,” He breathed out. Dean and Cas looked at each other.
“We sure did.”
--
They get back to the bunker, treat their wounds, and share a glass of whiskey. Jack, weary after the battle, fell asleep as soon as his head the pillow. Castiel watched him as he slept, an overwhelming sense of relief and pride washing over him as he watched him. Jack had only been alive for two years, and yet the complexity of his character already surprised Castiel. He defeated Chuck despite the odds, and although Cas feared for his safety, he knew Jack would be the only one able to defeat him. Cas brushed Jack’s hair out of his face before leaving his room, allowing him to rest.
--
Dean ushered Sam to bed after cleaning his wounds as best as he could. Sam got thrown around the most in battle, and had the most severe wounds. Sam passed out before he even hit the pillow, allowing Dean to breathe a sigh of relief. He stared at his brother as he slept for a while, wondering where he would be if he had stayed at Stanford. He hated seeing his brother hurt, but it was over now, they were free. He smiled at the thought, and left the room.
He ran into Castiel on his way out, bumping into him as he was lost in thought.
“Shit!” He stepped back.
“Apologies, Dean.”
“It’s nothing.”
They stood there in silence. What the hell was he supposed to say? Thanks for being there, buddy? I’ve been in love with you for years? Sorry for never being there when you needed me? There was so much Dean had to apologize for, so much they haven’t talked about that hung on the tip of his tongue. But how do you tell someone you love 'I'm sorry I'm not enough'?
It took Dean a long time to realize he was in love with Cas, and even longer to accept he could feel that way towards an angel in a man’s body. It was always different with Cas, it wasn’t like how he felt with Sam, or how he felt with Charlie. It was more, more than Dean had ever felt in his life. But Dean knew he would never get what he longed for, that he didn’t deserve what he wanted. He was nothing but poison, and has been nothing but thorn in the Cas’ side. But he was in love, and it would kill him to lose Cas. He couldn’t keep it to himself anymore.
“Dean--”
“Cas--”
An awkward silence came over them. “Cas,” Dean started slowly. “I know there’s way too much I need to apologize for to fit into words, and that I’ve hurt you more times that I ever should, but I...I just...I’m sorry. I know that it’s not enough, that no matter what I do it won’t ever be enough, but I really do need you, Cas. Not only that but I...I want you to stay. I know I'm not enough, I can never be enough for you, and you deserve better than a poison like me, but...I can’t...especially after today--” He was cut off by Castiel’s lips on his own, every word he was about to say evaporates out of his brain and he stood, blankly, shocked at the feeling of the soft but chapped lips of the angel on his.
Castiel broke away, leaving Dean frozen in place. “There’s a lot we both need to answer for, Dean. You forget I've made mistakes also. But what I’ve realized with my time here on Earth and at the start of the End is that I have to come to terms with my mistakes, acknowledge that I made them and that the guilt will never go away. But I feel strongly for you, strongly enough that I ignore the feelings of worthlessness that surround me and accept my feelings for you. I’m not sure what to call it yet, but I know it’s something, something too large to be contained and subdued. I am still trying to figure that out, but in the meantime, I know that I belong here, with you and Sam and Jack. Here is my home now, and I want it to stay that way.”
Dean grasped Cas’ shoulders and pulled him into a kiss. He tasted like blood and dirt and whiskey, and it was the best kiss of Dean’s life, the whirlwind of emotion and longing tumbling out of him as he kissed Cas. Castiel grabbed his face and pulled him into a deeper kiss, and after years of repressed feelings and hurt, nothing had ever felt more right.