Work Text:
Steve checked and rechecked his spreadsheets again. There was a definite pattern to the recent attacks from Justin Hammer and Madame Masque.
“What are you frowning at, Cap?” Tony asked. He put down the plate of warmed up pizza in front of Steve.
“Work,” Steve admitted.
“Hey, what did we agree on?” Tony asked as he fished the tablet out of Steve’s hands. “No work on date night.”
“We’re on monitor duty.”
“Were you going to tell Ororo that she couldn’t go out with Thor when he’s suddenly in town?”
Steve snorted as he turned the television on. “What do you want to watch?”
“I don’t know. What’s on?”
“Everything,” Steve replied.
“Hmmm, got to narrow it down.”
Tony found some ridiculous robot movie or something. Steve wasn’t following all that closely. Because Tony had curled up against him. Steve put his arm around Tony’s shoulders and he could caress a spot on Tony’s neck that always got Tony riled up in just the right way.
Good thing they didn’t have plans in the morning because Steve had plans tonight for Tony.
~~~~~
Two days later, Steve was smashing drones in Danbury, Connecticut, not far from Baintronics headquarters.
“Huh, I didn’t know that Baintronics owned a mecha,” Tony said. “Last annual report never mentioned it.”
“You read the reports?” Jan asked. She punched the mecha, which swung right back.
“Got to know what going on with the competition,” he replied.
Ororo summoned up a thunderstorm to drown the mecha and the pesky drones. “Why are they attacking? That’s what I want to know.”
“Does it matter?” Wolverine asked as he skied down the back of the mecha.
“What I want to know is why the drones are after Cap,” Peter said as he attempted to web up one of the mecha’s arms.
“Or why all of Tony’s exes are suddenly attacking us?” Jan added.
“Wait -- what?” both Steve and Tony asked.
“Oh, I thought it was obvious,” Jan explained. “Justin, Whitney, the Sentient Armor last week --”
Tony interrupted, “I did not date my armor.”
“Now Baintronics.”
“Wrap it up, team,” Steve ordered.
He had a weird feeling about this. The Avengers had fought giant mind-controlled squid, a love-sick planet, tiny alien invasions, that strange cult. But if Jan was right and they were fighting Tony’s ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, Steve didn’t know what to think about that.
~~~~~
During the team debrief, Bruce went through all the recent fights. “As Jan observed, all our recent fights have been with the supervillain identities or entities associated with Tony’s past relationship partners. The focus of the attacks seem to be on Cap, though that is more an interpretation of the video review and team perceptions than backed by actual data.”
“Right, so the swarm of drones going right after Cap was all in our imagination,” Peter said.
“How about Madame Masque throwing all those grenades right at Cap?” Jan asked.
“I know, I know,” Bruce replied, throwing up his hands. “I said data, right.”
“Now that we know the pattern, who’s next and when do they attack?” Steve asked.
“Ty Stone,” Tony replied promptly. “He’s next.”
“Let’s go punch him into the Stone Age before he attacks,” Logan suggested.
“We can’t do that,” Ororo pointed out.
“Would free up Thursday afternoon,” Logan muttered.
“How will Stone attack us?” Steve asked Tony.
“I -- I don’t know. He’s a big-time media guy and really got into virtual reality recently.” Tony looked up at the ceiling and tapped the table. “Maybe he’ll kidnap us and strap the team into a reality machine. I don’t know.”
Steve felt annoyed. He didn’t like the idea of hanging around and waiting to be attacked. There was a slim chance that Stone wouldn’t do anything and he hadn’t yet. So they had to wait. “Be on alert and call the team if there’s an attack. Team dismissed.
“Still a toss-up if it’s better to be an Avenger or work with Chuck,” Logan muttered to Ororo as they filed out of the conference room.
Tony lingered behind. “Steve, I didn’t -- I hope --”
“What?” Steve asked confusedly.
“You know, I don’t want you, you know, to dump me because my exes are trying to kill you or something.”
“Why would I do that?”
Sighing, Tony drew a pattern on the table. “Because --”
Steve put his hands on Tony’s shoulders. “If you think that for one minute that I would break up with you because you dated crazy people and because of that, you are somehow at fault for these attacks and that you are broken, you have got that wrong, mister.” He took his glove off to run a hand through Tony’s hair and to feel his warm face as he lifted Tony’s chin to kiss him. “I love you.”
“Steve, I’m going to make this up to you --”
“Oh? You have ideas?” Steve asked, shooting Tony what he hoped was a seductive look.
“Hmmm, I’d like to show you some etchings up in my room.”
“Tony, that was an old line when I was a kid in the 30s.”
“Doesn’t matter if it works.”
Two hours later when they were laying on Tony’s bed, arms and legs entangled and Steve wasn’t sure when he was going to be able to walk again, Tony said, “For the record, that line about the etchings worked.”
“Sure did,” Steve agreed.
~~~~~
It was Thursday afternoon and Steve blinked a few times until he woke up fully. He sighed. Of course, he was strapped to a gurney with a weird blond guy looming about him spouting off about VR machines, the future, and Tony. He could tell that they were in a warehouse, based on the echoing in the room.
Usually Steve was patient with this sort of stuff. He’d listen to the supervillain while working to break out of his bounds and delay as much as he could until the team arrived to spring him free. But he had plans with Tony for dinner and a show. Steve had been looking forward to the Anything Goes revival for a long time.
“How long is this going to take?” Steve asked. “I’m sorry -- I didn’t catch the name.”
The blond looked shocked. “I’m Ty Stone, the love of Tony’s life.”
Steve felt silly. He should have guessed. “Tony seems to have a different opinion on that.”
Ty went straight to the screeching part of the kidnapping and torture event. “You are wrong. I will show you -- in this machine, you will see that --”
Steve wiggled his fingers and wrists to test the zip ties while Ty ranted on and on. He wondered if Tony could get a refund on the show tickets. Guess it served them right to make plans when the team knew that they could be attacked at any time.
“You will pay for stealing Tony away from me, Captain America. You will pay. I was the mastermind behind all of it, getting Tony’s exes to attack you and get their hands dirty. But they were all losers like I thought they were.”
Ty lifted the googles for the VR machine. “Now my revenge --”
“Shut up, Ty!” Tony said as the team broke through the warehouse door. “We are never ever going to get back together. Avengers assemble!”
The fight was fast and chaotic with the team breaking all the machines and Ty fighting back with a laser machine. Steve couldn’t really tell because Tony hovered over him, carefully cutting the zip ties to free him. “It’s going to be okay,” Tony reassured him.
“Will we make dinner?”
“It’s like 2 o’clock or something, we’re good,” Tony replied.
Once free, Steve sat up on the gurney, rubbing his wrists that smarted a bit from the zip ties. The fight was over. Peter had webbed up a fuming Ty Stone and Logan and Hulk were breaking the last VR machine into bits.
“Thank you,” Steve said to the team. “It should be over now.”
“Good,” Jan said. “This was ridiculous.”
Then Batroc ran through the warehouse doors and announced, “Prepare to fight to the death for mon capitaine, Iron Man!”
Tony snapped “Is this a thing now? Is everyone doing this?”
Perplexed, Batroc stopped. “Is this a bad time?”
“Yes, Tony and I have dinner reservations at Le Bernardin,” Steve explained.
“And considering Mid-town traffic at rush hour --” Peter added.
“Mon ami, then I must apologize and plan to attack later,” Batroc apologized. “I wouldn’t deny you the joys of such a wonderful restaurant.”
“Thanks,” Tony replied. “Let’s get going, Cap.”
Back in the tower, as they rushed around getting ready to go out, Steve caught Tony in the closet. He kissed his boyfriend on the forehead. “I love you.”
“Great, Steve, I have to get to that tie rack.”
“After the show, I’m going to show you how much I love you.”
Tony actually blushed. “You don’t have to do that -- I mean, you absolutely should. But you don’t have to prove that you’re my best and forever special someone because my exes went a little crazy.”
Steve stepped out of the way so that Tony could get a tie. “I know. But can’t a guy show his best guy that he loves him?”
Tony kissed the tip of Steve’s nose. “Anytime you want, Steve, anytime you want. Except not now, we have dinner reservations.”